


Little Rays Of Sunshine

by mrsfelfoy



Series: I Open At The Close [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Christmas, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Parent Draco Malfoy, Parent Harry Potter, Post-Divorce, Post-War, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-09-26 13:22:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 91,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17142518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsfelfoy/pseuds/mrsfelfoy
Summary: *Sequel to I Open At The Close*Draco is adjusting to life after the poisoning which robbed him of his magic. Between his anxiety, Teddy leaving for his first year at Hogwarts, and moving back in with Harry, it hasn't been an easy transition. Luckily for Draco, working at the magical orphanage Harry recently opened has been keeping him occupied while he learns to practice magic again.For the first time in a while, it seems like things are finally going well for Draco. He should know, however, that life with children is about as unpredictable as can be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on tumblr: [@mrsfelfoy](https://mrsfelfoy.tumblr.com)

‘Well, although there seems to be little progress, there are also no signs of regression, so I think we can call that a win, Mr Malfoy,’ the creepy mediwitch said as she finished probing Draco for what felt like the hundredth time.

‘Mr Potter,’ he found himself correcting automatically. He didn’t really care, but she’d had her face within an inch of his own for the past fifteen minutes and she had the direst case of halitosis Draco had ever had the misfortune of encountering.

‘My apologies, Mr Potter. I’m going to need to adjust your dosages slightly; you need less Vitamix and more Regeneration…’ she trailed off as she began checking off various different factors she was supposed to monitor during his appointments. He had almost zoned out when he realised what she’d said.

‘Regeneration Potion?! As in, that awful dark magic concoction supposedly used to bring Voldemort back from the beyond?’ She sucked in a sharp breath when he called The Dark Lord by his still-fake name. It had taken him ages to be able to say it himself, but he had done it. As he’d once read in a book way back when, “fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.”

‘You should be taking more care keeping on top of this Mr Malfoy,’ he gritted his teeth when she said the wrong name yet again, ‘you’ve been on Regeneration for well over a month now.’ His stomach churned uncomfortably as she peered at him over the cat-eye style reading glasses she wore.

‘But that’s supposed to be used for people whose consciousness has been separated from their bodies. That’s not what happened to me at all,’ he protested. She stepped away from the bed he was laying on, finally giving him space to sit up. She was giving him a curious look, as if she didn’t understand why it was such a big deal.

‘If you know of any better solutions, feel free to make a suggestion,’ she said contritely, her lips pursed. She looked unusually McGonagall-like. He nodded defeatedly and swung his legs over the side of the bed, wanting to leave as soon as possible. He refused to let Harry come to these check-ups since he hadn’t yet managed to control his over-bearing worry, but that didn’t mean Draco was all that comfortable going alone either.

‘You have an appointment with the magical therapist soon to see how your magic is coming along. As far as your magical core is concerned, it’s still stable but remains weak. I do hope you’ve been taking it easy…’ Draco zoned out once again as she gave him the usual spiel. Every appointment had been exactly the same since he’d been released after the poisoning which nearly killed him.

‘Thank you,’ he said absently as he took the new prescription from the mediwitch. He needed to get out of there quickly. He didn’t wait for the mediwitch to say anything else, choosing instead to stride out of the room with purpose and slamming the door behind him. He really wasn’t in the mood.

He didn’t really know what to do with himself – a common theme since the incident as it had become known. Harry had gone back to work three weeks after he’d brought Draco home, when his condition had stabilised. It had bizarrely been easier for Draco not having him around all hours of the day. Moving back into the house was a big deal and he’d needed some time to settle whilst also coming to grips with his condition. He hated calling it that, but he hadn’t been able to come up with a better term. Lifestyle, maybe? That seemed a bit too permanent. He refused to believe it was permanent.

He wasn’t allowed to brew anymore. Not because it required magic as such, at the end of the day it was still very much similar to muggle cooking. However, should anything go wrong, his inability to use magic would become as issue quite quickly. Whilst he would usually be far too stubborn to admit defeat, he could well imagine it wouldn’t bode well for his relationship with Harry if he endured yet another near-death experience.

The problem was, Draco was restless. It was mid-December now and very little had changed regarding Draco’s health. He couldn’t be on his feet for great lengths of time, he couldn’t do anything strenuous and he certainly couldn’t do any magic. The height of irony was that his pureblood status made his condition worse, since his magical genetics meant his body didn’t know how to function properly without the addition of magic running through his veins. He could almost laugh at what his father might have said if he had been around, but the truth was it was a lot harder for Draco than he was willing to tell anyone.

He’d been seeing a mind healer too. The Vitamix dosage he was on was so high that he was unable to take his anti-anxiety potion and since he couldn’t brew either, he was unable to come up with an alternative remedy which would make the combination safe.

His mind healer had recommended he write a journal. He said it would help Draco “process the changes in his life” and give himself some” perspective on the events which led him here”. Draco understood the theory, it was just that he felt a bit of a wally writing in a journal, even though Harry had bought him a beautiful dark leather book with the crispest white pages. He’d even invested in a muggle fountain pen and Draco had to admit it made quills look quite antiquated.

Still, he was finding it difficult to adjust to life without a purpose. That sounded a lot more dismal than he really meant it, but he hadn’t appreciated the significance of waking up every morning with a job to do.

That’s why he’d started volunteering at the orphanage.

Harry had done a beautiful job with the manor he’d bought at that auction. Draco had been hesitant at first, since he’d expected it to be just like Malfoy Manor. However, Harry deliberately had experienced interior designers team up with child psychologists to made the rooms as open and cheery as possible without being too false. The children loved it.

It was difficult for Draco to get to the orphanage since he could no longer apparate. It was located a few miles out of the city and many of the muggle taxi drivers refused to take fayres that far since it was out of their jurisdiction. It had taken a long time to get a floo installation approved and even then, it didn’t always work as it should. Today was one of Draco’s stronger days so he decided to risk the undulations of floo travel.

He stepped into the main floo and stated as clearly as he could, Emine Orphanage.

It was Luna who had named the place, much to Draco’s surprise. Emine was supposedly a name of Turkish origin which Luna said meant “one who is fearless and courageous”. A few years ago, Draco would have curled his lip in disgust at such a Gryffindorian idea, but he supposed it was incredibly brave of the children to move to an orphanage and find their way. Particularly those old enough to remember their parents and the happenings which brought them to the orphanage.

‘Good morning, Draco! It’s lovely to see you again!’ Helen greeted him with a warm smile. It had taken him longer than he’d care to admit to stop calling her Leggy-Blonde, but he’d gotten to know her a little since he’d returned from France and she was a lovely woman. He was less than impressed when Harry had said she was going to run the place, but who was he to keep a woman of her level of accomplishment away from needy children?

‘Morning, Helen. I do hope you’re well.’ He hadn’t been to the orphanage for a week or so, having had a bad turn which drained him more than usual.

‘I’m very well thank you. Harry said you weren’t feeling well yourself?’ Draco nodded. Harry hadn’t told her the nature of Draco’s illness as they referred to it around here and it worked quite nicely since many of the kids assumed that Draco was among the muggle staff who worked here.

‘Nothing to worry about,’ he said casually. ‘Have I missed anything?’ Helen smiled and pulled her long blonde hair over her shoulder. It was much more of a honey blonde than Draco’s own, but whenever he took a minute to look at her appearance, a wave of insecurity washed over him.

‘Little Ella has asked for you every single day.’ Draco’s heart swelled. Ella had been the very first resident in the orphanage, Harry had told him. He’d met the little girl the first time Harry had brought him here and they’d built a strong connection. She was a little ray of sunshine and it made it much easier for Draco to deal with missing Teddy when she was around. Not that anyone could ever compare to his little wolf of course.

‘I wouldn’t expect anything less,’ he said cheekily as he strode off towards the library where he knew he would find Ella. She was only five, but she was desperately trying to teach herself to read. She reminded him a lot of Hermione. Or at least, how he imagined Hermione might have been at that age, since of course he hadn’t known her then.

It took him a while to get to the library since it was two floors up from the floo and there had been a delay getting the lifts installed after the surveyor had found the shafts structurally unstable. Draco didn’t have much physical strength anymore and by the time he reached the top of the second staircase he was panting for breath. He ignored the swoop of self-pity his stomach gave.

He found Ella sitting on a bright blue beanbag in the corner of the library, her nose buried in a historical fiction novel about a lady in waiting to Queen Elizabeth I. He couldn’t fault her taste, although he doubted she understood half of what she was reading.

‘Did someone order a professional book reader?’ He teased when she didn’t notice him enter. As he approached, he noticed her chocolate brown curls were getting so long she was nearly sitting on them. He knew exactly what he would get her for Christmas. With permission of course.

Her head shot up from the book when she heard his voice and she smiled so big he thought her face might crack in two. The gap between her front teeth making his heart melt just a little.

‘DRACO!’ She yelled with a lung capacity completely disproportionate to her small size. She launched herself at him and although he caught her expertly, she knocked the air he’d only just recovered right out of his chest.

‘Oof,’ he huffed as her little body slammed into him. He felt her tense in his arms and for a second, he was worried she’d hurt herself. She held herself far enough away from him to look at him with her wide blue eyes.

‘I’m sorry! I forgot!’ She said, obviously referring to the fact he was poorly, as she always called him.

‘That’s ok,’ he wheezed slightly. ‘Did you miss me?’ She nodded vigorously.

‘More than anything in the whole world!’ She said before burying her face in his neck. If Draco were a softer person, he may well have found tears welling up in his eyes, but he wasn’t like that, not at all.

‘I missed you too sweetheart,’ He said gently, hugging her back with slightly less ferocity. It was nice to feel so important. Especially to someone so young and dependent who trusted Draco like he could do no wrong. Someone who knew nothing at all about his past.

‘So, tell me about what you’ve been doing while I’ve been away.’ He planted a kiss on the back of her head and set her down gently.

She beamed up at him and grabbed his hand to pull him over to her beanbag. He sat down on the floor figuring there wouldn’t be a beanbag suitable for an adult. She began telling him all about what she’d been learning at muggle primary school – Harry had been adamant that every child who passed through the orphanage got at least some muggle education before they went to Hogwarts.

Ella was very excited to go to school, but she was so clever she hadn’t been learning very much. She was waiting for the other kids to catch up. In the meantime, Draco had been reading with her as much as he could to keep her intellectually stimulated. She was coming along very well, he was sure her reading age was at least double her actual age.

‘I don’t like this man.’ She said abruptly and pointed at a name in the book she’d been reading when he came in. He couldn’t read it upside down, but she didn’t seem to realise that.

‘Why not?’ He asked her. He’d found she always had something to say about the books she read, even if they were just simple kiddie stories.

‘Grace is trying to solve the murder and this man won’t let her because she’s a girl. He’s mean.’ He grinned and her when her little brows furrowed, and her lips pursed. It was one of the cutest things he’d ever seen.

‘Why is he mean?’ She stopped her foot angrily and he was glad he was yet to witness her throw a tantrum.

‘He can’t tell her she can’t do it just because she’s a girl!’ She said like Draco was stupid. He couldn’t help it, he tipped his head back and laughed loudly.

‘Of course he can’t, but he’s also from a long time ago when clever little girls like you weren’t nearly as big and strong.’ He wasn’t really equipped to deal with this, he still felt out of his depth with Teddy, but he was immensely proud of her intuition. He should introduce her to Hermione, they’d get along like a house on fire.

‘What’s going on in here?’ Draco turned back to the doorway to find Harry’s head peeking into the room. Draco’s chest gave an odd flutter and he kicked himself internally for being such a Hufflepuff. They’d been married for heaven’s sake, he wasn’t a lovesick puppy.

At Draco’s involuntary smile, Harry stepped into the room properly and strode over to them.

‘Ella, I know you’ve missed him, but would you mind if I borrowed Draco for a few minutes?” He asked her politely. Draco always thought it was cute the way Harry spoke to kids almost the same way he would speak to adults, he always managed to make them feel important. Ella pursed her lips again.

‘Is Draco still poorly?’ She asked Harry. Draco looked to him, interested to hear what he would say.

‘He is a bit, but don’t worry, that’s not why I want to talk to him. I also think a certain someone should be doing their homework,’ Harry said pointedly. Draco stifled a laugh when Ella huffed dramatically.

‘You’re so boring. Draco never makes me do homework.’ Oh dear, Draco might have spent a little too much time with her recently.

‘Draco doesn’t have to speak to your teachers when you’ve been naughty, does he?’ Harry gave her his best don’t mess with me look which had terrified Teddy until last year. Ella was unsurprisingly less moved, but she did as she was told and put her book back on the shelf.

She wandered back over to Draco and planted a wet kiss on his cheek and wandered out of the room. Not before sticking her tongue out behind Harry’s back.

When she was gone, Harry dissolved into laughter.

‘I can’t believe you ended up being good cop. How did that happen?’ He wheezed, shaking his head. Draco grinned but couldn’t really muster a proper laugh.

‘It was bound to happen eventually,’ Harry’s laughter died out and his face took on a serious impression. Draco waited for the inevitable.

‘How did it go?’ There it was. A surge of annoyance made Draco’s skin prickle uncomfortably even though he knew it was unfair. Harry cared about him, that’s what he had to keep telling himself. Hospital days were the worst for them, since most of the time Draco had nothing new to report. He understood that Harry was concerned, but it was disheartening enough for Draco to hear he was no better, it didn’t help that he had to relive the appointment every time when Harry asked him how it went.

He supposed it was his own bloody fault for not allowing him to go with him.

‘The same as always,’ he said quietly. Harry sighed. He sat down on the floor next to Draco and pulled him into a one-armed hug that Draco really didn’t want. He didn’t want sympathy, he wanted to not have to think about it for even an hour. It seemed like everything reminded him of what had happened. There wasn’t a single aspect of his life unaffected by his lack of magic.

‘It’ll get better.’ That’s what Harry always said. Draco tried very hard to keep believing him.

‘Actually, I think I should head home. I have some stuff to do.’ He pulled away from Harry and stood up carefully.

‘Oh. But you just got here?’ Draco didn’t have to look to know he’d upset Harry, but it wasn’t like this was easy for him.

‘It wouldn’t do to distract Ella from her homework,’ he said stiffly. That was a lie, she’s five her homework probably involved learning the alphabet or learning how to count. What did they even teach at muggle school anyway?

‘Uh, alright then. I’ll, uh, see you at home.’ Draco winced as Harry fumbled over his words. He used to berate him for doing that, way back before they’d realised they didn’t hate each other. He’d come to learn that he only did it when he was upset or nervous.

‘See you at home.’ He doubted Harry had heard him since he’d already started walking away, but he needed space. He didn’t know why, but that morning when he’d woken up, he’d actually thought he might’ve had some good news.

Taking two floo trips in one day on top of the stairs had Draco clutching the mantelpiece when he stepped into the house. The warm tones of the living room which glowed in the summer sun looked insipid in the pale winter sky. Draco wasn’t having that, if he let his life become physically dull, who knew what mess his head would get into.

With hindsight, it was a stupid thing to do when he was tired. Even worse when he was home alone, but Teddy was coming home soon, and Draco wouldn’t have him come back to a bland house. He went out to the shed in the garden and pulled out a set of step ladders. They’d had a loft conversion done six months after they’d moved into the house but had never gotten around to installing a sturdy ladder up.

Getting the ladder into the house and up the stairs was trouble enough, so once he’d made it up the last step, he went to take a dose of Vitamix to restore his energy. The warmth that spread through his system as the potion took effect nearly made him giggle, but he checked himself.

He went up into the loft and searched around for a familiar looking red box which housed all of their Christmas decorations. He was surprised to find it in a far corner, covered in a thick layer of dust. It was odd, because every year Draco cast protective spells over it whenever the decorations had been taken down again to make sure it didn’t get damaged by dust mites and the like. He’d always studiously avoided the house around Christmas time following the divorce, not wanting to be reminded of the festive cheer he wouldn’t be part of.

Harry had never asked him over for Christmas during their time apart. Draco couldn’t exactly blame him, but he didn’t know if Harry knew he’d spent the last three Christmases alone. Well, he’d gone to Hermione’s on Christmas Eve, but he couldn’t stay there and encroach on them, and the Weasleys always spent Christmas Day together – Harry and Teddy included.

Still, did that mean Harry hadn’t used these decorations since the last time Draco had cast the spell? That would be silly, he bet the idiot forgotten to cast it despite always watching Draco do it.

Luckily for Draco, the featherlight charm on the box was still in place, so getting it down the ladder was more of a spatial problem than a weighty one. By the time he got to the bottom he couldn’t be bothered to take the ladder back out to the shed, so he pushed it to one side and decided to ask Harry to do it later.

It wasn’t until he’d brought the box into the living room that he realised the whole endeavour had been a waste of time. The decorations were stored under a shrinking charm so that they’d take up less storage space and since Draco couldn’t practice magic, he had no way of actually putting them up. He considered going to buy a tree, but that would involve more floo travel and he wasn’t sure he was up for that either.

He was just about to cry with frustration when a tapping on the window caught his attention. He strode over to where Eltanin was excitedly scratching at the glass. Draco let him in and Eltanin swooped around the room before landing on Draco’s shoulder. He pulled two letters from his leg – one addressed to Harry and one addressed to himself. He smirked in amusement. They hadn’t told Teddy about Draco’s moving back in, since there would be an awful lot of information to tell him via owl and they didn’t want to distract from his studies.

He dropped Harry’s letter on the kitchen table and fished around for some treats to give Eltanin, who eagerly accepted them. He was more than curious to know whether Teddy told the two of them the same things, but he respected Harry’s privacy. He thought it was a good thing that they had slightly different relationships with him – hopefully that meant that if there were anything Teddy wouldn’t tell Harry, he might still tell Draco.

He slipped a finger under the Hogwarts seal and began reading.

_Hi Draco!_

_I’m super excited for Christmas. Did you talk to Dad about Christmas? I spent Christmas with him last year so that makes it your turn? The castle is decorated with SO many cool things, maybe we could try them too? Do you know how to do all those charms? Of course you do, you know everything._

_My friend Conor asked me if I’d visit him over the holidays, but I said I wasn’t sure about that. I like him, but sometimes he makes me feel a bit stupid. He’s very clever, like Aunt Hermione. Maybe you could pretend you don’t want me to go? I know that’s lying, but I don’t want to upset him. Anyway, I’ll be really busy seeing everyone. Apparently most of the kids in my year don’t have as much family as me. I’m lucky._

_I’ve been working really hard at flying lessons, but I don’t think Madam Hooch likes me very much. I once turned my eyes yellow like hers to make Anna laugh and she caught me doing it. She didn’t take away any house points, but she wasn’t so nice after that. I don’t mind, I’m not very good at flying._

_Herbology is the best! Neville said he’d show me some of the plants we have in our garden now that I know what some of them are. That’s ok isn’t it? He said he’d like to see you and to give everyone his love. I’ve even managed to call him Professor Longbottom all year! It still sounds weird though._

_I love you,_   
_Teddy._

_PS, would you please look for my Weasley jumper? I’m wearing last year’s because I couldn’t find it. I think I left it at your flat. Thank you!_

Draco smiled, his day brightened immensely by Teddy’s enthusiasm. He stroked Eltanin’s head lightly as he folded the letter back up one-handed and watch as he flew off, probably to hunt. Deciding that getting Teddy a broom for Christmas probably wasn’t a good idea, he went back upstairs to the study to pen a response.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Harry returned that evening, Draco was in a state. He wasn’t able to put up the Christmas decorations because of the charms, he wasn’t able to leave the house again because it was one of his bad days and he’d already used the floo, and he’d accidentally sliced through his palm and couldn’t heal it. He’d retreated to the summerhouse to write in the sodding journal his mind healer wanted him to write. It was tricky because he’d done his best to bandage up his bleeding hand, but it meant he couldn’t hold the book open to write properly. 

‘There you are!’ He jumped when Harry opened the door to the summer house. ‘You shouldn’t be in here love, your circulation…’

‘It’s fine Harry.’ Draco said shortly. He’d brought the thickest blanket he could find in here with him – a deep grey cable knitted thing Hermione had bought him a couple of years ago. Of course, if he could cast warming charms…

‘Look, I know you hate those appointments, but do you have to take it out on me? I’m just concerned.’ Draco looked up from his journal and immediately felt guilty when he saw the lost expression on his face.

‘You’re right. I’m sorry, it’s just frustrating. Every time I go, they say the same thing even though I do everything they tell me and then I came home, and I thought I’d make the house look nice for when Ted comes home, and I can’t even do that because I put the decorations under a shrinking charm and-’ 

‘Hey, hey, breathe. You have to take it one step at a time.’ Draco huffed, but moved over so that Harry could sit next to him on the sofa. He pulled his blanket over Harry’s legs even though Harry was pretty much never cold. Harry gave him a gentle smile and he told himself to relax.

‘No one said it was going to be easy, you know. You can’t expect everything to go right back to normal just because you take the potions they tell you to.’ Harry looked down, fiddling with the edge of the blanket. He’d always had trouble looking at people when he was talking about how he felt. ‘We’re lucky to have you at all Draco, I just want to make sure it stays that way.’

Draco curled into Harry’s side feeling overwhelmingly guilty for being irritated with him. After all, communication had been one of the main reasons they’d ended up getting divorced, they shouldn’t be falling back into those bad habits now.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said quietly. He hoped Harry heard him, but his voice was muffled against his arm. Harry pulled it free so he could wrap it around Draco, and he felt warmer than he had the whole time he’d been in here.

‘Don’t be sorry. We’ll get through it.’ He felt heavy in Harry’s arms, but he didn’t want to fall asleep, there were things he wanted to say, things he wanted to do. He’d barely done a thing all day, he didn’t have the right to be tired. 

Just as he was about to fall asleep, he was jolted awake by Harry grabbing his bandaged hand. He didn’t say anything as he unravelled the gauze and revealed the inch-long slash across his palm. He pulled his wand out even though he didn’t really need it, and Draco watched as the skin knitted back together.

‘Thank you,’ he said quietly, running his thumb across the spot where the cut had been. It wasn’t a big deal, it was just a scratch really, but it mattered. It mattered that Harry was there to do it for him, it mattered that Harry noticed. Draco couldn’t say why it affected him as much as it did.

‘Stop thinking so hard,’ Harry said with a small nudge. His hand felt hot against Draco’s hip and it was the sort of comfort he hadn’t even known he needed. ‘Sleep, you’ll feel better.’ It was nearly impossible to fight the tiredness and Draco’s eyes fell closed.

When he woke up, Harry was gone. He wasn’t surprised, it wasn’t as if he slept an appropriate length of time for an adult his age – his body needed a lot more rest these days. He trudged back into the house, his head heavy and woolly, and went in search for Harry. Downstairs was dark and desolate which was unusual since he’d normally find him cooking at this time. He noticed the decorations he’d brought down from the loft earlier were unpacked from their charms but remained throw haphazardly on the floor. He went upstairs but it was silent. He walked across the landing to the far end of the house where Harry’s study was. They’d had a few arguments over how much time Harry spent in there. He was terrible at leaving his work at the orphanage behind despite the staff he employed.

‘Harry?’ He knocked on the door forcefully. Sometimes the warding around the room made it impossible to hear someone on the outside, but Draco still felt it important to knock before he entered. He always had. There was no reply, but he’d expected as much.

He pushed the door open slowly and was surprised to find that this room was as dark as any other. The only light slipping in came through a gap in the curtains, casting a patchwork of moonlight across the hardwood floor. Harry’s study was the one part of the house Draco had had no input in designing. It was hard to see the contents of the room by moonlight, but he knew and remembered with fondness that Harry had covered the far wall with hundreds of photographs of Draco, Teddy and himself in a random combination of wizard and muggle shots. Mostly taken by Draco who had taken up photography some years ago. 

That wasn’t important though. Harry was slumped over his desk, except he wasn’t working. His elbows were crumpling the papers scattered across the surface as his shoulders shook.

‘Harry?’ Draco rushed over to him and knelt by the side of his chair. Harry held his head in his hands and Draco could see tears falling through the gaps between his fingers. ‘What’s wrong?’ Harry let out a sob and Draco put and arm around his shoulders and pulled him into his chest. It was a horrible angle – Harry leaning sideways and Draco’s knees creaking against the hard floor. It didn’t matter though, Harry needed him.

‘I miss h-him,’ he hiccupped. Draco’s heart broke for him. 

‘I know. I miss him too.’ He could feel Harry’s tears soaking through his shirt.

‘Do you?’ Harry pulled away and looked at him with red-rimmed eyes. Draco stomach plummeted to the floor.

‘What? Of course I do. I miss him every single day!’ Draco ran his fingers through Harry’s hair in a soothing motion. He always played with his hair whenever Harry was stressed, but he never admitted it calmed him down as much as it did Harry. 

‘You never talk about him.’ Harry said quietly. Draco’s brows furrowed in confusion. 

‘Teddy isn’t dead Harry, he’s just at school. What’s this really about?’ Harry pulled away from him and Draco took the opportunity to stand upright, his knees burning with the weight of his body. Harry didn’t seem to know what to say so Draco took his hand and guided him downstairs where he could make him a cup of tea. Tea made everything better.

He sat Harry down at the kitchen table and got on with making tea while Harry wiped his eyes. Draco had only ever seen him cry a handful of times in the nearly two decades he’d known him, and he had still never got the hang of how to deal with it. When Teddy cried, he’d hug him and tell him everything would be ok. That wouldn’t work with Harry though, he wasn’t a child.

The silence between them was getting awkward. Things hadn’t exactly slotted back into place when Draco had moved back. They were clumsy around each other, unsure even. Of course they cared about each other, but it was difficult to ignore the changes they’d been through over the years. 

‘I feel like I’m missing something, like I’ve gone outside without any clothes on or forgotten my keys or something important. He’s my responsibility, I promised Remus and Tonks I’d look after him and he’s hundreds of miles away. What can I do from here?’ Harry’s voice wavered as he spoke, and Draco struggled to hold back his own tears. He felt the same most of the time, except he’d never said anything aloud because he could never tell if it was the feeling of his lost magic or missing Teddy.

‘It’s a big change, it’ll take a while to get used to. He’s off having fun and making friends. Surely you remember our first year, there was barely a moment to think.’ He tried his best to avoid the fact that Harry hadn’t had any family back home missing him the way Draco’s mother had. ‘He’ll be coming back soon, and he’ll be all over you like a rash,’ Draco told him. He gave him the most convincing smile he could muster but he wasn’t sure Harry believed him. 

‘He’s not off having fun and making friends.’ Harry muttered quietly, and Draco wasn’t quite sure he’d heard him correctly.

‘Pardon?’ He took a large swig of his tea and for once wished he took sugar. It was bitter again.

‘He keeps writing me letters. I think he writes them to you too. I assumed that because he wrote us separate ones maybe he wanted to tell us about different things.’ He sniffled. His tears had tried but there was a weariness in his demeanour that shook Draco. ‘At first they were quick notes like he scribbled between classes. He just said he was having a great day and he’d tell me all about it later. But then…’

‘But then?’ Draco was frustrated. They were falling back into the same old patterns. Keeping things to themselves when they should’ve been sharing. He’d picked up on things in Teddy’s letters, things he’d brushed off but were red flags to him nonetheless. Had Harry notice the same? Was their little boy miserable?

‘Then he stopped. He stopped talking about his friends and started telling me about his classes. I mean, I care about his classes, don’t get me wrong. It’s just, there’s more to school than textbooks and spells. I want him to have fun and makes friends and be a kid, you know?’ Draco nodded. Above all else, he wanted Teddy to be happy.

‘You haven’t asked him about it?’ Draco had considered asking Teddy outright if everything was ok, but he supposed he had a parental version of an inferiority complex – he still thought of Teddy as more Harry’s than his own. He would never really admit it, but he always thought he’d be overstepping if he took matters into his own hands.

‘I don’t want to rock the boat. Did he say something to you?’ Harry looked at him pleadingly and Draco wanted to tell him it was all ok, but he couldn’t because he hadn’t followed his initiative.

‘No. I thought maybe things didn’t sound great, but I didn’t know if that was just normal separation anxiety.’ He warmed his hands against his tea mug and wondered how they were going to deal with everything. He felt like he was waiting for so many things – he was waiting for Teddy to come home to find out what was going on, he was waiting for his magic to come back so that things could get back to normal. What else was he waiting for that he didn’t even realise? What if he waited forever for things that were never coming? 

The same wave of irritation that had hit him before was back and he quashed it before he could say something he’d regret.

‘He’ll be ok, won’t he?’ Draco didn’t know why Harry was looking to him for this. Draco had never been the strong one of their relationship, he’d never been nearly as self-assured, despite what people thought. He’d rebuilt his entire life since the war and then again since the divorce and he wasn’t sure how much more he had left in him.

‘He will.’ He reached across the table and took one of Harry’s hands in his own. ‘You’re great with him, you know? I know you were never meant to raise him, but he loves you more than anything and I trust that you’ve raised him to be strong enough to deal with anything.’ 

‘We, Draco. You’ve been there since the beginning.’ Draco didn’t say anything to that. 

‘I know what will help. Why don’t we put these decorations up?’ Harry smiled.

‘Don’t you think maybe we should eat first? It’s,’ he looked down at a battered old watch he used to keep in a box, ‘nearly eight and I doubt you’ve remembered to eat since I left you this morning.’ He gave Draco a pointed look. It was true, Draco’s new potion regime suppressed his appetite a lot which was dangerous since he needed to build up as much energy as he could.

‘Let’s go somewhere.’ He suggested. They very rarely went out to dinner, but Draco was feeling brave. 

‘There’s a new muggle place down-’

‘I was thinking wizard actually. I heard about a new French place that opened on Diagon when I was at St Mungo’s.’ He watched Harry’s face carefully for his reaction. There wasn’t so much as a twitch anywhere on his face and Draco began to think he’d said something stupid. Of course Harry wouldn’t want to go out. He’d been at the orphanage all day working hard and then he’d come home, and Draco had slept while he cried. It wasn’t exactly a great set up for an impromptu date night.

‘Are you sure?’ Harry asked him. It didn’t stop Draco’s heart sinking. He knew a rejection when he saw one.

‘You’re right. It was a stupid idea. I just-’

‘No,’ Harry said earnestly, ‘it’s not stupid. We can go out. I just thought with everything going on you might not want to, you know, make a scene anywhere…’ He didn’t want to be angry. He knew what Harry meant. No one knew about their reunion. They’d been so careful to keep it that way, especially for Teddy’s first year at school. He didn’t need to hear about it the paper instead of from them. Still, it was difficult to ignore the niggle of doubt in his mind that told him Harry was ashamed. 

No. That was ridiculous. They were way beyond that.

‘I have a solution!’ He proposed suddenly. He ignored Harry’s bewildered look as he took off down the hall towards his old potions lab. He kept the key in his pocket at all times, now simply a habit, which stuck in the lock a little. It did that sometimes in the cold.

He routed around in the storage cupboard for an old potion he’d made a long time ago. He’d always kept a supply of all manner of potions, sometimes just to practice brewing them and other times so that he could isolate certain elements when he was experimenting. Eventually he found what he was looking for and he raced back into the kitchen where Harry was sitting with a deep frown on his face. Draco set the two potions down on the table in front of him.

‘What are those?’ Harry asked him wearily.

‘Super-strength Polyjuice,’ he told him with a wicked grin. Harry sat upright, his eyes wide.

‘Draco we can’t do that! That’s wrong!’ Draco rolled his eyes.

‘Oh come off it, Harry. Do something wild for once. You’re not an auror anymore.’ Draco himself didn’t think it was a great idea, but he was restless any maybe the additional adrenaline would be fun.

‘Can you even take that stuff?’ He faltered. He hadn’t even considered that.

‘Oh.’ He sat back down at the table dejectedly.

‘Draco,’ Harry said carefully. He walked around the table and pulled him into a hug. ‘I don’t need to pretend to be someone else to go out to dinner with you. I just wanted to be sure it’s something you really want. If you do, then we can go. Is it what you want? I thought you wanted to wait until we could tell Teddy when he gets back from school.’ 

‘I don’t know what I want!’ Draco yelled. He felt as though the whole room stood still. He hadn’t mean to snap like that, he knew Harry was just trying to be helpful, but it was all getting a bit much for him. The look on Harry’s face suggested he knew Draco meant a lot more than he said, but it was too late to take it back now.

‘Harry, I’m so sorry, I-’

‘It’s fine,’ Harry said. He let go of Draco and walked out of the room. Draco felt like a world class idiot. Things couldn’t be easy on Harry either. He’d been responsible for a lot of Draco’s rehabilitation in the early days, he was basically keeping Draco since he wouldn’t let him pay for anything and setting up the orphanage had taken a lot of him too. 

Draco sat at the table for a long time, his stomach growling. He had to do something, he had to change. Something had to give, or things wouldn’t get better. He had to get better not just for himself but for Harry too. He stood up, mulling over his plans as he scanned the fridge for a meal to make. Despite the length of time it had been, Harry was still sometimes lackadaisical about meals. Draco tried his best not to think about why that was, he was struggling to keep his emotions in check as it was.

In the end, he threw half the contents of the fridge into a pasta bake. It took much longer than it should since he couldn’t charm the pots and pans to do everything for him. It probably tasted rubbish – he’d never really got the hang of cooking despite his potions expertise – but it would have to do.

He took some upstairs and left it outside the study door, knowing full well that was where Harry would have gone. He felt terrible, especially since Harry had been feeling low and Draco had made it worse. He was no good at this. He knocked on the door and went back downstairs, knowing Harry probably wouldn’t answer.

He sat on the sofa in the living room, not feeling tired anymore since he’d fallen asleep earlier. He pulled out the journal he’d left in the kitchen earlier and flipped through the pages. He’d filled nearly half the book since he’d started in November and he wondered how he’d had that much to say. He could be a man of many words, and yet often he didn’t say very much. His eyes landed on a page from just a last week when he’d been reliving the death of his mother. The new potions had made him far more emotional than he ever had been before – the healers said it would right itself after the first week or so, but it hadn’t gone back to normal, not really. He realised that although the journal had been about his recovery, so many other things that had happened in his life had influenced how he’d chosen to deal with it.

He was being weak. He knew that. He was going through the motions day to day, only doing what the healers told him and nothing more. It wouldn’t be enough, and it wouldn’t be what Harry would do. Harry had defied every odd his whole life, he wouldn’t roll over and take it the way Draco had been. Today had proven that Harry needed Draco as much as Draco needed Harry and right now Draco just wasn’t good enough.

He flipped through more pages. There was surprisingly little about his divorce, all things considered. He’d been keeping his thoughts on it to himself since he’d moved back in. It didn’t seem right to dwell on the past, it made him feel guilty for not appreciating the present. There was so much guilt. All the time.

It was easily past midnight by the time Draco made it to bed. He noticed a half-eaten pasta bowl in the kitchen and he felt marginally better knowing Harry had at least eaten something, even if Draco hadn’t seen him again for the rest of the night. 

He crept into the bedroom quietly when he realised Harry was already asleep. This was one of the things Draco loved most about being home – seeing Harry so peaceful in his sleep. In their bed. He didn’t like going to sleep like this, without being able to tell him how much he loved him. He’d lost too many people in his life to ever leave things on a bad note. Still, knowing that whatever went on during the day didn’t stop them sleeping next to each other was a comfort.

Draco would usually have quite a long night-time routine between his skincare and his potions regime. Today he took his doses but skipped everything else. He just wanted to be next to Harry. 

He slipped under the covers and shivered. He’d always cast warming charms on his side of the bed. Harry might be a human furnace, but Draco certainly was not. The bed warmed instantaneously, and Draco’s head flicked over to Harry’s side of the bed.

‘Harry?’ Draco asked him quietly. He was facing away from him and in the darkness, it was impossible for Draco to see his face.

‘Hmf,’ came Harry’s muffled reply. Draco’s heart sped up with anxiousness. He didn’t know if Harry was still angry with him, or worse, disappointed. Draco battled with his own mind for a couple of minutes before he decided to swallow his pride. He wasn’t going to let a stupid little fight mean anything, not since he decided he was so determined to turn things around.

He slid across the bed, closing the distance between himself and Harry, and plastered himself against Harry’s bare back. He always found it amusing that Harry either slept in his boxers or completely naked no matter what time of year it was. It looked ridiculous compared to the full-length pyjamas Draco preferred in the winter. He put an arm over Harry and rested his hand against his chest, hoping his hands weren’t too cold against his skin. He pressed a kiss against his shoulder and tried his best to keep himself together. Tonight wasn’t about him.

Harry didn’t react. Draco could feel the seconds tick by as slow as Harry’s much-loved treacle. Harry was rejecting him, wasn’t he? He didn’t want Draco here. Just as he was about to pull away and roll away from him, Harry’s hand came to rest over Draco’s and his heart stuttered. He held his breath as if any movement would make Harry pull away again.

After a while he began to drift off to sleep when he was jolted back awake. Harry turned over to face him and he tried his best to keep his eyes open to look at him, but they were too heavy. His heart swelled when Harry’s thumb grazed his cheek gently.

‘I love you,’ Harry murmured. Even though he was almost asleep, Draco smiled.

‘Love you too,’ he mumbled before falling asleep a second time that day.


	3. Chapter 3

Draco was up and dressed long before Harry the next morning. He had a lot to do. He made some bacon and toast for himself and left some for Harry under a cover Harry had left a permanent warming charm on, with a note telling him all was fine, and he’d see him later. He floo’d to the orphanage before the children were awake and helped with making their breakfast too. There was a decent team of staff in place, but it was still touch and go a lot of the time. They hadn’t wanted to get catering staff in and give the kids too much of a life of luxury, but as it happened a lot of them were still too young to be in a kitchen and they were yet to find an appropriate cook.

Helen wasn’t in yet and Draco was silently grateful since it took a lot of energy to maintain civility around her. Especially when her default tone had become so overly professional with him. He’d just finished his last batch of scrambled eggs when a flash of dark curls appeared in the corner of his eye and made him grin.

‘Those Christmas elves are getting sneakier and sneakier every year.’ He teased. He’d laughed the first time he’d explained to Harry that Christmas elves were actually house elves. Supposedly an obliviate went wrong once and knowledge of the elves ended up being told as a muggle fairy-tale.

‘I’m not an elf!’ Ella popped up over from under the table. Draco pretended to be surprised.

‘Gosh! You gave me a fright, you sneaky devil.’ He grinned at her early morning enthusiasm and passed her a plate. ‘Are the others up yet?’ He asked her.

‘Johnny wet the bed again,’ she whispered, ‘He went to see Matron.’ Matron was the orphanage’s onsite nurse. They’d tried their best to find a woman who would be motherly rather than the slightly brusque Madam Pomfrey. Johnny, a little boy whose parents had gone missing just a couple of years ago before the last of the Death Eaters had finally been found, was still having terrible nightmares despite only being three.

‘You’ve been looking after him though, haven’t you?’ Draco had been trying to teach her to watch out for the other children, give them all a sense of camaraderie.

‘I’m trying. I give him lots and lots of hugs!’ She said proudly, grinning at him around a mouthful of eggs. He started plating up more as the other children came downstairs. There were only ten children in the orphanage which was easily manageable, but from what Draco could tell, they were expecting a lot more once the proper systems had been implemented. So far, they only had children from magical families since they were automatically added to the magical register.

‘DACO!’ Something small and squidgy collided with Draco’s lower legs and he looked down to find a small child with hair as dark as Harry’s attached to him like an octopus.

‘Look who decided to show up!’ He said as he detached Johnny and hoisted him into his arms. The poor thing still had red raw eyes, obviously from the tears his nightmares had caused, and Draco felt terrible that he couldn’t help.

‘He’s been up since five,’ the matron, Susan, said quietly from behind him. Draco nodded conspiratorially.

‘Well, sounds like someone needs some brain fuel, huh?’ He took him over to the fridge and pulled out a yoghurt before sitting him down next to Ella. He pulled the lid off the yoghurt pot before Johnny could get to it – one time, Draco hadn’t been paying enough attention and Johnny had managed to fling the whole pot across the room and splatter it everywhere.

‘Fanks you!’ Johnny said happily, his speech was, interesting, but highly amusing. He dug his plastic spoon in and promptly smushed the yoghurt all over his face.

‘You silly sausage,’ Draco said with fond exasperation as he looked around for a cloth to wipe Johnny clean with. ‘Thanks,’ he said when Susan beat him to it.

‘I’m an angel today!’ Ella said from the other side of Johnny. Draco had taken to calling them angels of sausages whenever they did something good or bad because either way it made them laugh.

‘SAUSAGE!’ Johnny shouted and descended into giggles. He missed this. The amusement kids found in almost anything. He very rarely ever came here so early, not wanting to interfere with goings on too much, but this reminded him of what it was like when Teddy was small, and he missed how rewarding children could be.

‘Yes, darling, you’re a sausage. Now eat your breakfast.’ He glanced over at Susan who was making herself a cup of tea and watching him with a knowing expression. He didn’t know what she thought she saw but he didn’t question it. Susan made a cup of tea for him too and he leant against the counter as he watched them eat and chatter. Ella was desperately trying to keep yoghurt off Johnny’s face and failing miserably, but she didn’t seem to mind.

‘What brings you here this morning? It isn’t normal for you,’ Susan asked him. He looked away from the kids to observe her more closely. She had a kind face, the crinkles around her eyes looking like they came from decades of too much laughing. She had thin hair, almost totally grey, which would have made her look old if it weren’t for the spark in her eyes. Draco liked her, he had been instrumental in her hiring if Harry should be believed, he’d only picked up that she had an air about her and suggested her as a favourite.

‘I have a lot to do today. I thought seeing the children might give me a bit of encouragement,’ he told her. If she wanted to know what he was up to, she didn’t ask.

‘They love having you around,’ she said instead. He sighed.

‘I don’t want them to get used to me,’ he admitted. ‘It’s not my job to be here and they need to understand that.’ She sipped her tea and her brow furrowed.

‘Do they need to understand that? Or do you?’ She gave him a pointed look and he didn’t reply. Mainly because he couldn’t answer.

‘What time is it?’ He’d forgotten his watch again this morning. He’d started forgetting his watch a lot lately, he wasn’t really sure why.

‘It’s nearly eight-thirty. Why?’ He put his tea down on the surface. ‘Time to go!’ He said with a smile. He’d had an idea of what he could do with his time which might also help with his recovery, but he needed some help from a friend to get things going.

‘Awwww. Stay. Pleeeeeease?’ Ella pouted at him from across the room and he held back a laugh. She was adorable when she wanted to be, and he always found it difficult to leave her. He knew it was wrong, he wasn’t supposed to get attached to the children like this, it would only end in heartbreak.

‘I can’t sweetie, but I’ll be back later, and you can tell me all about school. How’s that?’ She looked put out but nodded. Johnny seemed oblivious as he flicked yoghurt into his eyebrows. Draco would have to help him improve his spoon-wielding skills.

‘Fine,’ she said a petulant way only a child could manage. He shook his head in amusement.

He headed out of the kitchen towards the floo. Yesterday, as with many days which came before, he’d limited his use of the floo because it made him sick and tired. He wasn’t going to let that stop him anymore. He couldn’t.

‘Wait!’ A high-pitched squeal came from behind him and he turned to find Ella running to catch up with him, dragging a confused looking Johnny along by the hand.

‘What?’

‘You forgot something!’ She giggled and launched herself at him. He wasn’t strong enough to told her up, so he lowered her to the floor to hug her back. Her hold was so vice-like it almost hurt which was quite impressive for a little girl. She’d come a long way since she first arrived at the orphanage and wouldn’t look at or speak to anyone.

Johnny’s confusion had worn off and he clambered over the two of them and started smacking strawberry smelling kisses all over Draco’s face. He wanted to be disgusted, he really did, his father would’ve taken it as the greatest insult ever. He couldn’t though, it was far too cute. Instead, he laughed loudly and let Johnny have his fun.

‘SAUSAGE!’ He eventually shouted when he was done assaulting Draco.

‘Yeah, yeah, you’re my favourite sausage. Now you have to let me go. I’ll be back later I promise.’ He gave the two little monkeys one last squeeze and let them go.

He was dizzy when he stepped out the other side of the floo, but he’d expected that. He took a deep breath and gave himself a minute to re-orientate himself. He hated coming to the Ministry. Ironic since he’d spent years coming for lunch dates with Hermione and of course he’d worked here before the…incident. Still, it wasn’t one of his favourite places in the world. He made his way to the lifts and up to Hermione’s office.  
When he arrived, he was surprised to find the room stacked full of boxes. The numerous bookshelves which had once been crammed with thick tomes where now sparse, the photographs on the desk packed away.

‘Going somewhere?’ He asked she bushy hair sticking up from behind one of the boxes. Hermione’s head shot up in surprise.

‘Draco! I wasn’t expecting to see you.’ She walked around the box she’d been packing to greet him with a hug. He was getting so many of those recently.

‘Sorry to drop in unannounced. I was going to ask for your help with something, but I can see you’re busy, so I’ll come by another time.’ He didn’t want to be getting in the way of what looked like a very well-planned operation.

‘What? Don’t be silly, I always have time for you. I’m just moving offices, it’s no big deal. What can I help you with?’

‘The Ministry doesn’t just move people’s offices, Hermione. I’m not stupid enough to believe they’re that organised. What haven’t you told me?’ Hermione had the gall to look sheepish, which Draco appreciated. She levitated some boxes off the chairs so they could sit down.

‘You can’t tell anyone this, the Ministry is trying to keep it quiet, but you remember Kingsley’s secretary?’ Draco thought about it. He remembered the young woman who couldn’t tell her arse from her elbow who’d been in place when he’d worked here.

‘Please tell me he finally got rid of her,’ he said. Hermione did her best to supress her smirk and nodded.

‘He decided having a secretary wasn’t working for him. He’s been making a lot of changes to the way the executive office works recently. He’s upgraded the role to a PA instead and-’

‘Granger don’t tell me you’ve taken a job being Kingsley’s lacky. You’re better than that!’ He couldn’t believe his ears.

‘Well, no, not quite,’ Hermione said, flushing, ‘I am going to be his PA, but it’s with a move to…I don’t know how to say this. It’s with a view to becoming the next Minister…’ Draco’s jaw nearly hit the floor.

‘You’re kidding.’ Hermione flushed in embarrassment at Draco’s surprise.

‘He said he wanted me around, get to grips with everything he does, learn protocols, meet dignitaries, etcetera…’

‘Hermione that’s fantastic! Congratulations!’ He burst out. He grinned at her broadly and was about to ask her how long she expected to be PA before taking over when a loud crash made them both jump. One of the empty shelves fell from the wall and splintered as it hit the edge of Hermione’s desk.

  
‘What the…’ Hermione frowned. Draco was shocked but wouldn’t have thought anything of it if it weren’t for the tingle in his palm. He wiggled his fingers absent-mindedly and the shelf shot back up on the shelf like nothing had happened. They looked at each other with wide eyes.

‘Draco, did you just perform magic?’ He opened his mouth to say something but snapped it shut a few seconds later when he realised, he had no idea what to say.

‘Maybe?’ The tingle in his palm was gone as quickly as it had arrived, and he wasn’t sure he could do it again if he tried.

‘This is great Draco, maybe the adrenaline brought out your magic! You should talk to your healer about it as soon as possible. Fascinating…’

‘Hermione,’ Draco said tiredly, ‘please not now.’ He wasn’t going to throw a party for a small example of accidental magic, they said that could be a possibility anyway. He certainly didn’t need Hermione going on a research extravaganza.

‘Of course. Sorry. What were we talking about?’ Draco know she knew exactly what they’d been talking about, but he took the bait anyway.

‘I have a favour to ask…’

∞

Draco hated his mind healer with a passion. He didn’t need to “relive his childhood trauma”, he didn’t need to discuss “the issues which led to the breakdown of his marriage”, and he certainly did not want to discuss how he felt about losing his magic. His mind healer didn’t seem to care about any of that.

‘I’m here to help you Draco.’ His mind healer was a child, quite literally. Draco wasn’t sure if he could tie his own shoelaces yet. Draco glanced at the name plaque on the desk, _Samuel Smith_. He didn’t even have an interesting name.

‘I don’t see how any of this is supposed to help.’ He was angry, he felt trapped in this small room with no windows. Who thought this was a good place for therapy anyway? Make the scarred people feel claustrophobic. Genius.

‘The visions you had during the separation of your magic have your healers believing it may be psychological damage stopping your magic from returning. I’m here to help you discover any underlying issues that might be causing this blockage.’ Smith kept a neutral expression whilst Draco rolled his eyes. He’d heard this a hundred times before and he didn’t believe a word of it.

‘Ok, if you don’t want to talk about the past, let’s talk about now. How is your home life?’ Draco scoffed. _His home life._ What other life was he supposed to have? He couldn’t work anymore, could he? He was only here because he had to be, he didn’t believe for one minute that this child understood anything of what Draco had been through and what’s more, he didn’t think it was relevant to his current issue in any way. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want his magic back. His life was difficult enough already.

‘It’s fine,’ Draco said coldly. He was only here because he’d tried skipping his mind healer session before and Harry had thrown a hissy fit when an owl had arrived to complain about Draco wasting appointments.

‘Fine implies it could be better. How is your husband?’ Draco’s insides froze.

‘Don’t you dare ask me about Harry. Harry is off limits, is that understood?’ Smith’s expression didn’t change, but he seemed interested by that response.

‘And why is that?’ Draco, leaning back in his chair. Draco clenched his fists in his lap. There were things Draco didn’t discuss with anyone. He was naturally a very private man but knowing how much damage could be done should information about Harry find its way into the wrong hands was enough for him to clamp down any idea of talking.

‘I don’t talk about Harry. What goes on between us stays between us. He’s not even my husband anyway.’ He felt it like a real pain in his chest when he said it aloud. He hated being reminded how precarious his current situation was. One wrong move and Harry could easily kick Draco out again. There was nothing binding them together anymore, not directly anyway.

‘Everything said in this room stays inside this room, Draco. I wouldn’t ever repeat anything you tell me, and even if I did, I’d have my license revoked and my wand snapped no questions asked.’ That didn’t make Draco feel any better.

‘I don’t care about that. I care about not telling you Harry’s business. He has enough to worry about without me discussing him behind his back.’ Draco would not compromise on this. He wouldn’t.

‘I see,’ said Smith, ‘and that is your primary concern? What about yourself? Would Harry want you to sit in silence or would he want you to get better?’ Draco was starting to feel cornered.

‘That’s hardly relevant,’ he sniffed.

‘It’s very relevant, but if you don’t want to talk about it yet then we won’t. Tell me about something else. Tell me about your father.’ This guy wasn’t about to give up any time soon. Draco supposed he should throw him a bone.

‘My father was a terrible person. He put us all in danger and he deserved what he got.’ That was usually all Draco had to say on the matter.

‘And why do you think it was him you saw before your accident,’ Smith pressed. How the bloody hell was Draco supposed to know that?

‘Aren’t you supposed to tell me that?’ He asked irritably. Smith shrugged.  
‘I’m not here to tell you anything. I’m here to listen to what you have to say. It’s never crossed your mind why it was him? Why not Harry or your mother or one of your friends? Why you father?’

‘My father was a bad person. He was on the wrong side during the war, he told me all kinds of lies about things he didn’t really understand, and he hurt innocent people who didn’t deserve it. I don’t see what else there is to say on the subject.’ Draco didn’t talk about his father, ever. He’d told Harry how he’d received the kiss and later “died of an undiagnosed blood infection”. Draco had never believed that. Other than that, his father was black-listed from Draco’s acceptable topics of conversation.

‘Is that all? From my notes I can see that you never wanted for anything as a child.’ Draco looked at Smith indignantly.

‘You can see from your notes? What the hell kind of notes are they?’ He demanded. Smith shrugged nonchalantly.

‘I can see that your parents paid for the very best of healers, although you rarely needed them. I can also see you were given the most cutting edge of vision correction charms. I find it hard to believe your father would go to such lengths for you if he was as terrible a person as you claim.’

‘He was very generous,’ Draco agreed, although he couldn’t understand where Smith was going with this.

‘I don’t think that’s the full truth.’ Draco felt like Smith was staring right into his mind and he shifted uncomfortably.

‘He had…strict principles we were expected to adhere to,’ he said eventually. He tried to say as little as he could to satisfy his healer without having to say much. It didn’t seem to work.

‘We?’ Smith sat far too still for Draco’s liking. He’d hardly moved a muscle the whole time Draco had been there, and it was making him uncomfortable. He took a deep breath. If he wanted this to be over, he may as well tell Smith something, get him off his back.

‘My mother and I. Father always had so many rules about the clothes we would wear or the things we would say. There was no crying, no laughing, no anger. Everything was “unbecoming of a Malfoy”. It was like being a Greek statue most of the time. Of course, once I went to Hogwarts, there wasn’t much he could do about it. I supposed that was why I lashed out as much as I did. It was fun having my own voice. He wasn’t a bad parent though, he thought he was maintaining the elite. He thought he was teaching me everything I needed to know about being untouchable.’ Smith didn’t say anything at first. He simply kept surveying Draco like he was waiting for some kind of giant revelation.

‘Do you think this may be part of the reason why you struggle to communicate in your marriage?’ Draco’s heart nearly beat out of his chest.  
‘Don’t you dare make comments on the state of my marriage. That’s none of your business.’ He spat icily.

‘I was under the impression it was Harry you didn’t want to talk about, not your relationship.’

‘Are you stupid? He is my relationship. What the fuck?’ He stood up. He was not about to give this fool another minute of his time.

‘I wouldn’t advise you terminating your session early Draco, you’re here for a reason.’

‘OH AM I?’ He roared, ‘Because from what I can tell you’re just trying to find out all the gritty details!’ He stormed out before he could say something he’d regret, his palms sweating and his heart racing.

He hated people asking him about the past. He knew what had happened and he knew it was shit but it did no one any good to talk about it. What was the point in bringing up things that couldn’t be changed? All it did was make it hurt all over again.

He thought about where he should go. He was burning with anger and he needed an outlet. Going home would only make him feel more caged, but he was still waiting for Hermione to come through on the favour he’d asked her. He couldn’t go to the orphanage, he’d probably terrify the small children who were too young to be at school yet.

Frustration reaching a critical point, he pulled at his hair as if bringing pain to his scalp would ease the tension wound through him. He all but ran down the stairs of the clinic, ignoring the stares of the strangers he passed on his way. He no doubt looked like a lunatic. The pounding of his heart hammering against his chest was making it difficult to breathe and he could feel the familiar sense of panic rising. It had been happening a lot more lately because of his medication, and he didn’t know what he could do to stop it.

He flung the main doors open as quickly as he could and gasped in the icy cold air outside. He sounded as though he’d just ran a half marathon despite only having stormed down one floor. He spun around in a circle trying to regain his bearings. He more often than not used his limited floo travel to get in and out of the clinic unnoticed, but he couldn’t handle the floo in his current situation. He was about to cry out in frustration when he spun into something warm and solid. He stumbled backwards but was prevented from going too far. He was vaguely aware of the smell of grapefruit.

‘Draco? Draco. Calm down, breathe. I’ve got you.’ Draco felt himself being pulled into the warmth.

‘Harry,’ he rasped out around the sudden tightness in his throat. He wanted to ask so many questions. How did Harry know where he’d be? He hadn’t told him what he was doing today. How had he known Draco needed him? He couldn’t ask any of those questions however, because he broke down in tears right there in the street.


	4. Chapter 4

Draco didn’t ever want to let go of Harry. Harry was safe and warm, and he loved Draco, he _really_ loved Draco. He often found himself feeling like this, like he wanted to stay curled around him forever. The problem was, he didn’t know why he felt that way and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like feeling as though he needed someone else and he couldn’t say it out loud either, it sounded so pathetic whenever he tried.

He had woken up worried about Ella. After his session with Smith, Harry had taken him home and they’d spent the day together. They’d gone for a short walk, as much as Draco could manage, and they’d talked about Christmas and what they might do about Teddy. They’d both needed it, he’d thought. Needed time to just be together without either one of them running off to do other things. Still, Draco had felt the underlying tension. There were things he wanted to say but couldn’t and he didn’t know if it was only him. He couldn’t expect that any of it was easier for Harry than it was for him.

Spending the day with Harry meant he hadn’t gone back to the orphanage to see Ella after school. He knew it wasn’t a big deal, but it would be to a child. Ella needed stability, not Draco letting her down.

He didn’t want to move when he woke up the following morning. It wasn’t a regular occurrence that they woke up still wrapped up in each other. More often than not, they moved apart during their sleep, and on the occasions that they didn’t, Draco usually found himself as Harry’s human pillow. That morning, Draco woke up nearly on top of Harry, like he’d tried to climb into him in his sleep. He should move, he knew he should, he just didn’t want to. He got to have this to himself. A sleepy Harry, with a sweet little pout and even messier hair than usual. No one got to see him like this except Draco, and he was the luckiest man in the world.

He didn’t say it enough, he knew that much. He couldn’t expect Harry to know how Draco felt if he didn’t tell him so. How could anyone express this feeling? It was like his heart could burst with how much he loved Harry, but that wouldn’t sound very nice if he said it. Did everyone feel like that about their partner? That the world would just cease to exist if anything ever happened to them? He’d lost Harry before of course, but he had always been there. He hadn’t gone far.

He hadn’t been there on mornings like this when Draco’s defences were lowered, though. He’d missed that.

He untucked his head from where it was buried in the crook of Harry’s neck so that he could look at him while he slept. Harry’s eyelashes were so long it made Draco jealous. He had a few sparse freckles on his nose which Draco loved even though Harry hated them. It was times like these Draco remembered the scar. Most of the time he forgot about it, it was so much a part of Harry it never seemed that important to notice it. It was a lot paler than it had been during the war, as though the living link between Harry and its creator kept it from healing properly. Harry had told him all about the horcrux, and how he’d died, and it made Draco’s stomach churn to this day. He didn’t know what would have become of him if Harry had really died, especially since Harry had become his entire world in the aftermath of the war.

He traced the scar lightly with his index finger. Harry was always funny about letting people touch his scar. Teddy had been fascinated by it when he was a baby. Obviously, he didn’t understand what it was or what it meant, he just thought it was a funny shape. Still, Draco had taught Harry that he didn’t have to fear his scar anymore, it was a symbol of survival, not just of Harry but of everyone, and not just because it made him famous.

‘I’ve told you not to stare at me when I’m sleeping,’ Harry said groggily, his hand running gently down the bumps of Draco’s spine. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet, and Draco found it oddly endearing that he was so relaxed around him. He often would wake up with a wand in his face in the early days – Harry had had less control over his nightmares back then.

‘I can’t help it. How can I not stare when you look like that?’ Harry smiled lazily, and Draco could cry at how dazzling his smile was even when he wasn’t trying. He’d done enough crying already though.

‘You sweet-talker,’ Harry teased, finally opening his eyes. Draco’s breath caught in his throat. He never got over how startlingly green Harry’s eyes were, as if they held the power of his magic for all to see. It used to be an old legend among muggles, men with shining eyes who could perform miracles. They believed it was a sign of divine power, and Draco was sure they were powerful wizards like his Harry. He’d never met anyone else whose eyes shone like that.

‘Me? Never.’ He smiled and lent up to kiss him. Draco hated morning kisses, as a rule. He refused to kiss Harry before they’d brush their teeth, it was just good etiquette. He couldn’t help it today. They pulled away and that would usually be Draco’s cue to get up and get dressed. He was never the type to hang around in bed when he could be doing something else. He also took great pleasure watching Harry squirm as he dressed in front of him. The thrill of making Harry blush had never worn off.

He didn’t today. He stayed exactly where he was and burrowed back into the dip of Harry’s collarbones.

‘What’s up with you today, hm?’ Harry asked him. He felt a kiss being pressed into his hair and he bit his lip to hide his smile, even though he didn’t need to.

‘Why does something have to be up with me?’ He mumbled against Harry’s skin. He tried not to laugh as goosebumps erupted across his chest.

‘You’re not a cuddler and you never have been. Is everything ok?’ He didn’t really want to talk, he just wanted to enjoy being here with Harry, like this. The motion of Harry’s fingers on his back was soothing and they didn’t often take the time to stop and be.

‘Everything’s fine.’ He didn’t know if that was a lie. Everything _was_ fine in that moment.

‘Hm, ok.’ Harry didn’t sound convinced but didn’t push him. The pressure on his spine stopped and he was about to whine in protest until Harry wrapped his arms around him fully. ‘Go back to sleep Draco,’ he mumbled in his ear. Draco had no idea what time it was but that sounded like a good idea.

∞

‘I have a surprise for you.’ Draco looked up from his journal when Harry entered the library room. It wasn’t really a library, just a room with a comfy sofa, a few bookshelves and Draco’s rare tea collection. Still, Draco was nothing if not pretentious.

‘I don’t like surprises,’ he said wearily, putting the ribbon marker between the pages.

‘I know. You like this one though,’ Harry said with a smile. Draco huffed but that only made Harry’s smile grow. He offered Draco a hand and when he took it, he led him downstairs. It was a particularly frosty morning, there had even been snow forecast, and the chill had bitten its way through the warming charms, particularly against the glass panels in the living room. Harry waved a hand absently in their general direction and the draught stopped immediately. Draco pushed the surge of jealously away and focused on Harry instead. He’d been up and dressed before Draco, choosing to hang around the house in a long-sleeved shirt and joggers. Draco had thrown a fit the first time he’d seen him in a pair, calling them an abomination and an insult to fashion but now, now they were just Harry and of course, Draco owned a pair himself. Whenever Harry wore them Draco knew he was seeing the soft Harry who wasn’t a dangerous wizard, who let the kids use him as a human climbing frame and it made him relax just a little more.

‘What’s this bloody surprise, then?’ Draco asked him impatiently, he really did hate surprises.

‘Oh for heaven’s sake Pots, you know he hates surprises. Stop tormenting the poor bugger.’ Draco’s head snapped towards the far corner of the living room where Pansy was perched against one of the side tables. He’d been so busy staring at Harry he hadn’t even noticed her.

‘Shut up Pans,’ Harry said with a roll of his eyes even Draco would’ve been proud of. ‘Pansy has decided-’

‘Don’t you dare spoil this for me, Potter!’ Harry looked sheepish and Draco stood there feeling like a third wheel.

‘Spoil what? Stop being so dramatic and just tell me!’ He demanded. Pansy walked over to him. He noticed her hair had grown since he’d last seen her, reaching down to her shoulders. He didn’t think it had been that long.

‘I’m moving back to London. Permanently.’ She said with a smile. It was a nervous smile, as though she wasn’t sure what he’d say. He pulled her into a tight hug to ease her nervousness and wondered when he’d become such a sap. He felt like he hugged anyone and everyone these days.

‘You are? What for?’ She searched his face as though waiting for him to say something else, he didn’t understand why.

‘You really didn’t listen when I told you about Dubai, did you? I was Regional Manager for the UWICEF Gulf Area Office.’ Draco supposed he was expected to understand the significance of that, but he didn’t. He knew what UWICEF was of course – the United Wizards International Children’s Emergency Fund. It had been a favourite charity of his mother’s.

‘Ok…’ He felt bad that he wasn’t catching on.

‘Sooo, you and I,’ she said, poking him in the chest, ‘are going to work together to get this damn support network set up. I’m not having magical children disappear into the abyss. Not on my watch!’ There was a glint in her eye, one he remembered from school, except now instead of looking malicious, it was more like a mad genius. He wasn’t entirely sure if that was better.

‘That’s fantastic!’ He exclaimed, smiling brightly. Both Pansy and Harry seemed pleased with his reaction, which was good considering he normally reacted very badly to surprises.

‘Good surprise?’ Harry asked him. He nodded.

‘Of course! Genius surprise. Would you excuse me for a minute?’ He turned before he could see Harry’s face crease into a frown. He walked away from the living room as calmly and steadily as he could manage and went upstairs to the bathroom, closing the door slowly and quietly behind him. Then all hell broke loose.

It was like something in his chest exploded that he hadn’t even known was there. It was too much – the worry over Teddy, the stress of his lack of magic, mending things with Harry, the orphanage, Pansy coming back. Something had to give. The explosion was literal as well as metaphorical as the bottles on the shelves expanded, sending shards of glass and pieces of plastic everywhere, their contents soiling his clothes and his hair. Then, the shelves themselves rattled and crashed to the floor. Draco could do nothing but shield himself with his arms, his heart beating wildly in his chest, and wait for the onslaught to end.

‘DRACO? WHAT’S GOING ON?’ Harry shouted through the door. He couldn’t reply, even if he wasn’t tongue tied, he wouldn’t know what to say. It had to be one of the times Harry forgot he was a wizard and didn’t open the door by force. He didn’t want Harry to see anyway, to see his lack of control. He’d think he was dangerous, probably, and maybe he was. This was uncharted territory for everyone involved after all.

‘Leave me alone.’ He croaked after the dust had settled. He looked around the bathroom, there were chips in the floor from the falling debris, holes in the walls where the shelves had been fixed in place. Because Harry wanted things “done properly”. Draco had destroyed it single-handedly. He could laugh at the irony.

The door clanged open, making him jump. Harry was staring at him, his expression cautious, as though approaching a spooked horse. He hated it when he looked at him like that. He nearly always did it now, like Draco was fragile. He wasn’t fragile, he just destroyed the room without even trying. Except it was accidental magic – random, uncontrollable. It was like being a child all over again. Not that he’d ever had bouts of accidental magic even then, his father wouldn’t allow it.

‘Draco…’ Harry edged towards him, his feat crunching on top of the mess on the floor. He stayed very still, wondering what Harry thought he was going to do.

‘Don’t.’ He stepped away, unable to handle everything he was feeling. ‘Tell Pansy I’ll see her soon. Just give me space.’ He brushed past Harry, keeping his eyes trained on the floor. He thought about taking the floo, but he was sick to death of stepping in and out of fireplaces. Instead, he picked up his journal and a pen and decided to walk.

The house was out of the city, thankfully. Away from prying eyes and traffic noise. Draco had never done that well in London anyway, having grown up in the Wiltshire countryside. He picked up his coat and scarf from the wonky coat rack. He hoped it wouldn’t be too cold outside.

No one followed him, which he was grateful for. He didn’t understand what was happening to him anyway. He felt so overwhelmed all the time, as though he was constantly waiting for something that was never going to happen. _If I can just make it until Teddy comes home. If I can just make it until things with Harry made sense. If I can just make it until my magic comes back._ So many ifs. What was he really waiting for? What if those things never happened at all?

He had reached the bottom of the lane by the time he came back to himself. He hadn’t even thought about where he was going. That was stupid, and irresponsible, and very Harry. He’d been right about the cold though, his breath was visible in the dull air and he stood for a second and watched the clouds dissipate with each exhale.

He decided to walk down to the nearby village. It was muggle, which Draco had hated when Harry had first suggested it, but he had gotten used to it over the years. It wasn’t very far, maybe half a mile one way, but he knew he would have to be careful. He’d lost track of his potions timings and couldn’t be sure if the previous amount one would last.

He needn’t have worried. He’d only been walking five minutes when someone apparated right in front of him, blocking his path. They were facing the wrong way, but Draco would know that hair anywhere.

‘Harry sent the cavalry?’ He asked, his voice sounding bored. Hermione whipped around. She was dressed oddly formally for a Saturday afternoon in a pale pink evening dress and dangling diamond earrings far too fancy to have been bought by a Weasley.

‘Something like that!’ She said, her face flush with…alcohol? That didn’t seem very Hermione.

‘What are you doing here? You’re going to ruin that dress,’ he pointed at the long hem resting on the dirt track.

‘Really Draco? You pull a stunt like that and you’re worrying about my satin? Get a grip of yourself. Better yet, come with me.’ She held an arm out to him and he knew better than to argue. He took it and let her apparated him to who knew where.

Her house, apparently.

‘Granger, why are you bringing me here? Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere?’ She pulled the diamonds from her ears and dropped them into a wooden dish in the hallway. She stepped out of her shoes on her way and left them in her wake. Draco knew she tried to keep a tidy house to set an example for the kids, so it was strange to see her be so lackadaisical. He followed after her.

‘I was dying for an excuse to be out of there. Kingsley had me at a Ministry networking event. It was so boring. Hello sweetie!’ She crossed the living room and picked up Hugo who started babbling away at her in a language only he understood. She laughed and kissed his cheek, pretending to know exactly what he was saying to her.

‘ada!’ Hugo squealed, pointing a chubby finger at Draco. Draco looked at Hermione.

‘Did he just try to call me dad?’ He asked her in horror. She tipped her head back in laughter.

‘Don’t be ridiculous, it’s just that the letter “d” happens to be the easiest sound to make. Shouldn’t you know- never mind.’ She passed Hugo to him, who promptly started crying.

‘That’s never happened before,’ he muttered. He bounced Hugo gently to calm him down, but it didn’t seem to make much difference. He’d been terrible with Teddy when he was a baby, he’d always been convinced he’d never like children, but he got used to it. With Rose, he was better, although he did accidently make her cry a couple of times. Hugo on the other hand, he’d been a natural with so far.

‘It’s your magic.’ Hermione told him sadly. ‘Children can always feel magic, even if they don’t understand that’s what it is. That’s why muggle children are so willing to believe in witches and fairies and the like. He knows there’s something different about you.’

‘Oh.’ He felt incredibly cold all of a sudden. ‘I see.’ Hermione patted his arm with sympathy before sitting down on one of the sofas and pulling her legs up underneath her. Draco would’ve winced at the creases she’d put in her dress, but he was a little preoccupied.

‘Don’t worry about it, he’ll get used to you. Just keep doing what you normally do, and he’ll adjust.’ She gave him an encouraging smile and he tried to believe her.

He sat down carefully, trying not to disturb Hugo any more than he already was. He stopped making as much noise, but there were still a few rogue tears running down his chubby cheeks.

‘What did he say to you?’ He asked her. He didn’t look away from Hugo, choosing to watch his little fingers grip the edges of Draco’s coat. He probably should’ve taken it off, but he didn’t always notice temperature changes with his bad circulation.

‘You trashed the bathroom, Draco. That shouldn’t happen.’ She looked concerned at he tried not to get annoyed. Everyone was always so concerned about him – it would be nice to be left to just be.

‘The healers said there could be accidental magic as part of the adjustment. I’m not worried,’ He shrugged. He frowned which she shook her head and rolled her eyes.

‘Honestly, considering how much you used to berate Harry for being a reckless Gryffindor, your sense of self-preservation is really quite terrible.’

‘Are you kidding me? You have no idea what’s going on in my head at any given time. You don’t know what I have to do to go to sleep every night and wake up every morning.’ He snapped. The baby whimpered, and he realised he’d been holding him too tightly. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. He brought him up to his chest and kissed his fiery red head.

‘Is it that bad?’ Hermione asked him quietly. He could hear the distress in her voice and he didn’t dare look. ‘Harry just wants to help. We all do.’ He huffed a hollow laugh.

‘Why do you think you can help me?’ He asked her. She shrugged.

‘I don’t know if I can. But I did do what you asked me to, if you’re still interested. The DMLE said that since your charges were over ten years ago, there should be no issue with any of it. All they said was that if you do go ahead, it will have to be reviewed by the Department of Public Relations first.’

‘I still don’t know if I should,’ he admitted.

‘I think you should, but I think you should tell Harry before you do.’ She was giving him that look she gave Rose when she refused to eat her food or go to bed. The kind of stern face every mother has.

‘It’s not about him though. It won’t be in the beginning anyway.’ He didn’t think Harry would approve of his plans, Harry would never even contemplate doing what Draco wanted to. Draco wasn’t Harry though, he never claimed to be as good and as self-assured as Harry was, even if he acted like he was most of the time. It had taken a long time to build himself back up after his reputation had been destroyed during the war – deservedly so of course. Now, he was having to do it all over again except this time, it wasn’t all that deserved. At least, he couldn’t think of anything he’d done.

‘Be careful, Draco. All this secrecy, this is how it started last time.’ He sighed, he knew she was right.

‘I’m being careful, promise.’ He smiled at her cheekily and she opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted.

‘UNCA DACO!’ He was assaulted by yet another flaming redhead who clambered over him with no care for her sibling currently being supported by his arm.

‘Rosie! What have I told you? Don’t run in the hallway and be careful of your brother. Sorry Malfoy.’ A rumpled looking Weasel huffed, obviously having been left behind to pick up after her.

‘She’s fine. I haven’t been around in too long,’ he offered Ron a smile and hugged Rose with his free arm. She was taller every time he saw her, although she didn’t appear to be any steadier on her feet than before. A few years ago, he never would’ve guessed he’d be flanked on either side by small Weasley children. In fact, he never would’ve guessed there’d be so many children in his life in general. Of course, he knew he’d be part of Teddy’s life – even if he and Harry had never gotten together, Teddy was still his cousin – but there was also Rose and Hugo and Ella and Johnny and all the other Weasley spawn he managed to avoid except for Christmas. Any more little feet running around and his brain might explode.

‘Hugga!’ She said happily, trying her best to kiss her little brother before she gripped Draco’s coat with such ferocity her small knuckles turned white. Being only two, she missed Hugo’s forehead and planted a very slobbery kiss worryingly close to his eye. Naturally, Hugo didn’t seem to appreciate it.

‘Be careful Rosie!’ Ron chided but she didn’t look like she cared at all. Draco was far more interesting.

‘Unca Hawwy?’ She asked him, pouting at him and blinking rapidly. It amused him that already Rose could be such a flirt. Hermione would be furious.

‘Not today, darling. He’s at home. Where I should be.’ He cast a sideways glance at Hermione who nodded.

‘Come on Rosie, you can help Mummy out of this silly dress.’ She picked her up from his side and balanced her on her hip.

‘No! Dress! Princess Mumma!’ Rose squealed. She was a child of few, but very concise words.

‘You alright, mate?’ Ron asked him as he took Hugo from him. His arm felt cold where he’d been, even through his winter coat.

‘Yeah, everything’s fine. Hermione was just helping me with a little project.’ Ron nodded.

‘Project? Good to hear you’re getting back on your feet. Give my best to Harry when you get back?’

‘Of course,’ he said his goodbyes to Hugo even though he knew he couldn’t understand him and headed over to the floo. He hoped Harry wouldn’t be too angry with him for wrecking the bathroom. He wondered what he’d done with Pansy.


	5. Chapter 5

‘I really am sorry about the bathroom.’ Draco said sheepishly for the hundredth time. Harry didn’t even look up from the paperwork he was reading.

‘I know.’

‘I would’ve helped you fix it, you know. I understand how important it was to you that the house was made by hand.’

‘I know.’

‘I have nine toes and a purple beret on my head.’

‘I know.’

‘Damnit Harry!’ Harry’s head snapped up from the papers at Draco’s raised tone. He jerked backwards when he realised how close to him Draco was, as if he hadn’t even noticed him before. It stung.

‘What?’

‘You’ve been funny with me for days. I said I was sorry about the bathroom. What can I do to fix it?’ Harry’s brow furrowed.

‘I don’t care about the bathroom, Draco. Bathrooms can be fixed and replaced.’ He turned back to his paperwork. Draco sighed. Harry had been distant with him ever since he’d returned from Hermione’s. In his defence, he’d been back in his old flat a lot since he’d spoken to Hermione.

‘I’m starting a new project.’ Harry’s gaze snapped back up to Draco, his eyes blazing brightly.

‘What kind of project?’

‘Something to help me get better. At least, I think it will. I don’t really want to tell you about it yet, I need to keep it for myself. I thought you should know about it though because I’m going to spend some time in my old flat. For the space.’ Harry frowned.

‘Is that necessary? It’s ok if you don’t want me involved, but I can give you space when you need it. I’m always out somewhere doing things for the orphanage anyway.’

‘No. You don’t understand. I just need to do this, ok? The same way I needed France.’ Maybe that had been the wrong thing to say. Harry put the paperwork down and turned to face him. He even took his hands in his and for a moment Draco was scared he was going to find out something terrible.

‘Be honest with me,’ he didn’t like the way that sounded. ‘Do you want to be here?’ Draco went cold.

‘What do you mean, here?’ He looked right into Harry’s eyes as Harry searched his face. He looked tired, lines of worry all over his expression. Draco knew he should be doing more for him. He had so many responsibilities between the orphanage and Draco and just being Harry Potter. He just didn’t know what he could do to help.

‘I mean in the house, with me.’ Harry looked so sad that Draco’s eyes burned with unshed tears.

‘Of course I do, why would you even ask me that?’ Harry looked uncomfortable and Draco wondered if he’d been missing something glaringly obvious.

‘You ran away to France to get away from me. Now you’re hanging around in your old flat to get away from me.’ Draco’s heart broke for him. He didn’t mean to make him think that.

‘I didn’t…it’s not- it’s not like that. I just grew up without many people around in a pretty big house and sometimes- sometimes I can’t think straight. I get confused and irritable and I need a new scene and some quiet.’ Harry looked at him sceptically.

‘Are you sure that’s all it is?’ Draco sighed and held Harry’s face in both of his hands.

‘I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. I love you, ok?’ Harry looked at him for a long moment.

‘Ok,’ he said eventually, a smile cracking across his face. Draco couldn’t help himself, not that he needed to. He pulled Harry forward and kissed him gently. He’d been making a more concerted effort to show Harry how much he loved him, knowing he often forgot to. Harry was the kind of person who would never ask.

‘It’s not long now,’ Harry said with a grin after they’d pulled away, looking over at the decorations which still hadn’t been put up. Draco hadn’t wanted to do it alone and Harry had been off with him for days, so they’d just been left exactly where they were.

‘Do you think we should…?’ Draco asked him.

‘YES!’ Draco laughed as Harry jumped up from the sofa and started rooting through the boxes. They had a very strict tradition when it came to putting the Christmas tree up. They always got a tree from one of the local farmers, which Harry had lugged in the day before. Draco had tried to help but since he couldn’t use magic, he hadn’t been much help. This year’s tree was huge – easily eight feet tall. It was a good job the living room had a high ceiling. Draco put on muggle Christmas music, he could blast Mariah Carey like no one else. This was one of the few times a year when Draco threw caution to the wind and acted like an idiot. He had Harry grinning like a fool within the first couple of minutes.

‘I always forget how well you can sing until Christmas comes around,’ he mused as Draco threw tinsel over him. They banned magic from the Christmas tree decorating, purely on principle. The first Christmas Draco and Harry spent together they both realised they’d never decorated their own tree. Draco because he’d never celebrated Christmas outside of Hogwarts, and Harry because his aunt and uncle had never let him. They both made it a point to decorate their tree themselves. Draco hadn’t even bothered getting a tree after the divorce, it didn’t feel right without Harry.

‘I’m secretly an angel,’ he winked at him and went about putting baubles on. Draco hated putting tinsel on the tree but kept it in the decoration box so that he could wear it through the process. _Go hard or go home_ , he always said.

‘That might be pushing it a bit,’ Harry teased but kissed him before turning to the sentiment box. Draco called it that because it contained all the personal decorations that Teddy had made at muggle primary school. He hated it when they all went on the tree each year, but Draco refused to leave them out. His favourite was a clothes peg covered in sparkly silver material with a paper doily stapled to the back with some glitter on the top.

‘Shut up.’ They got on with decorating the tree. At one point, Harry pulled Draco into quite a competent waltz when a slow song came on. He stepped back and watched as Harry charmed twinkling lights onto the tree. It was the only magic allowed near the tree and was only allowed because one year they had cat-sat Crookshanks who had spent the whole Christmas period attacking the wires on the electric lights.

‘You know, I think the tree gets better every year,’ Harry said once they’d finished. They alternated between red and gold and silver themes – they never could quite let their old school rivalry go, no matter how old they got.

‘I think we just appreciate it more every year.’ Harry shot Draco such a heavy look that it almost knocked the air out of him. He was sure there was so much between them that they’d never really be able to talk about it all, even if they were able to put it into words.

Draco looked up to the top of the tree. Since Teddy had been old enough to hold it, he’d been the one to put the star on the top. Harry had told him his aunt had always insisted on putting an angel on the top, but Harry said they didn’t need an angel to watch over them. He said it was more important to always look for the light. This year was the first year Teddy hadn’t decorated the tree with Harry.

‘You should leave it until he comes home,’ Draco said to him. Harry nodded but didn’t look away from the empty treetop. Draco slipped an arm around his waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. ‘You’ve done really well you know. You made it through his first term away.’

‘Yeah, we did.’ Harry turned his head to the side and kissed Draco cheek. Draco was hit with the domesticity of it all, even though the novelty should’ve worn off by now. He wasn’t sure he would ever be used to it, really. He’d never expected to have a family like this in a million years. Before his father had died, he’d thought he would marry whomever he saw fit to match him with and deal with the consequences of being with a woman. Lie back and think of England as Pansy used to joke. Then, after his father died, Draco knew he could never live a lie like that, but it wouldn’t matter anyway because no one would want to be associated with him.

Draco was nervous about picking Teddy up, he didn’t know how he would react to everything. He was also worried that if Teddy was struggling with school, coming back to all the baggage Draco and Harry had wouldn’t do him any good. But then, wouldn’t it also have been hard on Teddy to have to split his time between them? He didn’t know. He’d adapted so well to everything after the divorce, and they were uprooting things yet again. It was always a hard balance between doing the best for them and the best for Teddy. Draco didn’t always think they picked the right option.

‘Do you mind if I head over to the flat?’ He asked but didn’t move from his one-armed hug. Harry squeezed him closer into his side for a second.

‘Actually, I thought we could just spend some time together. Maybe watch some films or something. I’m sorry I’ve been so cold with you, I thought you were hiding things from me again. I should’ve just asked you.’ Draco sighed. He’d wanted to make some inroads with his project now that Hermione had convinced him that it should be ok. ‘And, the house is going to be mad over Christmas so we’re not going to have the peace and quiet for much longer.’ Now _that_ Draco was on board with.

‘That’s true.’

‘We should also figure out what we’re going to do when Teddy comes how. It might be a bit much if we both appear at the station. We got away with it when he left, but I’m pretty sure the _Prophet_ runs an annual article about our Christmas arrangements.’ He looked apologetic and Draco sighed wearily.

‘Alright. I’m going to make hot chocolate. You choose some film or other.’ He wandered over to the kitchen knowing full well he _always_ fell asleep when Harry put films on. He’d developed quite an interest in muggle film – his favourites were the old ones in black and white.

Whilst the kettle boiled, he went to get some blankets from the cupboard. His favourite grey one was still in the summer house, so he grabbed a deep green one instead. He made two giants mugs of hot chocolate and realised that it wasn’t as simple as levitating the mugs and walking behind them. Not one for doing things the easy way, he walked back through to the living room with the blankets over his head like a dementor with a mug in each hand.

‘Bloody hell Draco!’ Harry jumped when Draco appeared looking like death anthropomorphised. Draco giggled at Harry’s shock, remembering that time in third year when he’d pretended to be a dementor just to make him fall of his broom. He’d been so obvious with his crush back then, how no one had noticed was beyond him.

‘Sorry!’ He wasn’t really sorry. Harry took the mugs from him so that he could remove the blanket from his head. ‘What did you pick?’ He asked him as he sat down on the sofa. He was glad he’d persuaded him not to buy a leather sofa, it would’ve been far too cold for his arse. He sunk into the dark fabric like it moulded to his body. Which it did, since he’d had the finest charm work done on it.

‘Holiday Inn.’ Draco looked at him, surprised.

‘Really? You hate those kinds of films.’ He’d never admit it, but Harry loved the silly Christmas films like _The Grinch_ and _Elf._ He was lucky Teddy was still young and he could pretend that was why he watched them.

‘But you love Fred Astaire. I don’t  _hate_ it anyway, it’s just not one of my favourites,’ he shrugged. Draco smiled.

‘You treat me so well,’ he teased. Harry came to sit next to him, having popped the DVD into the drive.

‘I know, I deserve a medal.’ Draco laughed.

‘Love, you already have a medal.’ Harry looked at him in confusion for far longer than he should’ve.

‘Oh yeah!’ Realisation dawned on his face and Draco laughed so hard his sides ached.

‘Honestly, Harry. Only you could forget you have an Order of Merlin!’ He said once he’d caught his breath.

‘It’s a stupid medal anyway,’ he muttered grumpily.

‘Shut up you nutter.’ Draco picked up his mug and arranged himself so that Harry could lean against him whilst sitting up far enough to drink his chocolate. Draco felt that balance had been restored now that he was back to being Harry’s pillow rather than Draco hanging off him like a deranged koala like he had a few days ago.

He didn’t want to move even after the film had ended. He was incredibly comfortable snuggled under the blankets with Harry. He always felt better when he had the warm weight of him there. He hadn’t noticed when he’d started playing with Harry’s hair but that was pretty much inevitable. He was about to fall asleep when Harry shifted and disturbed him. He looked over at him to find him already staring at him. Even in the dim light his eyes shone like beacons. His hair was messed on one side where he’s been pressed against Draco and it was adorable.

Harry leant forward and kissed him, and Draco could feel Harry’s change of mood instantly. Harry’s kisses were always intense because he was such an intense person, but this was different. He had this unique power of pushing his magic outwards, as if he really wanted Draco to feel how he felt. So many times Draco had been overwhelmed by it and even a decade later he still got a shock when he felt the familiar buzz of Harry’s magic. He held Draco’s face with one hand as the other moved to hold onto his hip and Draco knew exactly what he was thinking.

Draco’s fingers made their way to Harry’s hair the way they always did. It was getting just a little too long again but that hardly mattered right now. Harry broke the kiss so that he could kiss Draco’s jaw and neck. He automatically moved his head to the side to give him better access.

‘If you leave hickeys on me like a horny teenager, Potter, I swear I’ll-’

‘We won’t have the house to ourselves for quite a while.’ Harry mumbled. Draco grinned.

‘You’d better get a move on then.’ Harry grinned, and all but dragged Draco up the stairs in his enthusiasm.

∞

The day dawned bright and cold and as soon as Draco opened his eyes his stomach filled with jittery nerves. Harry was still asleep next to him and usually Draco would enjoy watching him sleep for a few minutes but today he needed Harry awake to stop him having a meltdown. He knew it was ridiculous for him to be so scared, he should be excited to have Teddy home. Still, he knew it would be a long day for them.

‘Harry…’ He half whispered, kissing him gently and moving some of his hair from where it had flopped over his eyes. He’d pulled the covers right up under his chin and was clutching onto them like his life depended on it. Draco pulled away from him and Harry pouted in his sleep. Draco huffed a laugh and kissed him again. This time after a few seconds there was some movement and Harry’s lips moved under his. Draco hoped he wouldn’t get used to being woken up with kisses because he certainly wouldn’t be making a habit of it.

‘Hm. This is an interesting way to wake up,’ he flirted, kissing Draco again. His hands ran up Draco’s thighs and Draco took a deep breath.

‘Harry, we can’t, not today.’ Harry shot bolt upright, nearly head-butting Draco in the process.

‘Shit!’ He yelped, ruining their little moment. Draco didn’t know what to say. He supposed he was grateful he wasn’t the only one nervous about the day’s events. Draco had been having dreams about it for days. He must’ve planned how to tell Teddy everything a hundred times over but none of it seemed right. Maybe he’d just been overthinking it. They were getting back together, Draco had moved to the continent and back again and nearly died in the process. That was about it.

Ok, maybe it was still a big deal.

‘We have done the right thing, haven’t we?’ He asked Harry. He propped himself up on one elbow and Harry leant back into a more relaxed position.

‘I don’t know. I don’t see how we could’ve done it any other way. If we’d told him you’d moved back in, he might’ve started asking questions.’ Draco immediately felt guilty. It was his running off to France which had caused all of this mess in the first place. Maybe he should’ve been more honest with Teddy from the outset. He was a smart kid after all.

‘I guess you’re right,’ he said quietly. Harry shifted, turning his body to face Draco who kept staring ahead at the photo of them on their wedding day on the opposite wall.

‘Don’t you dare feel guilty. You’ve been through enough this year as it is without beating yourself up over Teddy. He loves you. Even if he is upset do you really think he’ll stay like that for long? He’d miss you far too much.’ Draco desperately hoped he was right, although they were due to pick him up in just under two hours, so it didn’t matter now either way.

‘I know, I know. You keep telling me that. Heck, I think I told you that too. We’re such a mess.’ Draco let his head fall into his hands. Harry’s hand on his shoulder made him jump slightly, but he relaxed.

‘Kids don’t come with an instruction manual,’ he joked. Draco couldn’t manage a laugh.

‘Right, well, there’s nothing for it.’ He whipped the covers off and shivered violently at the contrast of the cold air. He flung his pyjamas in the general direction of the laundry basket and sauntered off to the bathroom stark bollock naked. Harry let out an undignified squawk and Draco winked at him over his shoulder. His flirtation dropped as soon as he was in the bathroom. He was not going to spend the morning wallowing, today was a happy day. He’d missed Teddy terribly and he’d get to see him again after months and months and he even got to tell him the news that his family was reunited. Nothing to worry about.

He turned the shower on and glanced at himself in the mirror. He looked shocking – his skin was an odd shade of grey and there were deep bags under his eyes. He clutched the sink as his head span. He shouldn’t have jumped out of bed so quickly. The spell passed, and he straightened back up and stepped into the shower. As the hot water pummelled at his back, he contemplated how they were going to do this. They never did discuss it after they’d put up the Christmas tree. Not that Draco had been complaining…

Whilst he was shampooing his hair, Harry walked into the bathroom. Draco wasn’t impressed that Harry didn’t have boundaries, but he supposed that was the joy of marriage. Well, they weren’t technically married anymore. A spike of anxiety hit him as he was reminded of how unstable everything was yet again. He didn’t know these people who didn’t believe in marriage – for him it was that ultimate safety blanket, a reminder that Harry would always be there even when Draco wasn’t the easiest person to live with. A safety blanket that was no longer there.

‘You should stay here,’ Harry told him as he ran the taps. He paused, letting the shampoo run down his shoulders.

‘What?’

‘I was thinking. It’d be horrible for you to go to the platform, it’ll be packed full of people and Teddy will probably be very emotional. As far as the public knows, we’re divorcees living completely separate lives and you’re currently in France. Would be a bit of a shitstorm if we suddenly showed up in public together. It’s not quite the same as when he left.’ Draco thought about this. Harry wasn’t wrong, part of his worry had been over how he was going to cope in the crowds, how he was going to stay calm when he was flooded with all the stress he’d been keeping in since Teddy left. It was true, it would be better if he wasn’t there.

It meant Harry going alone though. Being the first one to see him when he got off the train. The first hug, the first smile, the first story. Draco would be second. He was always second.

He stood under the shower unmoving. Shampoo dripped into his eyes and he winced but didn’t do anything about it.

‘Draco?’ He couldn’t hear what Harry was doing over the spray of the shower and the blood rushing in his ears. He should’ve seen it coming. Of course he should’ve.

‘Of course. Great idea.’ He croaked. Harry didn’t seem to notice the change in Draco’s mood. He’d been doing so much better at that too.

‘He thinks you’re in France anyway. It would kind of ruin the surprise if you showed up right there on the platform. You know how much he loves surprises, remember that time we…’ Draco tuned out as Harry started talking about all the times they’d surprised Teddy. He leant his head against the shower wall and tried to ignore the pain in his chest. He was so bloody stupid. Of course things hadn’t changed. Just because he was home and they were working things out didn’t mean the past three years didn’t happen. Teddy was Harry’s godson. Draco might be related by blood but being honest the family feud ran so deep Nymphadora would have hated Draco being anywhere near her son. _Nymphadora,_ what was he saying? She went by Tonks. Real family would’ve remembered that.

‘Draco are you even listening? You’ve been standing still a long time. Is everything alright?’ He jumped when Harry pulled the shower curtain back. The water was spraying all over his body although he obviously didn’t care since he was still in his boxers. Draco turned to repeat – one must never wash one’s hair only once. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

‘Honestly, Potter. Have you no manners? I’m trying to clean myself and you’re disturbing me. Just because you wake up looking like a drowned sewer rat doesn’t mean you can get in the way of my cleanliness. Wait your turn, there’s a good boy.’ He closed his eyes to avoid getting the next lot of shampoo in his still stinging eye area. Also so he didn’t have to look at him.

‘Oh, right.’ Draco heard the curtain scrape against the rail and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He’d wanted a shower with a door anyway, not a stupid flimsy shower curtain. Stupid bloody curtain. Stupid bloody Harry. Stupid bloody day.

He should’ve just stayed in bed and pretended like none of this was happening.


	6. Chapter 6

He drummed his fingers on the countertop nervously. He couldn’t sit still. Harry had only been gone ten minutes and already Draco could explode. He didn’t know if it was more nerves or excitement anymore, it hardly even mattered.

Teddy was coming home.

The same thought had been ringing in his head for an hour now, stuck on a continuous loop. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He’d make tea, that’s what he’d do. Tea fixed everything. His hands shook as he filled the kettle, the cupboard door slammed against the one next to it because he opened it with too much force, the mug clattered when he almost dropped it instead of putting it down gently. All in all, it was the most disastrous cup of tea he’d ever made.

And then he put in too much milk.

He’d made it now though, so he may as well drink it. He sat at the kitchen table and looked across the open space. He’d always been pleased he’d made sure they had an open plan living space, it made him feel less contained, less trapped. The Christmas tree twinkled brightly in the far corner, currently devoid of any presents. Draco briefly wondered whether the orphanage would teach the children about Santa Claus. Teddy had never believed in Father Christmas, although Harry had been sure to tell him about it. Draco thought the whole thing was ludicrous.

A man in a giant red suit flying through the sky to deliver gifts to every believing child in the world? Impossible. Even more ludicrous that one company could single-handedly change the image of such a figure just through the sheer power of advertising. Everyone knows green is better than red.

Forty minutes later and Draco had fluffed every cushion and pillow in the house, started cooking a chicken and prepped enough veg to feed the five thousand. And yet Harry and Teddy still weren’t home. _Bloody car,_ Draco thought. Harry had learned to drive a muggle car and sometimes took Teddy out in it. Draco hated the thought of being trapped in a lump of metal hurtling down narrow lanes with nothing but a few bits of plastic to cushion the blow. He’d always take a broom over a car.

An hour after Harry had left, there came the sound of keys jingling in the lock. By that time Draco had managed to settle on the sofa with another cup of tea and a book he’d started weeks ago but never got around to finishing. He almost dropped his book when he realised this was it. There was no more time left to dwell on anything.

‘And then Professor Flitwick said that Wingardium Leviosa was developed in the sixteenth century. Can you imagine? That was so long ago! And the man who invented it, he jumped of a church roof while singing the national anthem and-’

‘And he found it terribly chilly hovering up there in his purple tights,’ Draco finished for him. Teddy stopped dead in his tracks, having had his eyes trained solely on Harry. He stared at Draco who stood up to face him. Draco smiled at him as widely as possible, not realising until now just _how much_ he missed that bright turquoise hair and big brown eyes. Except the turquoise had just turned a familiar shade of white blonde.

‘DADDY!’ Teddy yelled loudly, almost knocking Draco for six when he charged at him. Draco’s worries were forgotten the minute he got to hold Teddy again. It hadn’t been very long, barely more than three months, but it felt like a lifetime since he’d had this.

‘Hello stranger.’ He hugged Teddy as close as he could, memorising what it felt like to be with his family, his whole family. He looked up at Harry who was looking at them with tears in his eyes. It had been a tough few months for all of them, but something as simple as standing in a room together somehow made it better. After a few seconds, Draco realised Teddy’s shoulders were shaking underneath his hold.

‘Ted? What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing…I just thought t-that you wouldn’t be h-here and I’d have to w-wait all day to see you but you’re here n-now and I really, really, m-missed you and-’

‘Hey, hey,’ he shushed the crying boy, ‘it’s ok. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here when you need me, ok?’ He looked over Teddy’s head at Harry who was standing with his hands in his pockets, smiling encouragingly.

‘Why are you crying?’ Teddy asked him worriedly when he pulled away.

‘Am I?’ He wiped at his face and realised Teddy was right. He supposed he probably deserved a few happy tears for once.

‘Are you sad?’ Draco smiled at him.

‘No sweetheart, I’m just very happy to see you.’ Teddy grinned at him.

‘I’m happy to see you too!’ And he hugged Draco again.

‘Ok, ok. I’m not missing out on this.’ Harry strode over to them and joined their hug, turning it into a Teddy sandwich. Teddy started giggling just like he had as a child and it was music to Draco’s ears. The house hadn’t heard a sound like that for so long Draco suspected even the magic within the walls could feel it.

‘You’re squishing meeeee!’ Teddy squealed from between them and Harry reluctantly let go. ‘Are you going to tell me what’s going on then?’ He looked between Draco and Harry expectantly. He reached out to hold onto Draco’s hand – Draco wasn’t even sure he realised he’d done it – and he was amused to see Teddy was indeed wearing last year’s Weasley jumper, a good inch and a half too short on his arms. Honestly, Harry had always been useless with the packing.

‘I vote we eat first and talk later,’ Harry suggested. Draco nodded in agreement. He needed a few minutes to calm down and Teddy didn’t need to be barraged with information the moment he’d stepped through the door. He’d just been at Hogwarts for the first time.

‘Me too. I want to hear all about school!’ He said enthusiastically. Teddy grinned, his hair turning back to his favourite shade of turquoise save for a couple of blond strands at the front. It seemed he had marginally better control over his abilities and it warmed Draco’s heart that he mattered enough to Teddy that he wanted to mimic any part of him.

Harry set about dishing up the food Draco had been cooking while he waited for them to return. Teddy, eager as always to help, went to set the table, leaving Draco presumably on drink duty. He glanced sideways at the open door where he could see Teddy’s school trunk abandoned at the front door, Eltanin’s cage perched precariously on top. It struck Draco that maybe he’d lost sight of all the good things in his life because it was so easy to fixate on the bad.

He was pulled from that train of thought when Eltanin clawed at his cage impatiently. Neither Harry nor Teddy seemed to notice so Draco walked down the hallway to the front door to let the owl out for a fly. Eltanin perched happily on Draco’s arm when he opened the cage door and Draco smoothed out a few ruffled feathers on his wing. He hooted happily and nibbled at Draco’s knuckles.

‘Ok, ok, I’m letting you out. Keep your feathers on.’ He opened the front door and Eltanin was off in a flash. Draco watched him for a few moments as he flew high up above the treeline and disappeared into the fog. He did hope it wasn’t so foggy that he wouldn’t find his way back. Then again, he was a magical owl after all.

He turned to go back into the kitchen when he noticed a piece of paper sticking out of the hinges of Teddy’s trunk. There was writing all over it, in multiple hands, and it looked like a note that had been passed around during class. He didn’t really have time to read it, but he pocketed it for later. He supposed it was snooping, really, but he hadn’t heard much about any of Teddy’s friends and he was curious. He walked back towards the kitchen and paused when he heard his name. The door had moved slightly since he’d walked out of the room and it wasn’t obvious he was there.

‘How did you get Daddy here? He hates the house now.’ He’d called him Daddy again – Harry had been telling the truth all those months ago. Draco felt like a bit of a fool. Teddy reached up for some glasses while Harry set the plates down on the table.

‘He doesn’t hate the house, he just didn’t want to see me.’

‘So… he wants to see you now? Why? Did something happen?’ Trust Teddy to ask a million questions before giving a second for an answer.

‘Why are you asking so many questions? He’s here because you just came back from school and we both missed you and wanted to see you.’ Draco mentally thanked Harry for not spilling the beans like he often did. He was always soft on the kid – not that Draco could blame him.

‘I was worried,’ Teddy said quietly. Harry took the glasses, now filled with water, from Teddy’s hands and put them on the table. Then he went to fill the third. Teddy didn’t move from where he stood by the sink, he just stood there watching.

‘Teddy,’ Harry sighed, ‘it’s not your job to worry about us. It’s our job to worry about you.’

‘I know but…Daddy isn’t the same without you. He’s…sad a lot. And he pretends he isn’t, but I know he is, and I don’t want him to be sad anymore. I just thought you might help him.’ Draco swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. He knew he hadn’t done the best job keeping Teddy out of it, but he had tried.

‘Let’s not talk about that now. It’s the holidays! It’s time for fun! We even left the star off the tree for you…’ Harry pointed out of Draco’s view towards the tree. Teddy looked unconvinced but when he followed Harry’s arm gesture, his face split into a broad smile.

‘The tree is up! With all my stupid old decorations! It’s better when he’s home.’ Teddy said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but Draco noticed. Teddy thought of this place as home. Their home – all three of them together. Had he really been so blind this whole time? How different things might have been if Draco hadn’t been so stubborn. Then again, Harry hadn’t left him much option with all his stalking and his excessive anger.

He walked back into the kitchen as if he hadn’t heard a thing and sat down with the pair of them. Teddy sat next to Harry but dashed to the seat opposite Draco, as if he thought he would disappear if he couldn’t see him.

‘Honestly, Harry. How could you let him go to Hogwarts dressed like that? Any idiot could can see that’s an old jumper,’ he teased, indicating to the ragged looking garment. He’d just noticed the frayed left sleeve and the small hole in the right shoulder.

‘Uh,’ Harry blushed. ‘I was a bit busy?’ Draco shook his head in amusement at Harry’s ignorance.

‘He’s useless that one.’ He winked at Ted who glanced at Harry, waiting for him to take the bait.

‘Yeah, yeah. I’m not good at packing. He made it there and back in one piece, didn’t he? I consider that an achievement.’ He nodded towards Teddy who was now rolling his eyes in a fond and all too familiar movement. They tucked into their food and Draco was, for once, filled with confidence that things would turn out just fine.

‘So, Ted, tell us all about Hogwarts.’ He and Harry exchanged nervous glances, unsure of what they might hear.

‘Hufflepuff is amazing! We definitely have the best house. We get all the extra food from dinner, so it doesn’t get wasted. We give some to the animals of course, and the first years get to go first because sometimes it helps with homesickness. The house elves are super nice to us too because we talk to them because we’re right next to the kitchen. We so have the best house. Oh, sorry.’

‘It’s ok mate, no hard feelings.’ Teddy looked sheepish when Harry winked at him.

‘So, you like your house, and I know you like your classes…except Madam Hooch…what else is there?’ Draco probed. Teddy pushed his food around his plate a little, and Draco was convinced this was it. He didn’t dare look at Harry again, just in case he saw his own worry reflected back at him.

‘I think I have a best friend.’ Draco watched as Teddy smiled down at his plate. ‘Not a best friend like you two used to be,’ Draco felt that one, sharp as a knife. ‘More like Dad and Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione. He’s great. He’s called Jacob. He’s in Hufflepuff too! He loves Transfiguration but it’s not my favourite, so he helps me a lot. He’s really nice like that.’ He still hadn’t looked up from his plate, and Draco risked another look at Harry. They didn’t need to exchange any words to know they were both thinking the same thing.

‘Jacob sounds like a good friend,’ Draco agreed. He didn’t want to push too soon, Teddy had just come home after all, emotions were running high. He knew this would be a conversation they’d have to have – and before Christmas at that.

‘I really like him. I have friends in all the houses, but we don’t get to spend as much time with each other.’ Harry started asking Teddy about quidditch – he’d been keen to get him interested in the sport since he was tiny. He’d told Draco he bought Teddy a toy broomstick for his first birthday because Sirius had done the same for him. He could be really sweet like that. Teddy liked quidditch, but Draco couldn’t see him being much of a player himself – although he did always join in with a family game at the Weasley’s.

Draco watched the pair of them talk animatedly as they ate. Teddy didn’t seem nearly as cagy as he had in his letters which Draco was glad of. Still, he had a feeling that he wasn’t telling them something, and the note he’d found in his trunk was currently burning a hole in Draco’s pocket. He supposed it was his own damn fault for wearing skinny jeans. There was no space for anything in any pocket.

‘Da-Draco,’ Teddy said after he was done discussing house quidditch, ‘I get why you like potions so much now.’ Draco’s head shot up from his plate where he’d just finished the last of his food. He hadn’t expected that.

‘You do?’

‘Well, I’ve been talking to Neville sometimes, just at the weekends, when he comes to tend to the plants. He was telling me about how all the plants he grows in the greenhouses can be used in some potion or other. Some of them are poisons of course, but some of them save lives. I think that’s pretty cool. He lent me lots of books on plants and when I understood how they grow and how they’re used, potions made so much sense!’ He beamed across the table at Draco, proud of his little epiphany. Draco was incredibly proud too.

‘You’re not allowed to go around giving me a run for my money!’

‘I’ll never be as clever as you! But…I think…well, it’s a bit stupid, I only just went to school…’ Teddy dropped his hands under the table, looking self-conscious suddenly.

‘What do you think?’ Harry encouraged.

‘I think I’d like to be a healer when I’m grown up. Or I want to look after plants, people forget about them.’ Draco smiled fondly at how caring he was. Maybe they hadn’t done such a bad job of raising him after all.

‘I think that’s a great idea Ted, you should tell Neville. I’m sure he’d love to help you figure it out.’ Draco knew it was early days for things like that, but it wouldn’t do any harm to encourage his interests. He stood up to clear the plates away after that, effectively putting an end to talk about Hogwarts, although he thought he heard the mention of ghosts over the rushing water from the tap.

He jumped when Teddy sidled up to him whilst he was doing the dishes. Harry had always done them the muggle way, even though he didn’t need to, and Draco had picked up the habit since he couldn’t spell them clean.

‘I decided,’ Teddy started. Draco glanced sideways at him, but he didn’t stop what he was doing. ‘I don’t think I’m too cool for hugs anymore.’ He clung onto Draco’s waist awkwardly from beside him and Draco nearly dropped the plate in his hands.

‘Is everything ok? You’d tell me, wouldn’t you, if it wasn’t?’ Teddy didn’t say anything, just hugged him tighter. He put the plate on the draining board and tried his hands on a tea towel, so he could hug him back. He glanced behind him to see Harry pointing to the hallway.

‘I’ll be upstairs, you talk to him.’ He mouthed. At least, that’s what Draco understood from the general shape his mouth made. Coward. Harry disappeared out the door faster than he’d seen him move in ages.

‘Come on, Ted. Let’s have a chat.’ He directed Teddy through to the living room and sat him down on the sofa.

‘I don’t want to,’ Teddy mumbled. Curling up into Draco like a small kid. His heart ached, it really did. He was such a sweet boy.

‘No.’ He pulled him off him. ‘You can have all the hugs in the world, if that’s what you want, but you have to tell me first.’ Teddy pouted but nodded. 

‘There’s this boy, he’s in Slytherin. And I don’t think all Slytherins are bad, I promise! I know you’re good, you’re the best. It’s just, he isn’t.’

‘Ted, is he bullying you?’ Draco’s heart could burst. He’d been worried about this, so worried he hadn’t even realised how much it had been praying on his mind.

‘No. Not me. He’s bullying you.’

‘What?’ Teddy was looking at him nervously, as if waiting for Draco to shout at him. How could a kid at Hogwarts be bullying him? More to the point, why would Teddy care about what anyone had to say about Draco? Teddy knew him better than almost anyone, save Harry, he knew what was true and what wasn’t. At least, as much as he and Harry had agreed to tell him for now. Then he remembered the note in his pocket.

‘Does it have something to do with this? Don’t worry, I haven’t read it, I just found it.’ He took the note out of his pocket and handed it to Teddy. He took it from him and unfolded it.

‘He passes me notes in lessons. I ignored them at first, but then he started saying things about you.’ Teddy gave him the note to read.

 **Oi blue head. Your dads a death eater isnt he? bet he gets a great deal on dark mark**  

**dont be boring no one listens in charms anyway its a shit subject**

**big bad death eater didnt tell you how to be mean at school? must be so disappointed. how does it feel being a disappointment even by death eater standards?**

_Go away. You don’t know anything about my daddy. He’s worth a hundred of you._

**your daddy? lol are you five no one calls their parents daddy anymore. get a grip you lousy hufflepuff, everyone knows thats the house for the leftovers.**

_I can call my dads whatever I want to. I don’t answer to you._

**is it true he went mad though? your death eater dad. thats what people say anyway because your dads dont love each other anymore boohoo**

**im as sad as you are now they can spread the gay. maybe ill buy some anti gay spray**

Draco wasn’t impressed with this kid’s lack of punctuation or grammar. He sighed. It was ironic that a Slytherin of all people would be attacking Draco’s past. He’d expected they’d either glorify the war or pretend it never happened. It made him angry though. Not because some stupid eleven-year-old was shit talking, but that he thought he could use it against Teddy. What happened between Draco and Harry had nothing to do with him.

‘Teddy, listen to me. He’s wrong. He doesn’t know anything about this family and even if he did, what he thinks doesn’t matter. You don’t let any stupid bully hurt you, it’s not worth it. Do you understand me?’ Teddy looked at him blankly.

‘He doesn’t hurt me because he’s not a very nice person and I only care what nice people say. But he hurts you. That’s what you and dad used to fight about isn’t it? Because you were scared to go outside because people don’t like you. But you’re not a bad person and I don’t understand why people don’t love you because you didn’t do anything wrong.’

‘No. This isn’t your problem to deal with. You should go to school and talk to your friends and study for your lessons and have fun and just be a child. The war is over and I’m not a death eater and no one gets to use any of that against you.’ He didn’t know why he never thought about what his own reputation would do to Teddy. It had been somewhat improved because of Harry, but ever since they’d divorced it had naturally returned to what it was before. It shouldn’t be anything to do with Teddy. Draco had to deal with his own mistakes, no one else should have to do it for him.

‘Well the truth is, that isn’t what’s bothering me.’ Teddy admitted, fiddling with the ragged sleeve of his jumper. Draco frowned.

‘Then what is?’

‘You’re my daddy and I love you and some people don’t like you and that’s ok because no one has to like everyone, but I do like you and I should tell you more often because that’s what you do when you love people.’ Draco thought he’d been heartbroken when he’d gotten divorced. He was wrong.

‘I know you love me Ted. You don’t have to tell me. Actually, it’s my job to tell _you_ how much _I_ love _you._ ’ Teddy didn’t like that very much, he half climbed over Draco to give him a bear hug, even though he was far too big for that.

‘I’m sorry I always call you Draco. I thought you might not want me to call you anything else because you’re always so proper. You are my dad though, just like Harry is my dad.’ Draco wouldn’t have told Teddy that he’d called him Daddy at least twice already even if he could. As it happened, his throat was too tight, and his eyes were too hot with tears to say more than a few words.

‘I don’t deserve you,’ he whispered into Teddy’s hair.


	7. Chapter 7

‘Why can’t I levitate myself?’ Teddy asked whilst floating in the air above Draco’s head. Harry was standing next to him, levitating Teddy so that he could put the star on the top of the tree 

‘You’ll be able to when you’re older. You haven’t learnt how to channel your power enough yet.’ Teddy placed the star on the highest point and Harry let him down again. Teddy had seemed lighter since their little chat, although Draco felt like he was watching him, waiting for something. He wasn’t wrong either 

‘Thanks for leaving the star for me,’ Teddy said to Harry once he was safely back on the ground.

‘I wouldn’t dream of letting anyone else do it,’ he smiled 

‘Daddy, when do you have to go home?’ Teddy turned to Draco. Draco looked at Harry, this is what they’d been waiting for 

‘I don’t need to go home, sweetheart. This is home.’ He watched Teddy’s face very carefully. At first, he started to frown. His brow didn’t quite furrow properly before surprise registered. 

‘What?’ Harry gripped Teddy’s shoulders and steered him away from the Christmas tree, sitting him down on the sofa. ‘Dad? What’s going on?’ He was starting to look worried, so Draco opened his mouth to answer him. Harry held up a hand to stop Draco. 

‘I’ll do this, you’ve had a long day already,’ he said softly. Draco wasn’t sure since Harry wasn’t exactly the most eloquent person he knew, but Teddy listened to him, trusted him more than anyone.

‘The first thing you need to know is that while you were at Hogwarts, Draco moved back in. But before you get too excited, there are a few things you should know.’ Teddy stayed very still and very quiet, and Draco was too anxious to sit down with the pair of them, so he strode over to one of the many living room windows. He was grateful to be inside; the wind was howling, and sleety rain was lashing at each of the panels. He felt cosy being indoors, although his nerve damage never let him feel toasty warm like he used to. 

‘Ok…’ 

‘Draco moved to France after you left, he was doing a big restoration project on one of the houses his dad used to own. I’m sure he’d like to take you there some day.’ Draco glanced over his shoulder and caught Harry’s eye. Thankfully Teddy had his back to him and couldn’t see the look they exchanged. ‘I know it was very difficult for him to go without telling you, and I know he’s very sorry.’ 

‘He was always going to come back though, wasn’t he? He promised me he’d be here when I came back.’ Teddy’s confidence in Draco was betrayed by the wobble in his voice. Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

‘He kept his flat so he would be here when you came back, yes. But before he moved, the Minister and I needed his help to solve a case. You know how clever he is with his potions, don’t you? There’s no one nearly as good as him.’ Draco smiled. Harry didn’t need to do that, he deserved whatever the fallout would be. ‘He got hurt on our mission because I didn’t take good enough care of him and now he has a bit of a problem with his magic…’

‘Don’t sugar coat it, Harry. It wasn’t your fault and I don’t have a bit of a problem.’ He said to the window. He heard Harry sigh from behind him and the sofa creaked slightly as Teddy shifted. 

‘The thing is that Draco can’t use his magic anymore, and he’s staying here until we can fix it.’ Draco winced at that. He didn’t want Harry to make any promises he couldn’t deliver on. They had no way of knowing if it would be fixed at all.

‘Is Daddy going to die?’ Teddy asked in a small voice. Draco felt his heart shatter at the sheer innocence of his question. He turned in a flash, but he didn’t need to – Harry had already wrapped Teddy in a hug. 

‘No. Absolutely not. You know I’d never let anything happen to him, don’t you?’ He was talking to Teddy but looking right at Draco. It wasn’t often Harry looked at him like that – with his face set with the determination of the auror he used to be. It sent a shiver down Draco’s spine. _I’d never let anything happen to him._ It was confusing for Draco, part of him wanted to relax into the idea Harry would come swooping in like a knight in shining armour – he had done that after all. Another part of him wanted to push it away, tell him he didn’t need to be protected. Maybe he did now. 

‘How do we fix it?’ He smiled and shook his head, finally moving away from the window and walking over to where Teddy was sitting. He knelt in front of him. 

‘Listen to me,’ he took Teddy’s hands in his. ‘We’ve always taught you to be the best you. To be kind and considerate and always help people and you’ve done so well at that. We’re very, very proud of you. But sometimes there are things you can’t control and there are times when it’s not your job to fix it. This is one of those times. I’ll be ok, I promise you. That doesn’t mean I’ll get my magic back, and that’s ok, because I’ll still have you, and I’ll still have your dad, and that’s what matters.’ Teddy flung his arms around Draco’s neck and almost cut off his air supply.

‘I love you. It doesn’t matter if you can do magic or not.’ He pulled away as quickly as he’d launched himself at him and Draco reeled slightly. 

‘If you’re back here…does that mean…?’ He looked nervously between Draco and Harry. Somehow, despite everything, this was the hardest question of all. They’d never really agreed on anything, besides the obvious that they’d be damned if they lost each other again. They were still divorced though, and it wouldn’t exactly be wise to change that too soon. Not when everything was so up in the air… 

‘I love your daddy,’ Harry told him with determination. ‘That’s all you need to know for now. Will that do?’ Draco watched Teddy anxiously. Teddy nodded and stared at Draco expectantly.

‘What?’ 

‘Well, aren’t you going to say it back?’ Draco looked at Harry who gave him a shit-eating grin, the bastard. 

‘I love you too,’ he said with a roll of his eyes and just for effect, reached over to kiss him quickly.

‘Ew. That’s disgusting. Why did you have to go and ruin it?’ Teddy scrunched his face up and stuck his tongue out with revulsion. Draco nearly fell over with unexpected laughter. 

‘Oh, Ted. You make me laugh.’ Harry mused. 

‘Yeah well, kissing will always be gross and there’s nothing you can say to convince me otherwise.’

‘You can tell me all about how gross kissing is when you help me get your trunk upstairs because I think it’s time you went to bed, you’ve had a long day and we’ve sprung a lot on you.’ Draco glanced at his watch – just after ten. 

‘Can I try lifting it up the stairs?’ Teddy asked Harry. 

‘No magic outside Hogwarts, remember?’ Teddy sighed dramatically but got up and followed Harry out of the room. Draco sat himself down where Harry had just been but changed his mind and ended up lying across the sofa. His mind was spinning. Teddy had taken it all remarkably well, but maybe that was just because he wouldn’t really understand until he had time to process it. Maybe Draco wasn’t giving him enough credit and he really was alright with it all. Kids were always more robust than anyone ever expected. He hadn’t appreciated how much Teddy loved him either, defending him like that when nearly everyone had shunned him. 

Maybe once in a while it was ok to let people love him.

He listened as Harry and Teddy wandered around upstairs. He wondered what they were doing, it wasn’t as if they needed to but Teddy to bed anymore. He tried his best to stop thinking, just for a few minutes, but he couldn’t. His thoughts strayed to how much more complicated things were now that Teddy knew. If things ever broke down between him and Harry, it wouldn’t bear thinking about what would happen. 

He always did think too much. 

After ten minutes the noise from upstairs stopped but Harry didn’t reappear. Draco waited; listened for any more sound, but there was nothing. After fifteen minutes, he grew impatient. He got up and made his way quietly upstairs to see what they were doing. He dodged the one creaky floorboard on the landing as he went to Teddy’s room at the far end of the house. He’d avoided that room since he came back – he didn’t want to see it still and empty when Teddy wasn’t there. 

The door was open, just a crack. Enough for Draco to see Harry sitting cross-legged on the end of Teddy’s bed, like they were two kids having a sleepover. He’d missed watching Harry be a parent. It wasn’t as though Draco had forgotten, but the most he’d seen of the two of them together in the past three years had been the odd occasion they got the timing wrong when they swapped over at Andromeda’s. Draco really should stop by and see her, he’d just been so busy. 

‘Daddy will get better, won’t he?’ Teddy was asking Harry. Draco went to cast a muffilato on himself, momentarily forgetting that he couldn’t. He supressed a groan of frustration. 

‘Of course he will, it’ll just take time,’ Harry reassured him. 

‘He nearly died, didn’t he?’ It was really more a statement than a question, and one loaded with much more understanding than one would ever expect from an eleven-year-old. 

‘He didn’t though, and that’s what matters. And we have to do everything we can to make sure he knows how much we love him. Can you do that for me? I think it’s very important.’ Draco’s chest felt heavy with emotion. He felt so much these days, far more than the rage he felt before. He supposed it was the effect of being unable to take his anxiety potions – he wasn’t used to feeling so much all the time. 

‘I can do that. Can you do that? He moved out and you stopped loving him and you were always angry with him. Did he hurt you? Because you’re not supposed to love people who hurt you.’ Draco frowned. Teddy’s voice sounded so small for someone who was so wise. He wondered what it might’ve been like for him to live with Harry these past years. Draco very rarely spoke of Harry when Teddy was around, unless it was to ask him what he’d been doing or when he needed to go back home. Maybe Harry hadn’t been so careful. 

‘I didn’t stop loving him, Teddy. It’s difficult for you to understand because you’re so young. Sometimes when you love people you have to let them go so that they can be happier and sometimes they go and they’re not happier and they want to come back, and other times they don’t.’ 

‘If you didn’t stop loving him, why were you so angry at him all the time?’ Harry sighed, and Draco could see the tension in his shoulders, the way he held himself too stiffly. It was the same posture Draco had seen after the war when the Ministry had tried to mould him into their poster boy – speech after speech Draco stood in the background watching him look like that. Not many people noticed his discomfort, but Draco had.

‘I was wrong. I was upset that he might be happier when I wasn’t there, and it made me angry. That was wrong of me, very wrong, and I’m sorry you had to watch.’ Teddy pursed his lips in thought, taking him time to mull over what Harry was saying. 

‘I forgive you. Grown up stuff sounds hard. I think it would make me very angry too if you were happier without me.’ 

‘Well, luckily for you, I’ll never ever be happier without you. I’m very proud of you for going to Hogwarts and being away from home, it’s not easy. You should go to sleep now though, bud. It’s getting very late.’ Teddy looked sideways at his bedside clock and nodded. He yawned widely, his body agreeing with him. Harry chuckled. 

‘Thank you for coming to get me, and for letting me put the star on the tree. I love you.’ Teddy slipped under his bed covers. 

‘You’re welcome. I love you too. Now get some sleep, you need did.’ Harry got up from the end of the bed and made his way to the door. Draco hid around the corner as quickly as he could, feeling like he had in first year when he’d snuck out to catch Harry out of bed, only to get himself detention too. His father had been furious. 

‘Dad?’ Harry had almost reached the door, but he stopped and turned back around. 

‘Hm?’ 

‘I’m glad he’s back home, because he makes you happy too.’ Harry didn’t say anything to him, just backed out of the room and closed the door. He rested his head against the door and closed his eyes. 

‘He’s a bit intense isn’t he.’ Harry jumped and clutched his chest. 

‘Bloody hell, Draco! How long have you been there?’ Draco smirked. 

‘Long enough.’ 

‘I suppose you think you’re clever then.’ Harry turned away from the door and walked down the landing to their room, so Draco took that as a cue to follow. 

‘Clever? Why?’ He watched Harry unbutton his shirt and put it in the laundry and he tried very hard to remember his train of thought. Harry ran a hand through his hair and Draco watched as his back muscles flexed. He was always confused at how Harry had maintained his muscle mass after he quit the aurors – he never saw him work out. 

‘Where do you think he gets his intensity from?’ Harry smirked at him over his shoulder as he opened a cabinet on the far wall. A compromise. Harry had wanted a television in their bedroom and Draco thought that would be the beginning of the end. They got the television of course, Draco could never say no to Harry, but he made him install it so it could be hidden as much as possible. He could only stand there staring like an idiot. 

‘Maybe. His heart is all you though.’ He shook his head and forced himself to move, going to his bedside table to take out his journal. He looked around for his reading glasses and eventually found them under his pillow. He didn’t remember leaving them there.

‘Listen to us,’ Harry laughed, ‘sometimes I forget he’s not actually our kid.’ Draco froze. 

‘His is ours.’ He said coldly. His hand tightening against the leather binding.

‘Yeah of course he is. I just meant…never mind. It doesn’t matter.’ 

‘I’m sorry. I don’t like to think about it. He’s all I have.’ He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was doing that a lot, but it didn’t always help. 

‘That’s not true and you know it. I’m not letting you leave again.’ 

‘You say that like it was a choice the first time.’ He sat on their bed and unwound the leather straps. He’d had enough of this – going over and over it. He really just wanted to move on. 

‘Do you think Teddy has really taken it all that well? Or should we expect the fall out later?’ Harry asked him. 

‘Only time will tell I suppose. I don’t know what I expected, considering I live here now, and he was going to figure it out either way, but I thought we’d have more time than that. I thought we could tell him all of it slowly – break him in.’ Harry sat on their bed much the same way he had just found him sitting on Teddy’s. They both should be tired by now, yet somehow Draco felt like he’d downed an entire vat of black coffee. 

‘I didn’t want to lie to him. He would’ve found out eventually. I’ve had enough people in my life tell me things on a need to know basis, I wasn’t going to do that to him too.’ Draco understood that but chose not to reply. He didn’t want to relive all time times someone had made a decision for him 

He poured everything into the day’s entry. So much so that his hand quickly cramped with the ferocity with which he was writing. 

∞

‘Why do you write in this thing so much?’ Harry asked him a couple of days later. It was unusual, but he’d had a strange dream and he wanted to write it down as soon as he woke up so he didn’t forget it. Draco paused mid-sentence to look at him. There was no anger on his face, but it didn’t seem like a good question. 

‘It’s part of my medication.’ He answered simply.

‘But why do you write it all down when you don’t tell me.’

‘Harry it’s not like that.’

‘Will you tell me? When things have settled down?’ He looked at Draco so earnestly that he briefly wondered how he had ever had the strength to leave him, even if he didn’t regret it. 

‘Of course I will.’ He promised, and he meant it. Harry smiled the kind of smile that brought the faint creases around his eyes out. They really were faint, he wasn’t even thirty yet, but they were little reminders of the life they’d lived so far. 

‘That’s enough for me. I shouldn’t complain, you know how much I love you in those glasses.’ Draco rolled his eyes. 

‘I swear Harry if you call me cute one more time, I’ll-’ 

‘But you _are_ cute,’ Harry whined, and it reminded Draco of Ella. 

‘I. Am. Not. Cute.’

‘Hmmm. How about hot then?’ Draco rolled his eyes again but couldn’t suppress his smile. 

‘You’re such an idiot,’ he said fondly. Harry leant over to kiss him, and it was so much more intense than Draco was expecting that it almost made his toes curl. They were really getting into it when Harry pulled away suddenly and Draco groaned in protest. 

‘Calm down, I’m not done with you yet. But I’ve just remembered there’s something I want to show you before I go to my meeting.’ He took off out of the room and Draco thought about reminding him that he wasn’t properly dressed yet. But really, it wasn’t as though he was going to complain at seeing him wander around half naked, was it? 

He slipped the journal into his bedside drawer along with his glasses and followed Harry to his study, where he was at his desk pulling a stack of papers out from the top drawer. 

‘You can say no to this if you want to. I don’t want you to feel like I’m putting pressure on you, but I’ve been keeping these in here for a week now and I’m sick of thinking about it.’ He pushed the stack of papers across the desk towards Draco who could just make out the title page without his reading glasses. Honestly, Harry could’ve warned him he’d be reading, then wouldn’t have taken his glasses off. 

‘What is this?’ He didn’t want to jump to conclusions. 

‘I wondered if you’d teach at the orphanage.’ Harry looked sheepish as though he expected Draco to be angry with him. ‘It’s not much, but those are the muggle papers you need to fill in before you get approval to work with children. It’s a basic criminal record check, it’s supposed to prove you’re safe. We have to have them so that any of the children in the muggle social care system can be transferred without us having to obliviate anyone.’ 

‘And it’s called a…CRB check? Can I even pass one of those? I have a wizarding criminal record…’ Draco wasn’t sure about this. What kind of teaching would he need to do? All the children were going to muggle primary school anyway.

‘Which has already been cleared by the Ministry. What exactly would you write on the form? Fixed a magic disappearing cabinet and accidently cursed a girl with a magic necklace?’

‘Good point. Why do you want me to teach them? More to the point, _what_ do you want me to teach them? I’m not a natural leader…’

‘I was thinking about it and I realised how easy it would be to go too far the other way. It’s important to make sure wizards understand muggle culture, but that doesn’t mean we should forget about wizarding culture too. I thought maybe you’d like to teach them some of the things you were taught when you grew up. Maybe it’s a stupid idea, I don’t even know what growing up in a magical household is even like. I just thought it was something important to you…’ It was, and Draco was blown away by how much thought and care Harry was putting into this. It seemed like he’d finally found a way to save people without putting himself in danger.

‘Thank you. Didn’t Pansy say she wanted me to work with her? I don’t know if I can do all of that. I still get so tired…’

‘Don’t worry about Pansy, I’ll talk to her. I’ll leave these in here, but you can look at them any time you want, ok? You don’t have to decide right now. There’s already so much going on.’

‘It’s a really good thing you’re doing here, you know? You’ll actually make a difference. A much greater and better difference than you would running around for the Ministry. I say it a lot to Teddy, but I’m proud of you too. And please don’t be annoyed at me for saying it, because I mean it with love, but it’s really helping with your anger too.’ Harry didn’t like to talk about the anger, Draco supposed it made him feel a bit of a failure, but he couldn’t be perfect _all_ the time. There was no such thing as _Saint Potter_ after all.

‘I hope so. It’s taking a lot of work. I’ve been trying to get planning permission to sort out the garden for months but they’re being a pain in the arse about it because it’s a grade two listed building.’

‘Harry, love, I have no idea what any of that means.’ Harry grinned at him.

‘Right, right, sorry. I have a meeting today that should sort it all out anyway. If not, well, we’ll figure something out. Besides, I have far more interesting things to do right now…’ He got up from his desk chair and grabbed Draco’s hand, pulling him back to their bedroom. It was weird how easily Draco had reverted to calling it that, when he’d spent the first month here in the guest bedroom.

‘Harry we can’t! I’ve already heard Teddy this morning. I couldn’t live with myself if he saw anything.’ Harry didn’t answer him at first, just kissed him to shut him up. It was really hard to say no to that.

‘We’re wizards, Draco. We invented silencing and locking charms for a reason…’ The smirk on Harry’s face made Draco want to punch him, but he supposed that wouldn’t get him very far.

‘You’re such a pain in the arse,’ Draco told him.

‘Give me five minutes and I really will be.’

‘I hate you.’ 

‘No you don’t.’


	8. Chapter 8

Draco struggled over the next few days to create balance. He was working very hard to maintain the momentum with his little project. He’d decided to write a book of sorts, perhaps more a memoir, of his life from joining the Death Eaters onwards. It had been flowing well since he’d started, but he knew how easy it would be to clam up if he didn’t make himself write a little bit every day. He was fortunate that Teddy was also spending time with his grandmother and with Molly Weasley, although Draco was careful not to palm him off on other people too much. The run up to Christmas was a mad time for Molly who had more grandchildren than she could count now, and Andromeda wasn’t as steady on her feet as she used to be. Besides which, Teddy would be away even longer the next time he went back to Hogwarts, and Draco was doing his best to save up their time together like one of those muggle solar panels Harry had been talking about installing on the roof. Light panels on the roof? Muggles came up with the weirdest inventions. 

Today however, he was taking a break from his writing to take Teddy shopping in muggle London. Draco liked to avoid Diagon this close to Christmas, but Oxford Street would still be relatively quiet in the middle of the week according to Harry, who said muggle children stayed in school until right before Christmas. Draco thought that was mean, Christmas was about spending time with family and people couldn’t do that if they were at work or school the whole time. He’d already bought presents for everyone except Harry, but he liked to shop with Teddy just to let the kid run wild for a few hours. Unfortunately, Harry couldn’t join them like he sometimes did, but Draco supposed that might work in his favour on this occasion. 

They were wandering around the toy section of Harrods when Draco turned to Teddy and asked, ‘Ted, if you could have anything for Christmas, what would it be?’ He realised it wasn’t the smartest thing to ask a child, but he couldn’t help himself. Teddy paused in front of a giant Lego set which seemed to be a model of a spaceship. He opened his mouth and closed it again with indecision. Draco had to admit, he hadn’t expected him to find the answer so difficult. 

‘A puppy.’ Teddy said finally, ‘but not a crup, just a regular puppy. I think they’re cute and I’ve never had a pet before. Well, except Eltanin, but he’s not really that sort of pet. I talk to him though…sometimes.’ Draco wasn’t sure what response he’d expected, but it wasn’t that. He shrugged. 

‘Maybe you can get one when you’re older,’ he suggested with a smile. 

‘Can we go and look at the Christmas decorations? I know we already put the tree up, but I like looking at them.’ 

‘Of course we can. I need your help buying a present for your dad though, so you’ll have to get your thinking cap on.’ Teddy frowned at him. 

‘But you always buy Dad’s present first? It’s like…tradition.’ The puzzled look on Teddy’s face was adorable. Draco felt even more guilty following it though, he’d never had trouble buying Harry presents before.

‘I know,’ he said quietly. Thankfully at that moment Teddy’s attention was diverted by the reindeer shaped baubles and darted off. Draco nodded and smiled as Teddy showed him row after row of unique ornaments from glass snowflakes to perspex spheres you could insert your own photo into to hang on the tree. He wasn’t really paying as much attention as he should be though as he continued to think about Harry’s Christmas present. He was seriously running out of time. His gaze wandered away from Teddy and he saw a couple picking out a nativity set. He was nearly blinded when the woman’s ring caught the light and flashed in his eye as she turned to show her partner whatever it was that had caught her eye. He remembered the first time he and Harry had bought their own Christmas decorations – it was novel for Draco since his own family had never celebrated Christmas – besides at Hogwarts. 

He wanted to give Harry something sentimental. That was the only way. They didn’t need _stuff_ , they had everything they could ever ask for. Family on the other hand, that was what had always matter to Harry. Draco knew he hadn’t had a ‘family’ Christmas until he’d met the Weasleys and after their first Christmas with Teddy, Draco had found him crying in their bedroom at the end of the day, having been overwhelmed by the feeling. 

What on earth could he give him that meant that much? It needn’t be something expensive, just something that mattered. He looked back at the photo-filled baubles currently displaying generic muggle stock photos and an idea struck him.

‘Ted?’ Draco scanned the surrounding area and was relieved when Teddy’s head popped up from behind a set of three-foot penguins. Honestly, who would buy that crap? 

‘Mhm?’ 

‘How do you feel about a quick trip to Diagon?’ Teddy grinned. 

‘Only if we can look at Quidditch supplies!’ Draco rolled his eyes but agreed. He reluctantly agreed to let Teddy take a muggle black cab since he’d always been fascinated by them and was grateful he’d had the foresight to bring more muggle cash with him than he normally would. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to pounds and pence. 

The taxi dropped them near the Leaky Cauldron, and Draco could tell this was going to be difficult purely by the sheer volume of people in the pub alone. He was always careful to avoid crows with Teddy, not wanting to put him at risk by having an anxiety attack when Teddy was his sole responsibility. 

‘You can tell me if you need to leave, Daddy. I know you don’t like lots of people. It’s ok, one of my friends at Hogwarts is claustrophobic and we have to look after him when there’s quidditch – he doesn’t like being in the stands. He gets that funny breathing thing you do. It’s not exactly the same, but close enough, right?’ Draco’s heart swelled with pride. 

‘Right.’ He agreed nervously. Teddy took his hand and squeezed it tightly and Draco thought he couldn’t possibly love the boy any more than he did in that moment. They made it through the pub with relative ease, although Draco had to concentrate very hard on looking straight ahead and not thinking about it. There were people packed so tightly they made a tin of sardines look roomy. He was convinced he saw one wizard with three other wizards sitting on his lap – not that any of them seemed to mind in the slightest. Teddy kept a tight grip on his hand, and he would have to let him have one of Fortescue’s famous Christmas hot chocolates, it was the least he deserved. 

‘I knew you could do it!’ Teddy exclaimed once they’d made out the back. 

‘Of course.’ He said with a fake air of nonchalance before smirking at him. ‘Now, do you want to tap the bricks?’

‘Yes!’ Teddy didn’t come to Diagon all that often, but he’d never once forgotten the combination, even though on the occasions they did go, it was often by apparition. If Draco thought the Leaky was busy, it was nothing compared to Diagon itself. It was so packed he couldn’t see one exposed cobble anywhere. 

‘Let’s go and look at Quidditch things first, yeah?’ Draco said with a tight voice. 

‘Ok!’ Teddy bounded off towards Quality Quidditch Supplies, dragging Draco along behind him. This shop was less packed than the street when they stepped inside, setting off the bell above the door, many people couldn’t afford the luxury of a broomstick after the war. Draco supposed it was taking a while for business to pick up again. 

Teddy made a beeline for the broom on display at the centre of the shop. It was a Lightening ’98 – named after Harry and dated by the war. Draco had thought it was cheap advertising at the time, but Harry had convinced him that he was only grateful they hadn’t called it the Potter ’98 and tried to sell it with his face all over it. Of course, it was practically a vintage model now, hence why the little plaque next to it read _for display purposes only._  

‘Can I help you?’ Draco was taken aback when he looked up from the broom to find Oliver Wood standing in front of him. 

‘No, thank you. My son likes to look at the vintage models,’ he said politely, indicating towards Teddy. 

‘Did you really name this one after my dad?’ He asked the same question every time and always got the same response. At least, he did before Wood worked there. 

‘Your- yes. Yes, they did. I was captain of the first quidditch match he ever played you know – trained him myself.’ Wood was looking altogether too smug, and that was saying something coming from Draco. 

‘Really?’ Teddy’s eyes went wide with interest. Ironic considering he’d only just been telling them how he wasn’t all that interested in quidditch. Still, he’d always found it sweet the way Teddy put Harry on a pedestal. Draco had done the same with his own father at that age, although Harry more than deserved his place. 

‘Really. He’s a natural born flyer of course, couldn’t believe it when they said he’d grown up muggle-’ 

‘Teddy we should get going.’ Draco interrupted. Wood turned to him looking irritated. 

‘Look, Malfoy, I-’

‘It’s Potter, actually,’ he drew himself up to his full height, allowing himself to be amused when Wood’s jaw dropped, ‘and we should be going.’ 

‘Potter? But we I- when we- you’re still married?’ Draco nearly faltered. When they what? 

‘It’s not really any of your business, Wood. Come of Ted.’ He cringed at how much he sounded like his father, and purposefully held his hand out for Teddy to prove the opposite. Teddy, to his credit, had learned better than to question Draco when they were in public. They left the shop and Wood, and Draco put on a brave face to battle the crowds to the apothecary where he’d need to go in the first place. 

‘You didn’t like that man.’ Teddy said once they were away from the crowds again. Draco sighed. 

‘I have no opinion on him whatsoever except that he’s mightily annoying when you let him talk about quidditch.’ He sighed. 

‘Daddy, that’s an opinion.’ Teddy said it with such serious seriousness that Draco couldn’t help but burst out laughing. An elderly witch turned to look, and her face fell into a scowl when she realised who he was. It was weird really, Draco was almost as famous as Harry now, except he was famous for the wrong reasons. He still found it odd that people recognised him, let alone old ladies who may or may not have been born a century before him. This woman certainly looked like she could’ve been. Sorry not sorry. 

‘Help me pick out some vials and a storage case?’ He asked Teddy, turning his back to the miserable witch. He had no time for negativite nellies at the minute. 

‘You’re not buying Dad potions supplies for Christmas, are you?’ Teddy whined.

‘Don’t be ridiculous. The present is what I’m putting in the vials.’ He figured he may as well make it look as pretty as he could, so he walked over to where there were some ornate, teardrop-shaped, crystal-cut vials engraved with intricate trees with curling branches. They were unlike anything Draco had ever seen, and that was saying something considering how much time he’d spent among potions. They were ridiculously expensive too – the set cost 150 galleons and whilst Draco could easily afford them, it blew his mind anything so fancy had made its way into the apothecary here. Perhaps in France it may have seemed more usual.

‘Daddy, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Dad prefers simple things. Like that time when I was six and Mipsy knitted those awful socks for him because she said Dobby would have wanted him to have them. He cried, remember?’ Draco shook his head at the fond memory. He’d taken the absolute piss of course. 

‘I remember. And you’re right, he’d hate those.’ Instead, Draco chose a simple style, but picked one with self-cleaning charms that kept away the dust. The creepy old witch was still staring at him after he’d paid, but they both left the shop without paying her any mind. 

Once they’d stepped back out into the street Draco realised it was already getting dark. It made navigating the crowds much harder with the ever-dimming light. Draco was frustrated by his inability to shrink his purchase and keep it save from being jostled and he had to make do with putting it in one of the muggle bags they’d picked up earlier. His heart was racing as he stepped into the throng of people and he was breathing deeply to keep himself together. 

‘Come on. I’ll get you a hot chocolate and then we can go home.’ 

∞

Draco found himself being shooed upstairs the minute they got home by a ridiculously sharp looking Harry. He had to snap himself out of a stupor when he realised he’d been staring at him for a good few minutes and not listening to a word he said. Harry was giving him a smug look he wanted to wipe right off his well-defined features. Oh, but he had forgotten how hot Harry was when he dressed well. Not that he wasn’t ridiculously hot all the time though.

‘What? Why? What’s happening?’ He tried to ask as Harry steered him to the bottom of the stairs and gave him quite a forceful nudge in the small on his back. 

‘We’re going out, Teddy’s going to stay with Ron and Hermione for the night. No more questions, go.’ Harry left him standing there bewildered as he spoke to Teddy about going to his aunt and uncles. Draco was slightly concerned, Harry had spent so much time working recently, getting everything up and running, that he hadn’t spent much time with Teddy in the week he’d been back. Christmas was just days away, and Teddy wouldn’t be home for long. Still, he was intrigued. He and Harry hadn’t been many places at all, being worried a headline would appear somewhere and kick up yet more fuss they didn’t want. 

He didn’t argue, however. He went upstairs and pulled out the bespoke suit he’d bought not long after the wedding. He’d had to alter the tailoring charms around his arse slightly since, but he’d never tell a soul that – not even Harry. It wasn’t exactly important anyway, he’d always been built like a string bean compared to Harry’s more toned physique. Besides, it wasn’t as though Harry would complain about there being a little more of Draco’s arse than before. 

He went with a classic white shirt, although he’d been sorely tempted by the icy blue one. He wasn’t feeling very pretentious and Harry was already wearing enough colour for them both. That purple shirt had been a good buy if he did say so himself. 

‘Are you going to tell me where we’re going?’ He asked Harry when he made it back downstairs, adjusting his cufflinks impatiently. Without saying a word Harry cast a styling charm at Draco and he watched as his hair fell into place from the slight mess it had become in the wind earlier. 

‘Sorry, I just thought you’d appreciate the help,’ Harry said sheepishly, rubbing at his neck as he always did when he was nervous. ‘I’m not telling you anyway, you’ll see when we get there.’ Damn Harry and his bloody surprises. 

‘I do appreciate it, thank you.’ He grabbed one of Harry’s hands and pulled him closer. ‘What’s got you so stressed though? 

‘I just. I want this to go well, ok? It’s important to me.’ Draco kissed him gently. 

‘Don’t over think it. Things don’t have to be perfect, let’s just see what happens.’ It was difficult for him to offer any real advice when he didn’t exactly know what was happening, but he tried. 

‘Yeah, you’re right. Sorry. Ready to go?’ Harry straightened himself up and tugged on his sleeves, trying to brush off his worry. Draco admired the effort, although Harry’s nervousness made himself uneasy. Could it really be so long since they’d been out together that Harry was this scared? It didn’t instil him with confidence. Harry offered him his arm and Draco took it, feeling the familiar turn of his stomach as he was pulled into apparition. Harry’s apparating wasn’t exactly smooth, but Draco supposed it must be hard for him to control the sheer force of his magic all the time. 

With a pop they arrived at their destination and the breath was knocked from his lungs. They stood on the corner of the very restaurant they had supposed to have visited the night they had their last fight as a married couple. He was lost for words. His throated tightened and his eyes burned with tears. Why would Harry bring him here of all places? 

‘The first reason why I’m so nervous,’ Harry said from beside him. He didn’t make any move to approach the building, which Draco appreciated. His eyes were trained on the vermillion door – it was so fancy it was partially obscured behind a gate and a security guard. He supposed that was for the bar below ground. ‘If you don’t want to do this, we can go somewhere else. I just thought…I don’t know. I thought maybe if I brought you here and we had the date we were supposed to have, maybe you’d understand how sorry I am about everything I did to you. That, and how serious I am about making this work.’ Draco didn’t want to ask what “this” was. He was scared. He didn’t want Harry to want him just because he was sick, but he also didn’t want to hear him say it if that really was the truth. Did Harry even know? He unlinked his arm from Harry’s but gripped his hand tightly instead. 

‘Honestly, Potter. You worry far too much. Get on with it would you?’ Harry shook his head but smiled in amusement and let Draco drag him towards the restaurant. He’d been shocked the first time Harry had brought him here – or more to the point, tried to bring him here. It was a ridiculously fancy place he knew Harry would never frequent given the choice. It spoke volumes that he would dress up to the nines just to bring Draco here. He supposed that’s why that fight had been as bad as it had been. Still, he wasn’t about to make the same mistake again. The waiting list for a table was longer than their marriage. 

He was glad to step inside, the icy winter air finally shielded from him. He had paper fine skin after all, which his wrinkled frequently reminded him. He anxiously pressed at the corner of his eye as if he could smooth the skin back to how it had been when he was twenty-one and hadn’t even heard of moisturiser. 

‘Draco, stop it. How many times do I have to tell you? You don’t have bloody wrinkles. You’re beautiful, ok?’ Draco’s fingertips froze where they were, and he gaped at Harry. He felt his cheeks flame like an awkward teenager being complimented for the first time. When was the last time someone had said something like that to him? He couldn’t even remember. 

‘I-I- thank you,’ he stammered. Mentally cursing himself for being so inept. Harry looked at him in utter bewilderment before the penny dropped. 

‘Oh! Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean- well, you are beautiful. I did mean it.’ He shrugged awkwardly as Draco wondered how on earth they were going to get through this if they kept acting like that. He didn’t even know where to look. He was distracted as they were shown their table at the back of the restaurant, concealed behind an unnecessary column. Draco stopped walking and Harry didn’t notice for a few seconds, but he seemed to sense Draco’s hesitation, so he stopped and walked back towards him. 

‘Draco, look at me.’ He pulled his gaze away from the column to look Harry in the eye. The dim light of the restaurant gave his eyes an odd hazel hue. It made him feel as though he was looking at someone else, just for a second. ‘You don’t have to do this. I know it scares you, being here. I thought it might help if we were in the back…’ Draco nodded. 

‘You’re right, it’s a good idea.’ Harry nodded and took his hand. ‘Just let me know if it’s too much, ok? I don’t want the same thing happening again ok?’ Draco thought back to the Thai place in muggle London, the one they’d been to when Harry had been promoted. His heart swelled at the difference, at the attention Harry paid to Draco’s anxiety. There was a niggle, a small seed of doubt in the back of his mind that maybe it was just because he was physically sick that it mattered more, but he pushed it aside. Harry was sitting across from him, looking at him like he was the whole world, and he was inclined to believe it. 

It probably didn’t help that it was another Asian cuisine restaurant – Chinese this time. The waiter who handed them menus looked like Marlon Brando’s grandson, so much that Draco almost did a double take before remembering that Marlon Brando was a muggle and, if he were still alive, would by 94 by now. 

One look at the prices and Draco suddenly felt overwhelmed. It was a long time since he’d been anywhere as fancy as this. Once upon a time he’d have waltzed in here like he owned the place, demanding a bottle of the most expensive pinot noir and generally being as obnoxious as possible. He wasn’t like that anymore, and for once he got a glimpse of what it was like to be Harry – to feel like a fish out of water.   

The blood was rushing in his ears as he watched Harry talk to the waiter. He had no idea what either of them were saying, he simply stared at the way Harry’s lips moved and his easy smile. To distract himself from the wave of anxiety, he studied the sharp line of Harry’s jaw as he talked, watched the tendons in his neck work and wondered whether they could just skip dinner altogether so he could take him home.

The menu was whisked out of his hands and the waiter disappeared. Draco was concentrating too hard on his breathing to notice and jumped when Harry took both of his hands in his.

‘Are you sure you’re ok with this?’ Harry’s pupils were blown wide in the dim light and it gave him an endearing quality which contrasted starkly with his James Bond-esque look. Draco would happily take both versions of him either way. Preferably without the risk to life of course.

‘I can do this Harry.’ 

Harry smiled at him. ‘I ordered you the seabass and edamame, I hope you don’t mind. I figured you needed a minute.’ For a moment he was overcome with love for the man sitting opposite him, looking like a model. 

‘I definitely don’t mind. Tell me about your day.’ He noticed that Harry had avoided ordering wine even though it was only Draco who wasn’t drinking. Things really had changed. 

‘Pansy is fitting in well at the Ministry trying to sort of the process for registering orphaned children. It’s complicated magic, but it builds on the same blood magic that works with the magical register and the Hogwarts register, so it should be possible to do the same thing. We don’t know how that’ll work on the muggle side of things, but it’s a start. Erm…I spoke to the board, they’re unconvinced about you teaching. Mainly because it’s well, you. I think they’ll come around though. Oh, and Ella told me to give you a big hug and a kiss and to tell you she’d going to be an angel in the nativity play, so you can’t call her a sausage anymore.’ 

Draco laughed. ‘Busy day then? Oh, I bet she’s the cutest angel. Muggles take photos at those kinds of things, right?’ He wasn’t really aware of nativity plays and the like until this year when some of the oldest kids started getting excited about it. He’d thought it was sweet, until he’d heard from some of the other staff who had their own kids that there was a mad rush to get costumes sorted, and one poor woman’s son was a lobster in his nativity. A lobster? Were there lobsters at the birth of Jesus? It didn’t compel Draco to open a Bible that’s for sure. 

‘They’re funny about that now…parents taking photos of children. Political correctness gone mad and all that. It keeps them safe though. We can always take photos of her before she goes, she loves your camera.’ Draco was overly concerned with the children having photos. It seemed silly, but without parents to dote on them, it would be so easy for their lives to pass them by without them having anything to look back on. Draco didn’t want that.

 When Draco’s fish arrived, he could’ve melted into the floor. Harry had been really bloody boring and ordered the most ridiculously poncy satay chicken Draco had ever seen. He had no imagination, and Draco told him as much. They kept conversation light for the most part, avoiding anything that may cause the argument they’d had the last time they’d tried to come here. Draco felt happy. Really, genuinely happy. Harry’s smile was warm and his conversation interesting. He held Draco’s hand across the table multiple times throughout the course of the evening, and Draco was beginning to feel like he had when they’d been dating.

And if when they got home they made the most of Teddy staying at Ron and Hermione’s for the night…well, gentlemen don’t kiss and tell.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Belated Christmas!

Draco was disappointed he hadn’t made it to the orphanage again before Christmas, but when Christmas Day dawned, he was still feeling happier than he had in a long time. Thankfully Teddy was old enough now that he’d stopped waking them up at five in the morning, although when Draco glanced at the clock, he wasn’t sure that half past seven was quite the improvement he’d been hoping for. 

‘Ted?’ Harry mumbled from where his head was squished against the pillow, facing away from Draco. 

‘Do you mind if I…’ Teddy flushed and looked down at his wrinkled pyjamas and tried to smooth them out a little. Draco was struck with how much the mannerism reminded him of himself. Harry huffed, disgruntled by the effort he’d have to make to move, but he rolled over and pulled the covers aside anyway. He always wore full pyjamas on Christmas Eve since Teddy often came into their room on Christmas morning. A couple of years ago, when he was nine, he’d cried because he thought he was getting too old and it wasn’t normal, but Draco had reassured him that there was no such thing as normal and he could keep up the tradition as long as he wanted. He knew it would end eventually, but Teddy didn’t.

He climbed into the bed between the two of them. He curled up against Harry’s back and despite Draco’s usual insecurity, he was quite grateful he’d gone to Harry that morning. He’d been up very late wrapping presents and choosing how he was going to fill the vials for Harry. He still needed far more sleep than usual, and he needed a little longer. Plus, Harry had been working so hard lately that he hadn’t had much time with Ted. 

‘Merry Christmas,’ Teddy whispered as Draco started to fall back to sleep. 

‘M’rry Chr’mas,’ he murmured. 

It felt like no more than five minutes later when he was roused by someone poking him on the cheek. He groaned and tried to turn over, his head feeling woolly, but the poking only got more persistent. 

‘Whaaaat.’ He heard giggles and he realised Teddy was trying to wake him up. He supposed it was only fair, he still got excited for Christmas. He blinked his eyes open slowly, trying to ignore how much they hurt and found Teddy nearly sitting on top of him, grinning down at him like a lunatic, his hair a vibrant shade of green. 

‘He said it matches the Christmas tree,’ Harry supplied from beside him where he was lounging casually on top of his side of the covers, a breakfast tray laid out between them. Draco pushed himself up slowly and tried to ignore the feeling that he needed a good three hours more sleep than he was getting. 

‘Dad said I had to let you sleep longer, because you need lots more energy than I do. We decided we should have breakfast in bed.’ Teddy pointed at the tray of food enthusiastically and Draco couldn’t help but feel his excitement was infectious. He looked between the two most important people in his life and a lump formed in his throat. These people really cared about him – as much as he cared about them. They loved him and they wanted to spend their Christmas with his sorry arse. 

‘Thank you.’ He pulled Teddy into a hug which he gave back in equal measure. When they pulled apart, Harry handed him a plate of pastry. 

‘Are these-?’ 

‘From your favourite patisserie in France? I’m positive I wouldn’t have a clue.’ Harry said with fake innocence. Draco’s jaw dropped. 

‘You’ve got to be kidding me. How did you even pull it off?’ Draco asked him before he bit into a cinnamon roll. He held back a moan, knowing it would sound highly inappropriate in front of Teddy. The bar was set incredibly high this year.

‘I get by with a little help from my friends.’ Harry sang totally off key but with great enthusiasm. He thought maybe this was the best Christmas morning so far and he hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet. He glanced at his bedside clock which read ten in the morning and he was genuinely impressed that Harry had managed to keep Teddy occupied for so long. 

‘What have you been doing then?’ He asked between mouthfuls. The pair exchanged a look which he knew meant they were doing something he wouldn’t approve of. 

‘Dad charmed the baubles to act like bludgers and they chased us around the living room. We used pillows to whack them at each other. It was great!’ Teddy gushed excitedly. Draco dropped half a pastry back onto the plate in his other hand. 

He looked imploringly at Harry. ‘Tell me you didn’t.’ At least the man had the gumption to look guilty.

‘Anything that got broken was easily fixed?’ Harry tried to assuage him. Draco’s stomach flipped. 

‘The presents…’ He could almost feel the colour draining from his own face. 

‘No! No, no! None of them were touched. I covered them in a bubble charm first. Actually, why didn’t I do that with everything else? That would’ve been the sensible thing to do.’ Draco let his head fall into his hands, his breakfast now abandoned. 

‘Harry. My love. My life. My greatest pain in the arse. The _sensible_ thing would’ve been to not play the game in the first place. It’s certainly one way to wake me up in the morning. Come on, lets open these infernal presents before something in the living room explodes and we’re picking pieces of that crappy muggle plastic out of our hair for a week.’ He was nearly always adamant that he got to shower and dress before going downstairs on Christmas morning, but he would let that slide today. It was only ever really a habit he’d developed in his childhood, it was good to be a little less well turned out from time to time. He got up and shivered because of the significant temperature difference and grabbed his fluffiest dressing gown on his way out of the door. Harry and Teddy scrambled behind him. 

He was surprised that there was little evidence of their silly game other than a few cushions left out of place and a pile of pillows in the corner. He could handle that. He fluffed the cushions and put the pillows in the hallways to take back upstairs later. When he returned to the living room, Harry appeared from beside him and handed him a mug of what looked like hot chocolate. 

‘Are you trying to give me a sugar rush?’ Harry simply shrugged. 

‘Just drink it. Don’t deny your sweet tooth at Christmas.’ Draco took a sip and looked back at Harry in shock. The bastard had added a little something extra to it. 

‘Shhh. That one’s only for the grownups.’ He whispered in Draco’s hear as he took a seat on the sofa. Draco was unable to supress a shiver as he felt his hot breath against his skin. _Not now_ he whispered to himself. 

Teddy hadn’t noticed their little exchange, instead he’d gone straight for the presents under the tree. Draco couldn’t blame him – he’d waited a good chunk of the morning for this. 

What did surprise him however, was that Teddy made a beeline for two small presents at the back of the tree that Draco hadn’t seen before and certainly hadn’t put there himself. 

‘I had some help from Aunt Molly,’ he said proudly, handing one each to Harry and Draco. Draco smiled at the name. Teddy refused to call Molly his grandma. Apparently, he didn’t want to steal her from her own grandchildren. Not that any of them would have minded if he had. Harry said he was a lot like Remus in that way. Draco and Harry exchanged glances, impressed that Teddy had managed to slip them in without either of them noticing. 

Draco ripped into his present first. ‘Oh my!’ He exclaimed as a coil of knitted scarf fell into his lap. It was navy blue with thin Slytherin green stripes across it and the letter D on one end. He looked over at Harry who had a similar scarf in black with red stripes and a letter H. Draco was astonished. 

‘Teddy, did you make these yourself?’ He asked him. He nodded enthusiastically and grinned so broadly it looked as though his face would split in two. 

‘Aunt Molly has been teaching me!’ He said proudly, puffing his chest out. ‘It’s not much, but I tried! Is it ok?’ His face fell for a second as his eyes flickered nervously between Harry and Draco sitting next to each other on the sofa, no doubt with equally surprised expressions on their faces.

‘It’s perfect.’ Draco pulled Teddy into a tight hug and he wriggled like a toddler, trying to get out of Draco’s grip. 

‘Don’t get all sappy now! It’s present opening time!’ Teddy giggled. Draco released him and let him begin opening presents. It was a paired down Christmas this year – with everything going on it had been hard to plan much – thankfully Teddy never really asked for much anyway. Even if he did get very excited to open the boxes under the tree. 

The first present he chose was a photo album Draco had put together with Harry. Really, he should have had it when he went to Hogwarts, but it had completely slipped Draco’s mind at the time. The album included a selection of photos from when Teddy was a baby until now, including the few that remained of Teddy with Remus and Tonks. It would be something to look at if he ever got homesick at school. Teddy didn’t say much as he flicked through the pages. After a few minutes he looked up at Harry with shiny eyes and although he didn’t say anything, Draco could tell they’d done well with that one. 

He set the album to one side and moved onto the next one which was a selection of sweet from Honeydukes. He was too young to visit the shop at Hogsmeade of course. He appeared equally as enthralled by each present as the last, and Draco felt a knot of tension dissolve knowing he’d done well this year. The last present however, was the most important. He’d wrapped it in a box so as not to give too much away. 

Teddy was oblivious of course as he ripped off the red and white paper with gusto. He lifted the lid of the box underneath and sat perfectly still. He blinked down at the contents and Draco was filled with trepidation as he watched him. Harry slipped a hand into his and squeezed it for reassurance. 

‘Daddy…’ Teddy turned back towards them with the wand gripped tightly in his hand. ‘I already have a wand?’ 

‘That was your father’s wand, sweetheart. It’s cypress with a unicorn core.’ Teddy’s mouth hung open. 

‘This was…this was his?’ He twirled the wand between his fingers. Draco wondered if he felt any connection with it. His own father’s wand had been destroyed when he went to Azkaban for the last time, and his mother had been buried with hers – as per tradition. 

‘There’s something else in there too.’ Harry hinted. Teddy routed around in the bottom of the box and sat there on the floor looking puzzled. 

‘There’s just a blank piece of paper?’ Draco looked at the familiar Marauder’s Map and remembered the time not long after the war when Harry had told him about it. He’d been fuming – he’d had an advantage over him all that time? No wonder he’d stalked him so successfully in sixth year. 

‘Pick it up,’ he smirked. 

‘ _Moony Junior, Are you ready for your initiation? Moony Senior tells us that if you can answer this riddle, you’re ready._ ’ Teddy read aloud. ‘But I’m terrible at riddles! That’s what Ravenclaws are good at!’

‘Don’t be silly, Ted. You’re not defined by your house; just give it a go and you might surprise yourself.’ Draco watched words appear on the thick parchment in a chicken-scratch hand almost identical to Harry’s – it wasn’t difficult to figure out who it belonged to. 

‘ _Look, am I really that bad?_

_I’m less of a git than my dad._

_I played Harry’s foil,_

_Just like Crabbe and Goyle,_

_I’m the number one Slytherin cad_.’ 

Draco glared at Harry even though it wasn’t really his fault. Harry said nothing but smirked at him arrogantly, the bastard. 

‘Merry Christmas to you too,’ he muttered under his breath. 

‘Hahaha, it’s you isn’t it?’ Teddy asked him but he didn’t wait for a response. ‘It’s Draco Malfoy!’ He said to the parchment. Draco wondered how he even knew what to do with it. The ink spread out all over the tattered surface and Teddy looked at Harry with wide eyes. 

‘Do you remember when I told you all about your how your dad and my dad were troublemakers at school?’ Harry asked him. He nodded eagerly. ‘Well, they also made this. It’s a map of the school that tells you where everyone in the castle is at all times. It used to show you secret passages to get out of the school – like the one-eyed witch passage you could take to get to Honeydukes. They were mostly closed after the war though. We thought you might like to have it since you’re the last descendant of a Marauder. I don’t really need it now, do I?’ 

‘My dad made this? I didn’t know he was so clever.’ Teddy said with wonder.

Harry laughed. ‘He was the brightest of all of them.’

‘Thank you. This is really special.’ Teddy hugged them both and sat with the map and the wand in his lap whilst Draco and Harry exchanged presents. Of course, Draco’s nerves returned with full force when he realised Harry was holding the vials. 

‘Are these memories?’ His head with tilted to one side in confusion and Draco thought it was adorable. He nodded shyly as Harry picked one of the phials out of the box and noticed the label. 

‘The first time I realised I love you…’ He read aloud. He froze for a second before replacing the vial and looking at the others. ‘The first time I said it aloud…When we said I do…Our first night in the house… Draco, are these your memories of us?’ Harry’s voice was thick, and Draco had to focus on the floor so as not to be affected by Harry’s emotion. 

‘Not all of them, obviously. I just wanted you to see a few things the way I remember them. It’s a bit of a convoluted way of saying I love you I suppose. I didn’t really know what to get you and I’m not always good at remembering to say it…’ Harry tilted his chin up so he was forced to look at him. Harry’s eyes were glittering with tears that threatened to spill over, which they did a moment later when he blinked. 

‘You didn’t have to do that for me, these are your memories – they’re a part of you no one is supposed to understand except you.’ Draco wiped Harry’s tear away with the pads of his thumbs and blinked rapidly to stop his own tears falling. He was unsuccessful. 

‘Since when did I ever do anything the way I’m supposed to,’ he smirked. Harry briefly glanced sideways at Teddy who was staring at them with his mouth agape like a fish. 

‘Look away now, bud.’ Harry joked before taking Draco face in both hands and kissing him forcefully. Draco made a slightly inhuman sound of surprise at the sheer emotion he could feel radiating of him. It was a bruising kiss, Harry pulling at Draco’s lower lip and sending shivers down his spine. Draco thought maybe Harry had forgotten where they were, so he pulled away first. 

Harry’s face was flushed with embarrassment when they parted – Draco had been right. Coming back to himself, he looked around the room and found Teddy studiously examining another pile of presents and pretending he hadn’t seen a thing. Bless his heart of gold. 

They opened presents from Ron and Hermione – i.e. Hermione, who got Teddy a book on Herbology. They were going to see them at Christmas lunch of course, but Hermione had the foresight to know that if they all exchanged presents at The Burrow, they’d probably drown in gift wrap. When they were done, Draco glanced at his watch. 

‘We’d better get a move on. We’re due at The Burrow in forty-five minutes.’ Harry snorted from beside him.

‘You mean you’d better get a move on, no one else needs forty-five minutes to get ready you ponce.’ Draco punched him in the arm. 

‘Don’t be a git, it’s Christmas.’ He began scooping up the shreds of wrapping paper they’d left strewn all over the floor, but Harry stopped him. 

‘Let us do that, you start getting ready. You need the head start.’ Draco rolled his eyes but didn’t argue and headed upstairs. 

∞ 

‘It’s perfect!’ Harry sniggered from behind him as he checked his appearance in the mirror. Draco was wearing a pair of his least-fancy dress trousers so as not to destroy expensive garments but still look presentable.

‘It’s hideous!’ Draco whined as he adjusted his jumper. Molly made a rule after the war that Christmas was a day of silliness. Draco had only spent Christmas with the Weasleys after he and Harry were married, but Harry had told him how difficult that first Christmas without Fred had been. As such, they all had to wear amusing Christmas jumpers to lunch and Draco and Harry always bought theirs for each other. This year, Draco had bought Harry one with bells on it that said, “jingle my bells” and Harry had gotten Draco the worst jumper he’d ever owned. 

The Grinch.

‘It suits you! Look, you’re pulling the exact same face!’ Harry was laughing so much he’s started to go red whilst Draco silently stewed in front of the mirror. 

‘You’re such a git! You know that?’ He thumped him on the other arm and secretly hoped he’d be sporting matching bruises.

‘Abuse! Abuse!’ Harry yelped between laughs. Draco rolled his eyes.

‘Be careful who you say that to, or people might think you’re serious.’ 

‘Ah, you’re too much of a softie for anyone to ever believe it.’ Harry wrapped his arms around Draco’s waist and pouted at him in the mirror. 

‘You’re lucky it’s Christmas and I love you.’ He said begrudgingly. 

Harry kissed him on the cheek. ‘I’m humbled by your generosity as always.’ He said solemnly. Draco was about to use some rather fruitful language to tell him where he could shove his sarcasm when Teddy burst through the door. 

‘Come on! Come on! I want to go already!’ He was nearly jumping off the walls. 

‘Alright, alright, we’re coming.’ Harry said exasperatedly. Draco snorted because he was in fact an over-grown child. ‘Shut up you,’ Harry hissed in his ear before he let him go. They followed Teddy downstairs, having agreed to take the floo to The Burrow. 

Teddy ran off to find his shoes – despite having hurried them both downstairs – and Harry caught Draco’s elbow as he went to pick up the bag of gifts for the kids. 

‘You shouldn’t be worried about today. If you were, that is.’ Harry was looking at him intently. His lips were pursed slightly and one of his eyebrows was quirked at a funny angle. Draco wanted to smooth the slight frown out with his thumb so much that his fingertips itched but he didn’t. 

‘Are you sure? It took ages to convince them I wasn’t some sort of evil mastermind and then it was all so messy when we split. It was crazy enough they all forgave me for everything I said about them…’ 

‘…And that was a long time ago. You’ve spent long enough with the Weasleys to know that once you’re family you’re always family. Stop giving yourself such a hard time. It’ll be great, I promise. And if it gets too much all you have to do is find me. I warned them, they know you’re having a rough time, no one will mind if you only manage a few hours. Ok?’ Draco wasn’t convinced, but he nodded anyway. What exactly had Harry told them? If they treated him like an invalid all day… 

Teddy came back with his shoes laced all wrong, but there wasn’t really time to fix it. Draco had had a nightmare trying to get the waves out of his hair – Harry’s styling charms weren’t a patch on his own – and they were already running a little late. 

He eventually picked up the gifts for everyone and as he made his way to the fireplace, his attention was caught by the parchment left on the coffee table. It had writing on it again even though he was sure he had heard Harry explaining to Teddy how to use the map properly as he’d gone upstairs. Since he of course couldn’t ever let anything slide, he paused to read what the words said. 

_Alright Slytherin cad?_

_Turns out you’re really not so bad,_

_On Christmas Day we with you luck._

_Take care of  our favourite pillock._

_-_ _Padfoot & Prongs_

If he hadn’t been flying out the door – or in this case the fireplace – he probably would have needed a minute after that one. As it happened, he gave the piece of parchment a cheeky grin and shook his head at it. Not that it could see him do it, obviously.

He said nothing to Harry as he went through to the drawing room to take floo. Draco felt a little pretentious having a drawing room, but he hated the idea of the floo being in the living room and making a mess everywhere. When traveling together, Harry had started going ahead of Draco to catch him if he came out dizzy at the other end. It was sweet, since neither of them had actually said anything about it – it had just developed naturally. Harry winked at him as he shouted _The Burrow_ and disappeared into the flames. 

‘Ok little wolf, you’re up next.’ Draco handed him the pot of floo powder. Teddy was a natural at it, unlike Draco. He stepped inside and was gone with a roar of silver flame. Silver, since Draco had tried a new floo charm which let one choose the colour of one’s floo. It had been expensive but well, he did so love being extra once in a while. 

He looked down at his Grinch jumper once more and sighed in resignation. He hoped no one really thought he was a Grinch, he actually loved Christmas. He took his own handful of floo powder and closed his eyes as he stepped into the fireplace – sometimes it helped with the nausea.

‘The Burrow!’

He was glad it was Molly and Arthur’s turn to host Christmas, although he had a hunch they’d have volunteered anyway considering the circumstances. The only houses in the family big enough to house everyone were Harry and Draco’s, The Burrow and George and Angelina’s new place in Eastbourne. Between their half-unpacked house and Draco’s current state of low energy, it was the only logical option. According to Harry, the whole Weasley clan had been very worried about him when they’d heard what had happened, although Draco didn’t feel like that excused all that had gone before.

He kept his eyes closed for a few seconds after he arrived as he let the world level off. An arm wrapped round his waist from his right side and he prayed it was Harry when someone else took the gift bag from his left side. He opened his eyes slowly when he stopped feeling like the world was tilting sideways and found Harry regarding him closely. He gave him a nod to tell him he was alright when suddenly he had armfuls of a short, middle-aged woman.

‘Oh, Draco my love, it’s so good to see you!’ She said as she squished him into her amble bosom.

‘You too Mrs Weasley. Sorry it’s taken me so long.’

‘Nonsense, nonsense. You’ve had far too much to be worrying about to come and visit me. I’ve told you a hundred times to call me Molly, or Mum, if it’s easier.’ She stepped back but kept a tight grip on his arms, looking him up and down. ‘No, no, no, this is terrible. Have you not been feeding yourself? Harry dear, have you not been looking after him? Look at you! You’re as skinny as Harry was back in the day. Honestly, you boys are a disaster without me. Not to worry dear, there’s enough food around here to feed the five thousand!’ She bustled off back to the kitchen, having pinched his cheeks so hard they burned. 

‘See. Some things never change.’ Harry joked as Draco looked at him helplessly. The house smelled like roast dinner and cinnamon which was an assault on Draco’s senses but felt like true Christmas. Teddy had already run off to see his cousins and Draco sidled up to Harry for a hug before he joined the madness. 

‘You ok?’ Harry asked him quietly as Draco wrapped his arms around his waist and tucked his head under his chin. It was a little awkward since they were similar heights, but Draco didn’t care. Harry held him tightly and he felt like he could melt into him. 

‘I’m fine. Just not sure I’m ready for everyone.’ He said honestly. 

‘You can do this. I’ll be right here.’ There was no one else in the room, but Draco appreciated Harry’s care to keep quiet. You never knew where an extendable ear might be hiding when in the company of Weasleys.

Draco let go of Harry and braced himself as he walked out the back of the house where a large tent had been constructed. Percy Weasley had once told him that it was the tent they’d bought for Bill and Fleur’s wedding which was now used for family events since there was so many of them now. Draco could well imagine that their wedding had been a far cry from his and Harry’s, but from what he’d heard it had been beautiful up until it had been destroyed by Dolohov and his lackies. At least, Draco thought it was Dolohov – it had been so long he hardly remembered. 

The Granger-Weasleys had already arrived due to Hermione’s excessive punctuality, as had Fred and Angelina, but thankfully the others were even later than Harry and Draco. Teddy and Victoire were chatting and giggling in the corner as Victoire played with Rose. 

‘Draco!’ Hermione was the first to approach him and he greeted her with a brief hug and a kiss on either cheek. Her jumper depicted a dog with a Santa hat on it with the caption “Bah humpug”. Terrible, truly terrible. 

‘Alright mate? Sorry, Mr Grinch.’ The Weasel nodded in acknowledgement. His jumper was even worse – two gingerbread people in fighting poses called “ginjas”. Where did they get such crimes against fashion? 

‘Bit tired. Although Teddy made it until ten before nearly exploding with the need to open presents, so I suppose I shouldn’t complain.’ 

‘Ten? What does that feel like? I don’t think I’ve slept later than six for the past three years!’ Weasel laughed. 

‘Shut up Ron, you were in bed until eight this morning!’ 

Draco snorted. ‘Letting your wife take brunt of the excitement? You’re letting the side down mate.’ They chatted amiably for a few minutes before a disgruntled looking Arthur appear with a fussing Hugo and Hermione excused herself.

‘So, how’s that project of yours going?’ Ron asked him after his wife had disappeared inside the house. Draco started. 

‘She told you about that?’ He was very surprised, he assumed Hermione wouldn’t say a word. Although, in her defence, he hadn’t said she couldn’t. 

Ron shook his head. ‘She didn’t tell me what it was, she just said you asked for her help for a new thing you’re working on.’ Draco was momentarily distracted by Harry who was standing next to Hermione who had just re-emerged. He was bouncing baby Hugo in his arms and waving one of his fists at Draco across the tent. He remembered when Teddy was that small and it seemed like it was both yesterday and a whole lifetime ago. 

‘Oh. Right. It’s going really well thanks. How’s business?’ Hermione had told him Ron was much happier since he’d quit the aurors and started working at the shop with George. Privately Draco thought George probably needed the extra sibling support. He was doing very well but he still had never been quite the same since his twin had passed. Not that Draco had known him all that well back then to be able to pass comment anyway. 

‘I really am glad you two are patching it up,’ Ron told him, completely ignoring Draco’s question. 

‘It’s definitely made things easier.’ Draco agreed. 

‘Bloody hell Malfoy, no need to be so enthusiastic about it.’ 

‘Sorry. It’s just a lot to adjust to, you know? He’s up to his eyeballs in orphanage stuff and Teddy’s just got back from Hogwarts, so there’s a lot to keep up with.’ Ron nodded. 

‘What about you though? He’s watching out for you, isn’t he? And don’t have a go, I know you’re fully capable of looking after yourself, but mate, you nearly died. You might be decent now but honestly if that had happened when we were at school…I’d have had a great time taking the absolute piss. A Malfoy of all people without magic…’ Draco laughed a quite raucous laugh, very unusual for him, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Harry’s head turn in his direction. 

‘I deserved that one.’ He wheezed between laughs. He was glad someone knew how to make light of it. ‘He checks up on me whenever he’s home. I don’t let him come to the appointments though so there’s only so much he can do.’ Ron rolled his eyes at him and Draco was mildly offended – eye rolling was his thing. 

‘Honestly you two are as bad as each other. How’s anything supposed to work if you don’t talk to each other?’ Draco opened his mouth to respond when a cloud of noise permeated the atmosphere and he realised the rest of the hoard had descended.

‘Excuse me a minute.’ He excused himself from Ron and said polite hellos to the gaggle on Weasleys who’d just arrived as he escaped to the kitchen. He could feel his hands shaking and he didn’t want to spoil anyone’s fun so early in the day. 

‘Can I do anything to help Mrs- Molly?’ He asked a frazzled looking mother hen. 

‘Oh no Draco dear, I have this all under control. Thank you for asking though, it’s more than that lot out there do. I suppose if you wanted to be really helpful you could coax Arthur out of that blooming shed of his. I dread to think what he’s doing in there this time…’ 

‘Actually, I just saw him out in the tent with Hugo.’ Draco supplied helpfully. 

‘Oh! Really? Well, I suppose that’s alright then.’ Molly looked a lot older than she had the last time he’d seen her. She was nearly completely grey now, and the bags under her eyes betrayed how tired she really was. He could relate – watching the children at the orphanage for one afternoon drained the life out of him and he knew full well she saw a lot of her grandchildren. 

‘Are you quite alright dear?’ She asked him worriedly, fixing him with a look scarily like the one his mother used to give him except without the ferocity. 

‘Oh, yes I’m fine. I just need some water.’ He helped himself to a glass and he sat down at the kitchen table with her since most of the pans were happily stirring themselves with impeccable household charms. He thought she was a very smart woman pretending she needed to be glued to the kitchen when she really didn’t. He doubted either of them would get a word in edgeways if they went outside… 

‘How have you been my love? And don’t give me any old rubbish. I may not be your mother, but you can bet I’ll see right through you if you try to fob me off.’ She was all-but wagging her finger at him and he was reminded that she was the woman who took down his mad aunt and he definitely would not be stupid enough to cross her. 

‘It hasn’t been easy, I’m not really…in control of things. Harry’s doing his best to help but he really is busy, and he can’t be there all the time. Having Teddy home has helped so much though. It’s honestly not the same without him…’ He felt like he was saying the same things over and over. After Christmas things would be different though. He swore it.

‘It’ll get better. It always does. You can come by here any time you want, you know. You’re family as much as Harry is whether you two are together or not. I have to say though, it is lovely to see you two together again, you really do bring out the best in each other. He hasn’t been the same without you.’ She smiled at him warmly which only accentuated her rosy cheeks and Draco flushed with embarrassment. 

‘Thank you, Molly. It means a lot to me.’ He told her earnestly. She nodded and stood back up again, breaking their little moment. 

‘Now then, lunch will be ready soon, why don’t you rope Ronald in and make sure everyone has a drink and is seated at the table. You’ve all got your own little place cards.’ Draco did as he was told and was grateful for Ron since without his magic he’d have had a nightmare trying to carry drinks and glasses from the kitchen without a little extra help. Thankfully there were magically refilling jugs. On one of his trips back from the tent, Hermione pressed a glass of wine into his hand and winked at him conspiratorially since he wasn’t really supposed to be drinking. Naturally, he downed it in one and picked up another. 

He found himself sat between Harry and Bill at the table, which felt very enclosed and a little odd but generally manageable. He and Bill got on well since Draco had a relatively competent knowledge of curses and cursebreaking. Bill was doing slightly less risky jobs than he had before the kids were born, although Draco got the impression he often told Fleur little white lies about the nature of the work he was doing. 

‘Alright Malfoy? Glad to see you’re still in the land of the living.’ Was the greeting Bill had given him when he sat down. That was fine though, he appreciated the Weasley tactic of dealing with trauma through humour. It was an excellent choice. 

What he was less thrilled by was the Ginny who appeared opposite him. He supposed Molly had done that on purpose to try and heal the feud between them. Draco wasn’t even sure what it was about now – it wasn’t as though Harry and Ginny had been together anywhere near the time they started dating. As far as he knew that had been dead and buried for years by that point. Harry was seventeen when he broke up with her for crying out loud! At least, Draco thought he was seventeen. He didn’t care to remember.

Nevertheless, Ginny glared at him as she sat down and remained cold throughout the meal. Draco gripped Harry’s hand tightly under the table throughout and took comfort in the way Harry’s thumb brushed over the back of his knuckles. It made eating difficult, but it was worth it and Harry never complained.

‘She’s dating someone now apparently,’ Bill told him once they’d dished up food. 

‘Really? Man? Woman? Neither? Both?’ Draco asked him. She certainly wasn’t behaving like it. He assumed she’d hate him a little less once she’d found herself someone. She’d only had brief flings up until now – he wasn’t even sure why he was so interested anyway, it was no skin off his nose. 

‘Your guess is as good as mine.’ Ginny refused to pull a cracker with him and was especially cold the entire time. Draco happened to win both the crackers he pulled and got an Irish dancer to the eye when the magical animation got to close to him. Still, he wasn’t so mean as to hoard the hat or the mini sneakoscope he technically won. 

Half way through the meal, Bill turned to Harry. ‘So, Harry, tell me about how the orphanage is doing. Fleur tried to fill me in, but she’d heard it from Mum who heard it from Ron who’d heard it from Hermione and by that point honestly she could’ve been saying any old tosh.’ Harry happily launched into a brief explanation of what they were trying to achieve, and Draco was suitably impressed. He hadn’t seen him so animated outside their own home in a long time. 

‘And there’s this sweet little girl called Ella…’ Draco interjected when Harry began talking about how they were trying to educate the children. Bill seemed genuinely interested and offered help wherever he may be useful, although Draco couldn’t imagine what his expertise in cursebreaking would be useful for… 

All in all, it was a very pleasant meal. Draco was glad turkey was saved solely for Christmas because he felt like he’d eaten a whole one on his own and that would certainly be enough to tide him over until next year, maybe even the year after. The constant talking and generally high volume around the table was a lot for him to deal with and even with four glasses of wine he shouldn’t really have drank, he was struggling to keep his calm and his energy. Harry, sensing Draco was flagging, excused them both before Molly could start dishing out dessert. 

‘Sorry everyone, I promise we’ll be right back.’ He pulled Draco into the house. ‘You ok?’ He held Draco’s face in his hands and looked at him worriedly. 

‘I’m fine, love. It’s just a lot. I’ll be fine in a minute.’ Harry kissed him softly, his worry almost radiating off him. 

‘Are you sure? You look pale…’ The worry lines Draco always wanted to smooth out were appearing again. He didn’t much like it. 

‘I’m fine darling, I swear I’ll-’ His body swayed a little as the alcohol suddenly hit him like a train. It must’ve been stepping out of the heavy-duty warming charms that did it. Now he understood why he shouldn’t have been drinking.

‘Head upstairs and have a nap, please? I won’t let you sleep for long, but you need it.’ Draco couldn’t say no when Harry was looking at him like that. As much as he didn’t like worrying him, he did feel fuzzy inside knowing how much Harry cared. He nodded dumbly and nearly tripped up the stairs as he tried to head to one of the bedrooms. Thankfully, Charlie’s old room wasn’t too far from the ground floor and with one of Draco’s arms slung over his shoulders, Harry helped him to a bed fairly easily. He fell into the bed clumsily and was out so quickly he almost didn’t notice when Harry pressed a kiss to his hair. 

He missed dessert, although there was plenty left over, and he also missed gift exchanging. Later on, Harry passed him a beautifully wrapped Weasley jumper with the initials DP knitted into it to signify Draco’s return. He promised he’d send a thank you owl the next day. 

He re-joined the festivities just as Arthur was teaching them all how to play a muggle game he’d heard about at work called headbands. It seemed straightforward enough. It was at that point Teddy came over for a hug. 

‘Everything alright?’ Draco asked him as he settled at his side. Teddy nodded. 

‘Yeah. I just missed you. I haven’t seen you for hours.’ That made Draco smile and Teddy sat with him for a while before Dominique and Fred Jr distracted him again. 

Draco got an especially long cuddle with Hugo who didn’t seem happy to settle with anyone else – he’d certainly changed his tune. He spent most of the afternoon and early evening with Hugo’s chubby hand curled into his jumper and little fingers wrapped around his pinkie. If anyone had asked, he’d have been totally ambivalent, but his insides were a puddle of goo the whole time. He’d forgotten how happy family made him. 

By eight in the evening he was well and truly done. He was practically falling asleep on Harry when Molly suggested they might want to think about heading home. They were among the first to leave, unsurprisingly, but Draco was happy that no one seemed to think the worst of him just because he had to leave early. 

He shook hands with Arthur, whom he hadn’t had much chance to talk to all day, and he reassured him it was good to see him at The Burrow again. Molly attacked him with bear hugs and berated him for not coming to visit more often, only letting them go once he’d made his promises to stop by in the new year. 

He quite literally fell out of the floo once they were back home and Harry’s quick reflexes were all that saved him from ending Christmas with a broken nose. Teddy tried to pretend it was nowhere near his bedtime and he definitely didn’t need to sleep, but after falling asleep halfway through Love Actually, Harry carried him up to bed.

Draco all but collapsed full-length into the gap Harry left when he disappeared upstairs. He felt wrung out and his head was spinning terrible. When Harry reappeared, he handed him his second potions of the day and whilst they stopped him feeling quite so woozy, he still wasn’t feeling great. Harry sat down on the sofa and Draco curled up against him. Harry’s solid weight and warmth made far more difference than the potions did, and he settled happily, the familiar sweetness of Harry’s aftershave soothing him. 

‘I’m really proud of you, you did really well today. I know it must have taken it out of you.’ Harry said as he stroked Draco’s back gently. He could’ve dropped off to sleep right there but he couldn’t help but preen at the praise.

‘I tried. I suppose that’s what counts. Ginny didn’t seem too impressed.’ He said tiredly. He felt Harry sigh against him. 

‘Sometimes I think nothing pleases her. Pay no mind. Did you hear she’s dating someone? If she’s still worrying about you and me when she’s dating someone else, then it’s her own fault.’ Draco nodded in agreement and hoped Harry could feel it. 

‘Don’t fall asleep just yet. There’s one more thing I wanted to give you. I’ve been keeping it back until after the festivities.’ Draco frowned and thought about pushing himself back up, but he was too comfortable. As it happened, Harry manoeuvred him upright anyway. ‘Please at least pretend to be awake or I’ll look like a first-class prick.’ Harry laughed nervously and suddenly he had Draco’s full attention. What was so important? Harry pulled a small box out of his trouser pocket and Draco forgot how to breathe. 

‘Don’t panic, this isn’t what you think.’ He passed Draco the box which he opened with trembling fingers. Inside was silver ring with an engraving on it. He looked incredulously between Harry and the jewellery. ‘I’m not asking you to remarry me if that’s what you’re thinking. I just thought- well, it’s been a horrible year and all, but it brought us back together and I want you to know how much it means to me that you’re still here. I know it’s only been a couple of months, but I never stopped loving you and well, I wanted to give you something to say I’m glad we’re starting anew. Maybe this time will be even better than the last…’ Draco was blown away. A single tear fell from his face but once it dropped it was like a waterfall. Twice in one day too – honestly, becoming a Potter was a nightmare. What happened to his cold Malfoy façade? 

‘I-I- I don’t know what to say,’ he rasped. He took the ring from the box and with some difficulty due to the tears blurring his vision he could just make out an infinity symbol engraved on one side. As he turned the ring over, he noticed on the inside of the band the date _24.10.08_ was engraved.

‘That’s the date I found you in France. I know, it might be a bit morbid and you probably don’t want to remember what day it was. It’s just…it’s also the day I realised how stupid I was for letting you go. I’m never letting you go again.’ 

‘Harry it’s…it’s perfect. Thank you.’ He slipped the ring onto his right hand and flung his arms around Harry and cried unashamedly into his shoulder. Harry rocked him gently as his tears soaked through his thick Christmas jumper. 

‘Merry Christmas Draco.’ 

Draco sniffled. ‘Merry Christmas Harry.’ 

When he finally made it to bed at the end of Christmas Day, he thought perhaps the bar was set just a little too high for next year.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! This will be my last update of 2018 although for many the new year has already started.
> 
> If someone had told me at the beginning of the year that I'd have written well over 200k of fic by now, I'd have called them mad. It just goes to show!
> 
> Wishing you all the very best and every happiness for 2019,
> 
> Kate x

Draco used to hate the aftermath of Christmas. He hated it, because it was that awkward time between Christmas and New Years that wasn’t really a holiday, yet everyone was off work and no one seemed to know what day of the week it was. This year, however, he felt like that most of the time, the only difference was that he wasn’t alone in the feeling. 

Having said that, the orphanage didn’t stop for Christmas. 

That’s how Draco found himself at the Orphanage on Boxing Day. Harry had suggested the three of them spend a quiet day in together – maybe just go for a walk. They lived in the country for a reason after all. Draco was feeling guilty about not having seen Ella though so for once it was his decision to go in. The orphanage was running on a skeleton staff over the Christmas period, and Draco knew full well some of the staff weren’t exactly perfect examples of the Christmas spirit.  Before they left, he borrowed Eltanin so send a quick owl to an old friend to ask a favour – Christmas wasn’t over just yet. 

When they arrived, they found Ella in the playroom, sitting at a table crying with another of the orphans who was a couple of years older than her, standing awkwardly beside her. 

‘Ella?’ Draco approached her carefully, kneeling down beside her. 

‘H-h-h-hannah s-scribbled all over m-my new pu-pu-’ Draco looked down to the table where there was a children’s crossword puzzle book with neat letters written in the blank squares with a giant splodge of crayon in the middle of the page. 

‘Oh, sweetheart please don’t cry.’ He pulled her into his arms and rocked her gently. He had to admit that he sometimes forgot how young she was because she was so bright for her age. She sobbed into his shirt and his chest ached for her. He’d been quite a prissy child himself and he’d always been furious whenever Pansy ruined his toys. Luckily for him he was an only child and he could easily get away from it. 

‘It’s r-ruined,’ she sobbed. He motioned for Harry to come over. 

‘Do you want to see some magic?’ The children were exposed to magic of course, but it wasn’t a regular occurrence around the place, so they were always thrilled to see it. She lifted her head from his chest but still held onto him tightly, turning her tear-streaked face towards Harry. He didn’t need to, but Harry withdrew his wand to perform the spell for the theatrics of it. He waved it over the page lightly. 

‘Scourgify.’ Ella watched with fascination as the scribble lifted off the page, leaving her half-completed puzzle behind. She blinked away the tears that were weighing heavy on her eyelashes. 

‘Thank you, Mr Harry,’ she said timidly. Draco thought she was unbelievably cute, and it struck him how differently she viewed him to Harry. She would never have called him Mr Draco. 

‘You’re very welcome Miss Ella.’ Harry performed a very fake bow and Ella started giggling. She didn’t appear to want to let go of Draco just yet, so he turned to the girl who had been standing next to her when they came in who was sniggering nastily. 

‘Think you’re being funny, do you?’ He snarled. She shut up immediately. 

‘No, sir. Sorry sir.’ Draco nodded.

‘Is the right answer. Don’t ever let me see you do it again.’ Hannah nodded and scurried out of the room quickly. He turned his attention back to Harry who was gaping at him and he frowned. 

‘What?’ Harry’s mouth snapped shut and Draco looked down at Ella who was still sitting in his lap and looking up at him with wide, terrified eyes. 

‘Draco what was that?’ 

‘What was what?’ 

‘You didn’t have to bite her head off. Didn’t you see she was terrified?’ He felt a chill rush over him. It had been so long since Draco had had to chastise anyone that he’d forgotten how menacing he could be. 

‘I’m sorry…’ He heard himself say but it sounded warped as the cold feeling in his body made his head swim. He’d sounded like his father – he’d always been terrified of turning into his father. He looked down at Ella and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. 

‘I’m really, really sorry.’ He repeated. Ella clung onto him again. 

‘It’s ok. You said sorry.’ He looked at Harry who looked dubious but didn’t say anything else. 

‘Thank you. Now, I have a surprise for you today, are you ready?’ She shot up from his lap, her tears and her puzzle book forgotten. 

‘Really? Yes!’ She was practically jumping up and down on the spot. Draco stood and held a hand out to her. 

‘Come on then, lets sign you out.’ Harry checked in on Teddy who was upstairs building Lego with a little boy called Peter who was the oldest at the orphanage and would be going to Hogwarts next year. Teddy seemed to be making it his own personal mission to prepare Peter for the school. Draco had had to bring Harry with him since he wasn’t an official staff member and as such wasn’t able to take the children out on his own. He maybe could have left Teddy at home on his own – he wasn’t a small child anymore – but the idea worried him far too much. 

Harry met them downstairs and signed the sheet with the time of their departure. Ella was holding tightly onto Draco’s hand and bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet. Draco only hoped the surprise would live up to her expectation. 

‘Would you do the honours?’ Draco balanced Ella on his hip as best he could – he wasn’t quite strong enough to lift a five-year-old anymore – and linked arms with Harry. ‘This might make you feel a bit funny sweetheart, but I promise it won’t last long.’ He wasn’t sure apparating with her was the best idea but since it was Boxing Day the floo at their destination would be offline. 

‘I trust you!’ She said sweetly, her cute little dimples flashing when she smiled at him. He felt the familiar squeeze of apparition and he tried not to breathe until it was over. His stomach flipped a full 360 and he held Ella closer as if she would protect him from the feeling. The little girl on the other hand, had no such issues.

‘Again!’ She squealed like a toddler when they reappeared. Draco could feel Harry’s shoulders shaking with silent laughter but felt too ill to turn his head and look. Harry let go of Draco’s arm to take Ella from him, but immediately grabbed his shoulder when the loss of support had him wobbling. 

‘Deep breath, I got you.’ He finally managed to take in a lungful of air and he immediately felt a bit better. Ella was back on her feet looking at him with childish concern and he forced a weak smile. He took Harry’s hand tightly in his own and looked around. 

‘Draco! Darling! So good to see you!’ His old school friend Daphne Greengrass came waltzing over, greeting him with kisses on each cheek. She was just about the only person he knew whose accent sounded ever more pretentious than his own. She could give the Queen a run for her money. 

‘You too. Thank you so much for doing this for me.’ She rolled her eyes at him. 

‘I told you when you invested in me, I would forever be in your debt. I meant it.’ Going against everything her parents wanted, Daphne set up an elite hair salon on the very outskirts of wizarding London. Her parents, as purebloods equally as strict as Draco’s own family, had cut her off as a result and Draco had invested a great deal in helping her start up years ago. Now the salon was so popular the waitlist could get up to six months long for a consultation. 

‘You’re pretty!’ Ella said bluntly. Daphne bent down to her level. 

‘And you must be my most special client so far. A little birdie told me you’ve never had a haircut before. I have to say, I can’t tell. Your hair is beautiful, just like a princess.’ Ella preened at the praise and did a perfect little twirl, her long curls looking like they belonged in one of those shampoo commercials Draco had seen on the television. 

‘Thank you! I like your hair too!’ Daphne’s hair was much shorted than Draco remembered it at school, although he’d never paid that much attention. Once upon a time, his parents had wanted him to marry Daphne – and later her younger sister Astoria when that hadn’t gone to plan. Thankfully he’d managed to grow some balls and point-blank refused. 

‘Well aren’t you a little charmer. Let’s get you pampered like the princess you are.’ Daphne led Ella over to the corner where she put her in a fancy pink gown and took her over to the basins to wash her hair. Draco and Harry hovered nearby, but she looked so excited she barely even noticed when they weren’t standing right next to her. 

‘You’re too good to her.’ Harry said when she was far enough away to be out of earshot. Daphne had opened the salon even though it was supposed to be closed just so that she could give Ella her first haircut. Draco had had the idea weeks ago when he’d noticed her hair was getting too long to be manageable but had been so busy, he’d totally forgotten to arrange anything. 

‘I don’t think so. They don’t get much do they? It’s not like the orphanage has the time or the resources to organise things like this. She really is a little angel, she deserves it.’ He shrugged. Harry sighed and sat down on one of the chairs in the waiting area. Draco followed suit. 

‘You know, you won’t be able to do this much. You can’t go around picking favourite kids. I know she’s sweet and she’s taken to you but if you do things like this for her and not the others, they’ll start to feel left out. What are you going to do when the muggle protocols are in place and we’ve got double the capacity?’ Draco’s heart sank but he knew Harry was right. He supposed he missed having someone to spoil. He loved Teddy more than anything, but he was getting older and developing his own interests and making his own friends and it didn’t matter to him so much what Draco did. He saw all the small children running around at The Burrow on Christmas Day and he missed it. 

‘This is going to sound so big-headed…’ He looked at Harry nervously, not really wanting to say what he was thinking. He knew it would sound bad as soon as he said it aloud. ‘I just- I miss that feeling of having someone think you can do no wrong. You know, when Teddy was little and he looked at you like you were the whole world. Kids trust us blindly, don’t they? They don’t know all the things that happened in the past and even if they did, they wouldn’t understand. They just love you because you’re nice to them.’ It sounded even worse than he thought when he said it out loud. 

‘Teddy still does all of those things?’ 

‘Don’t be ridiculous. Just look at her.’ He gestured over to where Ella was chattering away with Daphne like they’d known each other for years. The horrible music that made Draco’s stomach sink started blasting and he nearly jumped out of his skin. 

‘Sorry love.’ Harry pulled the muggle phone out of his pocket and stood up to answer it out of earshot. It clicked as he flipped the screen open and Draco winced. He hated that blasted phone with a passion. If they hadn’t been split when Harry bought it, he would’ve screamed blue murder until he put the damn thing back. He had been contemplating getting Ron to add extra warding to the house so it wouldn’t work when they were home. Harry had bought one so that he’d be contactable by muggle means of course. It made sense, but that didn’t mean Draco had to like it. 

He could hear Harry mumbled in the background and he decided to interrupt Daphne and Ella – he wasn’t about to keep sitting there on his own like a lemon. 

‘Draco, Draco! Daphne is washing my hair with shampoo! And condishonerer! It smells like strawberries!’ His heart squeezed at the was she stumbled through saying conditioner.

‘Really? Wow, you must be getting the extra special stuff then!’ He winked at Daphne.

‘Ella has just been telling me about the books she got for Christmas.’ Daphne told him. ‘Come on then missy, you’re done. Go and sit on that chair over there and we can talk about what we’re going to do with this beautiful hair of yours.’ Ella squealed with delight and bounded off towards one of the styling chairs. 

‘You and Potter are on again then? I have to say I’m surprised.’ Daphne said to him as she put the bottles back on the shelf and rinsed the sink out. Draco raised his eyebrows at her. 

‘Really? Why?’ She looked at him like he was stupid. 

‘Because of all that Oliver Wood drama I saw in the papers. You really don’t know? I’d have thought it would’ve been something you’d talked about if you’re having another go at it…’ It would be Wood, he’d hated seeing that git’s smug face at the quidditch shop. Draco shrugged. He knew first-hand how much rubbish the _Prophet_ in particular was prone to report. It was probably nothing. 

‘I’m not worried.’ He turned away from her and caught Ella clambering up onto the chair clumsily. Bless her heart. ‘You should probably help her with that, I’m not getting involved.’ Daphne laughed and went over to help. Draco took the opportunity to take in the appearance of the salon since Harry was pacing back and forth talking quickly and running his hands through his hair impatiently. 

He wondered if Blaise had done anything with the décor in the salon as he had with the chateau. Draco really should go back there, poor Spungen probably hadn’t seen a soul in months. The place screamed of Blaise’s love of monochrome. White marble tiled floors, black leather chairs, glittering silver mirrors. It was all very upmarket and very muggle. He supposed that was very much the point. 

He was busy contemplating the abstract art on the wall – he couldn’t decide if it represented a pile of shit or a pile of rocks when the stupid phone snapped shut. Harry came storming over and Draco almost cowered until he remembered it was Harry and Draco hadn’t done a thing. 

‘I’m really sorry, I wanted to be here for this, but something’s come up. I’ll meet you back at the orphanage later?’ He appeared too angry to look even remotely apologetic and Draco wondered what on earth had manged to change his mood so quickly.

‘Um, yes, of course. Is everything ok?’ Harry shook his head and muttered something under his breath that Draco didn’t catch. He tried to ask him, but he was already turning tails and storming out. 

‘…ok.’ He re-joined the girls who were giggling with each other conspiratorially. 

‘What was that about?’ Daphne asked him as the finished combing through Ella’s hair. 

‘I have no idea,’ he said with a sighed. Daphne pulled Ella’s hair back and caught some of it between her fingers. 

‘So, we were thinking about cutting about six inches off. What do you think?’ He glanced at Ella in the mirror in front of him where she was squirming with excitement and look at him hopefully with a broad smile on her face. 

‘Looks perfect to me!’ He sat in the chair next to the pair and they chatted about unicorns and princess and dragons because Ella had watched quite a few muggle children’s films over Christmas. It seemed the orphanage’s idea of entertainment was plonking the kids in front of the screen and hoping it would occupy them all day. Some things still needed work. 

Harry didn’t reappear throughout Ella’s haircut which was a shame, since he would’ve loved to see her face when Daphne gave her a glass of orange juice in a real wine glass. His heart could’ve burst with how sweet she was, yet Harry’s words were lingering in the back of his mind. It wasn’t fair that he was doing this for her and not for the others. They were all as special as she was in their own way – it was simply coincidence that she happened to have bonded with him. 

He was almost sad as he saw the long strands of hair drop to the floor, but Ella didn’t seem to mind a bit and it really was much more convenient for her. If Daphne noticed he’d gone a little quiet she didn’t say. The truth of it was his mind had drifted off to Harry. As much as Draco hated the flip phone he’d bought, he didn’t really get calls on it very often. When he did, he’d never known any of them make him as angry as that. What could possibly have been so urgent? And on Boxing Day too. Surely no one was working in those kinds of places on Boxing Day. He guessed he’d just have to wait until later when presumably Harry would fill him in. At least, he hoped he’d fill him in.

What Draco hadn’t accounted for of course, was that they had apparated to the salon and now that Harry was gone, Draco couldn’t apparate them out. He didn’t know the coordinates of the orphanage and since Daphne had never been, she didn’t have a chance of taking them there. He wound up having to ask her to reconnect the floo for them to get back. 

‘Thank you very much Miss Daphne, I love it!’ Ella said politely when they were almost ready to leave. Draco helped her back into the coat he hadn’t noticed her taking off. 

‘You’re very welcome. I think you might just be my favourite client ever. Not everyone has such lovely manners you know.’ Ella beamed proudly. 

‘May I please use your bathroom before I go?’ Draco thought if she was any sweeter, he might get a cavity.

‘Of course! They’re just through there.’ Daphne pointed towards a white door Draco hadn’t even noticed before. 

‘How much do I owe you?’ He asked Daphne as Ella scuttled off, her now much shorter curls bouncing prettily behind her. 

‘Don’t mention it. That girl is an absolute dream.’ Draco was gobsmacked. 

‘Daphne no I couldn’t with all good consciousness let you do this free. It’s Boxing Day for crying out loud.’ 

‘Have you met my family? Honestly, you’ve done _me_ a favour getting me in today. You two are much better company. Try and pay me again and I’ll cast a rather nasty bat-bogey hex on you.’ Draco screwed his face up in disgust at that. No thank you. 

‘Fine. But I will make it up to you another time.’ Daphne sighed in annoyance.

‘For Christ’s sake Draco, I wouldn’t even be here without you. When did you become so bloody Gryffindor?’ He couldn’t say anything to that. It was highly insulting after all. Gryffindor his arse. 

When Ella returned, they bid farewell to Daphne and took the floo back to the orphanage. 

‘Thank you Draco, that was the best Christmas present ever!’ She hugged him tightly, effectively binding his legs together since she was so small. He could do little else put to pat the top of her head awkwardly since he needed at least one arm to keep his balance. 

‘You’re welcome. I think maybe you should keep it hush hush for a bit though, we don’t want to upset the others, do we?’ She nodded seriously. ‘I have to find Teddy and head home sweetheart, but I’m sure I’ll see you very soon.’ Her shoulder dropped and he felt awful. ‘I know, but all good things come to an end sometime, to make way for the next big adventure.’ That seemed to pacify her. 

‘Ok. See you soon! Love you!’ She walked down the corridor to where the matron smiled and wave. He supposed she’d probably missed her meal time. He froze for a second when she said she loved him – he’d never meant for that to happen. He probably was getting a little too close. Maybe he should cut back on the time he spent there. 

‘Did she like it?’ Teddy asked him when he eventually found him upstairs. Draco nodded but couldn’t reply properly since the stairs had hit him hard. He was so over feeling like he couldn’t do anything for himself anymore. He wasn’t even 30 yet and he already heaved his way up the stairs like he was 75. 

‘Yeah…it was great…have you seen your dad?’ He heaved out eventually.

‘Should I have? I thought he was with you…’ Teddy frowned.

‘Never mind. Let’s head home.’ He probably shouldn’t have been flooing backwards and forwards but really what choice did he have when Harry had basically abandoned him. Ok, maybe that was a bit strong but still. Had he actually thought about the implications of him shooting off like that? 

Teddy rushed off upstairs the second they got home – presumably to play with some of his Christmas presents, and Draco flopped bonelessly onto the sofa. He spent a lot of time there these days. He channel surfed for a few minutes but if he was being completely honest he wasn’t really bothered about television, so he ended up pulling out his journal and wrote about how Christmas had been and Harry’s disappearance earlier. Two hours later and no sign of Harry or Teddy, Draco was getting irritable.

‘Daddy, it’s ok if you want to go somewhere. I can manage here by myself.’ Draco nearly jumped out of his skin when Teddy seemed to magically appear in the living room. Wait…he hadn’t? No, surely not. Draco had just zoned out. 

‘No I couldn’t. It’s Boxing Day anyway, today is a family day.’ Teddy snorted with derision in a way that made Draco’s guts twist uncomfortably. Namely because it was exactly the reaction Draco would have had.

‘A family day. Where exactly is our family?’ He did make a good point, but he wasn’t sure where the attitude was coming from. 

‘No, no, it’s fine. There’s always plenty to do around here.’ 

‘I know you want to go and do that project thing. I promise I won’t touch anything I shouldn’t and I’ll floo call you if anything happens. And Dad gave me his muggle phone number too, although I’m not sure where the spare one is for me to call him from…’ Draco bit his lip. It was tempting, and Teddy was getting a little bit older, and he’d been at school and managed just fine. But then there’d always been other people with him at school, and he was Draco’s responsibility, and Draco loved him far too much to live with the guilt if he left him and something happened. Oh, he didn’t know. 

‘Alright. But you promise you’ll floo call me if the slightest thing happens, and you won’t use any of the kitchen appliances?’ He really wasn’t sure about this, but Teddy was nodding furiously, and he supposed he would have to do it eventually. ‘Then I suppose I could. Only for an hour though. It’s a trial run.’ 

‘Thanks! Love you Daddy.’ Teddy gave him a hug as he got up to use the floo yet again that day. 

‘Love you too little wolf.’ He watched him bound back up the stairs and almost changed his mind before he realised he probably had a little separation anxiety and he needed to get on with it – like ripping off a plaster or whatever that stupid phrase Harry used was.

He nearly coughed up a lung when he arrived in his flat as he accidently inhaled some floo powder on his way. Typical. He looked around the dingy little rooms and realised for the first time that he’d let himself make a mess of the place. He’d only really been sitting at the table writing most of the time he was here – it didn’t seem important to tidy up. 

But now there were papers strewn everywhere, some of which were from before he’d started coming here, and he couldn’t handle it any longer. He started with a stack of mail which had accidently been delivered to this address. The new owl he’d purchased he’d left behind in France in the furore that had been in incident and he’d simply assumed Spungen had been looking after her. He wasn’t really sure now. 

He threw away the unopened mail. Anyone important knew where to find him now anyway. Next, he turned his attention to the small pile of _Prophet_ swhich had stacked up in his absence. He scooped them off the table to add to the rubbish pile when a headline on the most recent one caught his eye. 

**Potter and Wood: A Match Through the Ages?**

What on…oh, it was a play on _Quidditch Through the Ages_. How tacky. He glanced down at the front page spread below where Harry and Oliver Wood had been photographed at a quidditch match. There didn’t seem to be anything untoward about it – they were old quidditch teammates, it was perfectly logical they might go to a match together, although Draco didn’t know they were still in contact. 

**For more turn to page 6…**

He knew he shouldn’t. He really didn’t care, but he found himself turning to page six anyway. He dropped the other copies on the floor when he saw the host of photographs someone had taken. In the first one it looked as though they were holding hands, but it was also a wintery day and half the crowd was huddled against the cold so it could easily have been the angle. Draco knew how clever those photographers could be when they wanted to. The second photo was glaringly obvious. A piece of Harry’s hair had flopped down over his face as it was wont to do – much to Draco’s annoyance – and Wood was pushing it back off his face, obviously using it as an excuse to run his fingers through his hair. The final one, the one which had Draco’s heart beating at a hundred miles an hour, was of the two of them with their heads bent closely together, almost as if…no. They couldn’t be. Draco wouldn’t be duped by that bullcrap.

Harry was perfectly entitled to date whoever he wanted to when they were separated. That was the whole point in divorce. Of course, it was easy for Draco to say that now, he didn’t need another Leggy-Blonde fiasco. Out of interest, he flipped back to the front page, interested to know how long ago this had been. He froze.

**_Saturday, 11 thOctober 2008_** ****

The paper crumpled in Draco’s hands as cold fury swept through him.


	11. Chapter 11

Potter? But we I- when we- you’re still married?

Was that what Wood had been about to say? That he didn’t know Harry and Draco were together because he and Harry...what? Hung out? Dated? Kissed? Slept together? Had Harry been sneaking off with Wood this whole time? Was that what that phone call had been? He felt the age-old panic rise in his chest, and he knew he had to calm down. He paced the flat anxiously.

It was the 24th when Draco had been poisoned, that was thirteen days after those photographs. Had Harry broken up with Wood because of Draco? If he had, was it because he wanted to care _for_ him or because he cared _about_ him? Had he broken up with Wood at all? He and Harry hadn’t exactly gotten back together anyway, it had sort of just…happened. His head was starting to hurt with all the questions.

Should he confront Harry? Confront might be the wrong word. He didn’t know Harry had even done anything, all he had were easily misconstrued photographs. He should say something though, shouldn’t he? After all, if Harry had nothing to hide, he’d get a simple response and that would be that. But then, would it make Draco look paranoid? Would it make him seem even more ridiculous? What would Harry think of him if he immediately thought the worst of him when in fact, he’d done nothing at all?

The pacing wasn’t helping.

He flooed back home to Teddy not half an hour after he left.

‘Ted?’ He shouted up the stairs when he arrived home. He didn’t have to energy to go up to check on him.

‘I’m fine!’ Teddy yelled back. That was enough for Draco, so he went straight to the kitchen to put the kettle on. With the kettle making an absolute racket, he didn’t hear the floo and didn’t notice when someone else entered the room.

‘Jesus Christ Harry! I nearly bloody died!’ He clutched his chest in shock.

‘Sorry love,’ he said absently, tapping away at the phone. Except…it wasn’t the same phone.

‘What’s that?’ He tried to keep his voice even, but it came out strained.

‘Oh. It’s a new phone, it’s called an iPhone 3G. 3G is muggle internet that works wirelessly. It’s supposed to be the fastest one yet. I just got this, but they’ve been out a while now. Apparently, I should have emails on the go and the internet on that old flip thing was useless.’ He went off on a tangent about all the fancy muggle technological things Draco didn’t want to know about. Harry didn’t notice the way the teacup shook in Draco’s long fingers, or the way he was staring at a point just beyond his head instead of looking at him properly.

‘What was the big emergency?’ He asked, pushing aside the voices in his head telling him to scream accusations until his throat was raw and his voice hoarse.

‘Oh, that. It turned out to be no big deal in the end. Just someone being dramatic.’ Harry turned away from him, never once looking up from the bright screen, and went over to one of the few electric sockets in the house. Draco still didn’t even understand how Harry had managed to make them work with the magic, and even if he did, he’d hate them anyway. It was just another thing to drive a wedge between them.

‘They only come with half charge, so I guess I’ll have to plug it in. I wonder what difference it makes? Surely they could sell them with a full battery-’ He was cut off when the teacup in Draco’s hand shattered, hot tea splattering all over him.

‘Draco? Are you ok? That tea must be scalding! You didn’t even put milk in it. Shit, it’s burning you.’ Draco felt’s Harry’s magic crackle over his skin but he stayed staring straight ahead, as if he wasn’t really there. Harry’s voice disappeared into the background and the world blurred around him. He could feel Harry’s hands on his cheeks, was vaguely aware of his face right in front of his own, but it was as though he was watching on as someone else.

‘Did you date Oliver Wood?’ His own voice sounded foreign to his ears – scratchy, quiet, uncertain.

‘Oliver? Why, have you seen him?’ Didn’t answer the question – strike one. Draco blinked himself back into the room.

‘I saw him at the Quidditch shop in Diagon. He works there now.’

‘Oh, really? I didn’t know. I haven’t seen him in a long time.’ Outright lie – strike two.

‘So you wouldn’t know about that article then.’ He pointed to the crumpled copy of the _Prophet_ lying on the kitchen table.

‘The quidditch match! How could I have forgotten? We had a good catch up that day. So much has happened since that it hardly seemed relevant. Where did you get that from anyway? I haven’t had a subscription for years. Speaking of quidditch, Bill told me Ginny is worried the Harpies won’t renew her contract in the new season. Can you believe it?’ Distracting from the subject – strike three.

‘Don’t you dare lie to me.’ He said lowly. Harry’s entire attitude changed.

‘What? What are you talking about?’

‘Open the paper and tell me what I saw isn’t real.’ Draco’s voice wavered and Harry went very quiet. He unfolded the paper slowly and turned the pages over as though trying to put off the inevitable. The room was very still, so much so that they would have heard a pin drop. Harry’s face was blank as he stared down at the photographs on an endless loop.

Teddy chose that exact moment to burst through the kitchen door, waving one of his presents about.

‘Dad! Look! Look what I managed to make the Lego do!’

‘Not now Teddy. Go back upstairs.’ Draco couldn’t look at him, his eyes were trained on Harry, watching his every move. He didn’t react to Teddy’s presence at all.

‘But I-’

‘I SAID NOT NOW!’ Draco yelled so loudly even Harry flinched. His heart broke when he heard Teddy whimper. ‘Ted-’

‘You don’t have to be so mean!’ Teddy shrieked and ran off out the room.

‘Now you’ve gone and done it. Well done.’ Harry snarled. Draco hated Harry’s anger, could see it bubbling under his cool exterior, yet it gave him a thrill. Finally having him put up some resistance instead of letting him say anything. This is how they were supposed to be – they lived off the friction – Draco couldn’t handle being treated like a child they way he often had been.

‘I’ve gone and done it? All I’ve done is present you with something the whole world has clearly already seen. Do you have anything to say? Or are you going to feign ignorance?’ Harry shook his head.

‘Why do you do this? Why do you always put two and two together and end up with five? So what if I went to a quidditch match with him? It’s a free fucking country isn’t it? In case you haven’t noticed, we’re divorced! And more to the point, you lived in fucking France when this happened. Who the fuck do you think you are coming in here and having a go at me about it? I don’t answer to you!’ Harry’s face was flushed with anger, his chest rising and falling rapidly. And yet, he hadn’t denied a thing.

‘So you did do it. Did you fuck him? Did you? Have you been disappearing off all this time, laughing behind my back? The idiot stuck at home dependent on you for everything whilst you swan about with other men? Hm?’

‘WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAVE YOU BE ABOUT YOU?’ Harry roared. ‘Do you have any idea how hard these past months have been? Do you? I have to be at every meeting. I make every final decision. Every aspect of those children’s lives is my responsibility. I’m having to learn everything as I go whilst being worried sick about you because you’re not even trying to get better! Do you know how that feels? To be responsible for everything all the time? When does anyone ever do anything for me, huh? THIS IS HARD FOR ME TOO!’

‘How the hell would you know if I’m trying or not! You’re never fucking here anyway! Yesterday was the first day you actually spent more than an hour with Teddy since he came home! I get it. The kids are important. I know that, I’ve met them, I’ve spent time with them, but why are they more important than us? You have a team of people who look after them when you’re not there. Who the hell does Teddy have? Me. And a fat lot of good I’ve done him! Don’t try to tell me that you had to do paperwork on Boxing Day. Don’t take me for a fool.’ Draco was furious. He could feel the blood flooding his veins like fire.

‘Why do I have to tell you where I’m going and what I’m doing every minute of the day? So what I had something to do that didn’t involve you? So shoot me for having a life outside of you!’

‘Because we’re family, Harry! That’s what families do!’

‘WE ARE NOT FAMILY! WE GOT DIVORCED.’ Draco looked down at the ring Harry had given him not 24 hours ago. Yes, they did get divorced, but as far as he was concerned that didn’t matter anymore. They loved each other…didn’t they?

‘I see.’ He choked. He snatched up the half-destroyed paper and turned to leave. The air was thick, and his head spun with hurt and confusion. Had he really just been a charity case these past couple of months? He’d thought they’d been adjusting as well as possible considering the circumstances…

He stormed out of the kitchen in a rage and almost completely missed Teddy standing just outside the door, his Lego scattered in pieces on the floor in front of him.

‘Daddy?’ Draco wheeled around and all of his anger vanished when Teddy was stood before him in floods of tears.

‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t mean to shout at you, you didn’t do anything.’ He pulled the boy into his arms and held him while he cried. He’d been so angry he hadn’t even thought that Teddy might’ve heard everything. He couldn’t bring himself to explain. He didn’t even know how to. It was taking every inch of his self-control to hold himself together.

‘Are you going to leave again?’

‘I’m going to go to my old flat until your dad calms down, but I promise I’m not leaving. You can come with me if you want.’ Teddy stepped away from him and wiped the remainder of his tears away furiously.

‘I should stay with Dad when he gets angry, he- he needs someone around.’ Draco frowned at him. He didn’t like the sound of that. What exactly had he been exposed to in the past few years? Draco had assumed the majority of Harry’s anger had been directed at him…

‘Are you sure?’ Teddy nodded. Draco felt like a terrible parent, but he didn’t know what he could do. His anxiety was clawing at him more and more with each passing minute and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He closed his eyes for a second as if it would help him with the battle raging on inside but all it did was make his head spin.

‘Alright.’ He said in the end. Teddy reached up and kissed his cheek, a highly unusual thing to do but Draco appreciated it anyway.

‘Love you.’

‘Love you too. I’ll see you later.’ He felt guilty as soon as he walked away. It wasn’t right for him to disappear every time things went wrong. But then, wouldn’t it be worse if he stayed? Teddy had already seen so much, and it wouldn’t do to have him witness a breakdown on top of everything.

‘Don’t go.’ Draco’s hand stilled on its way to the floo powder and he turned to Harry who was standing with his hands in his pockets, his green eyes glittering. ‘You’ve travelled a lot today, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.’ Draco scoffed.

‘Now you care.’ He stared at Harry, not knowing what to do. The responsible thing would be to listen to him. He wasn’t strong enough physically to keep moving to and from his flat, but he wasn’t strong enough in any other way to deal with what Harry had just said.

‘I don’t know why I said it. It isn’t true. I’m stressed and I took it out on you and I’m sorry.’ It wasn’t good enough. He didn’t get to throw curveballs like that and think a simple apology would fix it.

‘Just tell me the truth,’ he said calmly. He bit his lip in anticipation of hearing something he really didn’t want to.

‘Look, I- shit. I slept with him, ok? But it was just the once! And it was a mistake! I even-’

‘When?’ Draco interrupted. Harry’s mouth snapped shut and he looked at him imploringly.

‘Don’t do thi-’

‘When Harry?’ If he couldn’t be honest about this then it only went to show how much of it all had been a lie.

‘After you came back.’ Draco’s heart sank to the floor. He didn’t know what he had expected. He’d been the one to bring it up. He could’ve ignored it, pretending he’d not seen anything, but he wouldn’t be made a fool of. He slipped the ring off his finger and closed the gap between them. He took Harry’s hand and dropped it into his open palm.

‘Maybe you should keep this until you figure out what it is that you want.’ He brushed past him, abandoning his idea of going to hide in his flat, but wanting to be as far away from Harry as possible. Harry’s caught his wrist in a grip so tight it made Draco’s bones pop.

‘It’s not like that, you know it isn’t.’ He brushed a thumb across Draco’s cheek, the look on his face begging for Draco to believe him, but he couldn’t.

‘I don’t know any such thing.’ He pulled his wrist away and marched up the stairs. He didn’t look back and he didn’t falter until he got to the guest room where he shut the door calmly and quietly. He stood behind it for who knew how long before he sank to the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest, and sobbed into his hands.

He felt like he’d been taken for a ride. Had Harry been disappearing off to see Wood this whole time? Had he been lying to him? What if he hadn’t and he really did love Draco as much as he said he did? That would still mean he took him in out of pity, not because he wanted him. Surely Wood wouldn’t have stood for it if his boyfriend had brought his ex-husband back to care for him. Draco certainly wouldn’t have. Then again, if Harry had lied to Draco, maybe he’d lied to Wood too. Draco didn’t like Wood. Of course, he’d become a competent professional quidditch player, but there had always been something off balance about him. He was as much about the social climb as he was about the climb to the top of his profession.

Where would he go? What would he do? He really did love Harry, even if he was a world class tool. When he wasn’t so angry and so stoic, he loved harder than anyone he’d ever met and would ever be likely to meet again. He didn’t want anyone else. He wanted the Harry he fell in love with all those years ago.

He didn’t know how long he’d been crying on the floor, but long after the sun set and he sat alone in the darkness, he heard a clank from outside the door. He lifted his head and waited a few minutes as footsteps retreated down the stairs. He stood and opened the door a crack to find a plate of food set on the floor. He shut the door again. He didn’t want it.

He walked over to the bed and got in fully clothed. He shivered violently against the icy cold sheets no one ever slept in. He could hardly see in the dark – without his magic he could barely see much anyway – but he tried to look at the room. He’d decorated it in blue, one of his favourite colours besides green. It gave the room quite a regal look in his opinion. Particularly with the thick satin curtains by the window which he now realised he’d forgotten to close. He couldn’t be bothered to get back out of the bed to close them now.

He tossed and turned for hours, unable to sleep without the comfort of Harry sleeping next to him. He didn’t realise the difference it made knowing he was just feet away but wasn’t next to him. His words were burned into Draco’s brain, running in a loop through his mind every time he thought he was about to drop off.

_WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAVE YOU BE ABOUT YOU?_

_In case you haven’t noticed, we’re divorced_

_WE ARE NOT FAMILY!_

_We are family_ , Draco thought. _You’re my only family_. He battled with the fresh tears threatening to leek from his eyes, the traitorous bastards. He wondered for the umpteenth time how he’d ended up here. He missed his mother. Without Harry he had nowhere to turn. Hermione had her own family to care for, he couldn’t burden her with this. Pansy – well, he hadn’t heard from her since she and Harry had told him she was back. Maybe he should’ve checked in on her, made sure she’d been settling ok. Who even knew where across the globe Blaise was anymore, and now apparently his situation with Harry was as rocky as he’d suspected. He needed his mother. He needed someone, anyone who was just for him. Was that selfish? He was finally starting to understand what people meant when they said that one could be in a room full of people and still feel alone.

In the early hours of the morning he’d had enough of pretending he was going to sleep. He got up out of bed and went downstairs to find his journal. It wasn’t the same as a real person, but he supposed it would do. He was surprised to find a light on in the living room.

He slowly pushed the door open to find Harry sat on the sofa with a solitary lamp on. It cast a little light, but it also emphasised the shadows under his eyes and made him look so much older than he was. As old as Draco felt maybe. Set out on the coffee table in front of him was Draco’s journal, the straps unbound.

‘You didn’t.’ His voice sounded as hoarse as Harry’s had earlier and no doubt he looked a mess. Harry’s head snapped up in his direction and his eyes widened. They’d lost their vibrant green shade and instead were ambery in the lamplight.

‘I nearly did. But no, I didn’t.’ He nodded and gingerly took a seat as close to the opposite edge of the sofa as he dared.

They sat in silence for a long time. Draco stared at the clock on the wall opposite. Five minutes. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty.

‘I couldn’t sleep without you.’ Harry was the first to break the silence, his voice echoing across the room.

‘Me either,’ Draco reluctantly admitted.

‘I shouldn’t have said what I did. It was awful and I hate knowing I’ve upset you.’

‘No, you shouldn’t have.’

‘I’m scared for you. I know they said the chances of you recovering were slim to none, but you seemed so determined when you came home, and nothing is changing. It’s hard to come home and see you being a shell of the person you were, and it’s not just because of the magic. You know I love you if you can do magic or not. You just look so…defeated. I’ve never even seen you try to cast any of the spells you’re supposed to be trying and if I don’t remember your potions half the time you don’t either. It’s too much.’

‘It isn’t about me Harry and you know it. You made me look stupid. Here I’ve been thinking we’re giving this another go, trying to move on, and the whole time everyone has known about your stupid fling with Wood of all people. Oliver Wood, Harry. The guy’s a creep. He didn’t even know about me.’

‘He didn’t know about you because there’s nothing to tell. I don’t go around telling every stranger I meet on the street about you, do I? That’s none of his business. Maybe if you hadn’t started screaming in my face, we could’ve talked about it rationally. Your recovery on the other hand, is actually important.’ Draco sighed. He wasn’t sure what to believe – it felt like there was something Harry wasn’t saying. He could, however, shut him up about this recovery thing.

‘Have you got your wand?’ He finally looked at Harry whom, clearly not having shaved, was starting to look a little caveman-ish. He gave Draco a confused look but pulled his wand out of his pocket and handed it over.

Draco aimed it as best he could through his slightly blurred vision and cast a cutting charm to trim Harry's beard closer to the stubble Draco preferred. Harry looked astounded.

‘What the hell? Why didn’t you say anything? Draco, this is amazing! You can do magic!’ Draco gave him a weak smile. He hadn’t shown anyone for a reason, because it wasn’t as black and white as that.

‘Are you ok? You look pale? Was it too much? You should have said.’ Draco shook his head and slowly pulled his shirt up and over his head. He watched as Harry’s worry melted into confusion and right back to shock again.

‘Oh shit.’ Draco followed Harry’s gaze to the blackening mark spreading across his chest from his heart outwards. The truth of the matter was that he’d regained use of his magic about six weeks after the incident, but every time he’d tried to use it something inevitably had gone wrong. At first, he’d simply passed out and had assumed that his body just wasn’t ready yet. Then he’d get tingles in his arms where he channelled the magic and was put off from trying it. In the past couple of weeks, each time he’d tried to cast, usually when he’d been alone at the flat working on his project, this had happened.

It had looked like blood to begin with. A deep bluish purple which looked like a bruise. He’d taken a blood replenishing potion and that had been that. Now though, it was inky black, as deep as his dark mark had been during the war. It reached his shoulder now – a heavy weight pressing down on his chest and forcing the air out of his lungs. It felt a lot like it had when he’d first had that vision of his father, when what he now knew was poison had flooded his veins. He choked and spluttered trying to get air into his body. He supposed it was stupid to have tried to perform magic in the middle of the night having not warned Harry at all. But then, it had never quite done this before.

In a split-second Harry was in front of him, a warm palm pressed over his heart as he muttered the words of what Draco assumed was a healing charm. His head was getting fuzzy as he became more and more oxygen deprived. He searched for something to focus on as he registered Harry mouthing the words _stay with me_. He looked up at him and he saw the worry etched across his features as he continued to say the words Draco couldn’t understand.

He felt himself slipping away as their eyes locked and he got a last glimpse of his favourite green eyes.

_Do you believe me now?_


	12. Chapter 12

Only he could’ve managed to sleep through the new year. He woke up feeling sore although he couldn’t think what he’d been doing. He didn’t remember going to bed actually. He glanced at the clock next to him – how had he slept until two in the afternoon? And since when was it the 2nd January? It was Boxing Day last time he checked. 

Wait a second, that wasn’t even his clock. 

He groaned with the effort of raising his head off the pillow as it sent a wave of pain out from his chest to his fingertips. He couldn’t see all that well, but he could tell from the copious amounts of white that he must be back in St Mungo’s. He was sick of the sight of the place now. His head fell back against the pillow, entirely of its own accord, and he realised trying to move was futile. He thought perhaps he wasn’t actually fully awake yet since all he could see was a giant blur of white and the clock right next to his face.

He was briefly aware of a voice, although it sounded like one long mumble, and he hoped he wasn’t supposed to know what they were saying since it hurt his head too much to think. The pain in his chest didn’t seem to be going away either, much to his dismay. It was the kind of pain that didn’t really hurt that much but caused an ache so deep it seeped into his bones and made him question if there was ever a time when he had lived without it.

He flinched as a particularly vicious pain lanced down his left side and a large shadow appeared across his vision before he felt his eyes roll into the back of his head and he was overcome by darkness again.

∞

Draco was walking through the streets of London arm in arm with his mother. He was taking her to Kew Gardens since she loved seeing the flowers and no longer had the Manor gardens to look at. Draco prided himself on caring for his mother now that his father was gone – he loved her dearly and knew how much she’d sacrificed for him to be here now. She looked better than she had in a long time, her dark hair swept in an elegant swirl and pinned with a dragonfly hairpin on the left side of her head. He’d adored that hairpin when he was younger. He could sit there and stare at it for hours. She was even smiling as she talked – he hadn’t seen her smile in a long time. 

She was telling him all about the gossip she’d heard at tea with the Greengrass’ and as usual, he found himself rolling his eyes at most things. Honestly, how could people so blindly believe everything they hear? He knew for a fact Theodore Nott hadn’t run of with Tracey Davis because Draco knew full well Tracey was gay and had a huge crush on Astoria Greengrass. Not that Astoria returned her affections. He wasn’t about to start telling his mother that however, so he kept his mouth shut and nodded where applicable. 

‘Draco dear, can we go to the waterlily house first? You know it’s my favourite.’ He didn’t much care where they went first so he let her lead him in the right direction. They stepped inside the greenhouse and his mother made a beeline for a particular gap in the railings of the large pond. It was a cold day and Draco could see his breath in front of him, yet his mother had no qualms about gripping the cold bars between the plant vines. She was pointing towards a particularly large lily which was quite spiky and purple-tipped, when someone across the pond caught Draco’s eye.

Potter was also at the gardens, standing on his own, staring aimlessly into the distance. It was odd because Draco was sure there should be something important about Potter, but he couldn’t quite remember what. Had he been meeting him here? That wouldn’t make any sense…maybe there was some event going on he’d forgotten about. But then, what kind of event would bring he and Potter into the same circle? 

He was about to forget all about Potter and continue his chat with his mother, when someone approached Potter from behind and snapped him back to reality. Draco watched as his previously serious face lit up when he clapped eyes on the man who’s face Draco recognised but name he couldn’t place. The two men embraced, and Potter’s companion kissed his cheek. Draco watched as Potter flushed adorably and he could kick himself for finding it so damn sweet. He was, however, getting more and more frustrated by the fact that he couldn’t figure out who Potter was meeting. 

‘Isn’t that the quidditch player? Oh, look darling, that’s Harry Potter! What a coincidence. You really should go over there. It would do your reputation wonders if you were to finally put all that rivalry rubbish behind you.’ Draco frowned at his mother. His reputation? He didn’t need to fix that, he’d already bloody married the man!

Wait, he’d married Potter. Draco had been shitting bricks because he’d been terrified of how the Weasley’s would interact with his mother, who had been there of course. It was a small ceremony in the church at Godric’s Hollow since Harry had wanted his parents to be as close as possible. Draco cried when they said their vows and they’d had their first dance with Teddy, who’d been so excited by the whole thing his hair hadn’t stayed the same colour for more than five minutes and he’d worn himself out after a couple of hours. 

How had Draco forgotten that? 

He looked up and let out a cry of pain when he saw Harry and the man in a tight embrace, locking lips like there was no one around. Harry’s arms were curled into the back of the man’s coat like he was holding on for dear life. _Isn’t that the quidditch player?_ Of course, it was Oliver Wood. 

Why was his husband kissing Oliver Wood? Draco walked away from his mother as fast as he could without drawing too much attention to himself. He hurried around the circumference of the pond until he was standing right behind Wood, who was still sticking his tongue down Draco’s husband’s throat. He tapped politely on Wood’s shoulder and the two broke apart. He briefly saw Harry’s look of surprise before he took a swing at Wood’s annoying face. 

∞

 There was a high-pitched noise ringing in Draco’s ears and the white blurriness was back. This time, when he blinked, the world came into focus a little better. He looked around him, but it didn’t seem as though he was in the same ward as he had been the last time he was here. Or at least, he didn’t recognise anything. He was relieved to find he hadn’t woken up alone – there was a bored looking Pansy flicking through the over-glossy pages of a magazine, sitting on his right side. 

‘Draco!’ She half-yelled when she looked up from the pages and saw that he was awake. ‘You absolute shit! I thought you were going to die!’ He didn’t quite know what to say when her eyes starting filling with tears. He felt awful for upsetting her. He tried to tell her so, but he was suddenly aware of how dry his mouth and throat were. 

‘Oh gosh I’m so sorry. Here.’ She helped him prop himself up on the pillows and handed him a glass of water, but his hands shook so badly he couldn’t lift it to his mouth to drink, so she had to take it back and help him. He coughed and spluttered when his throat was so dry he couldn’t swallow it properly. She smacked him on the back a little too hard. 

‘Sorry,’ he wheezed eventually. He sounded awful but at least he’d managed to say something. 

‘Ok so low-down. You’ve been asleep for a week and a half, they’ve been doing all manner of tests on you every day, I look hideous under these hospital lights but I’m putting up with it because let’s be honest, no one can look worse than you do right now.’ Despite himself, he cracked a smile. He loved his school friends – anyone else would be fussing over him – but not Pansy.

‘I’m sorry your highness. You’re free to go and get your beauty sleep.’ She looked as though she was going to smack him in the arm until she realised he was back to being an invalid and thought better of it. 

‘Don’t be ridiculous, you moron. There’s been someone here permanently since you were admitted. I don’t leave until the next person arrives, those are the rules. You’re stuck with me I’m afraid.’ He frowned. Surely that wasn’t allowed. There were visiting hours for a reason. ‘Pots’ orders. They don’t say no to him here,’ she said as though she could read his mind. He tried to nod but it made his head hurt.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you. Have you been ok?’ He rasped. She held up a finger to shush him.

‘Don’t talk too much darling, you’ll strain yourself. You’ve been a terrible friend, forgetting about me, but I forgive you. I’ve actually been rebuilding the bridge I burned with my mother so I suppose I should thank you really. Awful business the whole thing – that’s family for you.’ Draco was about to respond when a mediwitch came over to them. 

‘Mister Potter! How good it is to see you properly awake. I’m afraid it might not last long, you’re due Dr Ubbly’s.’ She was a middle-aged mediwitch with a kindly smile that made Draco feel a little better, until his brain caught up with what she was saying. 

‘For- for thoughts?’ The mediwitch nodded, her eyes full of sympathy. 

‘You’ve missed a lot while you were sleeping Mr Potter. The healer determined your injuries are linked to your previous exposure to dark magic. It’s really quite nasty. It seems your magic is being blocked by your own mind, which in turned is triggering…well, I’m sure you know what I mean.’ His eyes flickered to his left forearm – a habit which he thought he had long broken. He was surprised to find it was bandaged over. 

‘What happened?’ The mediwitch was busy pouring out a tincture of potion but glanced at his arm. Her face remained impassive, which surprised him. 

‘I’m very sorry about that. I don’t think you have anything to hide but the healer said it might upset the other patients.’ Draco had been studiously avoiding looking at anyone else in the ward since he didn’t want to think about where in the hospital he was. So long as he wasn’t anywhere near the Janus Thickey Ward he supposed he’d be ok. 

‘It came back?’ He jumped slightly when Pansy took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. 

‘I’m sure it’s only temporary, darling. You magic is unsettled after all. It’s good though, it means your it’s working again.’ He assumed no one had told Pansy that he’d already known he could do magic before he’d put himself here in the first place – maybe that’s why she wasn’t shouting at him. 

‘I wouldn’t worry about it right now,’ the mediwitch told him, still smiling at him kindly, ‘I’m afraid this is probably going to knock you out again. It doesn’t enjoy being mixed with your usual medications.’ She handed him the tincture and he downed it, wincing at the horrible taste. Within a few seconds he felt it crawling through his veins like icy water. ‘I’m so glad you’re awake, you should make a quicker recovery now that I’ve been able to administer the dosage this way. Honestly, the ointment isn’t nearly so effective. I’ll leave you two to say your goodbyes before Mr Potter falls asleep again.’ The mediwitch bustled off to her next patient and Draco felt good, even if everything had just gotten a whole lot more complicated than it had been before. 

‘She’s the best in the hospital you know. Pots requested her specifically because she wouldn’t discriminate. With your mark coming back…we were worried it was all going to kick off again.’ Pansy’s voice had dropped to a whisper and Draco felt uneasy at the implications of what having the mark burned onto his arm again might be. 

‘What does it mean, Pans?’ His eyes were already drooping, and he was struggling to fight his meds long enough to hear her answer. He felt her adjust the pillows behind him so he was laying down again, although it felt more like he was drifting out to sea than laying in a hospital bed. 

‘I don’t know my love, I wish I did.’ 

∞

His arms shook had he lent against the bathroom sink. He stared at his face in the mirror, noticing only the bags under his eyes and the grey pallor of his skin. He was getting thinner by the day, his bones protruding sickeningly. He thought of the bruise he had on his hipbone from when he’d accidently walked into the table in potions – it had felt like someone had snapped the bone in half. His lip trembled as he held back a sob. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t kill Dumbledore. The man was batshit crazy, but he didn’t deserve to be murdered. But what would happen if he didn’t do it? The Dark Lord, he was going to kill his family. His mother. The only person who ever loved him for who he was, not what he should be. 

‘Don’t,’ the first tears slipped from his eyes into the grimy sink below. ‘Don’t…tell me what’s wrong…I can help you…’ Myrtle came floating over. Myrtle, the only soul he’d ever been able to talk to. The most annoying ghost in the whole bloody school. 

‘No one can help me,’ he choked. ‘I can’t do it… I can’t… It won’t work… and unless I do it soon, he says he’ll kill them.’ He sobbed into the sink, hardly able to breathe, gulping in air as best he could. He shuddered with the overwhelming feeling of doom consuming him from the inside out. He steeled himself, finally looking up into the mirror and found Potter staring at him in the reflection. 

He wheeled around, drawing his wand without even realising he was doing it. Potter was looking at him with a look of such pity it made him feel sick. He didn’t want Potter’s stupid pity, he’d been chosen for this. He had to do it. He threw a hex at Potter which missed and hit the wall behind him. Potter flung his whole body sideways and flicked his wand. Draco blocked the jinx easily and aimed another.

‘Stop it!’ Myrtle shrieked and her voice echoed around the room, reverberating against the dirty tiled. ‘Stop! STOP!’ She had a set of lungs on her for a dead girl – Draco would give her that. 

He didn’t know what made him do it. He never really wanted to hurt Potter. He hated the git for being everything Draco could never be, but he never wanted to harm him. It was a reflex, words coming out of his mouth he thought his father would expect him to say, a curse the Dark Lord would expect him to use. ‘Cruc-’ 

‘SECTUMSEMPRA!’ He’d never heard that spell before but as pain lanced across his body, he knew he never wanted to hear it again. He watched with detached horror as his white shirt turned a deep shade of crimson with his own blood. It didn’t even hurt as he collapsed in the flooded water of the bathroom floor. He locked eyes with Potter and knew in an instant Potter hadn’t known what the spell would do any more than Draco did. His body convulsed although he was numb to the pain. He couldn’t tell if the blackness sweeping over his vision was the swish of robes or hum succumbing to unconsciousness, but the last thing he saw was the pasty white look of terror on Potter’s beautiful face.

∞

 The next time Draco woke up, he felt surprisingly good, all things considered. His throat was less dry for a start, and when he opened his eyes, he didn’t feel like he was emerging from water – also a good sign. 

‘Hello stranger.’ He turned his head to the side to find Hermione sitting at his bedside this time. He smiled at her weakly. 

‘Hi. Who are you?’ She gave him her best mum look which only made his smile grow a fraction. 

‘How are you feeling?’ She pressed the back of her hand to his forehead as though he was a child with a cold. It was sweet really, although a completely pointless gesture. 

‘Shit. But marginally less shit than last time.’ He said bluntly. His voice still sounded off, but not quite as bad as it had last time. 

‘You’ll be awake properly now, I should think. Oh Draco, we were all so worried. I tried my best not to bring the kids, but it’s been so long I couldn’t face lying to them. You’ve baffled everyone. It took them weeks to figure out what was wrong.’ She held his hand tightly and brushed the hair back from his face.

‘Weeks? How long have I been here?’ Her face crumpled and his stomach dropped. Just how much had he missed? 

‘Draco, it’s February.’ He felt it like a stab to the chest. 

‘Teddy… Hermione, don’t tell me I-’ He couldn’t finished his sentence. The pain in his chest was excruciating and it had nothing to do with whatever it was that had brought him here. 

‘Draco, please. Don’t get yourself worked up. We still don’t really understand what’s happening to you, but I think it’s playing off your anxiety. Please, I know it’s hard but please try to stay calm.’ He was so angry with himself. Furious even. The last time he’d seen Teddy he’d yelled at him, made him cry, then promised him he’d be back soon. He’d gone back to Hogwarts and Draco had missed it. He’d gone off to Scotland without even knowing if Draco was ok. He was the worst parent in the world. He’d already put Teddy through so much and he’d done it yet again. He had to go to Hogwarts. He had to apologise. He had to never do anything so stupid again. 

‘Draco! DRACO! Calm down. You’re going to have a panic attack. Breathe!’

‘Where’s Harry? Hermione, where’s Harry? I have to apologise. I left him to deal with Teddy again. God they’re both going to hate me. Right after I accused Harry of-’ He’d dreamt about Harry and Wood. He still didn’t even what was going on between them. Fuck he’d made such a mess of things again. 

‘If you calm down, I promise I’ll get him for you. Stop worrying about them and think of yourself. You can’t do anything from here. You need to get better first.’ He wasn’t listening to anything she said. He had to see Harry. 

‘Sure. Fine. Whatever.’ He said hurriedly, practically shooing her off. She stood and kissed his cheek. 

‘It’s good to see you, Draco. You have a lot of our lunch dates to catch up on. With interest.’ She walked off, presumably to use the floo, he didn’t really know. His mind was racing, filling him with guilt. He was so useless at being a parent, at keeping a family together. No wonder things with Harry so quickly gone off track. He never thought about anyone else. 

The same mediwitch he’d seen before returned a few minutes after Hermione left. 

‘Oh dear, Mr Potter. You’ve got yourself into a right state. What’s the matter? You seem to be getting much better to me, that’s good, no?’ She smiled at him kindly and his insides cramped with guilt. He didn’t deserve niceties. 

‘I’ve been lying her in this stupid hospital doing nothing useful and my son, he went back to Hogwarts and I wasn’t there…’ His throat was tight, but he refused to cry. The mediwitch patted his arm gently. 

‘I’m sure he’d much rather you be here getting better than you see him off to school and make yourself sicker, yes dear? I’m positive he loves you very much. As does that husband of yours. He’s been here every day. Talked to you for hours while you were awake, even when you had no idea what was going on. He adores you, you know.’ Draco didn’t remember being awake except when Pansy was here. 

‘I was awake?’ He asked the witch. 

‘Every couple of days or so. More often than not you weren’t very lucid, but you always seemed to know when he was here. Reached right for him every time. Oh, you two are perfect together. You must really love each other.’ Draco nodded, unable to explain how much he’d messed up. Harry had done him wrong though, hadn’t he? He’d slept with another man right under Draco’s nose. He couldn’t even figure out if it was cheating, or if he was just so angry that Harry had never told him. They hadn’t technically been back together, that’s true enough. Yet Harry hadn’t even said. It hurt his head to think about it. 

‘Will you please tell me what happened?’ He asked the mediwitch as she updated his notes. He was desperate to think of anything else. 

‘There was a deposit of dark magic in your heart when you came in. A very stubborn one at that. Your husband did the best he could to stop it spreading – without him you likely would have died. Goodness knows how he knew that counter curse. We spent the better part of the time you’ve been here trying to reverse the effects. It’s been about a week since the deposit was dissipated fully.’

‘It really took that long?’ She nodded. 

‘Finding the cause has proven much harder. It seems your magic had been with you since about a month after you were last admitted, however there appears to be significant mental scarring preventing you from using it. So, when you tried to cast the spell which brought you here, the lingering dark magic in your arm tried to fight it. We can’t figure out why the dark magic seems to be connected to your mental state, but it seems you’ll be spending a lot of time with your mind healer in the future.’ Draco groaned. He hated that twat with a passion. 

‘But do I really-’ 

‘DRACO!’ He barely got a few words out before Harry flung himself at Draco. As best he could since Draco was lying in a bed of course. 

‘I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.’ He whispered into Harry’s neck. Harry, ignoring the mediwitch and just about everyone else on the ward, climbed onto Draco’s hospital bed and pulled him into his arms. Draco heard the curtains around his bed scrape against the railing as they closed around them, and the shutting off of the background noise told him the kind witch had warded them some privacy. 

He didn’t care that he didn’t know what was going on between Harry and Wood. Harry had come for him as soon as he had asked, and he’d been here the whole time. Draco had all the time in the world to be angry at him later, but now he really needed him. 

‘I missed him go to school. I left you on your own. I’m sorry.’ He couldn’t help it. He buried his face in Harry’s neck and let himself cry. 

‘Don’t be sorry. I’m here, I’ve got you. We’ll bring Teddy home to see you. I promise he understands. No one is angry with you, ok? We love you. I love you. Shhh, shhh. Please don’t cry. I’m right here.’ Draco only held onto him tighter and let Harry whisper in his ear everything he needed to hear.


	13. Chapter 13

Draco was only allowed to go home after he’d been cleared by a mind healer. It had been decided that the potions were doing little to help his energy levels, and the focus instead should be on his mental healthcare. Draco thought it was bullshit really. He had anxiety, that much was true, but the idea that he was stopping his own recovery? Ludicrous.

‘Have you changed your mind about talking to me about Harry?’ Smith asked him ten minutes in. He’d been told if he walked out of another session before his hour was up, he’d be going back to the ward and would not be allowed to leave until his next healer appointment.

‘Why do you care so much about Harry?’ Draco didn’t like the way Smith always asked about him. Was he a closet superfan who wanted all the details? Was he going to use Draco’s insecurities against him? Everyone had an ulterior motive.

‘I care about you and he is an important part of your life, is he not?’ Draco nodded.

‘He might be.’ Draco mumbled.

Smith seemed to perk up at this, the sadistic prick. ‘Might be? Did something happen between you?’ Smith lent forward and Draco once again felt trapped. He thought about just telling Smith. After all, he didn’t really have much to lose. It would fill the time and wasn’t he just saying the other day that he could use someone to talk to? Weeks rather. He forgot how long he was asleep.

‘I think he cheated on me.’ Draco looked down at his hands which were absent of any rings. He’d taken to wearing his old wedding ring on occasion, but since Harry had admitted to sleeping with Wood, he’d felt as though… as though he couldn’t bring himself to look at it anymore. It felt like another life.

‘You think?’ Smith encouraged. Draco didn’t really want to talk about it, but he figured he’d try.

‘He slept with someone. After the incident, and he didn’t tell me about it until I found a paper with the photos in it and showed it to him.’ He admitted. Smith nodded with interest and started writing on a notepad he’d always had during their session but had never used. Draco supposed he was finally getting what he wanted.

‘And you’re not sure if it qualifies as cheating?’

‘Well, we never really discussed our relationship like that. We made it clear to each other that we both still had feelings, and after a while we started behaving a lot like we had when we were together, and it just sort of…fell back into how it was before. I thought maybe if I hadn’t said that I was in it for the long run that maybe he didn’t think it counted…’ Smith was nodding vigorously and scribbling away in the notepad. Draco wasn’t even sure if he was listening properly.

‘I think if Harry gave you the impression that he, loves you?’ He looked at Draco questioningly.

‘Yes.’

‘Then he knowingly led you to believe that you were committed in some way and therefore anything he may have done with someone else would be considered cheating. What was your reaction when you found this out?’

‘Anger, I guess. Embarrassment mostly. It was in the paper and everyone except me knew all about it and no one had said anything. I’ve been reliant on him since I lost my magic and I don’t know what I would do without him. I thought he loved me and the whole time and he’s been lying to me.’ The deep feeling of despair he’d been drowning in that night he’d cried alone in the guest room came back. It was like a darkness casting a shadow over him.

‘I think you’re making really good progress here, Draco. I’m grateful that you’ve decided to trust me with this. Now, I want you to think about it carefully – what would you say hurts you the most? That you feel as though Harry has humiliated you, or that he lied and doesn’t love you?’ It sounded brutal when he said it like that. Had Draco really implied that Harry didn’t love him. Was that the truth or was Smith just repeating what Draco had said back to him?

‘Can I say both? I don’t know. It hurts the most to think he took me in just because he pitied me, not because he cares about me, but it’s even more insulting to think that everyone else knew it and I didn’t. Especially because…I’ve never cared about anyone the way I care about him. I didn’t really date anyone after we split – it never felt right.’ He felt like such a sap admitting it to a total stranger, but it was true. He didn’t really know who he was without Harry. France had taught him that he was capable of living without him, but that didn’t mean he wanted to.

‘You can say both. There are no right answers here. Have you considered telling Harry about this? He may not be aware of how you feel about your relationship. I’m sure if he did, he might be able to assuage some of your confusion.’ Draco sighed. He knew he and Harry needed to talk, but the thing was that they did so well without it. Early on they’d become able to understand each other without the necessity of conversation – Harry had never been a man of many words. Draco thought maybe some of that had rubbed off on him.

‘I don’t want to talk to him about it.’

‘I can see that. I can also see that your current coping mechanisms haven’t been helping you. Perhaps it’s time to change that?’ Draco hated the idea of Smith being right. He didn’t say anything for a while. ‘Why is it that you struggle to talk to Harry? You’ve made it clear to me that he’s important to you and you obviously think very highly of him.’ Draco took a deep breath. He knew the reason why, he’d always known it, he just refused to acknowledge it.

‘Harry has enough to deal with already.’ It was simple but it was true.

‘That’s not why you won’t talk you him. We’ve been making progress today Draco, don’t throw it away now. The only person you’re hindering is yourself.’ Why did he have to be so bloody self-righteous all the time.

‘What good would it do? Would telling him everything make me a better person? Would it make it all go away? Would it make him happier to know how broken I am? No, no it wouldn’t. So why the heck would I drag him into it?’ He could feel his temper flaring. He just didn’t want to talk. This guy could win a prize for making a mounting out of a mole hill.

‘I see. Well, have you thought about how it might affect Harry? If he cares about you half as much as you care about him, can you imagine how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot?’ Draco sat very still as he thought about that. He noticed that Smith had filled well over a page of the notebook and was ready to turn over yet again. What was so interesting about this?

Smith had a point though. Draco would be beside himself if he knew Harry was hurt and he didn’t know what to do about it. He would be angry if Harry had been getting sick and not telling him.

‘It’s not that easy.’ He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and wished he could be literally anywhere else.

‘I’d like to give you some homework for this week. I’d like you to go away and think about your childhood and see if you can make any connections between what happened back then and what is happening now. I’d also like you to sit down with Harry and tell him just one thing that you’ve never told him before. Can you do that?’ Draco could, but he didn’t want to.

‘I suppose.’ It seemed to satisfy Smith.

‘I often recommend going away somewhere to have talks like those. Find some neutral ground – somewhere where there aren’t any memories or any history.’ Draco wasn’t very good at going to new places. Shouldn’t Smith know that? He was a bloody mind healer after all. ‘I’d also like to try some mind spells. There aren’t any blockages in your mind the way you might expect with an _obliviate_ scar, but the notes I’ve been sent from St Mungo’s indicate your subconscious has blocked a significant proportion of memory. I can’t do those without someone else present to act as an anchor. Again, I suggest you bring Harry. It’s not the same as counselling, you don’t have to tell him anything you don’t want to, but he seems like the best option for success. It’s something to think about.’

‘A significant proportion of memory? What are you talking about?’ Surely, he would know if he’d forgotten something.

‘It’s surprisingly difficult to spot. Often such memories are all linked to a particular event or person or even place. They might be spread out across a long period of time in small chunks so that you’re not even aware of it. I think you’ve made enough progress in trusting me that we can give it a go.’ He was scribbling away in that stupid notebook again. Draco wanted to burn it.

‘I see.’ He said stiffly.

‘Excellent. Please do also consider what I’ve said about bringing Harry with you. I really do think it would improve your recovery by leaps and bounds. I expect to see you at the same time each week for the next eight weeks.’ Draco breathed a sigh of relief when he left the room. He despised those sessions and the supposed _progress_ he’d made didn’t make him feel any better. He’d also never heard of mind spells before. Was that Smith trying to dumb down medical terminology for him? He’s not an idiot, he tried to get into healer training himself. Passed the exams with ease even.

The man at the reception desk looked bored as he signed the release papers he’d been sent over with. He was middle aged and hopelessly balding and the sweat patches under his arms. He date stamped each page and dropped them into the outbox where they promptly disappeared. He didn’t exchange a single word with Draco and didn’t so much as look up from the desk. Charming.

He stood in the hallway of the clinic for a long time, having an internal debate with himself over what to do next. He could always go home, but he’d only end up stewing over the things he had said in his session. He couldn’t fathom that all of his problems boiled down to an unwillingness to share his feelings. He told Harry he loved him, didn’t he? He certainly told Teddy so all the time. He gave hugs, he smiled, he laughed, he cried a lot more than he ever had before. It wasn’t as though he was made of stone.

He made up his mind to go to the Ministry. It wasn’t exactly a long floo trip from where he was. He had of course been told not to perform any magic unless under supervision of a medical professional which technically meant he was even further away from his goal than he had been when he started.

_You seemed so determined when you came home, and nothing is changing._

He hadn’t forgotten what Harry had said. It had been difficult to keep on track with Teddy coming home and the orphanage being so busy. Draco had always liked to feel in control of everything and for months now everything had been spiralling around him while he held on for dear life.

As he often did when at the Ministry, he kept his head down and took steady, even breaths, and avoided looking anyone in the eye. He’d grown slightly more confident when he’d worked there and had walked through the Atrium with his head held high, but since he’d lost his magic, he’d been so careful not to put himself into an even more vulnerable position than he was already in.

He was half way to Hermione’s office when he was suddenly reminded of the fact that she’d been in the process of moving the last time he’d been here, and he’d completely forgotten. He got a few strange looks as he abruptly turned tails and went in the other direction. It was more nerve wracking to have to go to the Minister’s offices to see Hermione, but then the Minister had always been kind to him.

Hermione’s office was easy to spot. There was an entire floor of the Ministry dedicated to the Minister’s offices and his advisors, and as his new PA, Hermione’s office was right next door. Draco smiled at the gleaming gold plaque which now read _Hermione J. Granger-Weasley_. He was still surprised she’d dropped down a peg or two, but honestly, he couldn’t think of anyone who could do a better job. Right from the beginning Hermione had been a high-flyer – although Draco used to be loath to admit it.

There was no one in the corridors which seemed unusual to Draco, but it wasn’t as though there was anyone to ask about it. He knocked politely on Hermione’s office door. There was some shuffling from within, and he almost opened the door himself to check that everything was alright, but then the door was flung open with some force, and a bedraggled looking Hermione stood in the doorway. Half of her hair was hanging out of its bun and her face was flushed scarlet.

‘What the…’

‘Draco! You finally made it in! How lovely to see you!’ She pulled him into the office sharply by his elbow and shut the door behind him. ‘What are you doing here? You can’t have been out of hospital for long…’ She straightened out her deep purple robes and pressed her hands to her cheeks. If Draco didn’t know any better, he’d half suspect there’d been some inappropriate activities going on before his arrival. That brought images of the Weasel he never wanted to see to the front of his mind and he quickly changed tack.

‘I actually came straight here. Well, after an appointment with that sodding mind healer.’

She frowned. ‘You haven’t been home? Harry wasn’t there when you were discharged?’ He resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.

‘I didn’t know they were going to discharge me until half an hour before they did it. Harry is more than likely at work, and I don’t want to take him to the mind healer anyway. Honestly Hermione, that’s just the way it worked out.’ She didn’t seem impressed, but he wasn’t about to argue. Thankfully, his first perusal of her new office had the conversation take a different turn.

‘Hermione, what the heck is going on here?’ Her office was a disaster. The Hermione he knew was so organised a speck of dust would stick out like a sore thumb. This new office – whilst it was twice the size of her previous one – was covered floor to ceiling in papers and archive boxed.

‘Oh gosh. It looks terrible doesn’t it? I’ve been completely restructuring the filing system. Honestly, I swear a bunch of utter morons ran this place before I got here. I can’t make head nor tail of the logic behind the filing. It’s a wonder the Ministry has been functioning at all.’ She pulled her wand out and waved it across the room, sending a few of the piles of papers to one side so that there was at least a path from the door to her desk.

‘Don’t work yourself into the ground. You’re not getting paid to reorganise everything that went before you. Plus, you look a mess. Come here.’ He sat her down on a chair she’d uncovered and started unravelling the rest of her hair.

‘What on earth are you doing?’ She twisted around to stare at him incredulously.

He rolled his eyes at her. ‘I’m fixing your hair of course.’

‘Since when do you know how to do that?’ He began French plaiting her hair for her – he was never a fan of buns.

‘I know everything,’ he teased. Her shoulders shook a little as she huffed a small laugh.

‘I take it you didn’t come here to fix my hair.’

‘That I didn’t. I wanted to pick your brains actually. About mind spells? As far as I know, that’s not an official branch of magic…but my dealings are significantly darker than yours, so I wondered what you knew.’

‘Mind spells? That sounds a bit Mickey Mouse.’ There was a pause. ‘Oh, that’s a muggle thing. It means its sounds made up.’

‘So I shouldn’t trust it?’

‘Well, over the past decade since the war, the healing profession has been trying to branch out into mental health the same way muggles have. Not that the muggle mental healthcare service is nearly adequate enough. I’ve heard they’ve been trying to amend memory charms to be able to assess mental damage, but it’s an incredibly new field. Is that how they want to treat you?’ Draco snapped the hair tie into place at the bottom of Hermione’s plait and she quickly twirled around to face him, her eyes wide with concern.

‘Smith mentioned it. He said some of the tests they did at St Mungo’s revealed I have repressed memories or some such rubbish.’ He eventually took the seat he had sat her in to fix her hair, and she almost disappeared into the one behind her desk, it was set so low.

‘It’s quite likely when you think about it.’ She looked as though she was searching his expression for some sort of agreement, but she wouldn’t find one. She sighed heavily and began adjusting the mess on top of her desk. ‘I have some friends who are in the medical profession. Researchers, not healers though. I can ask around if you’re nervous?’ He nodded enthusiastically.

‘Would you? I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, but it would really help.’ She grabbed one of those muggle post-on notes or whatever it was they were called and jotted something down.

‘Of course. This is your health, it’s of the utmost importance. You’re family after all.’ Draco felt his cheeks flush at Hermione calling him family. How the times had changed.

‘Right. Thanks.’ He felt rather sheepish although he wasn’t altogether sure why.

‘How did it go at the mind healer?’ She asked him once she’d finished clearing some of the surface of her desk. It occurred to Draco that he’d dropped in on her in the middle of the working week with no warning and she had work to do.

‘I honestly don’t know. Smith said I made progress, but he never gives much away. From what I can gather, he thinks the issues with my magic are to go with my inability to share my feelings with Harry. Apparently, he thinks I’ll find something in my childhood that caused it. Honestly, it’s rubbish. It’s pop psychology at best.’ He was fed up of having something wrong with him. Why did something have to be wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just not be perfect and functional like Harry or Hermione? Why did everyone think he had to be happy all the time?

‘He is a trained professional. Maybe he knows something you don’t. You’re welcome to stop by my office any time, you know that, but don’t you think you should check in with Harry? He’s been worried sick you know. He wouldn’t tell the healers a thing about what happened other than you were trying to practice magic. I’ve been his best friend since we were eleven, I know when he’s not telling me something.’ She gave him a pointed look and he had to break eye contact. He always managed to forget how fierce she could be. In the best way of course.

‘You’re right. As always. I’m sorry to distract you from your work.’ He stood and smoothed the creases out of his trousers. He turned to go but was stopped when she flung herself at him. She smelled like fresh flowers and as odd as the connection was, it sort of reminded him of his mother.

‘You know I’m not always right and you should never apologise for coming to see me. Honestly, you have enough to say about Gryffindors but you’re being the most Gryffindor person I’ve ever met. Don’t be so stupid. I love you and I want to help you. We all do. When are you going to get that through your thick skull?’ He sighed and squeezed her tighter for a brief moment before stepping away.

‘If Harry had told you why I was practicing magic, you probably wouldn’t say that.’ He didn’t wait for her to reply, he simply kissed her cheek and let himself out. He didn’t know how Harry would feel about everything that had happened before Draco’s stint in hospital, but he knew he wasn’t ready to go home and deal with it all, particularly as Teddy wouldn’t even be there. That was perhaps the greatest kick in the teeth. The new year had barely even started as far as he was concerned, and yet he’d probably already won worst parent of the year.

He had one more stop to make before he went to visit the one person who would always listen and never answer back.

∞

Hours later and Draco still hadn’t returned home. It had long since gone dark and with the sun, the limited warmth it provided had also gone. Draco knew he shouldn’t be sat outside, not with his bad circulation, but he couldn’t face going home. He sat on the frosted ground, staring right ahead at the marble in front of him.

‘What am I supposed to say to him, Mum? I know you never fully warmed to him, but you knew he’s a good person, didn’t you? I thought he was a good person, but I’m not so sure now.’ A gust of wind blew through the thick fabric of his coat and it wasn’t enough to prevent him from shivering.

‘I want to talk to him. No one seems to understand that. I don’t want to spend my life keeping everything to myself, but how do people talk about these things? How am I supposed to trust anyone enough to say these things to? I don’t want to be ungrateful, I don’t want him to think I don’t love him but how am I supposed to trust him when he pulls stunts like this? You’d know the answer. You always had an answer. Not always the right one though – I can say that now you can’t clip me around the ear.’ He laughed a hollow laugh which make him cough violently into the cold air.

‘I miss you. I’m sorry I don’t visit very often. I didn’t even bring you flowers.’ He’d usually conjure some when he got here but once again, he’d forgotten he couldn’t do that. ‘I often wonder if you’d be happy with the things I’ve done since the war, or if you’d think I’d sold myself out. You were never quite so harsh as father. I like to think you’d understand.’

‘Of course she’d understand. She loved you very much.’ Draco jumped and twisted around to see Harry standing behind him, his hands shoved deep into his pockets and the collar of his charcoal coat turned up to protect him against the chill of the wind. His wand was sticking out of his lapel and casting a little light into the darkness. Even in the small glow it gave off he looked beautiful, if a little tired. ‘You didn’t come home to me.’ He said when Draco chose not to reply.

‘I needed some time to myself.’ Harry sat down on the grass next to him and slung an arm over his shoulders. He wanted to push him away, he burned with the desire to get as far away as possible, but he also knew he shouldn’t have been sat outside in the cold for so long, and he probably needed Harry’s body heat – and his warming charms.

‘I always thought you’d want to bury your mother in France.’

‘My mother was a Black you imbecile. I’m French on my father’s side.’

‘Oh. Right. Isn’t the Black family motto French though?’ Draco nodded.

‘ _Toujours pur_. It means always pure. An affectation, something to make them sound fancier than they were. It’s all for show Potter, it always has been.’ Draco was surprised to find Harry laughing.

‘Back to Potter, am I? Ouch. I suppose I deserve that one.’ Despite everything, Draco found himself chuckling alongside him.

After their laughter had died away, Draco took his opportunity. ‘Yeah, yeah you do.’ He listened as there was a sharp intake of breath.

‘Listen, Draco, I know you must think I’m an absolute wanker-’

‘Here is neither the time nor the place to talk about it.’

‘I know it isn’t, but you don’t know how many sleepless nights I had thinking I might never get the chance to explain. They kept saying you’d be fine but until I saw you open your eyes. Christ, you don’t know what it’s like. It felt like I was watching the same thing happen all over again except this time it really was my fault.’

‘My problems with my magic are my fault, not yours.’

‘And if I hadn’t been such a dick about it you wouldn’t have tried to cast that stupid spell.’ Draco huffed. They could talk themselves in circles about it, but it wouldn’t get them anywhere.

‘I spoke to my mind healer today. I’ve booked an international portkey to the chateau and we’re going to go away and we’re going to talk about it all. Everything. No holds barred.’ Harry snorted and Draco couldn’t help but whack him right between the ribs.

‘No _holds_ barred not no holes barred you heathen.’ Harry sniggered anyway and tugged Draco a little closer.

‘You still knew what I was laughing for. I count that as an admission of guilt.’ Draco’s stomach flipped as Harry pressed him into his side. Harry was warm and familiar and smelled like home and Draco wanted to bury himself in the feeling. Except it was tarnished with the knowledge – or lack therefore – of what was going on between Harry and Wood. Near death experiences or not, Draco wouldn’t play second fiddle to anyone.

‘I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ve done with the chateau though. When do we go?’ Draco wasn’t sure if Harry was deliberately avoiding talking about Wood or if he was unaware of how hurt Draco was because of it.

‘Next week.’ He said quietly.

‘And…what happens between us until then?’ Wasn’t that the million-galleon question.

‘I don’t know, Harry. I really don’t know.


	14. Chapter 14

The night before their international portkey, Draco didn’t sleep a wink. He tossed and turned uncomfortably well into the early hours of the morning. Things had been…strained since his return. He half regretted leaving it so long before letting Harry say his piece. Everything had been pressing on Draco’s shoulders so much that he could hardly function normally around him, and he could see Harry was struggling to know how to deal with it.

Draco couldn’t bear the thought of such a beautiful house, their home, being tainted by yet more grief. It had already seen a divorce, and Teddy leaving for Hogwarts, and Draco’s incident, and it was barely even five years old. Harry obviously didn’t think that whatever had gone on between him and Wood should warrant Draco leaving him, or he’d have tried much harder to make himself heard, wouldn’t he? Honestly with Harry, Draco didn’t even know anymore.

He turned over yet again – it was harder for him to fall back to sleep once his eyes had adjusted to the dark. Well, as much as they could without his correction charms. It was a wonder no one had noticed his distinct lack of vision, although during fifth and sixth year when he could no longer afford to keep the charms renewed, he’d learned quite well how to mask his poor vision. His sight wasn’t so bad that he couldn’t see Harry’s face resting on the pillow next to his. He’d taken to staring at Harry in his sleep a lot recently, since his sleep cycle was so disturbed. 

He curled his hands under his chin as he took in Harry’s sleeping form. His skin – aside from the famous scar – really was flawless, although Draco knew full well he didn’t even try to look after it. He’d shaved whilst Draco had been in hospital, and with it he’d shaved a couple of years off his age. It was odd really, since he reminded Draco so much of the boy wonder he’d been at school and yet looked totally different. He supposed he would never be able to look at Harry now without seeing their life together.

He hated the uncertainty that surrounded that life now. Harry’s eyelashes fluttered as he dreamed and Draco remembered how it had been when he’d first returned. Harry had promised him things would be different, that he wouldn’t let him go ever again. He supposed he’d made true on that promise, although it hadn’t been the way he’d expected. It wasn’t as though Draco had thought they’d waltz right back into their marriage like none of it had ever happened, he simply hadn’t expected that those same problems they’d had before would still be with them now.

Harry’s hand inched out towards Draco and for a brief moment he considered the possibility that Harry wasn’t reaching out for him at all, simply that he wanted _someone_. Anyone. After all, what did Draco really bring to the table anymore? Once upon a time he’d been charming and sophisticated and generally quick witted. Now he was an anxiety induced recluse with enough baggage to weigh down the world’s strongest man.

Giving into his inner sap, Draco threaded his fingers through Harry’s. The briefest flicker of a smile graced his features and Draco’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest. In the same vain that he desperately wanted to find the Harry he’d fallen in love with, he wondered how much of himself had stayed the same as the person Harry had fallen in love with. He realised that much of who he had been had nothing to do with being a supposed dark wizard or even his ability to perform magic. Throughout his teens and most of his twenties he’d walked the streets with some sense of invincibility. He had taken for granted that eventually he’d find those who liked him for who he was, even if the rest of the world didn’t care to find out. Where had that Draco gone? The one who apologised for nothing and marched to the beat of his own drum. He didn’t need magic to do those things, he just needed his confidence back.

‘I can feel you thinking. Stop it and go to sleep.’ Draco ripped his fingers from Harry’s as he felt the walls he’d so carefully built slam back down. How long had Harry been awake? Letting Draco stare at him like he held the key to the universe. He couldn’t let him think that he could admit to sleeping with someone else and Draco would smile and brush it off like it was nothing.

‘No, don’t.’ He mumbled as Draco turned over to face away from him. Before Draco could protest, Harry looped an arm around his waist and pulled him against his chest, tangling their legs together in a way that meant Draco would no doubt wake them both up too much if he tried to disentangle them. As he was enveloped by Harry’s body heat, he felt his resolve disappear. He wanted to push Harry away and tell him no, he couldn’t do this to him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He should never have agreed when Harry begged him to sleep in their bed because he would never sleep without him. 

Harry’s hand was splayed across Draco’s stomach, right where his pyjama top had ridden up. The exposed skin was practically burning with Draco’s overwhelming awareness of Harry, but he couldn’t bring himself to loosen up the tense posture he’d adopted the second Harry had reached for him.

But then Harry pressed the lightest of kisses to the base of Draco’s neck and he couldn’t fight it anymore. He melted into Harry’s embrace and felt the arms around him tighten in response. Honestly, Draco was worried that at this point Harry could tell him he’d been sleeping with Wood every other day for ten years and invite Draco to join them, and it still wouldn’t be enough for Draco to leave him. Maybe Draco was too clingy like that. Wait, no, he couldn’t be closed off and clingy at the same time…could he?

‘Go to sleep, love.’ Harry mumbled into his ear once more. Draco shivered when he felt his breath brush over his skin and unashamedly wriggled closer to Harry. As much as he didn’t want to, he fell asleep within five minutes – being wrapped up in Harry ridding him of his inner turmoil.

Affair with Wood or not, only Draco got to experience this. 

∞

‘What did your mind healer say when you told him about this? I thought you said you were supposed to see him every week…?’ Draco watched as Harry shrank their luggage and sent it on ahead. He was less envious of Harry’s magic now that he knew his own was still there lurking, but it did make him frustrated to know he was equally as capable of doing everything yet didn’t know how.

‘He got over it when I promised him I was skipping the session to do his stupid homework.’ Harry said nothing, although he looked like he wanted to ask Draco a hundred questions. He didn’t think it was obvious from the outside, but on this inside his stomach was knotted till kingdom come. Harry seemed to all intents and purposes to have shut down his emotion completely – at least he would have if he didn’t have the kind of eyes that blazed with his inner thoughts like giant mood beacons. He was scared, Draco could tell that much.

Harry had pulled a couple of strings at the Ministry so that they could take the portkey from their own home. He’d said it was because he knew how much Draco hated going to the Ministry unnecessarily, but Draco was fairly sure it was because Harry was worried about them being seen together. It didn’t help the knots in Draco’s stomach.

‘The portkey leaves in two minutes. Have you got everything?’ Draco nodded and looked down at the small, mother of pearl button that had been designated for their journey. He found it insulting that such a small, insignificant object held more power than he did. He took a deep breath to prepare himself. Harry took his hand and gave him a small smile of sympathy. It wasn’t much, but it quelled Draco’s anxiety a little to know at least Harry was going with him this time. He’d sent an owl to Teddy to tell him what was going on, but they hadn’t had a chance to floo call yet. He missed his little boy terribly – he felt as though he’d been robbed of precious time with him. He’d been trying not to think about it.

He took hold of the other half of the button with the hand that wasn’t holding Harry’s a minute before the hour. Just before the clock struck, Harry let go of Draco’s hand and wrapped his arm around his shoulders – Draco guessed he knew that this was going to be difficult for him, although he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep his hold while they travelled.

He felt the tell-tale pull on his navel as he was swept away with the portkey. Harry held him in a vice-like grip as they spun. Draco’s stomach churned horribly, and he clung onto Harry as best he could. The world spun around them for what felt like an eternity, and when Draco’s feet finally touched the ground once again, he wretched violently. 

Whilst the trip was supposed to be an important chance for them to talk, Draco had hoped that it would be an opportunity for Draco to show Harry the more elegant and respectable side of his heritage – expose him to some French culture. 

As he threw up onto the gravel driveway, he was suddenly struck by the difference between expectation and reality.

‘You’re ok. I’ve got you.’ Harry rubbed his back soothingly as he emptied the contents of his stomach. When he was done, Harry vanished the mess without a word and shot a cleaning charm at him. He was overwhelmingly grateful.

‘Thank you,’ he rasped. His throat was burning, and his stomach was still cramping, but it seemed like the worst was over.

‘I didn’t think it would affect you that much. Are you ok?’ He nodded and straightened himself back up, leaning heavily against Harry who didn’t seem to mind.

‘I’m ok. Just haven’t travelled that far in so long.’ Harry had an arm secured around his waist. 

‘I think maybe I should apparate you the rest of the way. Will the wards let me?’ Draco nodded, feeling lightheaded. There was a pop and they reappeared on the steps outside the main doors. Draco prayed Spungen would notice a shift in the wards – although he had also sent word ahead to warn him of their arrival. A few seconds later and the large oak doors swung open, revealing a far sprightlier elf than Draco had left behind.

‘Masters Potter, sirs. Spungen is very pleasing to see you. Master Draco is being required these.’ He handed two potions over which Harry gripped clumsily in his free hand. ‘Spungen be unpacking masters’ belongings now sirs.’ Draco indicated to the left to tell Harry to take him through to the nearest sitting room. The chateau appeared to be spotless, unlike the last time Draco had made the journey. Harry helped him onto one of the few _récamiers he managed to salvage from the original furnishings, and he downed the potions as quickly as possible and held his head in his hands whilst they took effect. He briefly felt worse whilst the potions purged his body of the bout of sickness and he brought his knees up to his chest as his stomach roiled. As quickly as it happened, the symptoms subsided, and he unfurled._

‘Better?’ Harry asked him, looking at him worriedly. 

‘Better.’ He assured him. Harry’s shoulders visibly dropped, and Draco felt a selfish degree of warmth that Harry still worried about him.

‘I know you probably want to show me around, get reacquainted, but…Look, I’ve been scared of this all week and I’d really just like to get the worst of it out of the way. This one of your family’s ancestral homes and I don’t want to outstay my welcome if- if it turns out you don’t want me here anymore.’ Draco felt drained from the vomiting, but the lost look on Harry’s face made him so guilty he didn’t want to make him suffer much longer.

‘I need to rest for a bit. I’m sorry, but I can’t concentrate right now. Let me sleep for an hour and then we can talk? You can explore a little while I’m gone if you want.’ Draco stood up slowly, checking he wouldn’t make himself dizzy. Harry was on his feet in an instant too. 

‘I’ll come with you! I mean, I don’t need to sleep but maybe I could stay with you? I don’t want to be too far away if something happens and uh…I think I might get lost? This place is huge.’ He turned around on the spot and took in the room around them. It wasn’t even the fanciest of the rooms in the chateau, and it was a particularly dull and wintery day which didn’t show off the room’s potential very well. The ceilings were as high as one might expect from a French architect with far too much money and not enough sense. The colour scheme was one of Draco’s favourites though. Pansy, bless her heart, had nearly bitten his head off when he’d suggested ivory and vermillion – she’d almost fainted with the prospect of Draco wanting to decorate anything remotely pertaining to Gryffindor. Draco patiently pointed out that ivory and vermillion were vastly different shades than gold and maroon.

‘I suppose. Are you sure that’s wise?’ Harry shrugged his shoulders and Draco couldn’t be bothered to push the subject. He led Harry up the winding staircase, nodding politely to the numerous portraits of ancestors he’d become acquainted with during the restoration. They eyed Harry curiously, some turning their noses up in disdain, but the majority smirking or nodding their approval. Their reactions had Harry blushing to his roots and Draco absolutely did not find it adorable. He’d have thought Harry would be used to people staring at him by now, but it seemed he would never be accustomed to being an icon. 

Draco was tired by the time they reached the east wing. He was determined to find the self-same room he’d discovered on his first day here with the floor to ceiling windows. 

‘Draco this place is beautiful. I had no idea you had such an eye for interior design.’ Harry walked the corridors with his mouth gaping like a fish and his eyes wide like he’d never seen class before. 

‘I had some help. But yes, it’s among my many talents.’ He said smugly. He flushed when Harry caught his hand as they accidently brushed against each other. It shouldn’t provoke that reaction, they’d been married for heaven’s sake, but Draco still got a small thrill when Harry did those things without even thinking about it. His mouth snapped shut as he looked at Draco with surprise. 

‘Welcome back love.’ Draco frowned. Had he gone somewhere?

It didn’t register with him until he was opening the large doors to his favourite bedroom suite, that he’d produced that small quip as naturally as he blinked and yet it had sounded so much like his former self. Maybe there was hope after all.

The air in the room smelled like jasmine and rose and something about the openness of the windows had something tense deep in Draco’s chest unravelling – like he hadn’t really known how to breathe properly all this time. 

‘You really love it here, don’t you?’ Draco turned to see Harry with a gut-wrenching sadness etched across his features. Draco stood before him and smoothed out the worry lines with the pads of his thumbs. 

‘It’s not because of you, if that’s what you think. It’s just because I feel like I can breathe here. This place is my own.’ Harry placed a hand over Draco’s on his face and gave him a sad smile. 

‘I don’t want to taint this place for you. That wasn’t the point of coming here.’ Draco sighed and shook his head.

‘We can deal with that later. Now I need to rest.’ He turned to the bed – probably the largest bed he’d ever seen in his life, and noticed the sheets were his favourite shade of forest green. His pyjamas were already folded neatly at the foot of the bed, but he moved them away. Harry noticed the action but didn’t say a word. Draco took Harry’s coat from him and hung it next to his carefully, before stripping out of the clothes that had already absorbed some of the chill. He didn’t know why, but it seemed important for him to do this. It wasn’t as if Harry had never seen him naked before, of course he had, but it felt as though it were a watershed moment where Draco could consciously bare all to him both physically and emotionally. He felt Harry’s eyes on him as each garment was removed – he felt his gaze burning into his skin and it sent shivers down his spine at the odd intimacy of the situation.

He stood before Harry, his face a blank slate. Harry looked him in the eyes, waiting for him to explain what the heck he was doing. Draco couldn’t really explain though, it didn’t make a lot of sense really, it just felt like something he needed to do. The bed was warm when Draco climbed in and he was immensely grateful that Spungen was around. He wondered if he should employ more house elves – the chateau wouldn’t run itself and it was such a large property for Spungen to manage on his own. That wasn’t exactly a priority now, however.

‘Should I…?’ Harry had stayed routed to the spot the whole time, as though transfixed by the shock of Draco stripping and going to bed. As if it wasn’t something people did every day. 

‘It’s up to you.’ Harry frowned. Draco couldn’t exactly blame him. Draco tried to watch as Harry undressed, but his eyelids were already getting heavy. His heart fluttered as he felt Harry slip into the bed next to him and draw him against his chest. He could hear Harry’s heartbeat thumping steadily against his ear and he sighed as his fingers ran through his hair slowly. Wherever their bare skin touched Draco felt as though he was on fire, but it was worth it. He saw Harry’s arm wave out of the corner of his half-closed eyes and the shutters around the room closed, plunging them into darkness. 

‘Thank you for doing this.’ He wrapped an arm around Harry’s toned waist and nuzzled himself closer in an unusually affectionate way. Harry’s hold on him tightened and Draco melted as he dropped a kiss onto the top of his head. 

‘Don’t thank me. I love you and I want to do this. I’m just glad you’re still ok. I promised you I wouldn’t lose you again and I meant it.’ Draco just couldn’t bring himself to say it back, despite the tidal wave of feelings he was feeling towards him. He couldn’t and he wouldn’t say it until he knew Harry deserved to hear it. It didn’t stop him from pressing his lips right above Harry’s heart. Such was the mess that was their relationship. He felt more at peace as he fell asleep than he had in months, and he couldn’t decide why that was. 

Harry was still awake when he stirred again, as he’d half expected. They were still wrapped around each other as they had been when Draco fell asleep which was odd since he usually woke up as far away from Harry as possible. Harry was running his fingers gently over his spine and he really didn’t want to move. He lifted his head slightly so that it rested in the crook of Harry’s neck. He briefly wondered, if it all really were to go to pot, if it would be weird if he started wearing the same scent.

‘Afternoon to you too. Wait…are you smelling me?’

‘No. Shut up.’ Harry’s chest rumbled underneath him as he chuckled.

‘How do you feel?’ 

Draco shrugged. ‘Better.’ 

‘Spungen brought food up a few minutes ago. He said eating would help settle you.’ Draco nodded into Harry’s neck but didn’t give any indication of moving otherwise. ‘Come on Draco. I know you don’t want to but if you won’t do it for you, at least do it for me.’ He sighed. He was warm and comfortable and if he stayed here unmoving, he wouldn’t have to face life. Why couldn’t Harry let him ignore everything? Just for a little while… 

‘Fine.’ He detached himself from Harry enough to grab a piece of toast from the tray Spungen had placed next to the bed. 

‘You’re dropping crumbs on me!’ Harry whined as Draco returned to his previous position. 

‘You said eat. I’m eating. What do you want from me?’ Harry’s lips twitched into an almost smile and Draco knew he’d won. They said nothing as Draco forced each mouthful down his throat, his body tightening with worry as the minutes ticked by. He could show Harry around, tell him all about the history of the place and everything he’d done here. Except it would be pointless, wouldn’t it? The whole time he’d only be thinking of everything they had to talk about, everything that needed fixing. 

He pushed himself up off Harry’s chest and turned away from him. 

‘Are you done with your random nudeness?’ He looked over his shoulder at him. He was smirking. 

‘It isn’t random and I’m not naked.’ He looked down at the white bandage that was still wrapped tightly around his left arm. He hadn’t removed it yet, only had Harry change the binding for him when it got dirty. He didn’t know why he couldn’t look. He’d had the mark engrained in his skin for two years before it had faded, and it had meant far more back then than it did now. Harry’s had reached around him and snaked over the exact spot he was looking at. He tugged gently and Draco let him guide him back around to face him. 

‘Take it off.’ He said gently. He didn’t try to unravel it himself, only lay there propped up on the plush pillows, watching him patiently. Draco picked at the edges. He debated how it might make him feel before he realised he was just making it worse by waiting. He peeled back the bandage. He held his breath as coil after coil slipped through his fingers until finally, there was just one, thin piece of material between him and the branding that turned his life upside down.

‘I don’t think I can.’ His voice wobbled. Harry put his hand over the last piece. Draco’s skin had cooled rapidly since the sheets had slipped from his shoulders and pooled around his waist, and Harry’s hands were warm as ever.

‘Look at me.’ Draco’s lifted his gaze. He wished he knew how Harry’s eyes could always burn with intensity. It was like nothing else he’d ever seen. ‘I’ve known you had that mark. I saw it myself. Every one of our friends knows you took the mark and we all care about you anyway. It might go away again, we don’t know. What we do know is that you’re a good person with or without it. Ok?’ He removed his hand and with it the last of the bandage slipped. He’d known what it would look like, but it still took the breath from his lungs to see the ugly black snake coiled on his inner arm once again. It was unmoving, thankfully, but it also had the inky vein markings around it that had appeared on his chest. 

‘That doesn’t look good.’ He murmured. More for himself than for Harry.

‘ _That_ , is the least of your worries right now. The first thing we need to do, is to figure out what’s going on with you. This thing,’ he trailed his fingertips across the blackened skin, ‘will sort itself out later. One step at a time.’ His fingers trailed down to Draco’s palm where they rested for a second before he took his hand back.

‘We should get on with it.’ Draco said abruptly, and the moment was lost. Harry’s face shuttered but he nodded.

‘Like ripping off a plaster.’

When he’d renovated the chateau last year, he’d had Blaise help him install a wardrobe of French fashion so that he didn’t always have to bring a ton of luggage with him. Most of what he’d brought this time had been Harry’s. He pulled out the warmest cashmere he could find. He chucked a few items Harry’s way since his nap had likely interrupted Spungen’s unpacking. He’d taken the liberty of buying a few things in Harry’s size – just in case.

‘When did you do this?’ Harry asked him, frowning down at the garments.

‘Um. I just thought I’d have something here. In case…I don’t know. It just seemed like a good idea.’ He said sheepishly. He went over to the windows to reopen the shutters by hand, mostly so he wouldn’t have to look at Harry, but also so that Harry wouldn’t see the flush he could feel blossoming over his cheeks. He was a hopeless romantic at heart – though people would find out over his dead body.

‘There’s a small place in the grounds. I decorated it myself. I asked Spungen to maintain the charmwork but other than him, I’m the only one in the world who knows it exists. I found it one day when I was walking the grounds before the landscape designer arrived. I hid it under a disillusionment charm. It’s beautiful, and I think that’s where I’d like to be.’ 

‘Whatever you need.’ Harry dressed quickly and Draco led him back through the hallways and through to the back of the chateau where there was a narrow spiral staircase – a relic of the old servant quarters. 

‘Would you mind casting some warming charms? It takes a few minutes to get there and I left the coats upstairs.’

‘Of course love.’ Harry barely so much as blinked and Draco was enveloped in a furnace level heat. 

‘Shit!’ He jumped back with the force of it and immediately the temperature dropped to a more manageable level.

‘I’m really sorry, I over did it. I’m just worried about you and-’

‘It’s fine.’ Draco replied tightly. He couldn’t handle Harry’s overprotectiveness when he was trying to psych himself up. He hadn’t even decided how much he was going to tell him, just that Smith had said pick one thing. 

He led them out through the back of the chateau and across the immaculate lawns. Spungen couldn’t manage to maintain the gardens on his own, not that Draco had expected him to, and whilst the lawns were kept to perfection, the flowerbeds were dry and desolate. They said nothing as they walked. Draco kept his hands clenched into fists in his pockets so that Harry couldn’t try to hold them.

They took a right at the fountain and walked through the rose garden – perhaps the only part of the grounds to have successfully survived the winter. Draco wanted to stop and smell the roses, but now wasn’t the time. Eventually, nestled between the hedgerows separating the rose garden from the wild flowers, they came across what may well be Draco’s favourite place in the world. He had been too busy to spend time here during his little sojourn to France, but he would make up for that in the future.

‘Wow.’ Harry stopped in his tracks to look at the structure, although Draco knew the outside wasn’t a patch on the inside. It was a pavilion of sorts – a cross between a greenhouse and an outhouse. It was a later addition to the grounds, perhaps nineteenthcentury, and the reinforcement work cost a small fortune.

‘You haven’t seen anything yet.’ Draco took the large key from the hook concealed in the hedgerow. He wasn’t too worried about hiding it since the whole property was so heavily warded. The key clunked in the lock and the door creaked horribly as it opened, but Draco thought it only added to the charm. He motioned for Harry to step inside before him and he couldn’t bite back the smile at Harry’s gasp. He followed him inside and let the door click shut behind them.

He’d charmed little orbs of light to float around within. They twinkled against the glass which was also charmed so that one could see out without anyone seeing anything from the outside. The flagstone floor was covered with thick antique rugs and there was a real-wood fire, not currently lit, which was the focal point of the room. He’d had indoor climbers installed which trailed up the glass panels and added a sense of warmth. He hadn’t done much with the place really, only had a couple of well-worn sofas and a bookshelf, but the affects were something else entirely. A person could disappear in here and forget about the entire world around them.

‘You really want to share this…with me?’ Harry spun in circles as he took it all in. 

Draco watched the way the fluttering light reflected in Harry’s eyes and sharpened his jawline even more. ‘I don’t share enough with you. I thought we established that.’ Harry walked over to one of the sofas and picked up one of the blankets Draco had left on one of the cushions. 

‘I swear you have more of these things than Hermione.’ 

Draco shrugged. ‘I have circulation issues.’ He paused for a second before calling for Spungen. 

‘Master Draco, Spungen is being glad you is well.’ He could tell the elf was ready to start fawning all over him, but he put a stop to it quickly.

‘Bring us some tea please. And don’t let me hear you speak with such poor grammar again. I know you’re capable of better.’ He heard his father in every word. 

‘Yes sir. As you wish.’ He disappeared with a pop and Draco went to join Harry. He sat opposite him, curling his feet underneath him. They sat in silence, staring at each other creepily. Draco didn’t want to go first and he didn’t want to be interrupted by Spungen bringing their tea. After a little while, Harry got up to light the fire the muggle way. Draco wouldn’t have bothered but he guessed Harry wanted something to do with his hands. 

When Spungen reappeared, Draco got such a shock he hiccupped around his own breath. Harry sniggered and he shot him a glare.

‘Thank you.’ Harry said to the elf who bowed graciously and disappeared again. He poured the tea and Draco was grateful since he knew his own hands shook too much. When Harry pressed a teacup into Draco’s cool fingers and took his seat, the silence couldn’t hold any longer. 

‘Before you say anything. There’s something I need to tell you. There’s no need to panic, it has nothing to do with us.’ Immediately, Draco’s heartrate picked up. Harry should know by now that Draco would always panic, no matter the situation. 

‘What is it?’ He said cautiously. 

‘Well, since this issue with your magic hasn’t been resolved, Pansy has stepped in and started the classes I offered you. Please don’t be offended, you’re more than welcome to take over whenever you’re feeling up to it. Anyway, it’s actually about Ella.’ Draco wasn’t surprised that things had moved on without him and to be honest, he wasn’t sure he was the best choice for those classes anyway. He was surprised that Pansy was running them, however. That seemed far too benevolent for her.

‘What about her?’ Tension held his shoulders like a newly erected scarecrow. 

‘There’s a couple. They want to proceed with the adoption process. It’s early, really early, they’ve only just been approved as suitable parents and they’ve only met her once. I just- I know how much she means to you and I wanted to give you time to accept it.’ If the bottom hadn’t fallen out of Draco’s world yet, it certainly had now. He didn’t know why, it had always been on the cards, she was a bright and beautiful little girl. Who wouldn’t want to love her? 

‘Oh.’ He focused on his teacup, drinking it way too quickly. 

‘I’m sorry, I really am. It’ll be good for her though, to have people who love her and can give her what she needs.’ Draco set the empty teacup on the table between them. 

‘Just tell me one thing. Are they kind?’ Harry gave him a sad smile but nodded. 

‘They’re amazing women. A Hufflepuff and a Ravenclaw – not that it particularly matters. I don’t know much about them other than that, I’m not supposed to get involved.’ Draco stared into the fire – watched as the flames licked the wood. The Room of Requirement flickered through his mind and he closed his eyes as if to block the memory.

‘Then I hope they’ll all be happy.’ His voice was strained but he held himself together. They had far worse to talk about than that. He could compartmentalise, assess it later.

‘You’re ok with it?’

‘No of course I’m not.’ He snapped. ‘What would you like me to do? Go to pieces over something I have literally no control over? Is it ideal news? No, it isn’t. But that’s not what we’re here for.’ He barked. Harry visibly recoiled and he felt like a dick.

‘I’m just trying to be honest.’ He looked wounded and Draco couldn’t blame him. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just really wound up over this. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Thank you for telling me.’

‘Come here.’ He held a hand out to Draco and motioned for him to join him on the other sofa. Draco took his offer and slunk down next to him. ‘Listen to me. You’re making a big step coming here and doing this, and I want to help you the best way I can. Biting my head off isn’t going to get us anywhere, so just take a deep breath and let’s talk.’ Damn Harry for being so right all the time, it made Draco’s insides crawl. And why did he have to sit there looking so beautiful when Draco just wanted to be mad at him. 

‘I’m sorry.’ Harry didn’t release his hold on his hand which was probably a good thing since he really just wanted to bolt. 

‘Don’t be sorry. You’re done being sorry, you don’t have to keep apologising. Just let me help you…please.’ He was doing that thing again. Where he looked at Draco like he was really seeing him, like he actually mattered. It made his skin crawl.

‘Tell me about Wood.’ He said abruptly. Harry’s entire body went rigid in an instant.

‘We’re not here to talk about that.’ 

Draco scoffed. ‘What, you think I’m going to tell you everything without knowing that? Are you a fool?’ He was being mean again, but what did he expect? Draco was a Slytherin after all, he knew all about self-preservation.

‘You’re right. I’m being unfair.’ He wasn’t, Draco was. ‘I promise you it’s not what you think. I’ll admit I slept with him and that wasn’t fair on you and it wasn’t right for me to keep it from you either. I just knew how it would look and I’d only just got you back and hell, listen how much of an arse it makes me sound. It was a stupid mistake. I went to a bar. It was one of the first nights you’d been stable enough for me to leave you for a bit. God, that makes you sound like such a child. That’s not how I meant it.’ Harry released Draco’s hands to scrub at his own face with frustration. Draco pulled his hands away before he could do any damage.

‘I get it. I was highly dependent on you for months. I can’t imagine how that felt.’ Harry sighed heavily and resumed his tale. Draco tried his best to stay calm enough to hear him out.

‘I thought it was you. I was so fucking stupid. He must’ve slipped something into my drink, god only knows. It was like I knew it couldn’t be you, I knew you were at home in bed and yet I didn’t question a thing. We even went to his place for fuck’s sake! I should’ve bloody known. I felt so guilty I didn’t know how to tell you. Even Ron thought it might be best to say nothing-’ 

‘You told the Weasel and you didn’t tell me?’ Draco’s tone was icy. What the fuck? How could he tell someone entirely unrelated and keep Draco in the dark like that?

‘I panicked! I trust Ron. He’s never let me down and I knew he wouldn’t say a thing if I asked him not to. Hermione, well, Hermione’s great with secrets too but she’s so soft on you I thought she might try to tip you off. Shit, this all sounds so manipulative.’ Harry’s tone was getting more and more irate, his breathing uneven, as he tried to explain but couldn’t get his words out. 

‘Harry, breathe. You don’t have a chance of me understanding this if you give up half way. What game have you been playing.’ Harry jumped to his feet, unable to contain himself. 

‘I haven’t been playing games! He has! He came to the house a few weeks later, one day when you’d gone for one of your lunch dates with Hermione. He said he was sorry for what he’d done, and I was so busy yelling at him for using me like that that I didn’t even notice when he swiped it. This is why you always helped me with publicity stuff, I’m crap at it!’

‘What did he swipe?’ Draco’s tone was far too even. He could hear his father’s frosty detachment in it but there was nothing he could do. 

‘He found a letter, right on the top of the table. In those early days when you were in the hospital, I wrote you letters. I don’t know why, they didn’t help. I thought maybe if I was never going to see you again it might feel like I could still talk to you. It sounds stupid.’ He was pacing back and forth now. 

‘It’s not stupid, but why didn’t you report him?’ Draco’s heart broke for him. All this time Harry was dealing with everything going on with Draco and really, who was helping him? Draco certainly hadn’t been. 

‘And have the Ministry be snooping around in our business too? It had too much personal stuff in it. The divorce, and parts of the case and everything I feel for you now and you’re such an intensely private person that I couldn’t bear the thought of your business being splashed across the papers. He’s been blackmailing me ever since. I didn’t want to tell you because you already had so much going on but that also meant that he knew I didn’t want to announce we were back together, so he kept making me go to events with him, imply that we were an item. I managed to get a few of the articles pulled but it didn’t always work. I’m sorry. Really, I am. Maybe I could’ve gone about things better but fuck… you know I’m bad at this.’ 

Draco didn’t know what to say. This hadn’t been what he’d expected at all. It didn’t help the pain of knowing that Harry had slept with someone else, he wasn’t sure anything ever would, but he couldn’t blame him for being the victim or for trying to clean up the mess. However badly he’d done it. 

‘There’s nothing for it. We’ll just have to come out with it all. Teddy knows now, that’s what we were waiting for. The timing…isn’t ideal, but it’ll keep him off your back.’ Harry looked startled.

‘Draco, love, I can’t ask you to do that. Not for someone like him. You’re anxiety-’ 

‘Will be a lot better if I don’t have to worry about that smug git’s face.’ Draco cut across him.

‘Take some time to think about it. I don’t want you to feel rushed into anything. There’s so much else we have to deal with.’ This was one of the things he loved and hated about Harry. Everything was always _we_ with him, as if it never occurred to him that Draco would ever have to do anything alone. He just didn’t seem to understand how difficult it was for Draco to let him help. ‘I don’t know if you’ll forgive me for it, but you have to know that I’d never do anything to hurt you intentionally.’ Draco did know it. 

‘I know. I just…need some time to get over it I suppose. We weren’t technically together anyway, it’s not like I can hold it against you.’ Harry finally stopped pacing, obviously feeling as though he’d got it all off his chest. His face was still worried though.

‘You’re allowed to be angry at me. Heck, I’d rather you be angry at me than you be as calm as this. Are you sure everything’s ok?’ Draco didn’t know how to take that. Was he supposed to be angry? Did Harry think he was an angry person?

‘Everything’s fine. I just take time to process.’ Harry nodded but he didn’t look like he believed him. 

They lapsed into silence again for a while. Draco’s mind was racing with everything. His heart was screaming for him to forgive Harry in an instant because he loved him, and he needed him, and Harry was there for him when it mattered. The voice in the back of his mind was telling him to be careful, to be concerned that Harry would go to a bar and get pissed and sleep with someone. It was just so…not Harry. He didn’t know. Harry was clearly shaken about the whole thing, but if Draco fell right back into his arms like it didn’t matter, did that make him a pushover? It was so difficult to know.

Harry, all credit to him, stayed quiet as Draco readied himself to say his piece. Things had been building up to this for a long time, he realised. Now he was in the moment, he knew he was so unbelievably unprepared for it. 

‘You know I’ve been going to a mind healer. You know I’m having trouble with my magic. You know all the medical stuff.’ He began. Harry nodded. ‘I didn’t want to take you to the mind healer with me. He’s been bugging me for months to bring you, so that we can talk to each other.’ 

‘He has? Why haven’t you? You know there’s nothing you can’t tell me…’ Draco couldn’t look him in the eye. He just couldn’t. 

‘Because I… You already know so much about me. You know me better than anyone else alive. He thinks whatever it is that’s causing this, whatever it is that’s stopping me from…healing, it’s routed somewhere in my childhood. If that’s true, then maybe it’s just part of who I am. Then maybe I won’t ever get better. I know I can live without magic. I’m living now. It’s just…I won’t be that person anymore. I won’t be the genius potioneer or that pompous arsehole who thought he’d be the best quidditch player ever.’ Harry laughed and he almost lost his nerve. ‘I don’t want you to know who I am without those things because I’m not sure that the person behind it is a good person.’ 

‘Oh Draco. No, no, no, don’t think that. Of course you’re a good person. Haven’t you seen it? Look at how close you are to Teddy, he adores you. Look at all the people around you who would drop everything for you. You don’t even realise how important your input at the orphanage has been. I know it’s hard to let go of all the things you love to do, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do those things again. You just have to trust that it’ll work out so long as you let go.’ 

‘How do you know that? Look at what’s happened! This came back!’ He wrenched the sleeve of his jumper up and shoved the mess of the mark into Harry’s face. ‘Would normal people have this show up if their magic went haywire? NO! Why? Because normal people aren’t stupid enough to get shit like this branded on them in the first place!’ He pretended like the mistakes he made as a teenager didn’t matter anymore, but they did. He was forever aware of how much one bad decision could impact his entire life. He didn’t trust himself not to do that again. 

Harry caught his arm and kissed his mark. ‘This didn’t matter back then, and it doesn’t matter now. It’s a complication, it’s not a reflection of who you are. Is that what this is about? You don’t want me there because you think if I know what’s causing all this I’ll leave?’ It felt as though Harry was looking right into his soul and he couldn’t stand it. 

‘Stop it!’ He yelled. He jumped up from his seat in much the same way Harry had. ‘Stop looking at me like that!’ 

‘Looking at you like what?’ 

‘LIKE ANY OF IT MATTERS!’ He roared. He didn’t know where it came from. It was like an inferno of anger blasted through him and had nowhere to go. The glass rattled around them and Harry was gripping Draco’s arms in the blink of an eye.

‘Draco, breathe, please. You’re losing control again. Reign it in.’ Draco’s breathing was ragged, and he took deep, gulping breaths. ‘Tell me why it doesn’t matter. This isn’t like you, I don’t understand. Help me understand.’ Draco didn’t know how to. 

‘You’ve done all these amazing things. You became Head Auror, you opened a damned orphanage. You found ways to use your talents to do good and that’s amazing. After you and I split up, I went to shit. I was weak, I was a mess, I did nothing useful. What does that say about me?’ 

‘It says you’ve had to deal with a lot in your life and you’re still finding ways to do that. And that’s ok. There are as many good things you have done. You raised Teddy. That little boy is the shining star he is because he had you to teach him how. I had the courage to go through with opening the orphanage because you made me believe I didn’t have to be defined by being The Chosen One.’ Had Draco really done all that? ‘Why are you so scared of me? I’m not going anywhere just because of this. You’re making yourself sick keeping it all to yourself. I don’t understand why you can’t just let me in.’ He started shaking Draco with his frustration. 

Of course he didn’t understand. How could he? The pressures he’d been put under had come from other people. Draco had had that when he was younger, from his father. Now? Now he put that pressure on himself. Because he had to make amends. He had to. 

‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE ME AND YOU’RE GOING TO LEAVE!’ Harry’s hold on him dropped. Draco could hear the shrillness of his own voice ringing in his ears, clawing at his eardrums like nails on a chalkboard. 

For once Draco wasn’t the one to cry. Oh, the irony. He stood stock still and though his heart shattered at the way Harry’s face crumpled in front of him, he couldn’t cry anymore. He hardly moved and Harry tried to pull him into an embrace. His body was brittle and unyielding as if he’d sustained some kind of stun spell damage. Harry pulled at him harder and he tried to wrench himself away. He couldn’t stand there anymore, he couldn’t listen to his own thoughts anymore. He wanted them to stop.

He collided with Harry violently, Harry’s arms bracketing him like he knew he wanted to run. He beat against his chest and if he’d had the presence of mind, he’d probably have known he was leaving bruises Harry certainly didn’t deserve. 

‘Why would you ever think that?’ Harry’s voice was thick and deep, and it made Draco feel so much worse. As if Harry had been worried about hurting him with everything that had gone on with Wood, and here they were the other way round. ‘What did I do to make you think that? Please, tell me what I did.’ 

What had he done?


	15. Chapter 15

Draco felt like a fool. He hadn’t really meant to say what he had. Did he really think he loved Harry more than Harry loved him? He hadn’t even realised that was an issue for him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had thought that once they’d finally gotten around to talking, it would be some kind of light switch moment. If anything, he’d only become more closed off since. It was as though letting himself be vulnerable had sent his anxiety into overdrive.

For the most part, however, Draco was terrified for Harry. It was entirely possible that Draco had actually broken him. He looked like a kicked puppy most of the time and it was eating him alive to see it. Draco had studiously avoided him as he tried to get his head around everything that had happened. Why hadn’t he seen that Wood had been blackmailing Harry? He never thought Harry so capable of keeping things hidden, not the way Draco had been accustomed to. Then again, Harry had kept who knows how many of Dumbledore’s secrets back in the day, and as Head Auror he probably knew far more than he ever let on.

Still, Draco lived with him. He was there when he woke up in the morning and there when he went to sleep at night. Surely, he would’ve picked up on something. And Wood, he’d seemed genuinely so surprised to think that Draco and Harry- oh. They’d tried so hard to keep it all concealed from everyone except their family, for both Draco’s sake and for Teddy’s. Yet Draco had been so annoyed to see Wood’s smug face that he’d effectively admitted he was back together with Harry. Wouldn’t that be the perfect thing for Wood to run to the press to? He was a social climber – he’d be paid well for the story, he’d get on the good side of the journalists, he’d be credited as the man with inside knowledge. But he hadn’t done any of that. Why? Because it didn’t benefit him. Because if the truth got to the papers, he’d have no leverage to blackmail Harry with. Harry would only play his games if he thought it would protect his family. Why would he do it if there was nothing left to protect?

Draco rushed through the chateau, looking for Harry. He knew where he would be hiding if he wanted to avoid Harry, but he didn’t know how much of the building Harry had explored yet. He travelled through the corridors and hallways in his mind’s eyes. Through windows and archways, up floors and over bannisters until it came to him.

He’d only restored one of the chateau’s towers since the other had been too damaged when the building had become derelict. Draco thought towers were pretentious anyway. So muggles learnt how to construct turrets and spires? Big deal. Wizards had been doing it a lot longer and didn’t need to keep at it. It meant there was one place in the grounds which would feel like home to Harry. That was, if Draco knew him well enough…

It took him a lot longer than it should to reach the top of the tower but when he finally did, he almost flung himself at Harry. He’d deliberately done the room out like the Gryffindor Common Room, with Hermione’s help. He thought that if Harry were ever to come here it might be overwhelming for him compared to other places he’d lived. He’d never lived in the Manor, and Hogwarts was different being a school. He’d tried to bring a little bit of home with him.

‘Draco? What happened?’

‘Will you do something for me? Please.’ Harry nodded frantically.

‘Anything. Name it.’

‘Tell me where you went on Boxing Day.’ Draco had forgotten all about it in the madness which had ensued.

‘Oh.’ Draco’s newfound hope faltered when Harry was less than enthusiastic.

‘It was Wood you went to see, wasn’t it? And he blackmailed you again, didn’t he?’ Harry looked uncertain.

Rubbing the side of his neck awkwardly he turned away from Draco. ‘I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you. Not that I don’t want to! Of course, I want to do anything that’ll help you believe me, it’s just- wait. I could…show you?’

Sometime later, when they’d finally managed to acquire a pensieve, Draco watched as Harry withdrew a memory from his temple.

He felt a pang of worry. ‘You’re not angry with me for asking you for this, are you? I swear I don’t want to upset you any more than I have…’ Harry finished dropping the memory into the pensive and turned to face Draco who was biting his lip with anxiousness.

‘You have no idea how long this bullshit has been hanging over me. It’s been killing me these past months keeping it from you. Anything I can do to get us through this, I’ll do it. It’s the least I can do for letting it go on so long in the first place.’ Draco was quiet once again. He hated how intensely good Harry was inside and out. He put him to shame on a daily basis. His left arm twitched, almost as a reminder of how different they were.

‘Hey,’ Harry pulled him into a hug. ‘You don’t have to look so scared. I know it’s a lot, but we can do this together. We’ve both been through worse. We lived through the war.’ Draco hugged him back hesitantly and tried not to get too attached. He had to watch the memory sooner rather than later.

He let go of Harry and stepped towards the pensieve. He could hear echoes of the memory as it swam before him and it didn’t sound all that pleasant. He didn’t want to look at Harry before he delved in, so he didn’t.

He didn’t recognise the street they were on. It looked like an alley, but slightly wider than Knockturn and not as open as Diagon. Perhaps they were somewhere in muggle London. He stood behind Harry and felt a surge of jealousy when he noticed Harry’s hair was mussed in a way Draco recognised from all the mornings they’d woken up together.

‘What the fuck Oliver? What makes you think you can kiss me like that? We are not a thing.’ Draco’s fists clenched at his sides. He hadn’t told him they’d kissed.

‘Harry, baby, you’re hilarious.’ Wood was staggering around, and Draco realised he was incredibly drunk. Didn’t he have family to go to?  
‘What do you want Wood. I didn’t leave my family to listen to you spout nonsense. This has to stop.’ Harry’s voice was low and cold and Draco wished he could see his face, just for a second.

‘I saw your pretty little ex-husband the other day. What a shame it would be if something were to happen to him. He really is lovely, although he’s not really my type…’ Wood staggered and fell against the alley wall, scraping his cheek against the rough brick.

‘You harm so much as a hair on his head Oliver and I swear I’ll obliterate you. It’ll be like you never existed. I don’t know what you think you’re going to achieve with these stupid games, but I promise you when he’s strong enough they’ll come to an end.’ He’d never heard Harry talk like that before. He wondered if this was the side of him criminals had seen when he’d been an auror. No wonder he’d been so good at his job – his demeanour sent shivers down Draco’s spine.

‘I won’t harm him, per se. But I wonder what he’d say if he knew about us. I could tell him all about it. How you looked when you lay in my bed that night.’ He stumbled over to Harry and began whispering in his ear. ‘I remember all the sounds you made. Each moan, each hitch of breath. I’m sure he’d be so pleased to hear…’

‘I won’t ask you again, Oliver. What do you want?’ Wood started trailing kisses down Harry’s neck and Draco thought he might be sick.

‘Leave him, Harry. Be happier with me. He’s broken, isn’t he? I could sense it when he stepped into the shop. Not an ounce of magic anywhere. We wouldn’t want that, would we? All your power going to waste on a half-wizard. Such a shame. Or you could come with me.’ Wood’s eyes glinted in the dull light and Draco wondered what had happened to him. He wasn’t too old to play professional quidditch, and as far as Draco knew, he hadn’t been injured. Something was missing here. ‘We could be happy together. You could help me get back into quidditch…’

Draco flinched violently as Harry’s hand slammed into Wood, ripping him away from him and shoving him against the wall.

‘Nothing on this earth would ever make me chose you over him. Get that through your thick skull and don’t call me like that ever again. You might have something against me, but I can do just as much damage and unlike you, I don’t care if I lose my reputation in the process.’ He released Wood and stalked off into the mist.

Draco fell backwards from the pensieve when the memory ended, his hands shaking and his mind whirring. Harry had been terrifying. Would he really have hurt Wood? Would he really blackmail him right back? Surely his Harry was too good a person to ever consider it.

‘Draco…?’ Harry’s hand was on his shoulder and Draco was snapped back to reality. He didn’t say anything. Instead his gripped the front of Harry’s jumper and kissed him forcefully.

At least he had intended to. Except, when their lips met and Harry’s were so dry they were almost cracked, Draco was reminded of how many hours he’d spent outside in the grounds after Draco had yelled at him. In an instant the kiss became gentle, tender even. Barely more than the softest brush of lips, as though Draco could heal each crack himself if he tried hard enough. Harry’s fingers threaded through Draco’s hair because the smug git knew he was the only person on the planet allowed to touch Draco’s hair. They’d kissed a thousand times before but this, this was different. It felt like coming home after such a long, long time.

Harry was the first the break the kiss and Draco actually whined in protest. Harry’s smirk was every inch the cocky bastard Draco remembered from school and he realised how little he’d seen Harry smile recently. How had he never noticed until now?

‘Does that mean you forgive me?’ He asked him hopefully.

‘Hm. You’re still a git but…you’re my git.’ It was difficult to get his head around, but he had to try. For all their sakes. Harry pulled him in for another kiss and Draco could feel him smiling against his lips. Even after they pulled away, they stood in each other’s arms just for the sake of being close to each other.

‘You wouldn’t really…would you?’ Draco asked him after a while.

‘Would I what?’

‘Play him at his own game.’

‘No! No, no I wouldn’t dare.’ Harry took both of Draco’s still trembling hands in his. ‘I just wanted to scare him like I used to back in the force. He doesn’t know I would never try it though, he probably thinks everyone’s mind works like this. Please, you have to believe me. I just want you to be safe. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. The thought he might hurt you…I was incensed.’ He swallowed hard, looking at Draco with wide, terrified eyes. Draco hadn’t expected him to be so fretful about it.

‘Ok.’ He didn’t know what else he could say. Part of him was blown away at the lengths Harry would go to protect him, to protect them. There was, however, some part of him that questioned whether he would be able to reign his anger in if Wood’s threats became real.

‘Ok? Just ok?’ Draco was so confused. He did believe Harry, the memory made it clear enough that Wood was practically unhinged. But what if he did something again? It would never have come to this if Harry had just told him and been honest.

Draco let his head fall against Harry’s shoulder. ‘If anything like this ever happens again, you tell me, right away, no matter what you think the price might be. I know, it’s rich coming from me, but for fuck’s sake. Look at what we’re doing to each other. When did it come to this? We used to be happy Harry. When did we start making decisions on each other’s behalf and keeping secrets and telling lies?’ He said into Harry’s jumper. Harry’s arms tightened around him just a fraction.

‘Why don’t we agree that it stops today? It doesn’t have to be that way. Think about all the things we’ve done together. We didn’t let the backlash stop us getting married. We didn’t care when everyone thought you must’ve cursed me or poisoned me with amortentia. We didn’t care when they said I was using my fame to promote a political agenda. Look how well we did when we first decided to raise Teddy together. There were so many times when it was us against the world and we made it. We just have to find it again.’

Draco snorted. ‘You. Capable of promoting your own political agenda. It’s so ludicrous its comical.’ Harry gave him an exasperated look and he sobered himself. ‘Alright. Fine. Where do we start?’ Harry’s grin was nearly blinding and it warmed Draco’s heart seeing him happy again.

‘I propose we go on a date.’



A couple of days after their talk when Draco had blown up in Harry’s face, he found himself in one of the upper floor apartments. It was the day of their date and whilst Draco hadn’t been impressed when Harry told him it was yet another surprise – Harry had at least assured him Draco was familiar with the place he was taking him. He supposed that would have to do.

The air in the apartment was a little stale, being one of the least used parts of the chateau, but he’d cracked the windows open a tiny bit and it was slowly refreshing the place. He’d left it much as it was in terms of layout – it was obvious it was a designated area most likely for those in-laws everyone had but didn’t want to put up with. What was he talking about? He didn’t have any in-laws.

He was making breakfast the muggle way. He’d woken up in the early hours having been plagued by another nightmare. They’d started after their little talk and he could only assume he’d unleashed some other monstrosity on himself. It was probably why he was so unfocused and made the batter far too thin. He reached up for a glass jar of flour he’d found on one of the shelves when his left arm went completely numb. Naturally, he dropped the jar and had flour all down his clothes and in his hair. Of course, that had to be the moment Harry walked in.

‘Oh! Sorry pépère, I was looking for Draco. Have you seen him? Sorry, l’as-tu vu?’ Draco gaped at him.

‘I’ll grandad you in a minute you shit. Since when do you speak French?’

‘The portraits took offense when they started speaking fluent French at me and I didn’t have a clue what they were saying.’

‘Well, you are basically a philistine after all.’ He blew flour in Harry’s face to annoy him, but he missed, and it all went in his hair. He started giggling like a child until he breathed in some of it and started hacking up a lung.

‘Hey! My grandfather didn’t invent Sleekeasy’s so you could ruin my hair with flour!’ Harry reached for a second jar and dumped it right over Draco’s head.

‘Well now that wasn’t very nice! Come here, I think I need a hug.’ Draco chased him around the kitchen, trying to cover him in flour too, but Harry was way too fast. They both descended into laughter until Harry got hiccups and they had to calm down. They ended up sprawled on the floor, the pancake batter long forgotten.

‘Do you think we’ll look this suave when we’re old?’ Harry asked him as his started picking some of the white out of Draco’s hair.

‘Clearly I will. As for you, the jury’s still out on that one. We’ll just have to wait and see.’ He watched the emotions flit across Harry’s face until he finally settled on a beaming smile.

‘We will, will we?’

‘So long as you don’t run off with some toyboy quidditch player.’ It was a low blow, he’d admit that.

Harry’s smile dropped. ‘Draco, I-’

‘I was joking, Harry. It’s fine.’ He pulled himself up off the floor, dusting off as much flour as he could. He walked away from Harry and returned to his pancake mix so that Harry wouldn’t see the look on his face.

‘No, it’s not fine. If you-’

‘I can’t very well say I’ll forgive you and then rub it in your face every chance I get, can I? It’s not right and it’s not proper.’ There was a finality in Draco’s tone that stopped Harry questioning him. He went back to his pancake batter which by now was probably completely useless.

‘Hey, leave that, I have a better idea.’ Harry stood behind him and took the batter and the spoon from Draco’s hands.

‘But I was going to make us breakfast.’ He let Harry turn him around in the gap between him and the counter and he hooked a finger under Draco’s chin, lifting his face so he was forced to look at him.

‘I know and I appreciate the sentiment, but I have an alternative I think you’ll like.’

Draco eyed him suspiciously. ‘What have you been planning?’ Harry’s lips twitched upwards in an almost smirk and Draco’s stomach clenched in anticipation.

‘You’ll just have to trust me.’ Draco couldn’t help himself any long, he hooked his fingers through the beltloops of Harry’s ridiculous muggle jeans and pulled him into a toe-curling kiss.

‘I suppose I will.’ He said feeling a little dazed.

‘I’m starting to think France agrees with you a little too much.’ Harry’s tone was light but there was something deeper in his eyes. Unease, perhaps a little fear. Draco chose to ignore it for now, although his attachment to this place might not be avoidable for long.

‘Come on you menace, let’s get cleaned up. I’m intrigued to know where it is you’re taking me since last time I checked, I’m the one who knows their way around here.’

When they arrived, Draco could not believe his eyes.

He was completely aghast. ‘You know about Pâtisserie Jules?’ It was a small bakery, not very well know, mainly because it was a wizarding establishment on a primarily muggle street. Still, Draco had meant to visit when he was living here and had never gotten around to it.

‘Oh. Er, not exactly. You’ve been sleeping a lot and one morning I was talking to Spungen and he told me about it. He said he could make pastries just fine, but you always preferred them when he was sent them from this bakery. I know it’s not your favourite, but well, I may have made a deal with the owner…’ How long had Spungen been giving him these pastries? That sneaky devil!

‘I can’t believe you just apparated me to the middle of Paris without even thinking twice! That was a stupid thing to do!’ He swatted Harry’s arm but wasn’t really all that annoyed since he was unbelievably excited.

Harry pushed the door open and Draco’s heart sang when an old-fashioned brass bell tinkled above his head. Harry really knew how to spoil him. A tall man with dark hair that was greying slightly at his temples walked right over to him.

‘Bonjour messieurs. Bienvenue à la Pâtisserie Jules!’

‘Monsieur Verne.’ Harry greeted him politely and the gears in Draco’s mind started whirring. Pâtisserie Jules…Monsieur Verne…

‘Ah, comme l’auteur!’ Monseiur Verne laughed heartily.

‘Oui, je suis un descendant. Mais s'il vous plait, vous pouvez m'appeler Gabriel.’ He smiled kindly. Harry gave Draco a nudge and he was confused for just a moment.

‘Oh! Désolé. Harry doesn’t speak any French.’

‘D’accord! My apologies ‘Arry.’

‘It’s fine.’ Harry smiled but there was a tightness in his expression that Draco couldn’t quite understand.

‘’Arry ‘as asked me very kindly to give you a quick cours de cuisine. ‘Ow about it?’ Draco’s jaw fell open.

‘You got me a cooking lesson with Gabriel Verne?’ Harry grinned at him cheekily.

‘Do you still hate surprises now?’

Draco would remain stubborn until his dying breath. ‘Of course.’ Harry rolled his eyes, but his smile stayed in place. Gabriel led them through to the back of the shop, although Draco still had a few seconds to eye the display cabinets. The vast array of baked goods from brightly coloured macarons to elegant petit fours to heart-warming tarte tatin.

‘Je vais vous apprendre à faire des mille-feuilles.’ Draco’s smile grew. His grandmother on his father’s side used to make mille-feuille when he was small, although she’d died when he was five, so he hadn’t had homemade ones in a long time. In his peripheral vision he could see Harry looking grumpy.

‘I wish he’d stop speaking in bloody French.’ He mumbled under his breath.

Draco rolled his eyes. ‘If you don’t like it, cast a translation charm. Don’t they teach you those in Auror 101?’

‘I like it when you speak French.’ Draco wasn’t so sure he was supposed to hear that, but he did.

‘Aww, mon amour, qu’est-ce que tu penserais si je t’embrassais?’ He teased.

‘You could be calling me a bastard right now for all I know.’ Harry said huffily. Draco couldn’t help but find it cute that he’d arranged all this but wasn’t even enjoying it. He took a proffered apron and looped the straps around his waist to tie them at the front.

‘Un bâtard?’ He clutched his chest in feigned horror, ‘je n’aurais jamais!’ By this point Harry was flushed heavily and Draco thought he’d best stop teasing him.

‘Actually, I asked you what you would think if I kissed you,’ he admitted. Harry’s face practically lit up.

‘Well, in that case, carry on.’ So, Draco did kiss him. Only quickly however, since Gabriel was introducing them to his head pastry chef and Draco was determined not to let this opportunity pass him by.

Making puff pastry was a lot harder than he thought it was going to be.

Why was there so much bloody folding?

He glanced over at Harry whose tongue was sticking out in concentration as he tried to line the next fold up perfectly. Draco, who had at least done some forward thinking, abandoned his pastry for a minute to grab his camera from this coat pocket and snap a quick photograph. That caught Harry’s attention.

‘What? Draco! No! Delete that. I bet I look ridiculous!’ Draco shook his head and hid the camera behind his back.

‘No way! You’re cute, ok? Deal with it.’

By the time they’d folded the pastry six times, Draco was surprisingly tired. Thankfully the pastry needed time to chill before they could do anything with it. For once Draco’s chilled fingers were actually useful. Handling the pastry too much made it too warm which was a greater problem for Harry than Draco.

He’d decided he didn’t want their creations to be the same, so he chose to fill his with marmalade as would have been common in the 18th Century, whilst Harry was going for the modern crème pâtissière.

Draco watched on in amusement as the pastry chef got more and more frustrated with Harry. It seemed everything she told him to do, he did the exact opposite. Harry kept shooting him mournful glances which only made him laugh more. After a while, when the crème pât miraculously came together, Draco sauntered over and irresponsibly dipped his finger in to taste it. Harry was so distracted by watching Draco lick crème pâtissière off his fingers that he over-whisked it and the mixture split.

‘Oh dear. Looks like your crème pât is a little too pleased to see me,’ he said with a wink. He had never seen Harry blush so profusely in his life.

‘It’s not the only one.’ He muttered under his breath and Draco nearly choked. Thankfully the pastry chef seemed to be turning a blind eye. Or deaf ear. Or both.

By the time Harry had finished making a second lot of filling, the pastry was cooked, and they finally got to assembling their mille-feuille. Draco thought that would be the easy part. He was wrong.

His first attempt collapsed instantly, and he realised too late when he glared at Harry’s sniggering and found a camera in his face that he hadn’t hidden it away well enough.

‘Call it leverage,’ he said dangerously, and Draco suppressed a shiver.

When they were almost done, Gabriel returned. ‘Ah mes amis, ce sont fantastiques! Maintenant, ze last part is to top zem avec le fondant. Alors, I will show you.’ He poured alternate stripes of white icing and chocolate and combed it together in a complex pattern. Harry looked bewildered but this was the one part Draco’s grandmother had let him do when she made them, so he was really quite excited.

‘How the fuck do you do that?’ Harry asked irritably as Draco added flourishes to his. He glanced over at Harry’s pastries to find a giant blob of icing on the top that was a murky shade of brown. He snorted.

‘Don’t give up the day job.’ Harry swatted at him, but he couldn’t help but crack a smile. Thankfully, Gabriel gave them some other pastries to enjoy in case their own weren’t all they were cracked up to be. Draco would’ve been offended at his lack of confidence in his culinary expertise, but as one of his mille-feuille sank in the middle he thought that was probably for the best.

After their lesson, they were seated in the corner of the main shop where they could eat and drink coffee. Really it was lunchtime by the time they were finished but Draco didn’t really care. He watched the tourists amble down the cobbled streets looking equal parts excited and lost. There were a lot of them around here since they weren’t far from Notre Dame.

‘I did well then?’ Draco turned his attention from the window to Harry, who was watching him carefully.

‘You did perfect. Thank you.’ It occurred to him that he hadn’t felt anxious at all the whole time, neither had his mark bothered him as it had been in the past few days. He wondered if Harry had noticed too but he wouldn’t ask him that now.

‘Gabriel said we’re welcome any time. I think he has a bit of a thing for you.’ Draco wanted to roll his eyes at Harry’s obvious jealousy, but it was too sweet. He laughed when Harry took a bite of St. Honoré cake and ended up with choux pastry stuck to the side of his mouth with a little bit of cream.

‘Don’t be ridiculous. T’as une miette.’ He motioned for Harry to come closer and he swiped the crumb from the side of his lips. Of course, he couldn’t possibly do so without stealing a kiss or two. Or three. Ok no more than three.

‘The rest of the day is ours, what do you say we do?’ Draco considered it for a moment until he had a brainwave.

‘We’re so close to this place…it’s only a few streets over…I’d like to show you it. And then, maybe we could go to Notre Dame? It’s such a tourist thing to do but I haven’t been in so long and-’

‘Draco,’ Harry chuckled, ‘we can do whatever you want. No justification necessary.’ He reached for Draco’s hand across the table. They finished their coffee sitting quietly, happy in each other’s company.


	16. Chapter 16

They walked arm in arm down the street and Draco wondered how long it had been since he’d felt this relaxed around Harry. He wondered if it really had been so simple as telling him how he felt, although they were still no closer to figuring out why Draco’s mental state was affecting the dark mark. He pressed his left arm a little closer to Harry, as if his presence alone would siphon the dark magic away.

It was a shame the winter hadn’t quite left Paris yet, as the park on their right was still a little dull and dead. Still, Draco remembered how beautiful it had been in the autumn when he’d first visited and the trees and been all manner of orange hues. 

‘Is that Notre Dame?’ Harry pointed at the two towers and the spire poking up above the trees. 

‘It is indeed. And that over there,’ he pointed to the shop on the corner of the street, right across from the view of the cathedral, ‘is my favourite bookshop in all of Paris.’ Harry smiled at Draco’s excitement. 

‘Is that why you wanted to come here? So you could buy even more books?’ Draco shook his head. 

‘Not this time. Well, if you’re going to be an arse about it I suppose I could spend a couple of hours perusing…’ Harry’s groan was enough to have him feeling smug. ‘No, on this occasion I wanted to show you this.’ He stopped right in the middle of the street where one of the shop fronts had been hidden by a disillusionment charm. The muggles walking past would probably see them staring at a poster for the ballet. ‘Oh my…’

‘What is it?’ 

‘It’s still empty!’ Draco could hardly believe his eyes. ‘When I came here, even though I had the chateau I really wanted to open my own apothecary. No one has been investing in mental health related potions and mine were actually starting to work. I was making some purely herbal type things too – just relaxants and things. You know, since sticking potions down people’s throats doesn’t just solve mental health issues. This was where I was going to set up shop but then…’ He didn’t want to talk about that day. He had never fully explained what happened to anyone except Harry. 

‘I had no idea you were so serious about it.’ He could feel the intensity of Harry’s gaze and in the reflection of them in the shop window he saw a look of pride he’d never seen before. ‘Is that why you were spending so much time brewing?’ Draco stared at their reflections as he cast his mind back to the last fight they’d had before the divorce, when Harry had accused Draco of spending too much time in his lab and not with the family. He’d ended up accusing Harry of the same thing with the orphanage. 

‘I just wanted to get it right. It would have to go through so much testing and trials, and I’d have needed so many stamps of approval. I didn’t mind testing it out on myself since I would only have me to blame, but if I had opened the shop and hurt someone because I brewed it wrong… It’s people’s lives. They deserve someone who’s dedicated to the cause.’ 

‘You’re starting to sound like Hermione.’

‘Ugh. You never told me Gryffindor was contagious.’ Harry bumped his shoulder as he laughed. 

‘Perish the thought. Seriously though, I’m sorry I had a go at you for spending time brewing. It’s one of your passions and I shouldn’t have tried to get in your way. I just hated seeing that haunted look on your face those times you got rejected from healer training and I wanted everyone to know you weren’t the person you used to be. You were only a fucking child…’ 

‘Hey,’ he wrapped an arm around Harry’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. ‘We’re past that. If it was enough for you to notice, then I wasn’t balancing my time very well. Anyway, it’s not really an issue now, is it?’ Harry turned and kissed Draco’s cheek. 

‘We’ll find a way to fix it. I promise.’ Draco didn’t like to be promised anything, but he didn’t argue. ‘Thank you for showing me this. Although I have to say, I’m glad it didn’t work out in a way. I can’t imagine what life would’ve been like if you’d stayed here.’ Draco had never thought about that.

‘Do you think I would’ve stayed here permanently?’ 

‘I like to think after a while you would’ve found whatever it was you were looking for and come back.’ 

‘Come back to you, you mean?’ He’d never asked Harry what he’d thought of the move. He turned to face Harry properly. The middle of the street wasn’t exactly the best place to have such a conversation, but Draco wasn’t sure when the subject might arise again. Not when they were on good terms anyway. 

Harry’s eyes flicked nervously around them. The street was actually quite busy, but Draco could see anything beyond Harry. ‘Maybe. Mostly I just wanted to know you were safe. At first, Hermione didn’t tell me how long you’d been planning on going or what you were going to do here. I didn’t know if- if being around me was really so bad that you’d move across the Channel.’ He wasn’t exactly wrong, was he? 

‘It was complicated. I don’t know how to explain.’ Harry nodded. 

‘Let’s not think about it now. Today is for better things.’ Harry offered him his hand once again and they left the empty shop and made their way towards Notre Dame. They walked around to the West Façade, Draco’s favourite, and he took in the sheer immensity of the gothic architecture. 

‘Who do you suppose they are?’ Harry asked, pointed to the statues which lined the outside of the building.

‘Honestly, Harry. Don’t you read? That’s the Gallery of Kings. It represents the 28 kings of Judah.’ Harry looked at him blankly. ‘Descendants of Abraham? Ancestors of Jesus?’ 

‘Oh. Really? I was never all that religious. My aunt and uncle went to church at Christmas but that was about it.’ Draco shook his head. 

‘You don’t have to be religious to know history, Harry. I didn’t even celebrate Christmas remember? You’re not the only one though. Muggles used to think they were French kings. Tried to behead them during the French Revolution. Those statues aren’t the originals, they were replaced in the 19thCentury, although they found the remains of the originals a few years ago. I don’t remember exactly how long. Honestly, you just can’t trust muggles with anything.’ He turned his head to look at Harry. He found him staring at him wistfully. ‘What?’ 

‘I forgot what it was like to be around you when you get passionate about stuff. It makes your whole face light up like Teddy’s does at Christmas. It’s beautiful.’ The intensity of Harry’s gaze alone would’ve made him blush. But that? That was something else…

‘Looks like Paris agrees with you too.’ 

The view inside was beautiful, even if it didn’t quite match the ornate relief work on the outside. The one aspect that was better from the inside was the effect of the stained-glass windows. 

‘I think this rose window is my favourite,’ he mused as they stood beneath the South window. There were three rose windows in the cathedral – one of which was half covered by the organ – a shame, but it wasn’t Draco favourite anyway. 

‘Why are they called rose windows?’ Harry asked him. 

‘I suppose it’s because they kind of look like roses. Only circular windows ever get called rose windows. They’re a particular style of Gothic architecture, so there are a lot of modern windows like these in England because of the Gothic revival. Sometimes they’re called Catherine windows. I think that’s probably where muggles get the name Catherine wheels from.’ 

‘Why Catherine?’ Draco smiled at Harrys sudden eagerness. 

‘After Saint Catherine of Alexandria. She was sentenced to be executed on a spiked wheel at the turn of the fourth century. That is, if you believe half of what you read in medieval hagiography. I myself am somewhat of a sceptic.’ He realised Harry hadn’t been looking at the window. Instead he was staring at Draco. Draco stared right back, his neck sore from staring up at the window anyway. 

‘Why do you keep looking at me like that?’ He felt naked under Harry’s eye and it was more than disconcerting. 

‘I didn’t know you knew so much about this stuff. I didn’t even know you were interested. It’s…nice, seeing you come into your own again. A lot more interesting than the window in my opinion.’ Draco felt he’s cheeks burn with embarrassment. 

‘I’m being so boring right now, aren’t I?’ 

He seemed surprised at that. His eyebrows lifted just a fraction, but it was a minute or two before he spoke. ‘Not at all. You make it sound so interesting. Anyway, the Draco I know would never apologise for his own intelligence.’ Draco supposed he had changed a lot, but then, some of it was for the better. 

Harry’s eyes flickered to a point just past Draco’s head, but when Draco turned to see what he was looking at, Harry gripped his arm to stop him. 

‘Tell me about the window. You must know something about it.’ His tone was urged, his expression vaguely panicked. Draco tried once more to look at whatever it was behind him. ‘Please.’ Harry insisted. 

‘Oh. I don’t know that much really. It’s a later period than my interests. I only really started learning when I was renovating the chateau…’ 

‘I bet you know a hell of a lot more than I do,’ he said nervously. Draco frowned. 

‘Um. Well it was installed in the mid-13thCentury. It’s supposed- it’s supposed to-’ He was distracted by a sudden awareness of a mass of people around them. He spun on the spot and found huge swathes of tourists had descended on the cathedral since they’d entered. One of them crashed right into him as they were too busy looking through their camera lens to see what was right in front of him. 

‘Draco look at me. Don’t panic. You’re with me, you’re safe. They’re just people who want to look around the same as you and me, you don’t need to fear them.’ He knew he was just trying to help, but it didn’t matter. His heart was already in his throat and he could feel himself shutting down. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, but it didn’t help. 

‘You need to get me out of here. Please.’ When he opened his eyes again, he found Harry scanning the crowed for the quickest way out. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Draco was disappointed that Harry hadn’t known in an instant. Surely the auror in him was still trained to find the exit points in any given situation. 

‘Ok. Just focus on me and you’ll be fine. Can you do that?’ Draco nodded, unable to trust his voice. Harry’s hand sought his and the minute their fingers intertwined something loosened in Draco’s chest. He was still terrified, his pulse thudding heavily in his ears, but it was still easier to breathe. He let Harry guide him carefully through the crowds, focusing on the back of his head and trying to remember how it felt to run his fingers through his dark hair. Draco’s grip on his hand was vice-like and he hoped Harry wouldn’t hate him too much for hurting him. 

Harry didn’t stop until they were out of the cathedral and stood by the river. There weren’t as many people loitering around since it was still cold outside. 

‘Are you ok?’ Harry wrapped his arms around him, and Draco nestled into the additional warmth, sliding his arms between Harry’s open coat and the jumper underneath. 

‘’m fine.’ He mumbled into Harry’s chest. He sighed deeply and tried to let go of the anxiety itching his skin. 

‘Will you manage the apparition back? Or do you need longer to calm down?’ Draco didn’t really care. They’d had a great day so far and even if the apparition made him sick, it wouldn’t dampen his mood. 

‘Take me home, Harry.’ His stomach swooped as Harry did as he asked. 

‘I could get used to that,’ he said when they landed perfectly with Draco’s arms still wrapped around Harry. Unfortunately, he had to let go of him so that they could walk inside, otherwise he would’ve overstayed his welcome. 

‘It’s definitely an improved version of side-along. I hope it doesn’t catch on though, I’m not sure it would be quite the same with Ron.’ 

‘Don’t ruin it.’ That made Harry laugh. 

The rush of warmth Draco felt when he stepped inside the chateau washed away the lingering anxiety and he relaxed completely. He walked through their main living room and noticed there was a pile of mail on the table. They hadn’t received much mail since they’d been in France – the majority of their friends appeared to be giving them the space to work out their shit. He was very appreciative of that, particularly since it seemed to be working. 

He recognised the handwriting on the topmost envelope – he could spot Hermione’s neat cursive easily amongst the average chicken scratch print any day. He’d have thought Hermione would’ve floo called if there was something important to say, so he eagerly pulled open the letter to find out what might’ve convinced her epistolary communication was better. He took a seat on the nearest armchair, although it wasn’t the most comfortable. 

Thankfully Spungen had had the foresight to supply a spare pair of Draco’s reading glasses since he hadn’t thought the bring any with him.

 

_Draco,_

_I’m sorry to intrude on your break with Harry, I do so hope you’re making progress. I’m guessing by the radio silence and your lack of return that you are._

_I’ve been doing some research into what happened to you, the resurgence of your dark mark has been preying on my mind for weeks. I wondered if you, or more likely Harry, had considered the similarities between what’s happening to you and when the horcrux in Harry was…I supposed “reactivated” for lack of a better term._

_It’s not exactly the same, but the dark magic inside Harry also used his mental state to weaken him. It’s a tenuous link I know since you don’t have Voldemort tapping into your mind. I’ve been researching some old magic in relation to horcruxes and when you’re back I think it would be good for us to look into it a little more. It’s hard to do it on my own since I don’t really know the extent of your symptoms._

_Please let me know when you’re home. Give my love to Harry!_

_Hermione._

Hermione had been researching? He knew the woman was a formidable researcher but surely, she wouldn’t be able to find that which the healers couldn’t. He didn’t like how casually she dropped the word horcrux into that letter, however brief it might have been.

He sat for a long while with the letter in his hands, wondering what might come of it. He didn’t understand it any more than anyone else did after all. He pulled back his sleeve to look at the dark mark again. He’d taken it for granted that it had almost faded, and it had never occurred to him that it might return. It wasn’t as though he’d forgotten what he’d done or who he’d been, but it was much easier to ignore it when it wasn’t emblazoned on his skin all hours of the day and night. 

It was even uglier than it had been the first time with the accompanying blackness in the veins around it. He’d always been pale of course, but it made his skin look ghostly in comparison. When he’d been told about it at St Mungo’s it hadn’t bothered him much. Perhaps it was because that mediwitch had been so understanding, or maybe it was because he was nearly off his head on pain potions. 

‘I can hear you thinking from all the way across the chateau.’ He jumped when Harry’s voice came from directly behind him. ‘Sorry, love. Didn’t mean to frighten you.’ 

‘It’s fine.’ He turned to find Harry standing there was water dripping from the ends of his hair, a bottle of wine in one hand, and two glasses in the other. ‘Did you shower without me?’ He asked him with indignation. 

‘Really? That’s what you got out of this?’ He set the wine down on the table and motioned for Draco to budge up. 

‘Yes, that’s exactly what I got out of it. What a wasted opportunity.’ Harry grunted as he readjusted Draco on his armchair. Draco didn’t really appreciate being manhandled like a ragdoll, even if it did mean he was basically sitting on top of Harry. ‘For crying out loud Potter, we have a chateau full of antique furniture imbued with the finest cushioning charms and you want to sit in the same bloody armchair as me.’ 

Harry nuzzled into his neck and Draco resolutely didn’t give away that his breath tickled. ‘Yeah but those seats don’t have accompanying Draco’s.’ He made fake retching sounds at Harry’s sentimentality. 

‘Did you fall into an Austen novel while I wasn’t looking?’ 

‘Oh shut up. You know how I feel about seeing you in those reading glasses.’ Harry flicked his wand and the wine started pouring itself. Draco was only grateful he hadn’t picked an expensive vintage although he probably didn’t even know the wine cellar existed, much less be able to pick an acceptable wine. Why they were drinking in the middle of the afternoon he didn’t want to know, they weren’t as young as they had once been and the closer Draco got to turning thirty, the less he handled his drink. 

‘Sommeliers all over France are weeping right now,’ he said instead. Harry’s hand came to rest on his hip and he almost forgot to be pretentious for a second. 

‘Really? Enlighten me.’ He could tell Harry didn’t give a fig about why he was currently ruining the wine, because his face was pressed into Draco’s neck, making it particularly hard to concentrate. 

‘Any respectable wizard knows one never uses magic to pour wine as magic messes with the viscosity.’ 

‘You could be speaking another language right now and I’d still have no idea what you were talking about.’ 

Draco smirked. ‘You total barbarian. Imagine how you’d feel if I were talking about wine in French.’ Harry groaned and his head dropped to Draco’s shoulder which only made him throw his head back with laughter. 

‘You’re killing me.’ He adjusted his grip on Draco and his hand came in contact with the letter. ‘What’s this?’ Draco had completely forgotten about it. 

‘Oh, it’s from Hermione. She told me to give you her love, but you may as well just read it yourself.’ He gave the letter to Harry and reached forward to take one of the wine glasses. Hm, Gamay, not one of his favourites. A little too fruity for his tastes. Still, it would do. 

‘Christ. She doesn’t think you’re a horcrux, does she?’ He was back to looking worried again, just when Draco had been getting used to being carefree. 

‘Oh, come off it. You of all people should know how ludicrous that is. How are any of my symptoms remotely like yours?’ Harry looked uncomfortable. ‘What…what is it?’ 

‘Well-’ he was interrupted by a pop. 

‘Master Harry! Master Harry! The music box will not stop! Spungen has tried everything sir!’ Spungen was clutching Harry’s muggle phone and looking at him like he had half lost his marbles. ‘It has been playing for two hours sir.’ He added desperately. Draco’s heart sank when Harry took the phone from Spungen’s gnarled fingers and answered the call. Draco was uprooted quite callously and if it hadn’t been for the house elf, he may well have spilled wine all over himself and the armchair. 

‘Sorry Spungen. It’s a muggle device. I’m sure Harry didn’t mean for it to make so much noise.’ Spungen’s face twisted in disgust at the word muggle, but Draco could forgive that for now considering he’d had little contact with the outside world while the chateau had been abandoned. Attitudes had changed quickly after all.  

‘Very good sir. Will sir being in needing of anything? Spungen means, will sir be needing anything?’ 

‘No thank you.’ Spungen nodded and disappeared again. Draco realised Harry had stepped outside and was talking furiously down the phone. He was gripped with a sudden fear that it was Wood again. If it was, would Harry tell him? It would certainly be an interesting test. 

He watched on anxiously as Harry paced, his hand gestures getting more frenetic and his hair getting messier each time his fingers ran through it. Surely, he wouldn’t let himself get this irate over Wood? 

By the time Harry returned, Draco had drunk his glass of wine and was contemplating a second glass – mainly to distract himself from the worry that was niggling away at him. After what felt like an age, Harry finally stepped back indoors. 

‘What was that about?’ He asked him cautiously as Harry stood before him, practically shaking with rage. 

‘I told them not to contact me under any circumstances. I specifically said I was going away for a family emergency and they were to contact literally anyone else. Why can’t people just listen? Just because this whole thing was my idea doesn’t mean I know everything about everything!’ He picked up his wine glass which had been left untouched and downed it like water. 

Draco was horrified. ‘Harry!’ 

‘What? I needed it ok? The couple who were looking to adopt Ella have withdrawn their application. They’re being relocated to Austria. Ella’s inconsolable and they’ve tried everything to calm her down. She says she only wants you…’ Draco felt a rush of warmth. He had no idea he meant that much to her. 

Draco stood and wrapped his arms around him. He could feel him trembling against him, but he held him close and kissed his temple gently. 

‘Take a deep breath. They’re just worried about her, that’s a good thing. We can go back if we need to, this place will still be here in days, weeks, months. If she needs us, then she comes first. She’s just a child, she doesn’t understand.’ He could feel Harry nodding against him, his stubble catching slightly on the shoulder of Draco’s jumper. 

‘I’m just so angry. She’s so clever but she still so small. I didn’t buy the building so that I could watch them have their hearts broken.’ Draco felt him sag against him as his anger dissipated. 

‘I know darling, I know. But she has us, doesn’t she? And we can be there for her even if they can’t. Would I be a terrible person if I said I’m relieved? I’m not ready to say goodbye to her.’ Harry pulled away from him and gave him an odd look that Draco couldn’t place. 

‘I don’t think so. I think you care.’ 

‘We don’t need to go now, do we? I know you can apparate across oceans Mr The-Rules-Don’t-Apply-To-Me, but there’s no way I can side-along with you. I can get Spungen to arrange us a portkey. He’s got the Ministère des Affaires Magiques de la France in his back pocket, he’s so old.’ 

‘Ugh, only you could make the French Ministry of Magic sound hot. Please tell me they call it MAMF.’ Draco pulled on Harry’s hand and led him upstairs to a room he hadn’t shown him yet. 

‘Of course they don’t call it MAMF. They’re French, they have standards.’ He took him to a room he’d had to fight Spungen on – he shouldn’t have really, since Spungen had to take orders directly from him. It was done out like a muggle cinema, loosely, considering Draco had only been to one once.

‘Wow.’ Harry’s eyes were wide like a child in a sweetshop as he took in the dim room. The décor didn’t fit with the rest of the chateau, as Draco had intended. It was full of slouchy sofas and those silly beany bag things Ron and Hermione’s kids loved. Looking back, he wondered how he’d ever managed to convince himself his relationship with Harry was done. Although he did enjoy the occasional film, it was definitely one of Harry’s interests more than his own. In that moment, he had a dawning realisation of how much he’d built Harry into the renovation without even knowing it. 

‘Shut your mouth Harry, you’re making the place look untidy. Now, I’m about to educate you on the excellence of television.’ He plonked Harry down on his favourite sofa, smirking as he groaned when it moulded around him, and set up a tv show he’d discovered when he’d heard a couple of old French men grumbling about it at a bar once.

‘Spungen!’ Spungen appeared a couple of minutes later. 

‘Yes Master Draco?’ 

‘Would you please secure us a portkey back to England tomorrow? Any time you can get.’ Spungen nodded quickly and popped off to bother whichever minister would help him get what he wanted. Draco joined Harry on the sofa and sighed with relief when he sunk into him. One would expect Harry to be uncomfortable – he was so muscular and flat – but somehow Draco was far more comfortable curled up against him than he ever was anywhere else. 

‘You do know I’m not actually a bed, don’t you?’ Harry complained as Draco threw a leg over him and moved his arm so he could lay across his stomach. 

‘Hm. Really? Sure feel like one to me.’ After a few minutes of pretending to be annoyed, Harry caved and returned to his default – running his hands gently through Draco’s hair. 

‘This French guy is a pain in the arse. He’s taken over that poor inspector’s, case and then has the nerve to call him incompetent. None of his theories can be back up by evidence, even if they are right! Honestly, he has no respect for police.’ Draco grinned. 

‘He’s Belgian Potter you heathen. Cut him some slack anyway,’ he said tiredly, ‘it’s not easy being the most intelligent person in the room. He has to let off some steam somehow.’

‘So that’s why you like this show.’ Draco was going to come up with a witty response, he really was, but he was sleepy, and Harry was comfy, and he really couldn’t be bothered.


	17. Chapter 17

Smith was wittering on about mind spells even though Hermione was standing right behind Draco saying the exact opposite. He couldn’t see her, but he assumed Smith could. Despite this disadvantage, her voice still echoed around his head.

‘There’s nothing for it, Draco. It’s him who’s causing it. You won’t get better so long as he’s here.’ Draco was confused. As he looked around, he realised he wasn’t at the clinic at all, he was sitting in Harry’s study, across from the wall of photographs he always loved so much. 

‘So long as who’s here?’ He asked. His own voice echoed the same way as Hermione’s. She was chanting in his head. _Don’t listen to him, Draco. It’s not time. He’s wrong, Draco. You know he is. Tell him why. Tell him the truth._ What truth, Hermione? I don’t have a truth to tell. 

‘Why, Harry of course. Who else? You didn’t think I’d really let you stay with him after that mark on your arm came back, did you? The Saviour of the Wizarding World, The Boy Who Lived Twice. He’s a most prized asset, Draco. I'm not going to let him live in constant danger. You should know that. It’s for your own good. You’ll be free without him. You can live your life with as much dark magic as you want.’ 

‘No! No. That’s not what I want. I don’t want to practice dark magic. You can’t do this!’ He stood and ran for the door. Smith got there before him. 

‘I’m afraid I can’t let you leave, Draco. Not until you give me what I need.’ He was tall and menacing, his face twisted by the darkness. Draco took a step back. 

‘You can’t have him. I won’t let you.’ He’d been forced down a path he didn’t want too many times to let it happen again. Harry was one of the rays of sunshine in his life and he wasn’t going to let anyone take that away from him. 

‘Why not? He’s mine remember? You chose your side a long time ago. I’m only making amends.’ Smith was staring right at him, but his eyes were unseeing. It was creepy, and the hairs on the back of Draco’s neck stood on end. He tried to push past Smith, but he wasn’t strong enough. Hermione’s voice continued to rattle around in his skull. _Don’t listen to him, Draco. It’s not time._ Time for what? What did that mean? 

‘He’s not anyone’s! He’s not an object, he’s a person! And if he wants to be with me then that’s where he stays! I won’t give him up!’ He was screaming now, although the more raucous he got the less it seemed to bother Smith. 

‘I do apologise. I seem to have given you the impression that you have some sort of choice in the matter.’ He strode over to the other side of the room. Draco wondered what he was doing until he spun the desk chair around. Harry had been in the room the whole time and Draco hadn’t even noticed. 

‘Harry!’ He ran over to him, but Smith threw an arm in his way to stop him. 

‘I don’t think so. We made a deal, see? You tell me about Harry, and I set you free from your magic problem. I’m only upholding my end of the bargain. Draco looked at Harry. He shrugged as if it was as simply as popping out for milk. 

‘Harry you can’t let him do this! You can’t! You promised you wouldn’t let me go again!’ _. He’s wrong, Draco. You know he is._  

‘I don’t make the rules, love. I tried to tell him, but he wouldn’t listen. You’ll find a way though, won’t you? You’re way more clever than I am.’ He smiled at him, but it was all wrong. His eyes were panicked, and his posture was unsure. 

‘Harry don’t. Please. You always fix it.’ He could feel tears welling up in his eyes but he wasn’t able to cry. Smith gripped Harry by the shoulder – his jumper crumpling under his hand. 

‘Harry no!’ It was as if it all happened in slow motion. Smith withdrew his wand as Draco scrambled towards them. Harry’s hands were reaching out for him, his expression looking stricken. ‘HARRY!’ He slipped through Draco’s fingers as he disapparated. _Tell him why. Tell him the truth._  

‘SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! HARRY!’ 

‘DRACO!’ He flailed helplessly as he slammed back to reality.

‘Harry,’ he whimpered into the darkness. His voice sounded pathetic and small even to his own ears. 

He felt a hand in his hair and he jumped. ‘I’m here, darling. You’re alright. It was just a dream.’ 

‘Harry?’ 

‘It’s me, love. It’s just me.’ Draco could hardly see a thing in the dark. His eyes adjusted just enough to see Harry watching over him. The relief that swept through him was like the first drop of rain after a drought. He pulled Harry towards him with such force they nearly toppled off the sofa they’d fallen asleep on. He kissed him like he was starved. It was hungry and desperate, and he needed it more than he’d needed anything in his life. 

Harry was surprised at first, but after a few seconds returned the kiss as though he needed the air from Draco’s lungs to breathe. His fingers skimmed up Draco’s sides with such a featherlight touch that Draco's skin tingled in their wake. Heat radiated through his body from where their lips touched all the way to his toes and he wondered why people didn’t live like this. It was euphoric. 

Harry broke away first, his expression was worn and the bags under his eyes made Draco feel so guilty for waking him up. ‘Are you ok?’ His thumbs skimmed Draco’s cheekbones as he looked at him with concern. His lips were cherry red, and all Draco wanted to do was keep kissing him until he’d poured all his heart into him. 

‘Smith. He- he wanted to take you away from me. Said I had to go back to dark magic. I-I don’t want to.’ His voice cracked painfully. 

‘Oh my love, no. No one is going to take me away from you, darling. Especially not an arse like Smith.’ Draco cracked a small smile. Harry hadn’t even met the man. ‘There we go. There’s my favourite smile. He’s just jealous of how beautiful my husband is.’ His face dropped when he realised what he said, but Draco didn’t give him a chance to think about it too much. He stole another kiss from him. This one slower and sickly sweet but less frantic now that he was beginning to calm down. 

‘Tired Harry.’ He said a few minutes later. 

‘We should go up to bed, we can’t sleep here.’ Draco hadn’t even thought about what time it was, but he suddenly felt like lead. 

‘Don’t make me move, you’re comfy.’ As if to prove his point, he cuddled into Harry’s side and planted small kisses just below his ear. Harry shivered and Draco smiled against his flushed skin. 

‘You’re going to be the death of me.’ He muttered. 

‘Mph. ‘Nother time.’ He mumbled sleepily. 

‘I love you.’ He heard as he fell back to sleep, but he was too far gone to say it back. 

∞ 

There was something warm on his cheek. He turned his face towards it, but it kept moving further away. He rolled over, trying to get closer to the source when he heard a chuckle. 

‘Fuck off Harry, come here.’ He muttered with his eyes still closed.

‘I can’t do both of those things, you’re going to have to pick one.’ 

Draco groaned. ‘Just come here you twat.’ There was another chuckled and the warmth returned to his cheek. He realised that Harry had been peppering his face with kisses. He tried to reach out for him, but Harry wasn’t having any of it. He finally gave in and opened his eyes to find Harry staring at him, propped up on one elbow. 

‘You’re beautiful when you sleep.’ He said it like it was obvious as telling him it was raining outside, and Draco flushed to his roots. 

‘When I’m not having a nightmare, you mean.’ He shuddered as the image of Smith’s face flashed in his mind. Harry intertwined their fingers and pulled Draco’s hand to his chest. 

‘You know that no one can actually take me away from you, don’t you? I nearly died when you started screaming like that, and I’ve seen a few things…’ He looked troubled and Draco's guilt over having woken him up flared again. Harry had been the one to suffer nightmares at first; Draco’s hadn’t been really bad until after the divorce when…He couldn’t actually remember what he used to have nightmares about.

‘I’m sorry.’ He leant over and kissed him gently. 

‘Anyway, as much as I would love to lounge around with you, we really should head to the orphanage. Susan floo called a few minutes ago and said Ella finally slept because she tired herself out, but she’s been throwing a fit since six and still won’t cooperate.’ She was one five-year-old against a team of trained adults, surely she couldn’t overpower all of them. 

His face must have shown his confusion, as Harry added, ‘and her accidental magic is going haywire.’

‘I suppose I should get up.’ Harry brought their hands up to his face and kissed the back of Draco’s hand. 

‘Yeah you should.’ 

They did make it to the orphanage eventually, it just happened to take a lot longer than either of them expected, since Harry’s hair charm turned Draco’s hair blue instead of straightening it. Naturally, Draco threw a hissy fit and his magic nearly destroyed their bedroom. 

They were all smiles when they arrived at the orphanage of course.

The reception area was empty, as was the kitchen and the offices where the social workers came and went. They headed up to the first floor, where they found a few of the children sitting around being very quiet. Draco wasn’t very hopeful that the situation was under control. It must be bad for the staff to have abandoned the other kids in order to help. 

‘Daco!’ When they reached the second floor Draco was tackled by Johnny. He latched onto Draco’s legs and he bent down to hoist him up onto his hip. ‘Hawweeeeeee’ He squealed when he noticed him too. 

‘Hello little man. Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in ages!’ Harry greeted the toddler. Draco thought about how the children might perceive Harry. On one hand, he owned the orphanage, but he didn’t have any position in the everyday running of the place, and yet he was around all the time. It must’ve been odd for them to understand how he related to them. When Draco could figure out what was going on with himself, he would definitely help Harry create proper boundaries. 

‘Paying cars!’ He waved a toy car into Harry’s face with a cheeky grin. Harry feigned excitement to match. 

‘Cars! I love cars!’ Harry let Johnny babble at him about his toys as the made their way across the second floor. Harry kept shooting Draco nervous glances as he grew increasingly quiet. He was worried about what they might find. It hurt him to see children cry, he knew what it was like to be let down by adults and he didn’t want to see history repeat itself. 

It was obvious when they reached the danger zone because the stillness of the air was obliterated. Even without his own magic, Draco could feel the waves of pure magic radiating through the corridors. 

‘Bloody hell,’ Harry muttered under his breath. 

Draco was astounded. ‘Just how much magic does she have?’ He’d never come across someone so small generating such power. It seemed even Johnny could feel something, even if he didn’t know what it was, as he clung to Draco in fear. His little head tucked under Draco’s jaw and his arms clutched his coat tightly. ‘It’s ok, I’ve got you.’ He muttered into the little boy’s hair. He didn’t know if it made any difference. They rounded a corner and entered a part of the orphanage Draco had never been in. 

‘She must be locked in her room or something.’ Harry mused. There was a crowd of people outside a particular door, each cooing pitifully against the wood as if coaxing out a spooked horse. He could see Susan and Helen among them, although Helen seemed far less concerned and far more annoyed than the others. 

‘What are you doing?’ Draco asked them like they were stupid. If the poor girl was scared, crowding her certainly wasn’t going to help. 

‘Draco, thank heavens you’re here. She’s locked herself in her room and I'm not even sure she can hear us anymore. We’ve been trying for two hours to get in.’ Susan was a very patient woman, Draco had learned, one of the things that made her so good at her job, but she looked like she’d met her wit’s end. 

‘I think you should all step away. I’d have thought your training would teach you not to overwhelm her any more than she already is.’ The group looked at him but didn’t move. ‘Go. Now.’ He demanded. Susan’s gaze flicked wearily between Draco and Harry. He knew Harry was much more of an authority figure than he was, but it still stung a little that she didn’t trust him - Ella had asked for him personally after all. Harry gave a small nod and Susan stepped away from the blue painted door. The others appeared to follow her lead until there was only the three of them left. He put Johnny back down on the floor. 

‘You’re going to go with Harry now, ok? I’ll see you again in a bit.’ Johnny frowned at him, scrubbing his head and messing his dark hair up.

He looked up at the door. ‘Sissy?’ Draco had never heard him call her that before.

‘I’m going to help her, and she can come and play with you, yeah?’ Johnny looked up and Harry and held out his hand. He tottered for a minute before he slapped a kiss on Draco’s cheek. 

‘Kisses for sissy,’ he said quietly. Draco’s heart melted into a puddle on the floor. 

‘Be careful, love.’ Harry warned him. ‘I won’t be far. Just remember if she kicks off you can’t fix it.’ Draco nodded but, in all honesty, he didn’t expect she would. He knew how it felt to think people who were supposed to love you didn’t care anymore. She would calm down eventually. He waited until the corridor had been quiet a few minutes and then he tapped on her door gently. 

‘Ella? It’s Draco. I thought I’d stop by for a visit. I’m sorry I haven’t seen you for a while.’ He couldn’t spook her, he had to make her think he was safe. He was safe, after all. 

‘Go away.’ Her voice was quiet and raw, and he imagined she may well have been screaming at the staff. 

‘You won’t even read with me? I came all this way, and I know there’s a book in there you’d love to tell me about.’ There was silence. He waited. He wouldn’t rush her.

After a few minutes there was a scraping of furniture and a click of a lock. He wanted to push the door open and swoop right in, but he knew he had to let her come to him. He waited patiently as the shuffling inside stopped and the door creaked open slowly, revealing a little girl with swollen, red eyes and tangled hair. He was so shocked his heart nearly skipped a beat.

‘Will you read _The Enchanted Wood_ with me?’ Her voice was so small and broken he just wanted to scoop her up in his arms and promise her the earth, but he refrained. 

‘Of course.’ She opened the door further and as he stepped into the room he gasped in shock. The whole bedroom was destroyed. The curtains were torn and ripped from the railings, the feathers from the pillows were scattered across the floor, the bedside table was laying on its side, chipped to hell. He’d forgotten the power of accidental magic. 

He did his best not to react too much, in case she shut him back out again. Instead, he followed her over to the far corner where her small bookshelf was the only item of furniture in the room untouched. _Such a Hermione,_ he thought. 

For lack of a better alternative, he sat on the floor and crossed his legs beneath him. He expected Ella might sit down next to him, but instead she crawled into his lap and pushed the book into his hands, squeezing herself between his arms and cuddling in like Teddy used to. She tucked her hands under her chin the same way Draco did when he slept, and the odd similarity struck him. Was it bad that it warmed his heart that she was some comfortable around him? Maybe Harry had been right, he’d gotten too close and he was only going to hurt her in the long run. He tried not to hold her the way he might Teddy or Rose or Hugo, but it was hard when it was so obvious that she was hurting. 

_‘There were once three children, called Joe, Beth and Frannie. All their lives they had lived in a town, but now their father had a job in the country, so they were all to move as soon as they possibly could._

_“What fun to be in the country!” said Joe. “I shall learn and about animal and birds!”_

_“And I shall pick as many flowers as I want to,” said Beth._

_“And I shall have a garden of my own,” said Frannie.’_

He proceeded to read her the first three pages whilst she sat curled up in silence in his lap. He’d never known her be so quiet, although it seemed she’d finally calmed down, so he risked broaching the topic.

‘Are you feeling better now?’ She nodded and squirmed in his lap, hiding her face in his jumper. 

He prised her away from him. ‘No, no hiding. Come on, tell me what happened.’ 

‘The nice ladies don’t like me anymore.’ She fiddled with the corners of the book Draco had finished reading. 

‘They do still like you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes grown-ups have important things to do. They had to go away, and they know how much you love your friends and they didn’t want you to miss them.’ Her wispy little eyebrows furrowed, and her lips thinned. 

‘Are you my friend?’ She looked up at him hopefully with her big brown eyes. It was a loaded question and one he knew he shouldn't answer. 

‘I think so. I read you stories, don’t I?’ She cracked a small smile and he knew he was getting somewhere. 

‘The stories are always better when you read them.’ She stopped and looked around the messy room. ‘I tried to stop it, but I don’t know how.’ He eyes glittered with tears and he could see she didn’t understand what had happened. 

‘It’s ok. You’ll learn how to control it better when you’re older. Did it scare you?’ She nodded and sniffled. 

‘I’m sorry!’ She wailed. He pulled her back against his chest and let her cry it out. He could feel her tears soaking through his clothes, but he knew once she’d got it out of her system she’d probably be fine. A few minutes later, Susan knocked on the open door. She was clever, not crossing the threshold and respecting Ella’s boundaries.

‘Sweetie,’ he started carefully, ‘I know we're friends and I care about you very much, but you can’t always shout for me when you’re upset. You have to trust Matron, ok?’ He had already started planning in his mind how he could slowly withdraw from the children and force them to establish a better relationship with the staff. 

‘No.’ She said petulantly. 

He sighed. ‘Yes. I have to go home, and you have to stay here.’ He held his breath and hoped she wouldn’t kick off again. When she stayed quiet, he extracted himself. ‘I’ll be around, but don't expect me to come running every time.’ He didn’t wait for an answer, instead he straightened out his crumpled clothes and nodded stiffly at Susan as he left the room. It killed him to leave her there, he could almost feel his heart breaking, but what choice did he have? 

He went back downstairs in search of Harry. He found him in one of the offices with Helen and one of the admin staff he’d never bothered to learn the name of.

‘Everything ok?’ Harry looked up when Draco entered at the conversation stopped abruptly. 

‘Helen was just telling me the paperwork finally got approval from the muggle government, so we’ll be added to their systems as of next month and we can finally start taking in muggleborns.’ Draco nodded – that was certainly progress.

‘That’s excellent news, congratulations. Harry, can I talk to you for a minute?’ 

‘Excuse me.’ Harry followed him out of the room and into a narrow corridor which, if this place was in anyway similar to Malfoy Manor, was the old service corridors leading from the kitchens below to the main dining room. Harry seemed to know Draco wanted to say something important, and he absently waved a hand and erected a series of privacy charms. Draco didn’t think he’d ever get used to how powerful he was. Magic for him was as easy as breathing. 

'I know what you're going to say and I think you shouldn't say it.' Draco looked at Harry, startled, but he was defiant. He squared his shoulders and looked Harry straight in they eyes.

‘I want to adopt her.’ 

‘I fucking knew it.’ Harry hissed. ‘Draco are you mad?’

‘I’m fine, Harry.’ He snapped. ‘Did you see the state of her though? I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep coming here and seeing the kids all the time knowing that one day they’re going to be the heart of someone else’s family. I’ve lost enough people Harry, you have too. I don’t know why I’ve bonded with her more than the others, I wish I did, but I can’t put myself through it anymore.’ 

‘I knew you were getting too attached. Now isn't the time for this. I need to finish what I was doing and _maybe_ , maybe we can talk about it when we get home.’ Harry seemed uncertain and his hesitation made him realise how stupid an idea it was in the first place. His gaze dropped to the floor and he tried his best not to show Harry how much it affected him. 

‘No, no. You’re right. It was a stupid idea, between your fame and my hospital stints, and my mark coming back, surely they wouldn’t- I can’t even do magic.’ 

‘Draco, no. I didn't mean it like that it's just- I'll think about it, ok?’ His head snapped back up. 

When he spoke again, he sounded so hopeful it was almost pitiful. ‘Really?’ 

‘It takes ages to go through the vetting process, maybe by then your magic will be better anyway. That reminds me, I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. What happened to your wand? I haven’t seen it anywhere near you recently, and the last time you cast you borrowed mine…’ Draco looked at him bewildered.

‘Harry this is neither the time nor the place.’ He repeated his own words back to him.

‘Sorry. Yes, you’re right. Just let me finish up and then we can go home.’ He darted off into the office and left Draco standing there awkwardly.

He did think about it though. He hadn’t actually seen his wand in a long time. Harry relied on his wandless magic so often that sometimes he didn’t even take his wand with him, so Draco had been borrowing his. Through the office window he noticed Harry’s small laugh when he bit his lip in concentration, as he wondered when it was that he last saw his own wand. 

He waited for another ten minutes before Harry returned and then insisted they travel by floo - he was too tired and confused for apparition. He’d missed sleep because of his nightmare, and he was more than a little shocked at his outburst. Did he really think they could handle adoption? That was more than a big step for a fragile relationship. But then, was their relationship fragile? Or was he making it fragile by shutting himself off? He wished he could figure out even one of those answers. 

When they finally did return home, Draco didn’t want to have a conversation about Ella. He didn’t want to look like a fool for thinking they were up for it, and he didn’t want Harry to change his mind. He darted off to their bedroom, hoping his wand was discarded somewhere within instead of lost in the abyss.

He checked under his pillow – no, that was Harry’s place. He checked in the back of his wardrobe – only his mother’s jewellery box. He opened the drawer of his bedside table – only a pair of reading glasses and a book he’d half finished. Finally, he walked over to Harry’s old Hogwarts trunk. They kept it as a storage unit since Harry had never wanted to let it go. Draco rarely went into it – it served almost as a giant memory box. He lifted the lid carefully and scanned the contents. An old _Potter Stinks_ badge, the first snitch Harry ever caught, the invisibility cloak, the ring Harry had given him at Christmas that he’d handed right back again. His heard clenched painfully when he saw it. 

But there was his wand, thrown carelessly into the midst like he hadn’t expected to use it again. He didn’t even remember putting it there. He pulled it out and rolled it between his palms. It felt vaguely warm to his touch, but he didn’t feel that spark spreading up his arm the way he usually would. He let the lid of the trunk fall closed and took the wand to Harry. 

‘I er, I found my wand.’ He said hesitantly when he found Harry in his office. He was scouring paperwork, presumably some he’d just picked up.

‘May I…’ He handed it over to Harry who flicked it quickly and levitated his pen from the desk surface. ‘I just wanted to check it still worked. Not that it wouldn’t but, I didn’t know if you were avoiding it for a reason.’ He twirled the wand in his fingers like it belonged there. ‘It’s funny how once you’ve mastered a wand it’s always familiar to you. I wish I’d asked Ollivander more about wandwork when I had the chance.’ 

Draco frowned. ‘Mastered a wand? When did you master my wand?’ He flushed embarrassingly as the innuendo, feeling even more ridiculous when Harry wiggled his eyebrows at him. 

‘You remember. When you didn’t identify me at the Manor, and I disarmed you. Do you ever find it weird that it was this wand that destroyed Voldemort? I’m sorry I took so long to give it back to you. Once I fixed my own I totally forgot…’ Harry’s voice trailed off into background noise when Draco was hit with waves of memory flashes. Dark flickers of cold hallways and meetings and hiding behind his bedroom door in blind panic. 

‘Oh my god.’


	18. Chapter 18

A few days later Draco found himself at Hermione’s, holding a very sleepy Hugo whilst Harry sat on the floor tickling a squealing Rose.

‘It’s good to see you, mate. Honestly, we’re been seeing more of the ferret than you recently and I know he’s sort of alright these days but come on, you’re my best mate.’ The Weasel was saying. ‘No offence Malfoy.’ 

‘None taken Weasel. If your wife wasn’t such a genius I wouldn’t come near this hovel.’ He enjoyed the bickering. There was no real heat in it now, their hatchets were long since buried, but it felt…normal. 

‘I’m sorry. Things have been manic lately, between Draco and the orphanage and Teddy there’s hardly been a minute’s peace. Isn’t that right Rose?’ He cooed at the toddler and Draco tried not to think about what the sight did to him. He looked down at Hugo who was dropping in and out of sleep in his arms. He couldn’t believe how much he’d grown in just a few weeks.

‘Have you heard from Teddy? How’s Hogwarts treating him?’ Hermione asked as she walked into the room. Her curly hair was still a little damp, but she seemed much less flustered than she had been when he’d dropped into her office.

‘I sent him an owl after I was released, he seems a lot more settled this term than the last.’

Hermione nodded sagely. ‘It’s not surprising really. The first term away is always the hardest. I swear the kids become different people when you two are here, they haven’t been this quiet in weeks.’ Draco glanced over to Harry and found he’d stopped tickling Rose and instead she was tucked against his side with her thumb wedged in her mouth. If Draco had his camera with him, he wouldn’t have hesitated to snap a photograph. 

‘It’s because we’re the favourite uncles,’ he said haughtily. Ron snorted. 

‘Why did you ask us here Hermione?’ She positively lit up with excitement at the prospect of being able to talk about something Draco presumed she had been researching. 

‘Oh that! Come through here. Both of you.’ Draco glanced down at the once again sleeping Hugo and wondered whether he should try to put him down or not. ‘Just bring him, Draco. It’s not like he’ll wake up. That boy sleeps deeper than his dad and that’s saying something.’ So, Draco stood carefully and carried Hugo through to Hermione’s study at the back of the house. He’d only been in the room once. It was quite similar to Harry’s study except there were fewer photos and about ten times the books. One of which was laying open on the table in the middle of the room. 

‘I started doing some research after Draco told me his mind healer wanted to try mind spells on him.’ Harry looked at Draco. 

‘You didn’t tell me that! Did you?’ At this point Draco honestly couldn’t remember what he’d said to whom.

‘Honestly Harry I don’t know. Probably not. I didn’t try to keep it from you though, I just wasn’t sure if I was going to let him. I asked Hermione if she would ask around for me.’ Hermione was nodding along with him. 

‘My research friends thought it would be best if you didn’t. Those spells are only really meant for light damage or trauma. Maybe in early-onset dementia patients at the most. They shouldn’t be mixed with dark magic at all.’ That didn’t instil confidence in Draco – should he trust Smith’s abilities? ‘Anyway, I started doing some of my own research into horcrux related magic. My position at the Ministry gives me access to far more restricted source material than most, although I’m sure it’s not a patch on your family’s collection, Draco.’ Of course, why had it never occurred to him to look through the Malfoy family library? It was one of the few things he’d actually saved from the Manor. 

‘Why didn’t I think of that!’ He exclaimed a touchtone loudly. Hugo stirred slightly in his arms, but he rocked him gently and he didn’t wake. 

‘I think you’ve been a little busy for that. Besides, I like a spot of research. Anyway, I think I found something which might shed some light on the situation.’ Draco was ready to hear just about anything that might help him figure out why his own magic hated him. 

‘This is going to sound really archaic, but magic and divorce don’t really go well together.’ She looked between them apologetically. 

‘What?’ 

She sighed. ‘I know. It sounds terrible. But in medieval wizarding communities divorce wasn’t a thing the way it is now. Couples separated of course, but they didn’t go through any sort of formal settlements, they didn’t divide their possessions, they just…started living separate lives. 

‘But what does that have to do with Draco’s magic?’ Harry looked as confused as Draco felt. 

‘Well, it’s common for magic to become a little unsettled after a divorce. Mostly because the bond you forged when you got married linked your magic together. Often it only lasts a few months and isn’t really noticeable, but between you having been a horcrux and Draco taking the dark mark, you two aren’t exactly the common example.’

‘So, I did this to myself?’ Draco’s brain wasn’t making the connection. 

‘Not exactly. I found this in an old book of pureblood marital relations.’ She pointed to a particular passage in the large book on the table. ‘It says when the first divorce law was introduced in England in the nineteenth century, pureblood marriage ceremonies were amended so that when the vows were exchanged, you each gave a small piece of your magic to each other. A kind of…insurance policy. So, when you divorced, that pocket of magic was lost. It won’t have made a big difference to Harry, but you Draco, you already had a small amount of dark magic in your system from the mark.’

‘That’s horrible! I didn’t know I was giving him my magic! I mean, not that it would’ve changed anything if I had, but…it feels a bit like stealing when you don’t know it’s happening. Did you know?’ 

‘No.’ He admitted. He didn’t know how to explain the pain in his chest when Harry reacted like that. Did he really think Draco had stolen from him? ‘But none of this started after the divorce, it happened after my magic was separated.’ 

‘Exactly. Think about it like a do over, returning everything to their original state. A factory reset, in muggle terms. When your magic was restored, any lingering effects of your bond with Harry were negated. So, any progress you might have made with your anxiety because of him and any additional help in severing the dark magic in your mark were undone.’ 

Draco didn’t know what to say. It made complete sense and yet he had never thought about it. It wasn’t everyday people survived that kind of trauma, so it wasn’t as if there was a stockpile of cases to compare him to. Had so much of what he’d achieved been because of Harry’s magic though? Surely, he had some strength of mind to do it himself. He wasn’t a coward anymore and he wasn’t stupid.

‘Well then all I have to do is give my magic back again and then he’s better, right?’ Of course, that was where Harry’s mind went first. Forever the hero. 

‘No. I won’t do it.’ 

‘Draco, I really think that-’ 

He unconsciously held Hugo a little closer. ‘No Hermione. You know I love you but stay out of this. I appreciate everything you’ve done to find this but I’m not going to create a new bond just so I can have my magic back. Harry and I can discuss this another time.’ She was looking at him with exasperation but he hoped his tone was stern enough to discourage arguments. He felt like he and Harry had really turned a corner and he didn't want that to be ruined. He didn't need to have his magic back, but he did need to know that Harry loved him and not just because he thought it would save him. He didn't look at Harry as he left the room.

‘I never thought I’d say this Weasley, but you’re the safest option around here.’ Ron caught the look on his face.

‘Me? Why? What did she tell you? Wouldn’t tell me a thing no matter how much I asked her. She’s been driving me around the bloody bend.’ 

Draco smirked. ‘When doesn’t she?’ 

‘Touché. Is everything ok?' Draco shrugged. He wanted to wait until he and Harry were back in the privacy of their own home to talk about it, not that he felt there was much to say. Luckily for him, Ron was never the type to ask too many questions, unlike Hermione. 'Are you sure you’re alright holding him? You can put him down you know.’ He changed the subjected and indicated towards Hugo. Draco’s arm was aching slightly, but it felt reassuring to have him there. 

‘I’m ok. It’s kind of nice spending time with the kids. They have no idea what’s going on around them.’ He watched as Hugo’s small eyelashes fluttered as he dreamed. His hair was marginally less flame red than it had been last time he’d seen him, and he hoped he might inherit a little more of Hermione’s colouring. Honestly there was only so much ginger an ex-Malfoy could handle. 

‘Speaking of, is Teddy coming to see you. You know, after everything?’ Draco shook his head.

‘Harry arranged with McGonagall for him to come back for a weekend. It seems silly really, interrupting his studies like that. I’m fine now, it’s not like he needs to rush to my bedside.’ He actually really wanted Teddy to come home, just for a little bit. He missed his little wolf and he didn’t want to go so long without seeing him when he never really got the chance to say goodbye. That didn't stop him feeling guilty for causing so much disruption to his first year. He hadn't wanted him to leave for school, but he had expected him to enjoy his lessons and make friends and not be worrying about what's going on at home.

‘It’s important for him to see you well though. He spent the end of his holiday watching you out cold in a hospital bed. One time, Harry had to take him home because you did that weird, awake but no one’s home thing. Even if he hasn’t told you, he’ll be worrying about you up at Hogwarts.’ Draco hadn’t known that, he hadn’t even thought about it. For once, he thought the Weasel might be right. 

He and Harry stayed for lunch, although it was a slightly awkward affair since Draco was still reeling from Hermione’s research and Harry seemed put out by Draco’s refusal to let him help. He was quiet throughout the meal, and even when Harry tried to coax him out of his shell with a gentle hand on his knee, he pretended not to notice. 

He supposed all a long he’d known there had to be something. He could physically do magic after all. But where did it leave him? If he re-forged the bond with Harry, he’d be married to him but only because it would save his magic. It wasn’t as if he didn’t love him, of course he did, but they weren’t ready for that and they both knew it. Harry was too much of a blind Gryffindor to see it, but Draco could. He was cautious, he didn’t go into things without knowing what he was in for.

He kept touching his arm. Sometimes he didn’t even realise he was doing it. He was sure that he was probably ruining their little catch up, but he didn’t know what he could do about it. What was the alternative? Smith had mentioned his memory, maybe finding what was missing would also release the block on his magic. But how on earth would he be able to know what he’d forgotten? That was the whole point. 

He couldn’t handle much more of this uncertainty.

When they were getting ready to leave, Draco turned to Hermione. ‘Can we talk for a second?’ Harry gave him a nervous look and he pretended he hadn’t noticed.

‘Of course.’ She led him back through to his office and he was careful to close the door. 

‘Would you…’

‘There are silencing charms built into the wood. I did them myself so I wouldn’t disrupt the kids if I was working late.’ He nodded. ‘What is it Draco? I can see something has been bothering you.’ 

Thankfully she had a small sofa in her office and they could sit down, as Draco didn’t think he could stomach having to look at her. 

‘You remember I told you Smith said I have repressed memories?’ She nodded. ‘Is there a way that I could use those to solve this magic problem?’ 

She pursed her lips in thought. ‘I’m not an expert on this, Draco. Having said that, I’m not sure anyone is. It’s practically unheard of. What did Smith say about these memories?’ 

‘Not much really. He said they weren’t like memory charm scars. He explained it more like my subconscious might have hidden particularly traumatising memories as a coping mechanism? He seemed to think unlocking them would ease the flow of my magic.’

Hermione picked up the book she’d kept open to show them earlier. She flicked through a few pages quickly, skimming the paper gently with her fingertips as she went. A few stray curls fell from where she’d had them tucked behind her ear, but she didn’t seem to notice them hanging in her face. 

‘The passage I think is most relevant to you isn’t specific about memory. It simply says: _In most cases, the side effects of a severed bond are unnoticeable. However, in cases where one or both of the individuals have suffered trauma, the breakdown of magic could cause a relapse in the recovery process. The most famous example of this was in 1860 following the separation Baron and Baroness Vaux, when the Baroness relied on the Baron’s magic to recover from the loss of their infant son. The Baroness was once again consumed by grief and was later found to have taken her own life._ I realise it’s not exactly cheery, but it’s possible you were using Harry’s magic to protect yourself. Are there any obvious gaps? Maybe from sixth year or something concerning your mark, it has to be something related to the mark or it's unlikely it would have come back quite so vividly. Does that seem plausible?’ 

Draco blew his breath out slowly. He maybe had a way to fix this once and for all. 

‘Not quite sixth year, but seventh, when _h_ _e_ lived in my house. I know he was there, as in, factually I know it, but I don’t have any specific memories of it. All I remember was the fear. A few days ago, Harry asked me about my wand and I’d completely forgotten he’d taken it from me. I mean, I knew he had, but I’d forgotten that he had it and he used it to defeat _him_. It was like he flicked a switch in my brain…’ Hermione leaned closer and placed a hand over his.

‘I’m sorry Draco. I don’t know why you’ve had to go through all of this. I wish there was something I can do to help but unless you can find a way to access those memories, your only option is to reinforce the bond. It’s not any of my business whether you do, or you don’t, or why, but you should think about it carefully. You’re as much my friend as Harry is, and I don’t want you to rush into something for the wrong reasons.’ He placed his other hand on top of hers and thought, not for the first time, that he understood why Harry had walked the halls of Hogwarts like such an arrogant twat. How could he not feel like he was king of the earth when he had friends like these? 

‘I do love him Hermione. I want it to work out this time. I just can’t stand the idea that he might create this bloody bond again just so I can have my magic back. I want to know he’s doing it because he loves me.’ 

‘I respect that. And I understand completely. Don’t write him off too soon though. I spoke to him the other day and he seems like he’s ready to move on. He was heartbroken when you gave him that ring back – I would know, I helped him buy it. You need to trust him Draco, he wants you to be happy above all.’

‘I’ll try Hermione. It’s just…not as easy as it looks.’

∞

Draco sat anxiously waiting for the floo to flare. It felt almost as bad as waiting for Teddy to come home at Christmas except this time he didn’t have as many secrets to tell. Harry had gone to Hogwarts to bring Teddy back himself. Draco had wanted to go too, but Harry thought it might be too much after the distance they’d apparated. He hated agreeing with Harry but he knew when not to push it. 

He hoped Teddy wouldn’t be too annoyed with him. It was kind of his fault he’d ended up in hospital again, although he hadn’t known the effects would be as bad as they were. He wouldn’t have long with him this time, so he had to make it count. He was trying to think of what they could do together, the three of them, when the floo finally put an end to his misery. 

‘HOOOOOOME!’ Teddy yelled at the top of his voice as he came charging through to the living room where Draco had been waiting. He was surprised by the volume, Teddy had always been relatively quiet. His hair was already white blond before he even entered the room which filled Draco with warmth. 

‘Who’s this?’ He asked Harry. 

He was more than a little relieved when Harry played along. ‘No idea, love. Some riffraff I picked up off the street. Thought he might match the curtains.’ 

‘Haha, very funny. Shouldn’t I be asking you that?’ Teddy pouted adorably and Draco pulled him into a hug. ‘Are you feeling better?’

‘You know what? I think I am.’ He smiled at Harry over Teddy’s head. 

‘I missed you.’ Teddy mumbled against him. 

‘I missed you too sweetheart.’ 

‘How come he always gets the hugs?’ Teddy giggled and let go of Draco so he could hug Harry too. 

‘Sorry Dad.’ He didn’t think he’d ever get used to that immense feeling of relief he got whenever Teddy was around. The worry he felt whenever he was away was like a background noise he didn’t know was there until it was gone. He could only hope that the effects would lessen as Teddy got older and he got used to him being at school. 

‘You seem a lot happier.’ Draco remarked. Teddy nodded after he let go of Harry. 

‘It’s not so weird now. I missed you guys a lot last term. Am I going to come home every time Daddy is sick? Is he going to keep getting sick?’ Some of Teddy’s enthusiasm bled away. It seemed he’d half-forgotten why he was home. 

‘No Ted, but what happened to your Daddy this time was serious, and we wanted you to know about it in case something else happens. We don’t think it will, because we’re trying extra hard to figure out what’s going on.' 

Draco couldn’t help but add, ‘and I felt terrible that I missed you go back to school.’ 

‘It’s just school, it’s not a big deal,’ Teddy frowned. There was no way for them to explain the impact of him leaving home, some things he just wouldn’t understand until he was a parent himself. If he was a parent. Draco wasn’t about to start putting those kinds of pressures on him. ‘How serious though? Did Daddy nearly die again?’ His face was horror-stricken. This wasn’t why they’d brought him home for a couple of days. 

‘Don’t worry about it. Look, he’s up and about and annoying us as much as ever.’ Harry ruffled Teddy’s hair and Draco scowled at him.

‘I’m not annoying.’ He crossed his arms with indignation. 

‘Of course not, love. I would never call you annoying, I’m just passing on what Ron said. Yeah, Ron.’ He gave Teddy a sideways look and he started giggling. 

‘You two are so mean to me.’ Draco said like he hadn’t plagued Harry’s existence for the first eight years they’d known each other. 

‘Actually, if I’m home for the weekend, do you think we could go to Kew Gardens? It’s ok if we can’t, it’s just I was talking to Neville and he said there are some really cool magical plants hidden in the regular ones if you know where to look.’ Draco appreciated Teddy’s interest in Herbology, he really did, but the second he mentioned Kew Gardens, every muscle in his body froze. He had that dream. Harry and Wood and his mother… 

‘Of course we can! We can go tomorrow. You love Kew Gardens, don’t you?’ Harry smiled broadly at him. _I used to_. 

‘Sure. Sounds like a great idea.’ He lied. He’d go, for Teddy. How bad could it be? 

‘Dad, would you go flying with me? I’ve been watching a lot of house quidditch and I think I’d like to get better at flying.’ Harry’s face lit up like Christmas had come again. Draco had always admired how much he loved quidditch, although he didn’t get to fly nearly as much as he used to. 

‘I’d love that!’ He was already making his way outside when he remembered Draco. ‘You don’t mind, do you?’ He supposed he should mind, since Teddy had come home to see him, but he couldn’t deny them some bonding time. He hadn’t finished writing up his journal either. 

‘You guys go have fun. I’m kind of tired anyway.’ Harry hadn’t seemed to understand the implications of what Hermione had told him yesterday, although Draco knew, and it was making him sick with worry. 

Teddy ran off to get his broom, but Harry hung back a minute. ‘You ok love?’ He looked at him with such tenderness and worry that he just wanted to pull him close and ask him never to go anywhere without him ever again – but he wouldn’t. Teddy was too excited, and he was glad they’d have a little bit of time together that they might not have had otherwise. 

‘I’m fine.’ His voice was a little choked, but he forced it into some semblance of normality. ‘Go have fun, we can have a nice trip out together tomorrow.’ Harry crossed the distance between them and kissed him fiercely. 

‘I’ll see you in a bit.’ He said casually like he hadn’t just knocked the breath out of Draco’s lungs. 

He watched through the glass as Harry adjusted Teddy’s grip on the broom. He had always loved watching them interact with each other, so much so that he often forgot that Teddy wasn’t biologically theirs. Not that it made any difference as far as Draco was concerned. He watched as they kicked off the ground and flew out across the neighbouring fields until they were out of sight. 

He went back over to where he’d abandoned his journal half way through his last entry and stared down at the pages. He had two choices: he could ask Harry to give him some of his magic, which, Harry would no doubt do gladly. It would be the easy solution, but it would also mean that Draco relied on Harry just to live a normal life. He loved Harry, he really did, but he didn’t get a divorce and move to France only to end up as reliant on him as ever. Or, he could trawl through the journal and look for hints at what he might be missing, in the hope that he could unblock his magic on his own. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about Ella either. He didn’t want to be going to the orphanage too much. He knew his relationship with her was already causing issues, but he couldn’t help but worry. It felt no different to the way he worried about Teddy though, particularly since Teddy had gone to school and he would worry about inane things like did he eat his vegetables today? Can he find matching socks? Are his friends including him? It was the same with Ella – although she was much younger, so it was a little different. 

They could handle another child though, couldn’t they? He really thought their trip to the chateau was a real turning point for them. He could tell Harry about how he felt, and he knew that Harry had told him about some of the things he’d been dealing with too. They were strong, they’d already been through so much together, if they could use that strength to bring joy to a little girl who deserved the world…surely that could only be a good thing?

If he could trust himself not to fall apart again if he couldn’t trace those missing memories.


	19. Chapter 19

Draco tried his best to be present when they went to Kew Gardens. He was conflicted, however, both by the feelings the place now stirred up for him, and by the news Hermione had given them. He tried to put it out of his mind as much as possible as Teddy ran ahead of them – excited to see the plants and flowers. He and Harry walked at a more leisurely pace, hand in hand, and for the first time in a long time they looked like a happy family out on a day trip together. Harry had turned his collar up against the cold as he always did, and Draco was using a lot of will power not to think about how he looked every inch the head auror he used to be. This was a family trip after all.

‘Look Daddy! Asphodel!’ Teddy ran over to a group of lilies and started examining them carefully. He got a few strange looks from people whom Draco presumed were muggles, since they didn’t appear to be accustomed to eleven year olds knowing the appropriate name for the flowers. ‘You can use these in Wiggenweld and Draught of the Living Death! But I’m not old enough to learn those yet…’ He was babbling away excitedly, and Draco felt a rush of pride that he seemed to have developed such a passion so early. He wouldn’t put pressure on him of course, but if he put as much work in as he did enthusiasm, he could go far. 

‘Draco…’ Harry asked him tentatively, ‘are you alright? You’re very quiet…’ Harry was looking at him earnestly, his eyebrows drawn together with concern. Draco wanted to kiss his frown away, but he wasn’t ready for the fallout if there were any wizards about to spot them. A casual hand hold could be disguised but a kiss… 

‘I’m ok. I just had an odd dream about this place while I- when I was in the hospital again.’ He really had forgotten about it until yesterday, it wasn’t as though he was trying to hide it from Harry. 

‘What kind of dream?’ Draco stopped to smell a rose bush. He’d always loved the smell of roses, even if it was incredibly cliché. He stepped away and took a deep breath of the fresh air. It was earthy and clean, and he felt himself unwind. He had never been a massively outdoorsy person, but he did love gardens. Ever since he was a child and he’d spent time in the Manor gardens avoiding his father… ‘Draco?’ Harry prompted. He shook his head slightly. 

‘Sorry. I, er, had a dream about my mother. And you. She used to love the waterlily house.’ He indicated off in the opposite direction where the greenhouse could just be seen in the distance. ‘I’d brought her here for a little trip out.’ Harry squeezed his hand. He was grateful they were walking as it meant he didn’t have to look at him and he could focus on the crunch of gravel beneath their feet.

‘I’m sorry, that must’ve been nasty when you woke up. I was there though, so maybe it wasn’t so bad?’ Draco almost nodded to put the matter to rest, but he knew he shouldn’t hide from Harry anymore, not if he wanted things to improve. 

Harry seemed to notice Draco’s hesitation, and he let go of his hand. Draco felt bereft for a long moment until Harry’s arm wound around him and he felt his hand resting comfortingly on the small of his back. 

‘You were there but you hadn’t come with us,’ he continued. ‘You were here on your own. For a brief moment I forgot that we were…you know. You were here on your own and I thought you were just being a miserable bastard until you met someone…’ Draco didn’t really want to think about it. 

‘Wood.’ He finished for him. Draco nodded and bit his lip to keep himself from saying anything else. Teddy decided he wanted to go to the Japanese Gateway which afforded them some time to talk but Draco didn’t really want to, he'd talked enough already. He'd had time to think about Harry's situation with Wood and now he felt a little shame faced that he was so quick to accuse Harry of having an affair when in reality he’d been nothing but loyal to him. 

‘I know I wanted to wait until you were better before dealing with him, but that was mainly because I wanted to protect you from the added stress. But you know anyway now so…’ He turned to look at him and found his expression full of hope. 

‘Is it that bad? It might be selfish of me but I just…I don’t- I don't think I’m ready to share you with the world again just yet.’ His head swam with all the things he used to be accused of – of corrupting Harry or using him to improve his reputation or even using him to get into the healer training programme. Perhaps that hurt the most of all. He worked damn hard for those exams, he was more than capable of getting in without help from anyone. 

‘It’s not bad. I quite like having you to myself too.’ He pulled Draco against his side and kissed his cheek quickly. Draco pretended his cheeks didn’t flush like a teenager. 

‘Think about it though would you? He’s getting…incessant.’ Draco felt that in the pit of his stomach. He was doing this to Harry, he was making him suffer. He just didn’t see how going public now would help them. What if someone found out his mark was back? What if he was demonized all over again? He wasn’t sure he could handle it and he couldn’t face pushing Harry away again. Maybe he was already…

‘Daddy…? Can these plants be used in potions too? I’ve never see any of them before.’ He let Teddy pull him away from Harry and into the Japanese garden. 

‘Well, some of them are a little complicated to explain, but you see this?’ He pointed to a Japanese holly. ‘These are very special.’ Teddy was hooked, his face bent towards Draco’s as if he was about to impart the secrets of the universe. ‘Your dad’s wand is made of holly, but this type is very special. You know why?’ Teddy shook his head, his mouth opening slightly as he waited for Draco to tell him. ‘We used to put it on Professor Trelawney’s floor cushions to see how high she’d jump.’ Teddy blinked at him. 

‘DADDY! I thought you were going to say something important!’ He huffed and crossed his arms, but Draco could see he was trying his hardest to hold his frown. Draco barked out a laugh and ruffled Teddy’s hair which rapidly turned blond under his fingers. 

‘What is it about plants you love so much, Ted?’ He asked him out of pure curiosity. 

‘I like that some of them are very pretty and some of them are ugly, but they’re all still useful for something. And I like how sometimes the pretty ones are poisonous and the ugly ones are good. When I went to school I found lots of old newspaper articles in the library about you and Dad and I think you two are like plants.’ 

‘How so…?’ 

‘Because you’re really pretty and people think you’re poisonous but you’re not really. And everyone thinks Daddy’s fantastic at everything so you can’t love him because you’re bad. It’s a bit like rhubarb though, the stems make great pie, but the leaves are poisonous. It’s good and bad but you can’t have one without the other.’ Draco’s brain couldn’t process that. 

‘You think I’m poisonous?’ Teddy looked at him like he was stupid shook his head. 

‘No. I mean both of you are good and bad but you’re useless on your own.’ Draco snorted at the idea that Harry was useless without him. He’d set up a damn orphanage for crying out loud. He appreciated the sentiment though. 

‘You’re wise beyond your years, little wolf.’ Teddy bristled at the nickname then flung his arms around him. Draco stumbled a little in shock, not having expected it, but soon recovered and hugged him back. 

‘I’m really sorry Teddy but you’re due back in Headmistress McGonagall’s office in half an hour so we need to head home.’ Harry interrupted them. Teddy looked up and nodded solemnly. 

‘You’re going to be ok, aren’t you? Every time I go to school you get sick…’ He hated that already school had become so synonymous with his magic issues – he’d never wanted that. 

‘I promise I’ll be ok. I just wanted to see you and make sure you could see me now I’m better again. I won’t have any more accidents now we know why, ok? You can go and enjoy school and not worry about me.’ Teddy didn’t seem convinced and his hair stayed bright blond, but he didn’t argue. Harry took Draco’s hand again and they made their way to the nearest concealed spot – one known for apparition. He was lucky Harry was so powerful really, it must take significant magical power for him to apparate them all. 

When they landed just outside the house, Teddy caught them both in a hug, pushing them into each other and forcing Harry’s arm around Draco’s shoulders to keep them balanced. 

‘Everything ok Teddy?’ Harry asked him. He nodded, his still blond hair tangling against Harry’s coat. 

‘I love you. Both of you. A lot.’ He said. 

‘We love you too bud.’ Harry said with a fondness that made Draco’s heart swell with affection for his small, messy little family. He wouldn’t change them for the world. 

Seeing Teddy to the floo was difficult. Draco had to fight to keep the tears at bay. He hated seeing his little boy disappear off to Scotland where he wouldn’t be there when he needed him. Everyone pretended like Hogwarts was one of the safest places in the wizarding world, but Draco had seen enough disasters in the walls of the castle to know better. 

‘I’ll be back soon.’ Teddy offered in consolation, clearly reading the look on Draco’s face. 

‘I know you will sweetheart. Just don’t forget to write ok? Even if it is just to stop me worrying.’ Teddy rolled his eyes but nodded anyway. 

‘I will. Love you.’ He gave Draco one last over-tight hug when Draco gratefully returned, committing to memory how Teddy felt and smelled just in case he might forget. 

‘Love you too.’ And then Teddy was gone. 

Sometime later, when Draco had been allowed to sulk, he heard Harry’s phone going off. He hadn’t quite mastered the concept, but he was pretty sure the incessant ringing meant a phone call and the shorted beeping meant a message. How muggles made words appear on screens and not paper fascinated and terrified him in equal parts. Harry was upstairs doing who knew what, so Draco looked over at the screen as it lit up. He couldn’t see all of the message, but there was a bar across the bottom which said _slide to unlock_ so he did, and the screen came to life. He tapped the funny looking button with the red number one on it and found the message. 

 _Oliver Wood 4.42pm_

_You’re coming to the Department of Games Annual Sport Awards with me. 7.30pm next Saturday or blondie gets a pretty little memory vial and a nice note from an anonymous source._

_Wear blue. It looks good on you._

Draco stormed up the stairs and went straight to Harry. He barged his way into their bedroom where he threw the phone at Harry. He was sitting on their bed arranging the photos they’d taken over Christmas into an album. 

‘Your boyfriend is making demands again.’ He sneered. ‘I’ve had enough of this.’

Harry began to splutter. ‘What? But- but you- I didn’t- what?’ Draco scowled at him even though he knew it was his own fault the issue hadn’t been resolved sooner. 

‘He’s invited you on another date.’ He said flatly. Harry’s eyes scanned the message Draco had just read and he saw his grip on the phone become so tight his fingers turned white. 

‘I’ll figure something out. I’ll- I’ll- offer him money or something. That’s what people do isn’t it?’ Draco bit back a soft smile. Harry was so honest he didn’t even know how to bribe someone. 

‘No, no you won’t. If this ever goes anywhere it’ll be seen as an admission of guilt. No, I have a way to solve this, if you’re willing to wait just a little while longer.' 

‘What is it? Tell me you didn’t get involved. Draco that’s the last thing I wanted, the whole point of me keeping it from you-’ 

‘I haven’t done anything, don’t panic. There's something I want to show you. Would you come to the flat with me?’ He held out a hand to Harry, who took it and carefully extracted himself from the pile of photos surrounding him.  They took the floo to Draco’s apartment which was cold, and dark, and smelled like stale air since no one had been in a while. Harry turned the lights on and was surprised to see the piled of papers lying around everywhere. Draco walked over to the typewriter he’d purchased months ago with a little help from Hermione. Next to it was a large pile of pages loosely clipped together. He handed them to Harry. 

‘I think this might be a way we can get rid of Wood without having to put ourselves through purgatory.' Harry’s brow furrowed and he walked over to the ratty old sofa. He sat down and started turning the pages over. Draco leant against his desk and put on an air of ambivalence even though his heart was thudding heavily in his chest and he was terrified Harry would be angry with him. 

‘What is all this?’ Harry asked him without looking up. 

‘You remember a while ago when I said I was starting a little project and I asked you not to pester me about it? Well, I’ve been writing a memoir of sorts. It’s a bit of a mess and maybe a terrible read, but I wrote about everything I went through when my father made me take the mark until now. It might be too brutally honest, and I completely understand if you don’t want our business out there for everyone to know but well, I figured if I published it, everyone would know the truth and Wood would be irrelevant. It might not be right, I don’t know, I just thought that if I was honest, I might be able to help other people...stop it happening again.’ He shut his mouth when he realised he’d been rambling. 

‘Draco, love, calm down. It’s ok – I think this is amazing. You really put everything into this didn’t you?’ Harry continued to flip through the messy pages each turn of the page punctuated by a pursed lip or a raised eyebrow. Eventually he looked up at Draco and he thought maybe he looked proud of him, although with Harry it was sometimes hard to tell.

‘I- yes. I should’ve talked it all out with you instead of writing it in a book, I know that now.’ He looked at Harry pleadingly, hoping he wouldn’t be offended. Instead, Harry gave him a gentle smile. 

‘Do I wish you’d felt like you could come to me? Of course. But honestly, all that matters to me is that you do what’s going to help you. I’ll say it a hundred times if I have to – all I want is for you to be happy.’ Draco needed to tell him how much he meant to him, but he didn’t have the words. Instead, he gripped Harry’s shirt and kissed him. It was a slow kiss, the kind that made Draco feel like he was melting into a pile of feathers. Harry held him with such care that he felt like he was some kind of coveted prize. He released Harry’s shirt and his hands came to rest and the base of his neck, his thumbs pressing lightly on his collarbones. The slight scratch of Harry’s stubble catching his chin was a delicious contrast to the softness of his lips and when he heard Harry's low groan when he pressed against him further, he knew they’d have to stop before he got too distracted. 

‘Thank you,’ he said breathlessly when they pulled away. ‘You’ve been nothing but good to me through all of this and I’ve been a total shit to you sometimes.’ 

‘Neither of us are perfect, Draco. You don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself. And really,’ Harry pulled away from him and surveyed the flat, ‘why do you still have this place?’ 

‘It was useful for writing. It’s kind of been abandoned since though.’ He admitted. Harry wandered through the flat, poking at shelves.

‘Are these your memories?’ Harry was looking at the shelve next to his pensive. 

‘Yep. The less important ones. I moved the others back to the house.’

'I know reviewing these memories has helped you, love, but don't you think it's time you stopped living in the past?' Harry was weary and he kept himself turned away from Draco as though to hide himself.

'I- I never thought about it like that I guess. It's been hard, knowing I have missing memories that might fix everything.' Harry didn't say anything and Draco felt a brief flare of anger that he seemed to be ignoring him, but then he suddenly frowned and reached for one particular vial. It was the dustiest of all of them – it looked like it hadn’t been touched in years. 

‘Don’t you think these are important?’ He handed it to Draco, and he squinted at the label, trying to read it without his glasses.

 _Malfoy Manor, 1997-98._  That was odd. It was the time the Dark Lord had been living in his house, eating at his table, sleeping in his wing. He didn't recall the last time he had reviewed those memories, even though they were important. Wasn't that simply because he'd been focusing on understanding his divorce? Come to think of it, he didn't exactly remember much about that time-

‘Shit. Harry I- I think these are my missing memories.’ He looked at Harry with trepidation. He remembered the flashes he’d seen when Harry had asked him about his wand. He knew, he had that feeling in his gut that this was important. It had to be the missing link, he just didn’t understand how. If these were memories he’d once reviewed, why would he have forgotten them? 

‘Are you sure? How?’ Harry looked as alarmed as Draco felt. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears as the overwhelming feeling that there was something he was forgetting became more and more prominent. He burned with the desire to know, to understand. He vials on the shelf began rattling and he could feel the itch of magic crackling across his skin. This was it, he just knew it. 

‘I don’t know. I can just…feel it.’ When his eyes met Harry’s, they were greener than he’d ever seen them. They were soft with worry, but there was a depth in them that told of the thoughts whirring in his mind. 

‘Do you need to…’ Harry broke eye contact and Draco’s mouth was suddenly dry as he followed Harry’s switching gaze to the pensieve. Now he was faced with a potential answer, he was terrified of it. What if this was the answer and it still didn’t make a difference? What if unblocking his memory didn’t restore his magic but let the darkness take over? He nearly dropped the vial as the fiery itch of his magic set his dark mark alight. 

‘I think so.’ 

‘Draco you shouldn’t do this on your own. I should watch them with you, or we should have someone else here, like Smith. What if something happens and I don’t know what you’ve seen?’ Draco shook his head. 

‘No. I have to do this for myself. If anything happens…you were an auror, you know what to do.’ 

‘Draco, please, maybe you should think about this. It's very sudden. Are you sure this is even what you want? At least let me do this with you.’ He couldn’t look him in the eye, but he did kiss him, so gently that his lips barely ghosted over Harry’s. 

‘I don't need any more time to think, Harry. I've spent years holing myself up making potions to try and give me my life back. For once I need to do something that might actually make a difference. It's not just about me; it's about about you and Teddy and the kind of life you'll have if I carry on like this. Just let me do this, please. I’m somehow the cause of all of this and I have to see it through. Just be here when I come back.’ Harry didn't look happy. He stared at Draco with his piercing eyes and for a brief moment Draco thought that if this went wrong, and it really was it, it wouldn't be so bad if those eyes were the last sight he ever saw. After a long pause, Harry nodded. 

‘Ok.’ Draco tipped the memory into the pensive and didn’t dare look back. 

 _He was in his bedroom at Malfoy Manor. He was pressed up against the door, facing into the room. It looked like it was daytime but the light coming in through the windows was so bleak it could just as easily have been night. His room was scattered with his old text books and quidditch gear, as if he’d come home and not expected to stay. Which he hadn’t. It must’ve been just after Christmas of his seventh year at Hogwarts._

_‘The Dark Lord wants the boy.’ A gruff voice came from the other side of the door._

_‘I’ll bring him.’ The lock on his door turned but there was a thump as if someone was stopping the person on the other side from opening it._

_‘The Dark Lord wanted me to do it. He thinks you’re getting too soft.’ He recognised that voice as Greyback’s – gravelly and cold, almost a roar._

_‘The boy is hardly a priority. Snape is inside Hogwarts…’ He couldn’t figure out who the second voice was, but it almost seemed as though they didn’t want to give him up._

_‘Enough! Do not question the Dark Lord. Give me the boy and I’ll consider letting you live another day.’ The door was wrenched open and someone, presumably Greyback, grabbed his collar from behind._

_The scene changed. This time he was in the dining hall – by now converted into meeting headquarters. The seats were empty except for the head of the table, where Voldemort sat, stroking the head of his precious snake. Draco’s father and his aunt stood either side of his chair, and Draco could see his own hand shaking where they were clasped together in front of him._

_‘Draco…I see you haven’t provided me with the current whereabouts of Potter yet. I must admit, I’m disappointed.’ His red eyes stared at him unblinkingly. Draco swallowed but couldn’t form a response. Watching the scene unfold, he wanted to scream at Voldemort, tell him he was never going to win and he was never going to break him – but it would be pointless now._

_‘Draco.’ His father warned him through gritted teeth. His hair was dead and split and unkempt and there were deep circles under his eyes. Draco remembered his father looking like that after he’d lost favour with the Death Eaters and been robbed of everything but the clothes on his back. The version of himself in the memory didn’t react, however. He remembered now that he’d rarely said a word while Voldemort had lived in the house – realising his words were one of the few things he still had any control over._

_‘Come now Lucius, let’s not put the boy under any added pressure. The captives are your peers, are they not?’ He nodded. ‘Are then not?’ His red eyes flashed, and Draco’s breath hitched._

_‘Yes, my Lord.’ Voldemort’s dark lips pursed angrily._

_‘And yet they will not give up their hero. It appears they do not fear you enough. You have been…unsuccessful at proving a threat. That is not what I look for in a follower.’ Captives? Lovegood. Dean Thomas. Perhaps Ollivander by this point. Draco couldn’t remember when they’d arrived, only that he’d been feeding them and trying to promise them a way out instead of torturing them for answers as Voldemort had wanted._

_‘My Lord,’ his father stuttered, ‘if you could just give him more time…’_

_‘ENOUGH!’ Without so much as a word his father was reeling with pain. When Voldemort used his powers, it was a sight to behold. A terrible one, but a sight none the less. In the years that had passed since this memory, the true impact of his presence had been forgotten. It was as though the walls themselves cowered before him, and Draco had been so weak…_

_‘You have one more chance. Give me the boy's location by sunset tomorrow or you will pay the price.’ There was a heavy silence in the room before Draco’s father gave him a look and he remembered himself._

_‘Yes, my Lord.’ He found himself saying it along with his memory, forgetting that he wasn’t really there anymore._

_‘I don’t think he fully understands. Lucius, some incentive if you please.’ The flaming red eyes never moved from Draco’s and whilst he was terrified of staring back at them, he found looking anywhere else worse._

_‘B-but my Lord…’ His father’s hands were shaking but Draco didn’t understand what was happening. What incentive could his father give him? He no longer cared what his father thought. He felt he should know what was coming but he didn’t._

_‘Remember Lucius, you have to mean it.’ He watched on as Voldemort goaded his father. Draco finally ripped his gaze from snake-face to see his father’s expression ashen, his eyes wide with terror. Draco didn’t understand. His father raised his wand, pointed it right at Draco._

_‘Crucio.’_

_Draco didn’t know how many flashes of memory were contained in the vial, but he witnessed, over and over again, his father torturing him because he couldn’t be the pathetic servant he’d been expected to be. Sometimes his Aunt Bella joined in, but mostly his father._

_With each passing memory it seemed it got easier and easier for his father to do it. As though he detached himself. Even worse was that after the first few times Draco stopped screaming. Stopped begging for him to stop. He quite literally rolled over and took it._

When he finally withdrew from the pensive, he was shaking and crying. Harry didn’t say a word. He hugged him tightly and waited for him to calm down. He cried so hard he hyperventilated, and if it wasn’t for Harry’s hand rubbing soothing circles in his back for him to focus on, he may well have passed out. He hiccupped and spluttered and grew more and more irate. How could he have forgotten that? He knew how much he hated his father by the end, he knew how horrible it had been to live in that house, he knew he had poor circulation because he had nerve damage. How had he managed to forget why?

When his sobbing turned to sniffles, something in the back of his mind clicked into place. 

‘I did it to myself.’ His voice was quiet and wavering. 

‘Take your time, love. There’s no rush. I’m here.’ Harry went to pull away, but Draco held him closer. He needed him or he wouldn’t get through it. 

‘When you left- when I left- I don’t even know who left, the nightmares started coming back. There was nothing I could do and-and- and I had to sleep on my own.’ He was trembling again, and Harry guided him over to the ugly sofa. 

‘I’m sorry. It happened to me too. I had no idea it was a bond I swear or I-’ 

‘You would’ve what? Come running back? No, you wouldn’t.’ Knowing Harry though, he probably would have, and it all would have ended up so much worse. Draco was in a bad place back then. ‘I took my own memories away. I didn’t see another way to make them stop. I don’t remember the spell I used, it’s probably all kinds of illegal anyway.’ Harry wiped the stray tears from his face but left his hand there, cupping Draco’s jaw. 

‘It’s ok. You couldn’t have known things would happen the way they did.’ He knew Harry was right, but it didn’t mean it was easy. ‘How do you feel?’ His green eyes were boring into Draco’s with a mix of sympathy and unconcealable hopefulness and Draco’s stomach twisted uncomfortably. He had a sudden brainwave and scrabbled to pull the sleeve of his shirt back to see if his dark mark was still there and his heart plummeted when it was. Except, whilst the mark was as black and nasty, there were no longer any horrible veins underneath it. 

Draco looked up at Harry nervously, biting his lip so hard he nearly drew blood. Dare he have hope that this was the piece he needed? 

‘Draco, you have to try. Please. Not for me, not for anyone else, but for yourself. I know how strong you are and how much you’ve been through. You just need to trust yourself enough.’ Harry looked so determined, so sure, so unwavering. But Draco was none of those things. 

‘I can’t. What if it happens again? Teddy would never forgive me, I would never forgive myself. Once is enough – I didn’t know any better – twice is different.’ Harry shook his head at him. 

‘Isn’t this what Smith said was stopping you? Isn’t this what you were hoping for?’ Harry was a Gryffindor through and through. If this were him, he would jump in without a second thought. Draco wasn’t like that though, he was cautious, he assessed everything. Maybe that was what held him back to much. Maybe once in a while he needed to be more Harry. 

He pulled the wand from his pocket. He’d started carrying it since Harry had made him realise that by casting it aside, he was too close to accepting he couldn’t fix what had been done. It felt warm in his hands again, like his magic was reconnecting. His heart thumped louder as a glimmer of hope sparked inside him. He looked up at Harry who was smiling at him encouragingly.

‘What do I do?’ He couldn’t think of a spell to cast now that he was faced with such possibilities. 

‘Keep it simple. Something that’s second nature. Don’t draw too much power. Even if it is back, you haven’t used it in a long time, and it might be unpredictable.’ Harry was always so cool in a crisis. Draco envied him that. 

‘Something that’s second nature. Ok. _Lumos_.’ He watched on astounded as a small ball of light appeared at the end of his wand, casting rays across the room, refracting off the windows and the glass table top. 

‘Why _lumos_?’ Harry asked him curiously. Draco shrugged. 

‘It’s a little ray of sunshine in the dark.’ Harry smiled at him. 

‘Do you feel anything?’ Harry inched just a little closer. 

‘No, I feel fine.’ He frowned when Harry reached towards him, but he quickly caught on that he was unbuttoning his shirt. His fingers shook as he fumbled with each button, but Draco didn’t try to take over, because he knew he would do the same. It was agonising, and each time Harry’s fingers danced over Draco’s skin, goosebumps quickly followed.

The shirt fell from Draco’s shoulder, exposing him to the cold. They both waited with bated breath for signs of the same black magic as before, but nothing. The seconds ticked by slower than treacle and Draco kept forgetting to breathe he was so anxious. After no more than five minutes, although it felt like a lifetime, it seemed he was finally in the clear. 

'You did it, Draco. You really did it!' Harry's smile was blinding. He looked at Draco as though he were the centre of the universe. Draco shivered under its effects and the hope he'd kept quashed in the pit of his stomach bubbled up inside him. He knew he and Harry were thinking the same thing. This could be the beginning of the rest of their lives. He could tell, because Harry had never kissed him with such care and attention in all the years they’d been together.  

∞

Months flew by quickly after that day, and Draco’s magic went from strength to strength. He still had regular health checks to make sure the dark magic was kept at bay, and as much as he still hated him, he was still seeing Smith every few months. They had check-ins when Smith would sit back quietly, and Draco would willingly recount how much more at peace with himself he felt. Of course, he still had days when his anxiety was bad and he couldn’t face getting out of bed, but he’d gone back to making his own anxiety potions and he took them now and then when he felt an attack coming. 

As a result, his relationship with Harry had gone from strength to strength, and on the anniversary of Draco’s return home, they went to the chateau for a quiet trip away. It was the first time in a long time they’d had any time to themselves – the orphanage was finally running the way it was supposed to – the muggle social services fully incorporated with the magical. Draco’s memoir, with significant editing, had been picked up by a publisher and was in the process of being printed. Thankfully, as soon as news broke that Draco was being published, it wasn’t long until it became obvious he was back with Harry. Wood had been quiet since then, although Draco expected he may be plotting some kind of public display of desperation. Not that it mattered, he would only ruin his own reputation even further. Either way, they had been incredibly busy putting their lives back together. 

Draco was making a concerted effort to pay more attention to how his troubles impacted Harry. He was careful to always tell him when he was having a hard time, even if he knew that he wouldn’t be able to do anything to help. Harry still struggled to understand that sometimes he hadn’t done anything wrong and there was no reason for Draco to cry or freak out, but for the most part he did his best to make Draco feel more comfortable. 

One evening, they’d just arrived home from an extravagant date. Draco had taken Harry to an exclusive wine tasting, desperate to try and impart some knowledge on the subject. It hadn’t really worked, but they’d had a nice time all the same. Harry had kissed him under the Eiffel Tower, and it had felt like walking through a dream. 

He was making them both hot chocolate and Harry was sitting in the kitchen watching him intently. 

‘Would you pass me the pile of mail, love? I forgot to open it this morning.’ Draco levitated the small stack of letters over as he was waiting for the milk to heat. They exchanged huge grins at Draco’s easy display of magic. He knew, despite having lost his magic for less than a year of his life, that he would never take it for granted again. The letters landed neatly on the table in front of Harry, who scanned the envelopes. He always tried to guess which letter would be the most important and opened it first. Most of the time he was hopelessly wrong, but it made Draco laugh anyway. 

He ripped open a particularly thick cream envelope and after flicking his eyes over the first page, Draco noticed that his hands began to tremble. He set the hot chocolate down on the natural wood surface. They’d taken to occupying the small apartment at the top of the building when they came on their own, although they planned on having the entire family over for Christmas this year – Draco was very excited even if it was months away. 

‘Harry, what is it? Is everything ok?’ He bit his lip as he watched him anxiously.

‘I don’t believe it!’ Harry’s eyes brimmed with tears and Draco was shocked. It took a lot to move Harry like that and he was certain a letter had never managed it before. 

‘What?’ 

‘Our application was approved. W-we can proceed with adopting Ella.’ As he looked up the first tear fell from his eye and ran in a neat line down his cheek. Even when he cried, he looked perfect. Draco thought his heart might cease beating. 

‘Really?’ Harry looked as though he couldn’t say a word, he simply nodded furiously and covered his mouth with the back of his hand as is physically trying to hold back a sob. He hadn’t even realised how serious Harry had been taking it. They’d sat down and filled out all the forms of course, they’d had every background check imaginable, they’d been interviewed, they’d undergone house visits – the works. Draco had honestly thought it would be on the off-chance they might be approved, never fully expecting anyone would think him capable of looking after a child – even with Harry’s upstanding reputation.

‘Really.’ Draco closed the space between them and rested his forehead against Harry’s, wiping the few tears that had fallen from his face and marvelling at how soft his skin was beneath his thumbs. ‘We’re really going to do this.’ He whispered. 

Harry smiled. ‘I suppose we are.’ One of the tears trickling down Harry’s face collected at the corner of his mouth and Draco swiped his thumb across his bottom lip as he caught it. He was about to lean in to kiss him when Harry jerked backwards as though he’d been struck by lightning.

‘Wait! There’s something I need to do first! Meet me in the snug.’ He got up off the chair and darted out of the room faster than Draco could question him. He was a little put out that he didn't get his kiss but he shrugged and cast a warming charm on the hot chocolates before levitating them so they followed him as he went downstairs. 

He couldn’t find his own coat, so he stole Harry’s charcoal one. The collar was still turned up the way Harry liked it and Draco slunk into it as if it was a hug. It was far too large on him, the sleeves reaching to his knuckles, but it was too cosy not to steal. He checked the hot chocolate was still there before sending them ahead to the snug, so he didn’t have to worry about walking with them. 

The wind was bracing as he stepped out, October had hit the chateau with such force this year. He trekked out to the snug, which he hadn’t been to since their big talk, and began to wonder what Harry wanted. He’d seemed shocked, and he hoped he wasn’t about to unveil something else that would divide their time. Draco didn't think they were ready for any other commitments. Between the book, and the orphanage, and Ella, they had a lot to deal with. Not to mention the fact that Draco thought having Teddy back for the summer would have eased his anxiety. Instead, it had only made it worse once he’d began his second year. Thankfully, he’d been a lot better with owling regularly than he had in his first year.

The snug was much warmer than the outside air, much to Draco’s relief. He cast a quick incendio at the wood fire and it roared to life. He swaddled himself in one of his many blankets and curled up on the sofa. He watched the fire crackle and spit for a few minutes before turning his attention to the climbing plants. They were starting to die off again – he really needed to stop coming when the gardens weren’t in full bloom. He’d finished half of his hot chocolate by the time Harry returned looking flushed and downright terrified. 

‘Harry what’s wrong?’ Draco was alert and on his feet in seconds. Harry held up a trembling hand to stop him from coming any closer and Draco was beginning to panic. 

‘Nothing’s wrong. Before I do this, there’s just one thing I need to know.’ 

‘Of course. Anything.’ 

‘Why did you have such a hard time telling me about your anxiety and your magic trouble? What did I do to make you think you couldn’t trust me?’ Draco was surprised he hadn’t asked that question sooner. He never did have the balls to take Harry to his mind healer appointments, although with the help of Smith he had begun to understand where his issues had become so deeply rooted. 

‘Smith says I have a, a uh, an abandonment complex.’ He said. He felt so embarrassed – he would sound so needy and pathetic. 'It started when my father did what he did, and then when he went to Azkaban, and I was left to deal with the mess. My aunt died in the war, even if she was insane, she was still family, and my mother. You saw what happened to my mother after my father…’ He broke off but Harry’s nod of understanding told him he didn’t have to explain. ‘And then there was the divorce and you were gone too. You were the only good thing I had in my life for so long and one day that was just it, you weren’t there anymore.’ Harry stayed where he was, a few feet away, and Draco was surprised he was so still.

‘I’m never going to abandon you, Draco. I love you.’ Draco nodded around the lump in his throat. Swallowing it down, he opened his mouth to tell him how much he knew that now. 

‘Please, don’t say anything else. I haven’t had time to prepare this at all and if you interrupt me, I think I might be sick. I want to prove to you I won’t leave again, if you’ll let me.’ Draco was about ready to start screaming at him for answers when he pulled a box from his pocket and dropped to one knee. His heart really did stop for just a second. 

‘This has been a year from hell, not to put too fine a point on it. But, in a lot of ways it’s been the best year of my life. I was a wreck without you, Draco, even if it didn’t look like it. We’ve come a long way to make it right again and although it’s been so hard watching you suffer, I’ll be forever grateful to you for letting me help you heal. I don’t want there to be another day when you don’t wake up beside me and I don’t want Teddy missing out on any more time with you. You always talk about how the kids are little rays of sunshine, but you have no idea that to me you burn brighter than the sun. If we’re going to go ahead with this adoption, I want to do it the right way, so please, be the ultimate pain in my arse again?’ 

Draco started crying some time during Harry’s little speech, but by the end he was both laughing and crying and could only imagine how disgusting his face looked. A greater Slytherin than him would’ve left Harry kneeling there on the cold for even longer, just to memorise the terror in his eyes at the prospect Draco might say no. Draco had no intention of that though, he never wanted to go another day without Harry either. 

‘Yes, you git! Now get up!’ Harry stood up, his terror slowly melting into relief as he slipped the ring he’d given Draco months ago back onto his finger. When their lips met in a kiss that made Draco feel like his veins had flooded with molten lava, he thought he might just be the luckiest man on earth.


End file.
